The Animal House

By M.D. Milton-Smith

A violent rebellion is taking place in an abandoned parliament house. Having been boarded up to make way for a new parliament, the building now harbours a new breed of decision-makers – those with feathers and fur. Inside, an uprising is taking place led by the unscrupulous canines, Mr Hughes and Contessa Cavalier. It threatens to harm both animal and human civilisations. Two worlds collide when 11-year-old Lucy clambers through an open window. Inside, she discovers a fantastical world. Under the guidance of the judicious rabbit, Lady Speaker, she embarks on a journey that will test her resilience, courage, and integrity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tablo Publishing
• Release date: Jan 20, 2020
• ISBN: 9781922381248

Book preview

M.D. Milton-Smith is an award-winning Australian academic who writes on social change, leadership and education. The Animal House is Milton-Smith's first novel written for young readers. It engages with contemporary global issues and references key moments in Australian political history, including the closure of the first parliament in 1988, political spills and sabotage, immigration and climate change, and social uprisings. The Animal House draws on the author’s experiences working in state and federal government, including at Old Parliament House in Canberra. 

Dedicated to Emilie and Oliver 

Perhaps we might learn – even morally – from animals.

I – The Chase

   Their footsteps were closing in. Grab her! the bullies roared as Lucy stumbled over blue cobblestones. The wild rain lashed her face and copper hair flew everywhere. 

Oh you’ll be sorry you little runt, just wait ‘til we catch you! they bellowed.

Lucy did not know where she was going; all she knew was that she had to get away. 

Sandstone buildings towered over the girl; the grand structures were imposing with dark, narrow windows that seemed to squint down. 

As she ran on through the lane, Lucy saw a cloudscape billowing overhead like a theatrical cyclorama. She had known this moment would come, having seen it play out in her dreams.

    As a shy and awkward eleven-year-old girl, Lucy was an easy target for school bullies. Two older children by the names of Bronny and Kevin had picked on her since fourth grade. Kevin was large and barrel-bellied with beefy arms and unkempt sandy hair. He had the faintest hint of a moustache, which made him look more like a boy of fifteen than one of just twelve. With his stout neck, heavy gait and close-set eyes, he looked much like a bull terrier. While Kevin was not particularly bright, Bronny had chosen him to be her faithful henchman.

Despite being the chief bully of St Edmund’s School, few knew that Kevin was a rather insecure lad who picked on others to feel stronger. Kevin’s home life was not the rosiest; his father was a mean man who used his fists. The boy had not seen him since he stormed out three Christmases ago in a brandied stupor. Bronny made Kevin feel important and trusted him with her secrets, which made him willing to do her bidding and take orders without question.

It was Bronny who particularly despised Lucy. She made fun of her strawberry blonde coloured hair and called her mean names like rusty head and carrot top. One time in gym class, Bronny tripped Lucy up just as she was about to leap over the pommel horse. She landed flat on her face, causing the other children to laugh and point. Lucy felt so humiliated that she ran off in tears.  The thought of attending gym now filled her with dread.

Bronny was a tall girl with cropped, mousy brown hair. She reminded Lucy of a praying mantis with her wiry frame, long spindly legs, and beady eyes. While Bronny was horrible to Lucy, she was sickly sweet to adults. Bronny would greet Lucy’s mother with polite niceties such as, Why Mrs Platt, what a pleasure it is to see you! Have you just had your hair coiffed? I must say it is looking fabulous! 

At 8:10 every morning, Bronny would arrive at the Platts’ front gate. She would casually stand there until Lucy’s mother would call out, Why hello there, Bronny! Do you need a lift to school? Lucy would wince as the girl casually replied, "Oh, I couldn’t possibly Mrs Platt. I would hate to bother you. Well, only if you insist!"

Poor Lucy would have to endure Bronny pinching and poking her in the back seat of the car, with her mother none the wiser. Lucy wanted to tell her mother but knew she would not believe her. Besides, Bronny had warned Lucy that if she ever did tell, she would get the hugest hair pull in the history of St Edmund’s School! While Lucy was unsure why the girl hated her, it was because Bronny was envious of her loving family — something she secretly wanted.

