Reassessment

By Rosemary Ravenblack

'Reassessment' is an inspiring, spiritual novel full of courage, hope, freedom, forgiveness, and love.

Imagine if you were suddenly trapped inside a cave by yourself. Then, imagine how shocked and surprised you'd feel coming face to face with one of your spirit guides who is going to help you to not only be set free from your rocky confines, but free from the things in your life that have traumatised you and others for years too.
Kate Roberts was a disliked woman by many who crossed her path. She was riddled with all sorts of phobias, hang-ups and was an emotional wreck most days, but in her mind, from her viewpoint, she was fine. Just fine. Deeply in denial and always distracting herself in life to avoid confronting her problems was something that she was so accustomed to, she had absolutely no idea just how damaged she really was. Always keeping strangers at arms’ length, it was virtually impossible for her to ever allow anyone to get past her brick wall and close to her. It was a wonder that she had any friends at all but she did; three to be precise. They were her closer than close friends, more like family.
Her three friends loved her unconditionally. They all had a bond so close and tight that nothing in life, and nobody either, could ever come between their lifelong friendship. But things were about to drastically change for Kate. If she wouldn’t listen to them and alter her negative thinking about some past situations in her life in order for her to finally move on, there was someone else who she was about to meet who she’d have to listen to for she was about to be confronted not just by all of her problems, but by herself too, at last.
What she never expected was to also be faced with a very special person who had been watching her all of her life since childhood, someone who had a love for her so deep, that not even time, space or even death could ever erase. This the heart-breaking but also very positive, very moving, powerful and inspirational story of a woman who learns the hard way that in order to change her life for the better, she first had to experience many things in her forty-two years of life in order to understand who she is and what her purpose here on Earth is. What she never expected was to come face to face with someone who knows her better than herself and who loves her unconditionally despite her faults and imperfections. How does Kate react to this wonderful encounter? And how does she view the person who has been trying to help her to transform her life into a much more caring and selfless one? We each have free will and can do whatever we choose to in life, but what does Kate decide to do with hers?
When suddenly confronted with the biggest event that not will not only make her face up to herself and how badly she’d been treating herself and others, it would also make her realise that ultimately, people have two choices in life: to choose to be happy and to love not only themselves but others too, or, to choose to go the other way; wallowing in pessimism, negativity and mistreatment of others - to their own detriment.

This is the deeply moving and inspirational story of how one woman could transform her entire life in the blink of an eye if she wanted to: just by seeing that the most important thing in life is love. Giving love and living a life bound by a loving heart. Here is Kate’s story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Goddess Pleasure
• Release date: Jan 26, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463111246

Rosemary Ravenblack

I write in several different genres under my Rosemary Ravenblack pen name: thrillers, mysteries, comedy, science fiction, bizarro, paranormal/spiritual, empowerment/self-help/inspirational. I have also written some erotica. But I now only write hot erotica under my other pen name, Goddess Pleasure. Please see my website for further details. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my work. If so, reviews would be very much appreciated. Thank you! www.rosemaryravenblack.com Twitter: @authorvividmind

Book preview

REASSESSMENT

By Rosemary Ravenblack

Copyright 2019 Rosemary Ravenblack

All rights reserved.

Smashwords Edition

Copyright and license information:

This story is a work of fiction. Characters, names, events and some place names depicted in this story are purely fictitious and are a product of the author's vivid imagination. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events is purely coincidental. The author is British so the grammar and spelling in this story are British style. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you'd like to share this book with other people, please buy an additional copy for each person. If you're reading this book and didn't buy it, or it was not bought for your use only, then please return it to your favourite book retailer and buy your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. This book and any portion thereof, may not be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

COPYRIGHTANDLICENSEINFORMATION

SYNOPSIS

CHAPTERONE

CHAPTERTWO

CHAPTERTHREE

CHAPTERFOUR

CHAPTERFIVE

CHAPTERSIX

CHAPTERSEVEN

CHAPTEREIGHT

CHAPTERNINE

CHAPTERTEN

CHAPTERELEVEN

CHAPTERTWELVE

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

CHAPTERNINETEEN

CHAPTERTWENTY

CHAPTERTWENTYONE

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

Synopsis

Kate Roberts was a disliked woman by many who crossed her path. She was riddled with all sorts of phobias, hang-ups and was an emotional wreck most days, but in her mind, from her viewpoint, she was fine. Just fine. Deeply in denial and always distracting herself in life to avoid confronting her problems was something that she was so accustomed to, she had absolutely no idea just how damaged she really was. Always keeping strangers at arms’ length, it was virtually impossible for her to ever allow anyone to get past her brick wall and close to her. It was a wonder that she had any friends at all but she did; three to be precise.

They were her closer than close friends, more like family. One of them, Alice, an eccentric artist with fiery-red short spiked hair and piercing green eyes who she’d known since the age of two, they had a lot in common. Kate had always had a creative streak herself too and sometimes got her easel out that Alice had bought her for Christmas, a few months before.

