This Is My Story: A Story of Life, Faith, and Ministry

By Paul Beasley-Murray and Paul Goodliff

This Is My Story is an unusually fascinating account of one man's life.
·It is a story of the making of a man, initially written with grandchildren in mind--"Who was my grandfather? What kind of person was he?"
·At another level it is a story of a growing faith, telling how amidst the ups and down of life he has remained a "soft-hearted" pilgrim.
·At yet another level it is a story of the making of a leader who never stopped learning how to lead, care, preach, and engage in effective mission.
·Perhaps even more significantly, it is also a story of a ministry, in which the author never lost his sense of delight and privilege in his calling to be a pastor.
·Finally, as one who has at time been at the center of controversy, it is an opportunity to tell "my side of the story."
This is a book for pastors--and for any Christian--who wants the "inside story" of the pains and triumphs of a Christian leader.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Wipf and Stock
• Release date: Jun 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781532647987

Paul Beasley-Murray

Paul Beasley-Murray is senior minister at a thriving Baptist church in southern England. He has served as a missionary in Congo (Zaire) and as principal of Spurgeon's College in London.

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THIS IS MY STORY

A Story of Life, Faith, and Ministry

Paul Beasley-Murray

foreword by Paul Goodliff

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THIS IS MY STORY

A Story of Life, Faith, and Ministry

Copyright © 2018 Paul Beasley-Murray. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical publications or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Write: Permissions, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3, Eugene, OR 97401.

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paperback isbn: 978-1-5326-4796-3

hardcover isbn: 978-1-5326-4797-0

ebook isbn: 978-1-5326-4798-7

Manufactured in the U.S.A.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible (NRSV), copyright © 1989 by National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations are also taken from the Good News Translation: Second Edition (GNT), copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by permission. The Good News Translation is known in the UK as the Good News Bible (GNB).

In addition, Scripture quotations are taken from The Message, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

I am grateful to be given permission to quote the following:

An extract from Roy Oswald’s Foreword to Caring for the Caregiver by Gary L. Harbaugh (Washington, DC: Alban, 1992), vi–vii.

An extract from Evangelicals in Exile: Wrestling with the Theology of the Unconscious by Alistair Ross (London: Darton, Longman & Todd, 1997).

An unpublished analysis of my leadership style by Nick Isbister.

An unpublished analysis of my leadership style by Terry Tennens.

The Terminus and Retirement: A New Beginning. Copyright © by David Adams. Published by Tim Tiley Ltd., Bristol BS6 5RR.

A feature of This Is My Story is the inclusion of other non-copyrighted quotations, some of considerable length. In particular extracts from the Case Review Committee set up by the Council of Spurgeon’s College following the ending of my principalship. Most of the quotations, however, are from articles or documents which I myself drafted. Some may find these quotations a little tedious. However, their presence reflects my desire to ensure the accuracy of my story. Gore Vidal, the American man of letters, stated in his memoir, Palimpsest, that a memoir is how one remembers one’s life, while an autobiography is history, requiring research, dates, facts double-checked.¹ On that basis, This Is My Story is an autobiography, not a memoir.

Finally, where possible, my quotations are fully referenced in the footnotes. Please note that Church Matters is not a book or a collection of articles, but rather is made up of blog posts hosted on my website, www.paulbeasleymurray.com.

1. Gore Vidal, Palimpsest: A Memoir (London: Penguin, 1996

).

Table of Contents

Title Page

Foreword

Preface

Chapter 1: My Parents

Chapter 2: The Pastor’s Kid (1944–1950)

Chapter 3: A Tutor’s Son (1950–1956)

Chapter 4: Switzerland—A Breath of Fresh Air (1956–1958)

Chapter 5: A Principal’s Son—A Narrow Place (1958–1962)

Chapter 6: Germany—And Time for God (1962–1963)

Chapter 7: Cambridge—Halcyon Days (1963–1967)

Chapter 8: The Blossoming of Romance and the Celebration of a Marriage (1964–1967)

Chapter 9: Jesus Is Lord of All—The Research Years (1967–1970)

Chapter 10: The Heart of Africa—Congo/Zaire (1970–1972)

Chapter 11: Turning the Tide in Altrincham (1973–1986)

Chapter 12: Principal under Pressure—Spurgeon’s College (1986–1992)

