While Was Snowing

By Letícia Kartalian

How long does it take to forget the great love of your life? And to forgive?
Stephenie had two unique certainties in setting her feet back in the small town where she had grown up: six years later, of course she had overcome and healed her broken heart, and besides, he wouldn't be there. That Christmas, she was finally ready for the homecoming of the family who had welcomed her and to whom she owed everything.

She didn't wait for the reunion.

Brandon, the middle child of his foster family and with whom she had had an overwhelming romance in the past, was even more irresistible. And she was definitely not prepared for the awakening of so many memories or that her heart would lose its pace for the somewhat dizzying contradictory feelings she had long thought to have buried.

Can love overcome the pain of the past?

He knew it was no coincidence that their paths crossed again, and was unwilling to miss the only opportunity to correct the axes of their lives. She had no idea it would be so hard to fight the attraction. Not even that she would have to try.

In this duel between reason and emotion, which side will speak louder? Find out if love gets a second chance in this intense romance that happened ... While was snowing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Letícia Kartalian
• Release date: Jan 11, 2020
• ISBN: 9781071525883

Book preview

For all that, like me, believe that Christmas is

a date full of magic, hope, forgiveness and... Love.

This is a place where I don’t feel alone

This is a place where I feel at home

Cause, I built a home

For you

For me

Until it disappeared

From me

From you

THE CINEMATIC ORCHESTRA – To Build A Home

OUTSIDE, A FOG blurred up the sky, closing the weather. It wasn’t possible to see the stars, although I knew they were there, just like the moon, watching the doubts drowning my thoughts. The snow limpid and pure, falling outside the window carried within my weight and each tiny snowflake that hit the ground increased a claustrophobic feeling of helplessness. Then, I took a deep breath and sense her perfume and everything else had fallen asleep, only my heart resounded in my chest acknowledging its existence. Stephenie’s messy, long hair covered my shoulders, her head in my chin and she was snuggling comfortably in my chest, her breath was slow.

It hadn’t passed much time since she had fallen asleep, but the period left was short so I could hold her like that, close to me. The dawning was coming and soon I would need to go back to my room before the rest of the house awaked. But for now, I hold her. My throat squeezed. I only didn’t know if it would last.

I only knew that I had to choose to have a clear conscience, even though it would cost dearly. It would be though both for me and Stephenie. But tomorrow would be the day – I have been saying that to me for a week, because I couldn’t soften the absence, one month away had been enough.

I’d like to stop time, frozen all, so we could stay like that forever. For now, I would pretend not to feel that uncomfortable lump under my head on the pillow, I would only think how exciting it would be to revive the beginning of our relationship, keep it secret, sneaking to each other’s room and seizing stolen kisses on the corners. It was madness.

But this madness was worthwhile.

Because, when is true love, is always worthwhile...

Less than twenty-four hours later, a new storm had shaken my new world in a definitive way and... Irreversible.

Lights around the tree

Mama's whistling

Takes me back again

There's something ‘bout December*

CHRISTINA PERRI — Something About December

Beneath the lights that raised and decorated practically all the street, slowly I drove my car through the crossroads, going away from the church which many years ago had introduced me a new life and it had been the first place where I stopped when I returned home.

The touch of the four wheels was softened by the traces of snow that covered the asphalt only increasing the nostalgia that flow me through close memories of my adolescence in that little town, reviving them in each corner that I crossed. How many familiar faces would my eyes capture between the blurs of snow setting out the path until I reach my destination?

Ah, the snow!

More white and softer than the one I had seen in New York in the last years probably due to the clean air and the lacking of pollution in that mountainous nook. There was a certain charm and magic that the greatness of the Big Apple could not outreach, definitely.

The frozen white snowflakes had fallen torrentially during the dawn and through all morning that even when the sky cleared and the milder weather settle, it wasn’t possible to be sure if the streets ‘access would be liberate and I even contemplate if I had to stay overnight in some hotel at roadside. For the villagers and, of course, the visitors who were already inside the gate, neither the blizzard that had stricken the whole night, nor the icy air or the degrees nearly negative that tagged the thermometer would prevent this city’s festivities, which celebrated Christmas, to carry on.

Slowing the speed of the Camry until stopped, sighting a choral group which, wandered from door to door, chanting wonderful and well-known chorals – Christmas ‘songs. After all, it wasn’t for nothing that the town was named Carol’s Village. The music was very alive in the villagers’ heart, especially in the coldest season of the year. The group delighted those who were around them; an old woman, that seemed elderly, joined them not singing, but pacing the rhythm with a jingle of a bell.

