Be Mindful of Etiquette

By Anne Dreyer

GOOD MANNERS OPEN DOORS AND HEARTS, AND WILL
NEVER GO OUT OF FASHION!
Be Mindful of Etiquette is written by an internationally recognized expert, with a modern approach to good manners in any situation.
An indispensable ‘Go to guide’ for the young job seeker, the single person looking for a life partner, for the world traveller, the homemaker, the host, or hostess, and for the person climbing the corporate ladder.
This book is for YOU!
What others are saying about this book
“This book gives educational and easy-to-use advice for anyone seeking to polish his or her image and move ahead with dignity and style. Good manners never go out of style. Anne Dreyer is uniquely qualified to address doing the right thing in any social situation. In this book, she has demystified the rules of etiquette and helps us to move confidently and correctly through our life situations.”
Judi Moreo, Author - Las Vegas, Nevada, USA
“Whether for yourself, or as a gift for others, this book will enrich your personal life, as it is still true today, ‘Manners maketh the man!’
Joshua Luke CEO Signature Image Singapore
Anne Dreyer is a professional speaker and author. She is an international expert in the field of decorum, social graces, and image. She is the founder of Colourworks International a training academy that trains Image and Etiquette Consultants Worldwide. Anne is the author of seven published books.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anne Dreyer
• Release date: Aug 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9780639930978

Anne Dreyer

Anne Dreyer is n professionele spreker en skrywer oor voorkoms en etiket, met internasionale toekennings vir seminare en opleidingskursusse oor etiket en protokol. Sy is die stigter van Colourworks International, ‘n opleidingsakademie vir vookoms en etiketkonsultante en lei konsultante wêreldwyd op. With her warm personality and tangible style, she infects her audiences as she trains and inspires them from her personal life experience as a successful business woman, and entrepreneur. Anne, was nominated Business Women of the year, and voted the most successful female speaker by her co-speakers, PSASA KZN, founded both Colourworks International, South Africa first Make Over Salon, as well as the first Image Consultants Training Academy- who trains image consultants from all over the world, with branches throughout South Africa as well as Singapore and Australia. Anne is the founder of APICSA ( The Association of Professional Image Consultants in South Africa), as well as SAAIP South African Association for image Professionals and IBICA in Singapore, is also a founder, Professional Member of PSASA Professional Speaker Association of South Africa. As sought after speaker, she leaves her mark on all who is fortunate enough to hear and meet her.

Book preview

Be Mindful

Of

Etiquette

Anne Dreyer

In the theatre of your mind, become the Star Performer of your life!

Be Mindful of Etiquette by Anne Dreyer

Published by Colourworks International, South Africa

P O Box 600 Montagu 7620, Western Cape, South Africa

Websites: www.annedreyer.com

www.mindfulnessetiquette.com

Publication: © Colourworks International 2019

Text: ©Anne Dreyer 2019

Cover: Painting with permission from the artist, Portchie - Stellenbosch South Africa

Cover Design: Yasmin Pooney

Editor: Lynelle Clark

Proofreading: Antonella Whittaker

Text set: Lynelle Clark

Conversion to Kindle: Lynelle Clark

Illustrations: Sonjia Hendrikse

Set in 11pt. Adobe Garamond

Copyright. No part of this book may be reproduced whether it be electronically, mechanically, by photocopying, sound recordings, or any other format without the written permission from the copyright holders.