They were both into creating abstract art and occasionally painted in Alice’s house which was as eccentric as she herself. It was adorned with countless, very bright, multi-coloured strings of little lights, Gothic candlesticks, velvet throws draped over every piece of furniture, and the main living room always smelled of beautiful Jasmine, Lavender, Rose and other floral delights. Alice could open a shop selling candles and essential oils, she had so much of them. When lost in painting with Alice, Kate often found herself in a much more peaceful state of mind than usual, but the moment she left her house, her phobias and destructive anxiety problems gripped her.

Alice’s house; over two-hundred-years old and purchased cheaply due to the previous owners both dying within a week of each other, and the family wanting to sell it because they all lived in another country and wanted the Estate sorting out sooner, rather than later, gave Alice a bargain at half the price it was meant to originally be sold for.

An aunt in the family had met Alice at an art exhibition and they’d hit if off immediately and had become good friends. She’d put in a good word for her friend and the result was a beautiful, but old, very charming building, positively oozing with character and charm.

Kate’s initial connection with Alice was due to both of their mothers ending up as firm friends and neighbours for years. Both kids used to play together and wander off into the nearby countryside. It was much safer decades ago and crime had been very low in the area. As they grew older, they’d go on double dates with local boys until Kate had been mistreated by a boy when age sixteen.

He’d tried to have his wicked way with her but after she slapped his face, he was so outraged, he’d spread lies about her all throughout the village. People believed his side of it more than hers, despite Alice standing up for her. So, Kate began to put up walls around herself and distanced herself from everyone. But Alice stood by her through thick and thin and many years later, here they were, wandering around in a cave, celebrating her birthday.

Her other friend, Jan, a blonde-haired caring person who Kate had known since the age of five, was a qualified and highly-respected psychotherapist. Often giving Kate private counselling and advice for her problems, she likened it to wading through treacle, trying to get through to her. Her meaningful advice usually fell on deaf ears; despite her calming influence and gentle nature, it was very difficult to penetrate her friend’s self-built steel walls that she’d placed around herself for decades. The trouble with Kate was that she continually insisted that she was just fine. Always fine. But, she was far from fine.

And then there was Penny; a long-haired brunette, a laugh-a-minute and never serious for a second. Kate was like that deep down but never showed that side of herself to strangers, just to her three friends. She was capable of having serious moments with the three of them of course, but they got along so well, most of their moments shared together were always positive and entertaining.

Her three friends loved her unconditionally. They all had a bond so close and tight that nothing in life, and nobody either, could ever come between their lifelong friendship. But things were about to drastically change for Kate. If she wouldn’t listen to them and alter her negative thinking about some past situations in her life in order for her to finally move on, there was someone else who she was about to meet who she’d have to listen to for she was about to be confronted not just by all of her problems, but by herself too, at last.

What she never expected was to also be faced with a very special person who had been watching her all of her life since childhood, someone who had a love for her so deep, that not even time, space or even death could ever erase.

This the heart-breaking but also very positive, very moving, powerful and inspirational story of a woman who learns the hard way that in order to change her life for the better, she first had to experience many things in her forty-two years of life in order to understand who she is and what her purpose here on Earth is. What she never expected was to come face to face with someone who knows her better than herself and who loves her unconditionally despite her faults and imperfections.

How does Kate react to this wonderful encounter? And how does she view the person who has been trying to help her to transform her life into a much more caring and selfless one? We each have free will and can do whatever we choose to in life, but what does Kate decide to do with hers?

When suddenly confronted with the biggest event that not will not only make her face up to herself and how badly she’d been treating herself and others, it would also make her realise that ultimately, people have two choices in life: to choose to be happy and to love not only themselves but others too, or, to choose to go the other way; wallowing in pessimism, negativity and mistreatment of others - to their own detriment.

This is the deeply moving and inspirational story of how one woman could transform her entire life in the blink of an eye if she wanted to: just by seeing that the most important thing in life is love. Giving love and living a life bound by a loving heart. Here is Kate’s story.

CHAPTER ONE

Kate squashed a bug under her thumb on her garden fence and didn’t think twice about it. That may not be much to some people but she’d also driven past someone dying on the side of the road a few months before that. She hadn’t hit them herself with her car, but she didn’t stop to help them either. It had just been too much for her mind to compute. She couldn’t deal with it and didn’t particularly like the person anyway. That was the thing with Kate; if anybody didn’t treat her with respect, she ignored them.

With skills in first aid and being forty-two years old and with a high IQ, you’d think she would have been there straight away. But no; she didn’t seem to have much of a conscience. Far from being psychopathic or narcissistic by nature, she just had the ability to block overwhelming matters out as though they didn’t exist at all. But, deep down in her soul, the deep-seated guilt slowly ate away at her. She just didn’t notice. Not at first anyway.

Born and bred in a small town in Wales, she’d never had much inclination to learn to spell the language, let alone mastering the art of speaking it fluently. It was a complete shock to her when in school as a teenager that she’d managed to score higher than anybody else in her class. Others would celebrate, but not Kate. She simply wasn’t patriotic, had never had the inclination to vote in politics, she stayed away from public places and she simply kept herself to herself.