I could almost picture myself in the middle of those people. Captive by the good moment that I was living and the thrill that season of the year always brought to my heart, singing Happy Xmas and diffusing the happiness and the Christmas spirit to those who needed. The red customs with the white collar over the clothes, courtesy of the church, set the outfit which always led to the imagination that we were spreading love and hope standardized and on Santa Claus’ duty.

It felt like a memory of another life.

And maybe it was.

When the freezing cold had overtaken the car interior, I raised the glass, and increased the heat and, leaving the Main Avenue; I carried on my way until the sumptuous construction at the end of the street, quads inwards, and the big house where I had grown up physically and emotionally since the mid-adolescence until my grown-up life.

Impressive as itself was, the mansion – which, actually, didn’t seem as Homeric as I thought it was when I was younger – it remained exactly the same from six years ago, with its painting clearly impeccable and the most beautiful Christmas’ decoration of the street, possibly the most charming of the town. Whereas built slowly with the story of the first residents that set roots in the United States, and constituted a family, in an old house which kept the memories of three generations.

With white lights softly surrounding the roof, the stair handrails, in each one of the beams and also adorning the garden, all was so well-structured, sophisticated without losing the familiar spirit and with a personal touch, which only a person that had a connection with the world of arts could have conceived. White reindeers circumvent by LED that split the space with the winter garden; in the iron gate at the entrance, as well as in the details of the windows, the white of the bows and the green of the festoon took over the scenery and even before parking just ahead, I was already looking forward to perceive how the internal area of the house was kept.

I could feel the palms of my hands were moist on the wheel; the nerves took over me without even knowing at least explain the motive.

I took a look at dashboard and it was duly synchronized with the counterclockwise at the masterful tower of the church, further back, it was a little after five pm, and I was glad to be able to get there just in time for dinner.

Getting out of the car and setting the lacking heels of my boots in the snow, I raised my head and told myself, mentally, that it was alright being there. It wasn’t a heinous crime to have found my way back after all. The prodigal daughter.

It was hard to believe, sometimes, these six years seemed like a change of season, and whilst others it seemed like a year missing someone who made me feel like a really belonged somewhere.

I sighed.

Come on, Stephenie. Be courageous.

Normally, there would be one or two people working at the surroundings of the house which could enable my entrance, but I knew that, Christmas being around the corner, all the collaborators of the house would be with their own families and, with the exception of a single employee who would be looking after and protecting the physical integrity of the matriarch – alias bootlicker -, I would only find there González’ clan retained.

So, I took a deep breath, a couple of times. I went to the tiny intercom with a camera and I pressed the button, which was attended as soon as it began to call.

I smiled at the camera when I heard a coarse and restrained voice answering it and I waved with one of my hands, tucking my head in front of the tiny lens, having my entrance quickly liberated. I pushed the gate after the click and followed the stepping stones, being crushed by more of these memories before I reached the trimmed door. Memories which I was certain that would accompany me while I stayed there. 

It was already opened when I arrived; the smell that came out of the inward door was the first to greet me. A mixture of flavors, a scent so distinctive of green tree, mild cinnamon and homemade food, the unique and perfect mix for that time of the year and that aroused good feelings. More than ever, I acknowledge them as the smell of home.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, inhaling deep, but before I could open them again and say something to the man immaculately well dressed that was holding the door, a weight threw me back and it was for very, very little that I didn’t go down.

The paws of the dog that, by instinct, I hold at the same time which I lean forward, I faced the medium-sized animal still a little frightened by the sudden approach and so... canine, without knowing where the hell it had come. It didn’t take too long and with the tongue out reached my face and kissed it as I was an old acquaintance. I wasn’t.

Calvin! Stay put! Down! Now! Calvin, stop it! Sebastian, the ‘Guardian’, tried, but without vigorous and a few steps back that he was previously.

It’s alright, Seb, everything is fine.

I might pulled a face due to the canine bad breath that came straight to my nostrils, but I did not care that much and all I did was to guide his affectionate licking to another part of my body, showing one of my hand so it could like. The frontal paws of the Golden Retriever slid and rested a little lower down on my body over my jeans and I could pet it with the other hand on the head, I pat in that area and sensed his soft dander. It went down, touching the ground with the four paws and, it kept his head down, it was my turn to squat and to get my face closer to its. There wasn’t collar in his neck, as I observed when I pet it, but the mark indicated he used one with certain frequency.