However, we digress because at this very moment Lucy’s heart was thumping as fast as a hamster’s. Bronny and Kevin were hot on her tail crying, We know what you did, you little squirt! Look out because you’re about to be punished. 

Earlier that day, Lucy had done something rather mean. As an act of retribution to Bronny, she had snipped out an advertisement for acne cream from one of her mother’s magazines. It had a picture of a woman with a grotesque pimple and the caption, Something’s just ruined your day. Lucy circled the caption in red and slipped the clipping into Bronny’s locker. It was a cruel thing to do because the biggest, most puss-filled zit had just erupted on Bronny's nose.

Lucy was still running but was starting to lose her breath. Lost in thought, she tripped on a stone and fell heavily to the ground. Arghh! she howled as blood trickled from her shin. The girl reconciled her fate: I am theirs now, Lucy muttered with the resignation of a captured beast. But as she lay there on the ground waiting for the inevitable, something caught her eye. 

Had Lucy been standing, she would not have noticed the rectangular open window at ankle height. It was the basement window of a building she had never seen before. She looked back towards the bullies – and without time to determine the lesser of two fates – slid through the casement and tumbled down.

Lucy landed heavily in a heap, groaning as she held her bloodied knees. She slowly picked herself up and patted down her red dress. Rows of books surrounded her with titles on their spines ranging from Film and the Italian Republic to Deliberations on Text and Gender. 

Streams of light cut through the dancing dust. She looked up and saw Bronny and Kevin dash past the window above, which offered the only light for this library beneath the ground. There were rows and rows of antiquated texts that seemed untouched. Lucy had no idea what world she had fallen into, but as she watched the rain lashing against the window and heard the voices of her tormenters becoming more and more distant, she was just grateful to be in this haven.

Lucy wandered through the deserted aisles, thumbing leather-backed manuscripts. Her gaze turned to a particularly grand tome that declared Conversations on Hobbes and Locke: in gold lettering. Lucy picked up the book to take a closer look but recoiled in fright as a huge daddy long-legs spider scurried out from a page and onto her hand.

EEEK! Lucy screeched, as she was terrified of beasties. She swiped it with her other hand; but missed. The creature gazed up at her.

Although it defied both sense and reason, Lucy had a distinct impression that the spider was studying her. In that instant, she put her fear of beasties aside and steadily returned its gaze. Its head cocked quizzically to one side and its pincers twitched. (Although the reader may find this absurd, Lucy had the distinct impression that the spider was trying to talk to her.)

Lucy had been raised to always give others the benefit of the doubt, so this is what she did. Her faith in the creature was rewarded, for it promptly scrambled along the shelf, leaped to the ground and scurried up the leg of a librarian’s desk. The cluttered desk was strewn with fountain pens, empty ink pots, papers, and a precarious tower of books, which looked like it might tumble at any given moment. There, amongst it all, lay a magnifying glass on a green writing mat.

            Ah-ha! Lucy exclaimed. She grabbed it and allowed the spider to climb onto her hand. She shrieked as she saw its beady eyes blinking at her in magnified scale. But on closer inspection, there was something endearing about the arachnid. It had a furry little head and pair of cat’s eye spectacles!

The spider became impatient and frantically wiggled its legs. 

What is that you are trying to tell me? asked Lucy.

With some effort, the spider picked up a pen and began writing in elegant script. 

The girl peered through the glass to see the words: Welcome to the Animal House. We have been expecting you. Lucy stared in amazement. Never could she have imagined that a spider could write a note. She would never stomp on a bug again! The spider picked up the pen again and wrote, P.S. There is someone who is keen to meet you. No sooner had she read this post-script she felt a gentle nibble on her toes. 

I say — what lovely shoes! said a caramel coloured rabbit at her feet.

Noting Lucy’s look of astonishment, the rabbit offered, "Please do excuse me,