Today Again I Start By Loving Me

By D'Jenice E. Watson

Learn How To Stop Deadbeat Relationships Before They Begin By Using This Unique Wail Model Guide

Discover Strategies To Beat The Narcissistic Personality And Escape Emotional And Verbal Abuse

Identify Co-dependency And Overcome Low Self Esteem After Abusive Relationship

Master Simple 7 Step Action Plan To Jumpstart And Maintain Emotional Health And Recovery As You Enjoy Improved Devotional Time With God

Manage Your Steps in Setting Or Resetting Healthy Boundaries To Avoid Re-entry to Any Toxic Relationships And Avoid Rebound.

Because Enough is Enough!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645168072

Book preview

Introduction

The Challenge is Daily, and the Struggle is Real

What fears are preventing you from moving forward?

One of the first memories I have of my eldest son trying to swim included him trying to float for the very first time. However, after a few failed attempts and thinking he was going to drown he gave up. For a while he chose instead to watch as his younger brother bravely dives in the pool; having no previous experience yet he floated effortlessly. I remember the look of frustration on his face as he both admired and envied his baby brother’s ability and zeal playing with all the other kids. Disappointed he crept out of the pool and sat nearby watching all the others swim by. At home a few days later, he excitedly called for me to come into his bathroom. There I found him standing in the bathtub of water--- waiting. Puzzled I asked Yes, Brandon?

To which he smiled and said, I’m ready! To do what now, I asked quizzically, I’m ready to learn how to float so I can swim mommy. So, I want you to stand nearby to help just in case, I sink. I grinned with pride at his calm determination. And he kept trying until he was confident, he wouldn’t drown trying. That day, I learned from a little boy, that to fully relax means the ability to allow yourself to feel powerless. That day I learnt from a child, that you begin to float effortlessly when you subconsciously decide to adjust to the discomfort of feeling out of control. In another moment I learnt that you must be willing to risk sinking to be able to stay afloat, and it is okay to ask for help just in case things go wrong. That you must be willing to risk the possibility of failing, to be able to live the empowered life--- you have been dying to live. Whether you realize it or not, every failure prepares you with what to expect so you can eventually succeed. That includes our relationships. At first, it will take a conscious effort. It will be scary--- at first-- but with time and practice it becomes natural. Today both my sons know what it’s like to swim individually as well as playfully together. Yet each learnt at a different stage of mental and emotional readiness. It’s no different with our relationships.

Unfortunately, one of the most depleting things that come with being emotionally involved in an unhealthy relationship is the reality that no effort to self-repair together truly empowers you with the ability to function within your dysfunction without the risk of hurting your significant others. Sometimes, you need to break away from and regroup to refocus and readjust your own personal and emotional heath before moving forward. No one can give the best of themselves, if they’re not whole and healed and ready. But with God, you can become your best version regardless of your past and your current brokenness.

While there is no judgment assumed here, please know that you do not get extra cookie points for self-neglect.

This Devotional Workbook is written to empower primarily women as caregivers. Yet anyone affected by emotional abuse may benefit especially due to mental health behavioral issues can benefit from exercising these guidelines and recovery habits. It may be accomplished individually, but most ideally within a small closed group setting depending on the personal preferences of the user, or group facilitator’s strategies.

This book looks at the four most common types of narcissists as well other common mental disorders that might contribute to a cycle of abuse of the caregiver while offering step by step weekly accountability logs to help practice healthier emotional and devotional habits to help support emotional recovery. It includes some real-life examples along with a few applicable bible passages to help identify and potentially overcome emotional damages as well as spiritual damages that may have been caused as a result of various kinds of abuse.

In my humble opinion, although the narcissistic type of personality is considered by health professionals to be a mental disorder, from a spiritual standpoint; I regard these also from a spiritual point of view, as a form of perverted thinking that mimics and exhibit demonic influences. Certainly, that might not be the case of all situations, but it cannot be overlooked to truly put things in perspective for others who feel it is a valid experience. In fact, I will admit that in my personal experience it seems like weapon that is used by the enemy to destroy God’s true image as a loving Father, both to the victim and the perpetrator; as hurt people, hurt people. When our mental image is skewed from being whole it fractures our own identity, creating a crisis. One crisis leads to another eventually medication becomes some people’s only way of coping or surviving long term.

But why is the narcissistic personality so damaging, and what exactly is Narcissism? The word Narcissism comes from the ancient Greeks, after Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection and was allegedly unable to pull away, he withered and died.

The first time I looked up the meaning of the word narcissism, the image of a narc that came to mine, was actually from an anniversary card I’d received prior. It was our first year and it was a gift given to us by the spouse of one my ex’s co-workers. The card was both abstract, and gothic in its illustration. It displayed two lovers: one appeared to be female who lay lifeless and as though she’d collapsed and was either dying or dead. The other a male looking figure that leaned into her as if to rescue her---but not quite. It was clear that he was the cause of her distress. It didn’t escape my attention and I was in fact curious as to the visual it seem to communicate. It literally conveyed the message that the woman was at the man’s mercy as she laid, lifeless as though her life was being sucked the life out the woman. I was petrified to think that she saw us like this. How could she? I had no contact with either one of his colleagues and certainly not this woman. In fact, in all these years I haven’t. Back then, I expressed my concern to him about the odd selection but he brushed it off as, nothing. Instead, he explained it’s the kind of thing that vibe with her personality. Anyhow as things unfolded in the relationship in retrospect it seemed as though she was alluding to something more. Something she or everyone else saw from the outside looking in. If I had no contact with any of his co-workers, it’s not hard to recognized, clearly, he was disclosing our issues at work. This is also very typical of narcs to do. However, back to the illustration and message of the card, every person who has been exposed to such relationships would agree that they feel as though their soul is being withered to death. Especially as the narc, is good at blocking their victims, from friends and family that may expose their deathtraps.

In every relationship, and especially marriage, God also wants us to die, but to self. It’s not His desire to have us wither away. Unlike the enemy who uses the spirit of narcissism or abuse to destroy our identity it’s literally the murdering of a person’s spirit.

The narc lack’s love and makes it difficult to be self-less in loving, if you are not careful you can subconsciously mirror their selfish behavior when you try to match egos or feed their need to power struggle in the relationship.

Sadly, many lives, relationships and especially Christian marriages are being destroyed more and more because of what I call: the spirit of Narcissus. In researching and deciding to do this devotional exercise as a workbook, I was appalled to see the level narcissism growing epidemic like wild mushroom among our pews and at the pulpit. In fact, in my observation many leaders in the church have what’s called the Spiritual Narcissism complex. But what is the driving force behind these destructive relationships and experiences? It’s not clear in all cases, all the time. However, what is known-- so far is that studies show that men are most likely to be narcissists than women. Again, this is in general, but doesn’t exclude women. So, this workbook only limitation is that because most women are affected by this epidemic than our male counter parts the examples used here are from that angle. It is not in any way to marginalize men or boys who might be experiencing such abuse from either parents or partners. Also, because studies also show that fifty percent of divorcees are from the church, one could argue that one of the main contributing factors is the control and manipulating spirit of Narcissism exercised by the head of the household, again primarily men in this context. Could it be possible then that this spirit affects how well the couple will communicate during disagreements? Since poor