Chapter 13: A New Door of Opportunity Opens (1992)

Chapter 14: Building for the Future in Chemsford (1993–2014)

Chapter 15: Ministry Today UK (1994–2018)

Chapter 16: College of Baptist Ministers (2014–)

Chapter 17: New Beginnings (2014–)

Chapter 18: Ministry Convictions: Final Reflections (2018)

Chapter 19: This Is My Story . . . Praising My Savior (1944–)

Appendix 1: My Leadership Style

Appendix 2: Preparing Men and Women for Ministry

Appendix 3: My Dream of a Church

Appendix 4: Why I Am a Christian

Bibliography of the Writings of Paul Beasley-Murray

To Sophie, Theodore and David

Felix and Clara

Jemima and Raphael

God . . . has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us.

—2 Corinthians 4:6–7

Foreword

What do you say about such a man as Paul Beasley-Murray? It has been my privilege to count him as a friend and colleague in ministry for some thirty years. His ministry spans a longer period, of course, and it has extended over a period of considerable change in the expectations and practices of ministry. Never one to stand still, his own ministry has adapted to those changes without ever losing those two characteristics of godly ministry that most distinguish it—constant reflection upon it in order to maintain a pursuit of excellence (for nothing knowingly second-rate would be worthy of Christ), and an unswerving faithfulness to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yes, Paul would change his mind on some peripheral matters, but never the important ones for faithful discipleship. This is his story, but also a story of changing patterns of ministry. Perhaps, in this autobiography, the appropriate genre is, therefore, narrative. So, let me start there.

I have known Paul Beasley-Murray since my second year at Spurgeon’s College (1986), when he commenced his tenure as Principal. I was four years into a full-time ministry at Streatham Baptist Church, and in my second year as a Spurgeon’s student—taking the Cambridge Diploma in Religious Studies course. This was a somewhat unconventional way to enter Baptist ministry, but I found in Paul, an equally unconventional mentor and friend. I found that he took me seriously, where some considered the ‘church-based course’ (we would call it mixed mode delivery, these days) ill-conceived and inadequate. I was one of two who had begun this way of training for ministry, and fellow students, almost all of whom were full-time, were sometimes dismissive of our pathway. Paul would have none of that! During that first year I completed the Dip R.S., and began a two-year course in pastoral formation, graduating in 1988, and becoming (with no appreciable difference, apart from ordination) Associate Minister at the same church in Streatham. I fully intended to give myself wholly to the work of ministry in a large and busy suburban church for the next three years as I pursued my full accreditation as a Baptist minister, but Paul intervened. During that year, 1988–1989, it became clear that Spurgeon’s College would find itself over-stretched in its staffing, with three tutors on either sabbatical leave or with leave of absence for writing (Brian Stanley was completing the history of the BMS in time for a significant anniversary). To my amazement, and gratification, Paul invited me to teach at Spurgeon’s College, half-time, for the academic year 1989–1990. Streatham Baptist (Lewin Road to its members) gave me permission to do so, and so began one of the busiest years of my early ministry. I taught the Diploma students classes in New Testament Theology, Reformation Church History and Christian Doctrine, marked their work and gave tutorials. It was a wonderful experience, and gave me a hunger to be theological educator. Paul is to thank for that.

While I was aware a little of the tensions that Paul describes in this book, it is to his great credit that he never once spoke with indiscretion to me about the struggles he was having. I am grateful to him for sparing me that as I juggled teaching preparation (for I needed to know a great deal more than my students did, and my own pursuit of the Diploma—not unsuccessful, as I was awarded a Distinction and the top mark nationally in that year—did not provide me with sufficient knowledge) with continuing pastoral ministry at Lewin Road.

In my exit interview with Paul, having completed the year without obvious mishap, he asked me what next? He suggested taking a post-graduate degree in theology, and so I explored the MTh at King’s College, London (where I had been an undergraduate), eventually taking the course in Twentieth Century Systematic Theology and writing a dissertation under Professor Colin Gunton. I wonder if, had it not been for Paul’s prompting, whether I would have taken that step? Thank you Paul for provoking that love of theology..... I had no idea at the time where it would take me!

