I Want To Be Beautiful

By Jason Walker

Caught in a web of secrecy, a young man desires to be who he was really meant to be, but he must discover his true self if he wants to be beautiful.

James stood in front of the full-length mirror. The lace felt rough yet smooth. The satin shimmered in the low light. The garter around his waist pulled the stockings tight and high up his thighs. The conflict of his emotions wrestled in his head. At once ashamed and excited, embarrassed yet aroused. He was twenty-two years old and still technically a virgin. This was largely by choice. He was a very handsome young man, nearly six feet tall, hazel eyes, slight yet toned physique, he had been presented with many opportunities, but he had not taken advantage of any. For him, the biggest obstacle had been what he looked at now. He so wanted to tell someone, anyone, but he always diverted the subject even when surrounded by his closest and most trusted friends.

Who will he trust to help him discover how to be his truly beautiful self?

READER ADVISORY: A Transgender Novel containing sexual scenes and the story of a young man who discovers he must change and adapt to be truly happy. It is more than his clothes, it is also his mind. Can a man in woman’s clothes find love? The answer might just be right in front of him.

PUBLISHER NOTE: MMF, MFF, MF, Sex Toys, Pegging, Spanking, Voyeurism. 42,175 words.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Luminosity Publishing LLP
• Release date: Mar 15, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463717844

Jason Walker

Born in the mountains of Western North Carolina, the author began his career in Radio Broadcasting in the late 1970s. Having traveled the country, he has now, inexplicably, landed back in the town of his birth. Writing full time and producing audio and video promotional products for authors takes up his days and enjoying his life fills all the moments in between. Active in social media, he welcomes any opportunity to interact with his readers and sincerely believes that there is no such thing as negative feedback. Something can be learned from the opinions of others, even if that opinion is less than glowing. You are encouraged to contact him via email, social media or through his website. And as always, he thanks you for taking the time to read his words. He hopes you enjoy them.

Book preview

I WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL

No Limits – Book Two

JASON WALKER

Caught in a web of secrecy, a young man desires to be who he was really meant to be, but he must discover his true self if he wants to be beautiful.

James stood in front of the full-length mirror. The lace felt rough yet smooth. The satin shimmered in the low light. The garter around his waist pulled the stockings tight and high up his thighs. The conflict of his emotions wrestled in his head. At once ashamed and excited, embarrassed yet aroused. He was twenty-two years old and still technically a virgin. This was largely by choice. He was a very handsome young man, nearly six feet tall, hazel eyes, slight yet toned physique, he had been presented with many opportunities, but he had not taken advantage of any. For him, the biggest obstacle had been what he looked at now. He so wanted to tell someone, anyone, but he always diverted the subject even when surrounded by his closest and most trusted friends.

Who will he trust to help him discover how to be his truly beautiful self?

READER ADVISORY: A Transgender Novel containing sexual scenes and the story of a young man who discovers he must change and adapt to be truly happy. It is more than his clothes, it is also his mind. Can a man in woman’s clothes find love? The answer might just be right in front of him.

PUBLISHER NOTE: MMF, MFF, MF, Sex Toys, Pegging, Spanking, Voyeurism. 42,175 words.

I WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL

No Limits – Book Two

JASON WALKER

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WWW.LUMINOSITYPUBLISHING.COM

LUMINOSITY PUBLISHING LLP

I WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL

No Limits – Book Two

Copyright © March 2019 JASON WALKER

Cover Art by Poppy Designs

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

No part of this literary work may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without the written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

The author acknowledges the trademark status and the following trademark owners mentioned in this work of fiction:

Netflix

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to those brave individuals who seek to be their beautiful selves.

CHAPTER ONE

James stood in front of the full-length mirror. The lace felt rough yet smooth. The satin shimmered in the low light. The garter around his waist pulled the stockings tight and high up his thighs. The conflict of his emotions wrestled in his head. At once ashamed and excited, embarrassed yet aroused. He was twenty-two years old and still technically a virgin. This was largely by choice. He was a very handsome young man, nearly six feet tall, hazel eyes, slight yet toned physique. He had been presented with many opportunities, but he had not taken advantage of any. For him, the biggest obstacle had been what he looked at now. He so wanted to tell someone, anyone, but he always diverted the subject even when surrounded by his closest and most trusted friends.

He looked at the clock and realized that it was time to change. He expected company and knew this would not be the outfit they would expect to see when they arrived. Having to strip saddened him slightly. As he removed each piece, he carefully folded them. Once nude, he tucked the garments into the bottom drawer of his dresser and placed T-shirts on top of them. He slipped on a pair of shorts and an old shirt and went to the kitchen for a beer.

As he opened the brew, he heard the knock on the front door. He made no motion to answer it knowing that they would just come in. He walked into the living room to greet his friends. He was surprised to see only Melinda sitting on the couch.

Where is everyone else?

She turned and smiled. What’s the matter big boy, am I not enough for you? Her giggle was so enticing.

Of course you are! I was just curious.

She watched him as he moved to the chair across from her. Michael had to work. Tyler said he had to go and deal with his mother over something and Janet . . . well, Janet is a flake and just forgot. She texted me and said she had to do laundry or some such shit and couldn’t make it. So I guess it’s just you and me.

James sat. Well, what do you want to do tonight then?

She pulled her legs up under her. Honestly, I know we were going to go get something to eat and figure it out from there but since it’s just you and me, why don’t we order out, watch some television and get drunk? I know you aren’t working tomorrow and I have no plans so I can just crash here but only if you promise not to take advantage of me. She wiggled an eyebrow at him, and they both laughed.

