The Unofficial Joke Book for Fans of Harry Potter: Vol. 3

By Brian Boone and Amanda Brack

Here are hundreds of hilarious jokes, especially for those who believe that they belong in the esteemed Hogwarts House of Hufflepuff (not Gryffindor, not Ravenclaw, and certainly not Slytherin)

Here are hundreds of hilarious jokes from the Harry Potter world for every muggle, wizard, and squib. The Pottermore website allows Harry Potter fans everywhere to be sorted into the house that’s right for them, and now loyal Hufflepuffs everywhere can find themselves in The Unofficial Harry Potter Jokes Book: Howling Hilarity for Hufflepuff. This fourth book will continue the silly jokes, funny art, and hilarious one-liners specific to the most underrated house of all, and to the wider wizard world.

Jokes include clever lines such as:

At least at first, did Cedric like being in the Triwizard Tournament?
Yeah, he could really Diggory it!

What does a Hufflepuff do after a wand duel?
He huffs and puffs!

What kind of cereal do they serve at Hogwarts?
Hufflepuffs.

Why did Professor Sprout take the Herbology job?
She wanted to get back to her roots.

Knock-knock…Who’s there?
Tonks. Tonks who?
Tonks a lot!

Featuring hundreds of jokes and fifty fantastic illustrations, this joke book provides endless amounts of fun for readers and fans of the bestselling series

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sky Pony
• Release date: Sep 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781510740952

Brian Boone

Brian Boone is an editor and writer for the bestselling Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader line of trivia and humor books. He wrote I Love Rock n’ Roll (Except When I Hate It) and coauthored American Inventions: Big Ideas That Changed Modern Life and How to Make Paper Airplanes. He has contributed to How Stuff Works, Barnes & Noble Reads, McSweeney’s, Splitsider, Someecards, The Onion, Adult Swim, and Funny or Die. He lives in Oregon with his family.

Book preview

Introduction

Gryffindors are brave, Slytherins are calculating, Ravenclaws are brainy … but what about Hufflepuffs? It’s the Hogwarts house that gets the least attention in the Harry Potter books and movies, but that doesn’t make its students and members any less important. They just don’t get up to the same level of hijinks or drama as the wizards and witches in those other Hogwarts houses.

So yeah, Hufflepuffs may have never come close to winning a House Cup, but they’re totally cool with it—that’s just how Hufflepuffs roll. That easygoing nature is what defines a Hufflepuff, along with being friendly, calm, generous, inclusive, sportsmanlike, nature-loving, and loyal. They do their own thing and they have a blast doing it.

Hufflepuffs love jokes and making their friends laugh, so for Hufflepuffs (and those who want to be Hufflepuffs), we present you with The Unofficial Harry Potter Joke Book: Howling Hilarity for Hufflepuffs, the fourth book in our gut-busting series of hilarity for proud Potterheads! You’ll want to proudly wave the black-and-yellow with these jokes about being a Hufflepuff, life at Hogwarts as a Hufflepuff, the Hufflepuff common room, and famous Hufflepuffs like Newt Scamander, Nymphadora Tonks, and Cedric Diggory.

Don’t worry, non-Hufflepuffs—there are jokes, riddles, games, and silliness galore covering all aspects of the wizarding world! So, without further ado … accio jokes!

Chapter 1

For Hufflepuffs Only!

(And Everybody Else)

Q. What’s a Hufflepuff’s favorite holiday?

A. Earth Day.

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Q. How is a Hufflepuff like a weed?

A. They bloom where they’re planted.

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Q. How else is a Hufflepuff like a weed?

A. They hang around plants a lot.

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Q. What house produces the most doctors?

A. Hufflepuff, because they treasure patients.

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The Hufflepuff points hourglass is full of yellow diamonds, or rather time-unds.

•

Q. What do you call a Hufflepuff who golfs?

A. A Hufflepuffer duffer.

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Q. What does the Hufflepuff basement look like?

A. If you’re not a Hufflepuff, you’ll never know, and if you’re a Hufflepuff, you’ll never tell!

•

Q. What house are French-speaking kids placed in?

A. Huff Le Puff.

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Hufflepuff bumper sticker: Everyday I’m Hufflepuffing.

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Q. What’s the most rough-and-tumble house at Hogwarts?

A. Tough-le-puff.

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Q. How do Hufflepuffs stay warm in the winter?

A. Earmufflepuffs.

Q. What’s Helga Hufflepuff’s favorite song?

A. Cups.

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Q. What house would a Pokemon get inserted into?

A. Jigglyhufflepuff.

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Q. What’s black, yellow, and buzzes?

A. A Hufflepuff bee.

Q. What kind of dishes do Hufflepuffs use?

A. Earthenware.

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Q. What do you call a Slytherin with a heart?

A. A Hufflepuff.

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Q. What do you call someone who never loses their wallet?

A. A Hufflepuff!

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Q. What’s a Hufflepuff’s favorite game?

A. Hide and Seek … because they always win!

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Q. Did you hear about the highly accomplished Hufflepuff?

A. Probably not, because they were too shy to brag about their achievements.

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You know you’re a Hufflepuff when …

•You make friends everywhere you go … even if you don’t mean to.

•You don’t like conflicts or fighting, but you’re really good at sports anyway.

•People are always asking you to find things for them.

•You always find yourself dressed like a bee.

•You’re glad Hufflepuff doesn’t win the House Cup because you wouldn’t want the other houses to get disappointed.

•You can’t think of any Hufflepuff stereotypes … because there aren’t any!

•You remind everybody that no dark wizards were Hufflepuffs.

•You wonder why people think Hufflepuffs are boring when Cedric Diggory and Tonks were Hufflepuffs.

•When reading Goblet of Fire , you rooted for Cedric, not Harry.

•Well, to be honest, you rooted for Cedric and Harry.

•You will explain what it means to be a Hufflepuff, which is the most Hufflepuff thing ever.

•When you tell your friends you’re a Hufflepuff,