Kindle ISBN 978-0-6399309-7-8

Table of content

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Prologue

The Author

Introduction

1. First Impressions

In the world of business

Your personal style

Planning your wardrobe

Formal Corporate Culture

Personal Grooming

Men’s wardrobes

Accessories: handbags, glasses

Hats, gloves,

Perfume

Dress codes

The invitation

For the fuller figure

2. Table Etiquette

Placement of Guests around a table

Silverware

Food and drinks, napkins

Glasses

About lipstick

Food and wine

Toasts

Gala dinners and grand festive occasions

Restaurant culture

Buffet meals

Breakfast

Lunch

Being a gracious guest

Other receptions

Tea etiquette

The miracle of coffee

3. Communication

Positive body language

Forms of address

The written word

Job applications, The CV, The interview

Electronic communication, Social media

4. Presentations

Your appearance

Introducing / thanking a speaker

5. Stylish living

Get into and alight from motor vehicles with style

Taxis

Escalators, revolving doors, ordinary doors, lifts,

Corridors, offices

Public toilets

Breastfeeding

Restaurants/Coffee shops

6. Office Etiquette

Smells and odours, Irritating sounds

Music

Office junk

Kitchen

Gossip

The disabled

7. Environmental Etiquette

8. Protocol

Conducting business internationally

Business cards and personal space

Dining etiquette

9. Sports, Spa’s, and Games Etiquette

Gym etiquette

About spas and hydro’s

10. Travel Etiquette

Airport etiquette

The art of packing

Hotels

Cruise liners

11. Family, Friends & Social Interactions

Guests staying

Visiting your children

The aged

Hospital visits

Pregnancy

Wedding

Dating

Internet dating

Singles

12. Being Gracious

Cosmetic surgery

Giving and receiving gifts

Photographs, charm

Last word

Epilogue - Peter the Gentleman

Resources

Books by the Author

Acknowledgements

What is friendship? Truly a world without end!

Thank you to my precious beautiful family and amazing friends.

Thank you, Annemarie Meintjes: my inspiration and lifelong friend

Thank you to Lynelle Clarke and Antonella Whittaker.

To my protégé Ange Phoenix, who is now continuing the legacy of the Colourworks International Training Academy

Thank you to Joshua Luke from Singapore Signature Image

Judi Moreo from Las Vegas USA Turning Point International

And Portchie, the talented artist from Stellenbosch

Being mindful isn’t difficult, we can cultivate mindfulness and the result will open doors and hearts!

My paintings are a celebration of life which I wish to share with others. My philosophy is to do good while you can as you might not come this way again.

Portchie

Dedication

To all my students who are now teaching others.

To my children Don Ange, Claudine, and grandchildren Hosanna, Jemaima and Eli - I love you unconditionally.

To my beloved dad, now in his ‘mansion in the sky,’ Peter - The Gentleman.

Above all, honour and praise to my Abba Father, as He is the one who gives us our talents and gifts and provides us with opportunities.

"…. obtain wisdom, obtain insight…"

Solomon

"Time is the eternal equaliser –

both prince and pauper are given the same amount."

Mark Twain

Prologue

Being mindful means: Maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. ….

Having good manners is being mindful - seeing life from the other person's point of view and responding favourably.

First impressions are determined by how we communicate. The psychologist, Albert Mehrabian, expressed the importance of the three elements of communication in the following percentages:

• Your body language: 55%

• Your tone of voice: 38%

• Your words: 7%

Being mindful of your personal image and how you behave truly matters!

Good manners still matter, and never go out of fashion!

A simple thank you, excuse me, please, and pleased to meet you, are only the basics of good manners. In a complex and fast-changing global world, we need to know much more than such basics.

A tree is known by the fruit it bears, a person by his or her deeds. He or she who sows courtesy will reap friendship, and he or she who plants compassion, will gather love.

Basilius the Great

Being mindful of good manners and consideration towards others; open doors. Etiquette offers guidelines which will help us feel more confident. What we don’t pick up at home, we need to learn elsewhere. And one such place is in this book.

When we are mindful of how to behave, we feel more confident and retain better personal relations. There is a bonus – research has shown it provides any person with an undeniable advantage in life and opens up golden opportunities for them.

Children learn by what they observe and come to be mirror images of their parents or caregivers. As a result, if we behave appropriately, our children will reap the rewards.

Protocol is about etiquette at all levels and the practice of good manners. It is a significant component of diplomatic relations and is related to culture, history, religion, language, and status.

Good manners come from inside and show our consideration and mindfulness towards others. They demonstrate respect and love for our fellow man.

Proper Etiquette, on the other hand, remains a more formal set of social rules which can be learned by anyone at any time of their life. It becomes part of our wisdom and social intelligence. It accurately means abide by the rules!

The origins of etiquette

Centuries ago, the French word ‘etiquette’ meant keep off the grass. The gardener of King Louis XIV saw aristocrats walking around on the lawns surrounding the palace at Versailles and put up signs or etiquettes to keep people off the lawns.

Later, the French word ‘etiquette’ also referred to tickets for functions with a long list of instructions telling the ticket holder how he should behave. Hence the word ‘etiquette’ as we know it today.

We live in a world which is changing every day. We have super-fast communication, instant photographs, fast food, prompt news, and accurate information – all from the comfort of our phones and homes. A cyber universe, in fact.

Mindfulness and an excellent set of social skills can assist us to navigate the unchartered waters of a world which has become a global village!

Longstanding traditions are making way for the new, and etiquette rules need to keep up with the times. Good manners, however, will never go out of fashion. Good manners and etiquette, in fact, help us cope with this changing world.