Melinda had been his friend since middle school. James Henry and Melinda Hastert were inseparable. She had been there through all of his tough times. She had been one of the few constants in his life. His parents had died in an automobile accident right after he graduated. He didn’t have any siblings or aunts or uncles. If not for her, he would be truly alone. They had actually dated, sort of, back in high school. It never went beyond some innocent kissing and a little groping. It wasn’t that he didn’t find her attractive. She was absolutely beautiful. Nor was it a case of her not finding him handsome. She had told him a thousand times how good looking he was. It was just a case that they had known each other for so long that dating or becoming serious just felt weird. She was far too good of a friend to ever be his lover. She had said the same on a couple of different occasions.

Netflix and chill, it is then!

After the pair laughed, they decided on what food to order. They chatted and caught up as they awaited the delivery. Once containers of food were delivered, and plates were fixed, the two settled in to watch a movie. The movie wasn’t particularly good, but it was something she had wanted to see, so he agreed. He carried the empty plates into the kitchen and wrapped up the few leftovers.

He drifted in thought, or more precisely memories of earlier in the day. Get lost in here? Melinda’s voice startled him, and he dropped the container of rice on the floor with a yelp. He immediately apologized and rushed for the broom. They laughed as he cleaned up. She gave him a fair ration of grief for being so clumsy. At one point she got down on her hands and knees to sweep under the counter’s edge and stove. James stood there looking at her. Not just as a friend, he really looked at her. She was so beautiful. She was so sexy, yet he never felt any of those more salacious feelings about her. She wasn’t a woman to him. She was just Melinda. His mind went back to the thing he had been wrangling with for the last several days while she gathered the last grains from the floor.

If you like wearing women’s clothes, does that make you queer?

It was as if all the air had been sucked from the room. He froze. He felt betrayed by his brain. Those weren’t words to speak aloud. That was an inside-the-head thought, not an out-in-the-open question. He stood statue still hoping that she had not heard him or might think she heard it but excused it off as something else.

No such luck.

She turned and sat on the floor. She looked up at her friend. He could see in her expression that she was deciding whether or not to make a joke or to address what he said seriously and directly. She was silent as she stood and walked from the room. James was suddenly terrified and hesitated to follow. She looked back and motioned for him to go with her. He put the dustpan on the floor and leaned the broom against the wall and went into the living room. She patted the cushion beside her, and he sat as she turned to face him. His hands shook as he clamped them between his knees. He wouldn’t look at her. He just stared straight ahead.

Melinda sat and looked at her friend in portrait. She could see the fear and trepidation seeping from every pore. Despite him clamping his hands between his knees, she could still see him shaking. She weighed what she might say very carefully. As long as she had known James, she had always harbored a small thought, stored in the back of her head, is he gay? As best she had been able to tell, he wasn’t, but she was absolutely convinced that his sexuality was different than others. It was one of the things that made him so interesting to her. Nothing about him had ever been stereotypical. It sounded trite to say that he wasn’t like all of the other boys, but it was true.

With those thoughts, she still wondered how to handle this awkward situation. She did what felt the most right. She leaned forward and hugged him tightly. It was the perfect thing for her to do at that moment. She pulled him against her chest, and James started crying. It was an uncontrolled release of emotion that one can only indulge in when there is no fear of recrimination or judgment. Melinda held him and rubbed his head while he cried as hard as she had ever seen him cry.

Tears and sniffles, huffing breaths and cleared throats later she let him free and he stood up. Returning a few minutes later, he had washed his face and blown his nose and seemed quite a bit more refreshed and collected.

No. Her single word stopped him in his tracks.

No? No, what?

I was just answering your question. No, it doesn’t make you queer, well not in the currently accepted meaning. It does make you queer as in different from others. She smiled.

He just shook his head as he sat back beside her. Oh that. Yeah, I had almost forgotten that I asked.

She pushed his shoulder playfully before standing to get a drink. She returned with two cold beers and plopped on the couch beside him again.

All right, explain why you asked that. I know it wasn’t on purpose, but you said it, so it is something you are worried about. So, let’s hash it out.

It was her nature. James knew from practically the first day they met in the seventh grade that she was the kind of person who dealt with all subjects head-on. She never seemed uncomfortable discussing any subject and had always been the perfect sounding board for any dumb idea that popped into his head. She would listen, consider, then if asked, offer her opinion about it. He looked at her comforting eyes and drew a deep breath.

Since I was thirteen years old, I have thought there was something wrong with me. I used to look at catalogs with women modeling underwear and wonder what it felt like. I mean, it used to excite me but more than that, the idea of wearing some of those horrific things, you know, wide panel girdles and pointy bras, really got my blood flowing.

They both chuckled at that, but Melinda remained quiet to encourage him to continue.

"As I got older, I would get my hands on men’s magazines. Of course, I looked at the naked girls, but I also looked at the clothes. Now I never pursued any of it. I mean, my only access to that kind of thing was my mom’s bloomers in the dirty laundry. I might be different, but I’m not weird. So my interests were restricted until I got older. The first time I actually tried anything on was by happenstance, so to speak. I was at one of the big box stores doing school clothes shopping with my mom. I went into one of the dressing rooms to try on some ugly thing she wanted me to wear. In the room was a pile of clothes someone else had tried on and just left there. When I moved them from the bench, I saw that they