In 1993 Paul approached me again and asked if I might be interested in joining the Board of a fledgling organisation, The Richard Baxter Institute for Ministry? Paul writes at length about this in this book, so suffice it to say here, that I said yes and so began another strand to my life—a passion for ministerial formation, support and excellence in practice that found its expression later in my life as I was appointed Head of the Ministry Department at the Baptist Union of Great Britain. I would regularly drive over to Chelmsford, where Paul was in the early years of his pastorate at Central Baptist Church, from my home in Stevenage, where I was minister at the Bunyan Baptist Church, and, meeting in his manse, the members of the Board would deal with business, plan conferences, review the journal, and—the best aspect—engage in theological reflection upon ministry. So, thank you Paul for the stimulation of sharing in your passion for ministerial professionalism.

In 2010 Paul and I found ourselves at High Leigh conference centre, Hoddesdon, at a twenty-four-hour consultation for pastors of larger churches. I was there in my capacity as Head of Ministry, Paul as Senior Minister of Central Baptist Church, Chelmsford. In a corridor during one of the breaks, I pitched to Paul the idea of a Professional Body for Baptist ministers—one that stood apart from the structures of the Baptist Union, owned by its members, and able to provide an alternative to the clergy branch of the Unite Union, which was at the time recruiting members from amongst Baptist ministers. I did not believe the values of that Union were entirely consistent with the church of Christ—not least, the pursuit of redress through Employment Tribunals—and, with a strong emphasis upon continuing professional development (CPD—which we call Continuing Ministerial Development, CMD) we launched this body. We found we could not legally use the term Institute, so chose to call the new organisation The College of Baptist Ministers (following in the sense of, for instance, The Royal College of Nursing, or the Royal College of Physicians.) Thank you Paul, for being so enthusiastic about the College, when many have disagreed with its formation, and questioned its purpose. It has been a long time in finding its metier—and we are not quite there, even yet—but for your perseverance, thank you.

I could add how Paul’s writing combined with the bustle and business of ministry has given me confidence that I could so also; how his support in some times of great challenge was unstinting; and how we have done our small part in raising the sartorial standards of ministry, with me always being out-shone by Paul’s taste in socks, ties and suit lining!

One of the most deadening of ministerial traits is dullness, and it has to be said that some of our ministerial colleagues are just plain boring! Such a description could never be applied to Paul. His passion for the gospel, his hard work, his deep pastoral compassion, his vibrant preaching and speaking style (never one to miss an opportunity for hyperbole) and his wide vision have combined to make him amongst the most effective, and certainly most memorable, of twentieth and twenty-first century Baptist ministers. Some find that his (sometimes) plain speaking is offensive (he does not always suffer fools gladly—especially when they wear hats of ecclesial oversight); others that his ministerial style is too ‘professional’; or that, as with many very gifted people who know themselves to be such, he provokes envy in others. But what I see is a man of God, gifted and passionate, and who is deeply respected and loved by many of those whom he has worked with over the years.

His story deserves its telling, not least for the fascinating insights into some of the movements and developments in Baptist life and ministry since Paul commenced its practice—indeed, beforehand, too, as Paul reflects upon his early upbringing as ‘a son of the manse.’ Ministry may have changed profoundly over almost half a century, but its purpose and its Lord has not. The Baptist Union has changed—mostly for the better—as a result of the movements, like Mainstream, that gave it a fresh breath of life when it seemed doomed to decline, and for that we also have, in small part, Paul Beasley-Murray to thank.

It is a privilege to be asked by Paul to write this Foreword—not least, because my life has been enriched in so many ways by Paul’s mentoring and friendship. It was an equal privilege to take part in the Sunday service where Paul retired from stipendiary ministry at Central Baptist Church, Chelmsford. I say ‘retired from stipendiary ministry’, because Paul seems to keep almost as busy in ministry in this phase of life as previously, in its many expressions—as an academic, Principal, pastor, missionary, visionary entrepreneur and preacher. Paul, this Foreword is a way of saying ‘thank you.’