You’d think she’d be incredibly lonely, she certainly was disliked by many. They just didn’t ‘get’ her. She never presented them with the opportunity to anyway. She had a small circle of close friends who had bothered to see underneath her very awkward and blunt exterior, who had taken the time to gently get to know her, who had thought that much of her as a person, they simply fell in love with her once many layers of her personality and self-built walls had been peeled away.

She had a good heart, but after years of trying to deal with being used and manipulated by people, they had broken her trust in humanity to the point that she could no longer bring herself to allow herself to get close to anyone anymore. It was too much trouble and effort, she thought.

She even managed to suppress pangs of guilt by reasoning that people deserved to be pushed away. They didn’t deserve to get to know her, she believed. But pushed away they were. For good. But, there were some people that, no matter how she behaved, she could never in a billion years ever be able to push them away.

CHAPTER TWO

It was a cloudy and cold Tuesday morning in April. Claps of thunder applauded and echoed across lush green hills and valleys as Kate and her friends walked along a rocky road down to caves they’d been exploring for the past few weeks. Discovering how vast and intriguing three caves were, the four firm friends were quite good by now at potholing; often impersonating Quasimodo; wandering around all hunched over throughout their cavernous depths and length.

Still amateurs, but equipped with enough safety gear and other items to make damn sure that they were never going to hurtle to their sudden deaths, they felt particularly upbeat today. It was Kate’s forty-third birthday and today was also very special for a totally different reason: today, she was determined to conquer her claustrophobia once and for all. She had other phobias but this one seemed to cling to her like glue and refused to be prised off.

Penny laughed as she carried a large white cardboard box. Bickering with Kate and the others, she sighed and felt exasperated. Taking the cake out of the box and lighting many candles, they illuminated a cave beautifully. Flickering warm light glowed all around them and the smell of candle wax, bat and rat crap and dampness filled their nostrils but the four women were so used to it, it was almost as though their minds had somehow developed the ability to filter it out. They had breathing masks and other apparatus but seldom felt the need to actually use them. With Alice’s flatulence smelling far worse, the friends often thought it better if the nocturnal creatures in the cave were better off wearing it themselves.

Look! Yes, I know it’s unusual to eat birthday cake in the middle of a cave but come on, we’re pretty unusual people anyway, so what’s the harm?

Penny, yes, you are. If I remember correctly, you went abseiling on your birthday last year, Kate replied, stifling a chuckle as she blew her candles out, running out of puff by the time she got to the last one.

There’s nothing unusual about that so what’s your point? You’ve missed one, that one on the end, Penny replied, pointing by torchlight at a lone candle glowing in the darkness. She was always amazed by how bright candlelight was. It looked so pretty too, she thought.

Kate’s jaw dropped and she gasped, her eyes wide open, much like a rabbit in headlights.

"Not unusual? You had two male strippers strapped to the front and back of you at the time. Not one. Two! I’d say that was weird," Kate spluttered, licking icing and strawberry jam off her fingers. Crumbs flew across the floor. Bats swayed and fluttered upside-down and rats lurked, biding their time to enjoy them later.

And your point is?

Well most people do it alone, Kate replied.

I’m not most people though am I?

No, you’re not, and thank God for that, Kate said, laughing. I like my friends to be as strange as me. We all fit in then see and we blend together like this jam.

Penny nodded. Pointing at her friend’s face, she handed the birthday girl a serviette. Kate wiped her hand and mouth and hugged her. She felt her anxiety slipping away. Her friend’s funny personality always diffused Kate’s anxiety. They balanced each other’s personality perfectly. Penny’s humour had initially done more to help Kate’s walls to come down than countless hours of in-depth serious counselling from Jan.

Kate smiled and then she looked serious as she looked into Penny’s eyes.

I know I don’t always tell you how much you mean to me, but you’re my best friend. Don’t tell the others. Where are they anyway?

And you’re mine and I don’t care who knows, Penny replied, patting her on the arm affectionately. I’ve known you for a very long time. You’re like a sister to me. The others? They’ll be down soon. They’re sorting the ropes out and counting batteries. We have ten torches, I’m sure they think we’re going to move into one of these caves and stay here. These batteries are rechargeable ones too. Thanks for getting these ones. Others just wear out in no time at all. They’re a bit pointless really.

Kate laughed, staring at Penny suggestively.

Yes, they’re mine. I bought them a few weeks ago and I want them back. Not that I use my vibrator that much these days, but imagine how grumpy I’d be if I never had an orgasm.

Shudder the thought. I’ll buy you more Kate, don’t worry. I’m used to your mood swings but I’d rather you be in a happier frame of mind. Especially today anyway. Come on, drink up, Penny said, handing her a plastic cup. She cracked open a bottle of champagne and poured some into her cup and then handed Kate an empty one. She went to pour but Kate placed her hand over the top of it.

"I know it’s a special occasion but we shouldn’t be drinking,