He just wants a bit of affection, right? Good boy, Calvin, good boy. getting up, finally I could greet Sebastian.

So nice to see you again, Miss Salazar. Mrs. González and the rest of the family have missed you a lot. He said it in a serious and restrained manner, returning to his stance with one arm behind his back and blá-blá-blá. It was amazing that, even knowing me since I was a brat; he still kept this physical and emotional distance which he thought he should keep with all the visitors, even if I was practically family.

Sebastian was part of my adolescence, at a time when not only Edgard González – or simply Pops – was the oldest man of the house, but also Sebastian’s parents were still alive and their job was taking care of Nanna and the order of things. Whilst, to him, was left the responsibility of controlling the hormones that run wild while we were all at home. That happened regularly. Especially with all the parties that took place at the weekend being arranged by Stephen and...by Him. For this reason, we named him the guardian, which was basically what he did also with Nanna, the lady of the house.

Merry Christmas, Sebastian. It’s so nice to see you again. I hold him, and he smiled back at me rather dull, returning the embrace and the words.

May I take your coat? He helped me taking out the heavy garments alongside with the scarf I wore. I am sure that you don’t need me to lead the way, but it would be an honor nevertheless. This way, please. He signed with his arm and I laughed.

Of course, thank you.

The Golden didn’t step aside, on the contrary, he sat close to my legs and, when Sebastian went ahead, leading the way through the long corridor, which walls were all filled with family’s pictures, the dog joined us at the same path, until we arrived to the living room, where I expected that the González were gathered.

Except for him.

I had no idea how many changes I would find when I stepped into that room, six years was a lifetime. But, if there was something I was absolutely sure was his absence. After all, that was the only reason I had finally accepted the Gonzalez’s persistent and tireless requests to return this Christmas.

And so this is Christmas

I hope you have fun

The near and the dear one

The old and the young*

CHRISTINA PERRI – Happy Xmas

IF I WAS overwhelmed by the external decoration, the internal decoration could only take my breath away.

Settling the environment, since the lighted candles between photo frames with pictures of some of the family’s Christmas upon the fireplace, standing out in each one the hanged socks, even the details of the festoon which followed the contours of the curtains, adorned with pines, one could observe that the manual crafts were carefully done.

The highlight of the living room was, of course, the strong and tall pine tree – and authentic, as a counterpoint to the plastic trees which were my companions during the last Christmas, that, taking advantage of the right high foot, took place near to the stairs that led to the second floor of the house, perfectly adorned with white, silver and some red color notes, which chimed with the hot green and still vivid of the leaves of the tree.

The white lights came down as waterfall from the stairs, brightening and lent a special charm to the tree, which looked more like stars twinkling at the sky. As far as possible from the Christmas trees from other times, in which red and golden chains were interspersed with colorful lights and the handmade decorations that we made under the surveillance of  the oldest ones, a serious and sophisticated semblance of the actual decoration was enough for me to know that there was a touch of Esther in each strip, ball and bow which matched with the pendants designed as angel and Santa Claus. And it illustrated that the children had grown up.

Definitively, it wasn’t what I expected.

It had a familiar feeling although it was not, it kept me warm inside and not only I knew it, but I also felt it, that all represented my house. Yes, house. Even though the time I spend away from it was similar to the time I have lived here.

Putting aside my quick inspection to the decoration and focusing on what really mattered on that environment, I waited a total of three seconds until being noticed.

Twin! The deep and powerful voice of Stephen emerged as a deep shout. Yes, he announced my arrival out loud, as if he was in the middle of a crowd.

Sat on one of the lateral armchairs, he had quite a goofy smile on the face, one which I knew very well. It was not an unexpected stance as they assumed, I smiled at the sight of the blonde girl with lighted eyes who was practically sat on his lap, and his strong arms around her, as though he warmed her with a blue and red sweater that hid his muscle-bound.

On normal days, one of us would have automatically moved. However, everything seemed to slow down until it stopped and I almost could feel the moment.

Just as he excused himself by giving two pats on one of Karin’s legs which covered his own, removing them with one of his hands, I watched Stephen jump off the sofa whilst Ester came out from the kitchen, her surprised eyes sparkled as she faced me, yet holding still on the dividing line between the hallway and the living room.

Stephenie! She put immediately aside the bottle of wine and the crystal glass that she carried, laying them down on the dining table, and she came towards me. The masculine figure was taller than the two women at the room and I would swear if it was not the carpet covering all the floor of that area of the house, Stephen’s steps walking towards me would have jangled on the wood, mainly due to the ample musculature which he named body.