Women, especially, who need to juggle many different roles – partner, parent (often single parent and sole breadwinner), professional, entrepreneur, employer, employee, homemaker, social worker, communicator, businesswoman, traveller, and many others, can richly benefit from having acquired social graces.

Women have to compete with men on a professional level, in a world where women are not yet entirely equal and need to dress for success.

Men, who have to compete not only with each other but also with women, similarly have a lot to gain from good social skills and manners.

For young people entering the world of employment and adult society, good manners and etiquette are worth gold!

Allow this book to be your go-to guide when you need a quick reminder of the appropriate manners, for any given situation!

Protocol

Protocol originated with customs around the hosting of guests which led to the development of specific guidelines regarding hospitality. Today it applies more to ceremonial practices carried out at official ceremonies and how guests at such functions should behave.

Tradition or culture is a specific belief or behaviour, in relation to a certain group of people. May also be defined to be the forms of the artistic heritage of a particular culture which beliefs or customs instituted by societies and governments, such as national anthems and national celebration or holidays, as well as the beliefs or customs maintained by religious denominations or church bodies that share a history or inherit customs.

Good manners reflect our character. They come from inside and express our self-value as well as consideration for our fellow man. Remember they can be acquired. We can learn respect and compassion towards others. Good manners and respect determine, to a large extent, how others will see us. Good etiquette helps us to develop goodwill and establish lasting relations.

Life can become a feast! Every person can bloom where they are planted!

More than 300 years ago, the philosopher, Galileo, made the following statement:

We cannot teach a man anything. We can only help him discover what is inside of him.

Come on a fabulous and life-changing journey of self-discovery with me!

Anne Dreyer

July 2019

The Author

Anne is a professional speaker and writer about Image and Etiquette.

She received international recognition for seminars and training courses dealing with protocol and etiquette.

Anne is the author of seven books.

She is also the founder of Colourworks International – a training academy for image and etiquette consultants – and presents training courses worldwide.

www.annedreyer.com

"You can be ravishing at 20 Charming at 40 or

irresistible for the rest of your life!"

Coco"

Introduction

Mindfulness is the quality or state of being conscious, or aware of something as well as maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.

1.

First Impressions

Dressing well is a form of good manners

Tom Ford

First impressions last – be mindful of how you dress!

Before we have articulated even one word, we are evaluated by our appearance and body language. According to an American psychologist, Albert Mehrabian, 93% of all communication takes place non-verbally. As a result, body language and appearance are important, and, yes, a book is judged by its cover!

As Mark Twain said, Clothes make the man! Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The 21st century has noted the development of a more relaxed social attitude regarding clothing and manners. Casual clothing and informal interaction have become the norm. However, there are still a time and place for greater formality in dress and etiquette, especially in the corporate world.

A positive first impression can open doors for us, both socially and professionally, and is therefore of the utmost importance.

Research has shown that 85% of the effort we make to reach the top in the workplace, is directly linked to the image we project to the world – our appearance, posture, confidence, manners, and interaction with others – and, incredibly, a mere 15% of our success depends on our knowledge and skills!

In the World of Business

Further research has shown that dressing and behaving appropriately in professional settings has many advantages. For example:

• People are more likely to grant your requests.

• They are more likely to trust you with information and in general.

• You may be given the opportunity to participate in decision-making processes more readily.

• Promotions are more likely to be given.

• Even your salary could be influenced by how you behave professionally.

In Your Personal and Social Life

It’s a fact! Dressing well, a good posture and good manners also contribute to us finding our life partner.

The saying, ‘Show me your friends, and I will know you’ is so true. We can overcome the obstacles of background and socio-economic circumstances by learning to be mindful of how we dress and behave appropriately.

Your Personal Style

Be aware of the impression you want to create and create your own personal style. There is only one of you, and you are unique. Express it!

Your Clothing

• Wear clothing which makes you feel comfortable

• Wear colours that suit you

• Wear the best quality of clothing you can afford

• Do not underestimate the importance of accessories

• Personal grooming is of cardinal importance

• Always wear clothes which are clean and ironed. (It is surprising how a simple iron, can transform an article of clothing!)

• Wear clothing which suits your figure. (Invest in a full-length mirror)

• Wear age appropriate clothing. (Avoid dressing like an eternal Barbie doll!)

• Choose clothing which is appropriate for the occasion. Ask yourself and be mindful of the dress code – is this a formal or informal situation?

Gabrielle Chanel, better known as Coco, overturned the fashion conventions of her day to create her own unique style. She ‘borrowed’ jackets, shirts, and ties from men’s wear and turned them into stunning clothing for women. Her concept of classic wear is still very highly regarded