At the distance, he would have reached me first, but watching the disbelief in his mother’s face, he let her be the one who welcomed me.

Ester held me strongly and warmly, her hands stroking my hairs, at a time when words were not necessary. When we departed, she held my face and bestowed me with a smile which gave me hope throughout life, the emotional look detained at mine.

I looked back at her and shook my head.

I felt it too. The vibe, the emotion, and the heart burst and a good grip at my heart that completes us after being rather hollow.

Welcome back, dear. She whispered with an emotional voice. It was mutual. It seemed I had a lump on my throat. Gathering saliva, I swallowed hard and I cleared my throat, being able to say, at same tone:

Thanks for the invitation. It’s so nice to be back.

"Tsc, you do not need an invitation. She smiled one hand on the waist. You’re family! And you will always be welcome at this house."

My memory of Ester Adkins-González was exactly the same as the one that was in front of me, in flesh and bone. The dark eyes glowed sweetness, it had such a good heart and it always had a place for one more. The one who always received me with arms open again and again – both figurative and literally speaking – and she had encouraged me in all the aspects throughout my entire life. The years seemed to have passed her by too.

She had a gift for handicraft and decoration as a hobby and the painting and sculpture as a craft – and every corner of the house you watched there would be elements to show them – she was the influence and inspiration for my pieces and, even if she did not know, she was the responsible for having found my way, six years ago.

I breathe a big sigh of relief, as if sustaining my breath; noticing that tears of joy and nostalgia emerged from my eyes. Blinking my eyes quickly, I realized that Stephen and Karin’s attention was on me, and I hoped that my face reflected the smiles on their familiar faces. It was open, shining, and happy.

Everybody was asking if you would really come this year. Ester glanced at me attentively, my face being stroked by her hands.

It isn’t usual to receive a formal invitation by post office.

If I only knew that I had to send a printed invitations to my exhibitions for you to come, I would have already done it. We miss you so much.

I missed you too, Ester. And so do I me.

And me too. Stephen’s voice sounded so close, and in one second I was on the floor and the next, I was floating on air, his arms enclosing like two concrete walls. Only that it was warm. Stephen picked me up in his arms and whirled me around the room, as in the old days. Long time no see!

Wow, big boy! Put me down now!, I screamed.

Calvin, that had laid down somewhere near the tree, barked at Stephen and even snarled to his owner.

It seems you have found yourself a protector. Stephen glanced at the dog. Just kidding, Calvin. Take it easy, boy. And then he turned to me again. Are you still afraid of heights, Stephenie?, he guffawed, holding me in the air a little bit more before putting my feet on his own.

Always.

Stephen, the youngest of three, even though physically he seemed to be the oldest one, was probably the González that had struggled hard to break the ice when this house and family become part of my life. He enjoyed being pampered as a baby, at that time, not even caring if he seemed ridiculous, as much as he liked to pamper. Although it hadn’t been different with the rest of the González, but he received me when my guard was off and he rocked me in his arms like I was the little sister that he never had and, although I didn’t admit at the time and even running away from him, that heat was all I could ever want.

By the similarity of the spelling of our names, we used to joke all the time about being twin brothers, although I was a few years older than him. I never considered the other two kids of Ester and León as brothers, but with Stephen was different and that was that.

Did you decide to let your beard grow, twin?

Just to pretend a maturity which he does not possess. Karin joked whilst Stephen letting the dimples appeared on his smile, even though hidden by the fuzz well-groomed on his face. Registered trademark of the Gonzalez’s men, the dimples posed a danger to any women’s sanity, I swear. Karin patted the hand on his face, her nails painted scarlet red, scratching the area. But I liked it.

After having messed up my hair, Stephen took me out of his feet and stopped by Karin’s side, embracing her by the waist and putting a flashily huge smile on his face. Wearing jeans, feet covered by socks of pets and a red sweater that seemed to have twice her size, probably borrowed by Stephen, from head to toe, Karin hadn’t change, smiling back at me with those perfectly white teeth.

I faced Stephen with arched eyebrow.

So, are you together now? I took the chance, even if it was obvious.

Let’s say that Karin tried, but she couldn’t resist my charm...

Ha-ha-ha. It’s very funny. The blonde pretended to laugh, sarcastic, rolling her eyes. He was a pain in the neck insisting all the time for a date. She pretended to be snob. It matched her manner and with the way that she dressed, but unless things had drastically changed in three years – the remained time left since she had visited my house in New York – in any way didn’t stand for her. It didn’t have cozier and gaudier person than Karin Hale.

And naturally she was infatuated by my easygoing manner and she fell for my hot body.

Enough, Stephen González. It’s just enough. Karin held me tight. I missed you, bitch!

I missed you too and don’t force me to curse you back when Ester is just right there., I gave her a pat on her butt, smiled and blinked.

Let’s say that Karin never was, an example of what society would consider as a girl of good family, beautiful and discrete. The gossip and the judgment that always spread loose in our High School Era which was that as a cheerleader, all the team’s players had already slept with her. That wasn’t true, but it came closer to that. However, it didn’t matter, never did. Not for me or for Nina, the third point of our triangle.

It shouldn’t be anyone’s business what Karin did or didn’t do, speaking a clearer and stricter, with which she slept or not.

Nevertheless, that Era brought us three closer than ever.

As best friends, Nina and I couldn’t allow that slang words aimed to Karin continued until they exceeded the thin line where it would begin to affect her. Teenagers knew, know and they always known how to be cruel in the worst possible form.

What was the solution?

Cursing ourselves; like those words were harmless. And, among us, they really were. I can’t tell that the results would have been the same for other people, but it was perfect for us and, observing that this kind of cursing didn’t affect Karin; she was able to have peace for the remaining last two years in the high school.

Even though it was a tender way to handle with each other, and it had been this way since the High School, that was our thing: mine, Nina’s and Karin; and we didn’t expect that adults would understand our language. Consequently and in deference, I always avoided, more than the other two, speaking it in front of adults.

Where is Nina? I asked, indeed, after thinking about her, I missed her there when, even in the college,  she would have been the first to be back at home.

She should be arriving any moment. Both of you will have a big surprise when you see each other. She answered, having a suspicious look as she was hiding something.

Josh knew I was coming, didn’t he tell her? What I am missing?

I’m sure you will understand as soon as she walks through the door. She smiled. "And Josh chose not to tell her, he was afraid that you didn’t come and that would disappoint her.

I understood very well that feeling and thanked Joshua for thinking that way.

The deception had sent me away that Christmas six years ago and I feared feeling that way again so I thought I wouldn’t come. I had more than once.

Did you drive? Ester asked from the kitchen, turning her back after I nod in affirmation, reaching for a mug in the cupboard. A new blizzard is coming, it’s better to park it in the garage if you come to stay.

When she turn towards me again, she seemed hopeful, the simple smile in her face, the eyes sparkled as she faced and I knew even if I hadn’t planned to stay, seeing her like that would have made me change my mind.

Of course I came to stay. Until New Year, if that’s alright.

It‘s more than perfect.

It’s all yours. I threw the keys of the car to Stephen, which he caught with his face beamed with happiness that only the ones in loved with cars owned.

Do you still have that old clunker? He knew I wouldn’t let him drive it if it was my old pickup. He would probably have the engine tuning without my knowledge. I denied with the head. I can’t believe that you finally have got a real car, Stephenie!

Have fun parking it in the garage.

Do you want me to bring you something from there?

My suitcase in the trunk, please. The rest I will grab it later.

I got it, little sister. He twinkled. Great to have you back at Christmas. Things haven’t been the same without you.

Stephen held me once more, his body covering my small body, before retreating to snatch a toast from the table, taking my keys with him.

I never thought that it would come the day that boy would speak seriously.

Right, he does that sometimes, now. Karin answered, looking with admiration towards the boyfriend, who had gone help her mother finishing setting the table. Don’t tell him, but I prefer when he acts childish due to something stupid.

I think that old habits really die hard, after all.

Well, I can’t even complain. At the bottom, really at the bottom, it was that way I feel in love for him. She sighed, holding me again. Ah, Steph, we have lots to talk about...

I know. I’m really sorry for walking away like that. From this entire story, this is probably the only thing I regret. I regret having been far away from the ones I loved the most.

Me too, it isn’t the same thing by telephone. I missed you so much. We all missed you so much and you probably gonna still hear it today., she held me tightly, as if she hadn’t held me for centuries.

Where is Nanna?, I asked Ester, when she brought me a mug of hot chocolate. All these years far away, a lot of things had changed. But my fondness for hot chocolate instead of coffee hadn’t, and I only would put it aside for a nice glass of wine. I was so addicted that I had my own