— Reverend Dr. Paul Goodliff
General Secretary of Churches Together in England

Preface

Our greatest desire, greater even than the desire for happiness, is that our lives mean something. This desire for meaning is the originating impulse of story. We tell stories because we hope to find or create significant connections between things. Stories link past, present and future in a way that tells us where we have been (even before we were born), where we are, and where we should be going.²

A Story for My Grandchildren

This account is written in the first place for my grandchildren. The day may come when they ask, Who was my grandfather? What kind of man was he? What did he do? What were the key influences upon his life? As I look back on my own grandfathers, I wish I had probed into their backgrounds. I knew that my father’s stepfather had fought at Gallipoli, yet it never occurred to me to ask Grandad what it had been like, let alone how that experience had scarred him for life.³ I knew that my mother’s father had worked at St. Pancras Town Hall in central London, but I never asked Grandpa what he did there. My grandfathers were simply my grandfathers—and that was it. Would that they had written a page or two about themselves! It is this experience of longing to know so much more about my grandfathers, which initially caused me to write This Is My Story.

Now that this work is becoming public, I hope that there will be others who will want to read the story, so that they too can understand me a little more—and in so doing learn how I have grown and developed as a person. My motive in telling my story has nothing to do with promoting my ego. In this regard I hope that readers will note the significance of 2 Corinthians 4:6–7 as an epigraph: the clay jars of which the Apostle Paul speaks are a metaphor of the frailty and the weakness of those to whom the message of the gospel has been entrusted. I am conscious of my own fallibility. I am also conscious that in writing about myself I am running a real risk of demeaning myself. It can be a dangerous experience exposing oneself, for people will discover that I too bleed; that for all my apparent self-confidence, there are times when I feel anything but strong and confident. Will people still respect me as I share something of my true self? However, thankfully our human weakness—or to be more specific, my human weakness—gives God an opportunity to work. In the words of Ernest Best, a New Testament scholar of a previous generation, The success of his ministry, and mine, and the vitality of his Christian existence, and mine, do not spring from his own ability and dedication but from the transcendent power of God.⁴

Some of my story is already available in the public domain. Fearless for Truth, the biography of my father I wrote following his death, says a good deal about him and the impact he had on my early years. Turning the Tide tells something of the first seven years of my ministry in Altrincham. Evangelicals in Exile, written by Alistair Ross, contains a chapter devoted to a psychoanalytical analysis of my time as principal of Spurgeon’s College: as with the other figures in the book, I am not mentioned by name, but nonetheless I am clearly the person concerned.⁵ My Building for the Future tells the story of the first seven or so years of my ministry in Chelmsford. Similarly, many of the articles I have written, books I have published and blogs I have posted have reflected my developing thinking—not least the four volumes Living out the Call.⁶ However, on no occasion have I set out with the primary purpose of writing about myself. This is my first effort at telling my story.⁷

In telling my story, I do not presume that I have more of a story to tell than others. We all have a story to tell. In the words of Isak Dinesen, the nineteenth-century Danish storyteller: To be a person is to have a story to tell.⁸ What is more, it could be said that when we tell our story we do so in the first place for ourselves—and not for others. Richard Kearney, a professor of philosophy at Boston College and University College, Dublin, concludes his seminal book On Stories by saying that The untold story is not worth living.⁹ This in turn reminds me of Socrates on trial before his fellow Athenians: The unexamined life is not worth living.¹⁰ Telling my story is not an exercise in narcissism—it is an exercise brought on by being.

A Story of Faith

There are several ‘layers’ to the story. Hopefully my grandchildren will see this is more than a story of my life, but also a story of my faith.¹¹ For those who are older and have church links, the title This Is My Story will be reminiscent of a Gospel hymn which became associated with the Billy Graham crusades:

Blessed assurance Jesus is mine;

O what a foretaste of glory divine!

Heir of salvation, purchase of God;

Born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.

Each of the three verses of this hymn is followed by the chorus:

This is my story, this is my song,

Praising my Savior all the daylong.¹²

This Is My Story is a story of the way my Christian faith grew and developed. It is a ‘testimony’ to my experience of God. Sadly, within the Baptist churches in which I grew up, a ‘testimony’ tended to be a story of one’s conversion. Testimonies were what people gave at their baptismal services. Testimonies were all about how I came to know Christ. I vividly remember a woman in her seventies giving her ‘testimony’ to a women’s meeting in Chelmsford and recounting what had led her in her early twenties to become a Christian; but she said nothing about what Jesus had meant to her in the intervening years. Yet Christian faith is more than a one-off decision for Christ; it involves an ongoing life of commitment. We are men and women of the Way (see Acts 9:2; 19:23; 22:4; 24:14). We are travelers on a journey, which will only end when we reach ‘Zion’ itself. In telling my story, I tell of how I have found the journey so far.

After visiting China in 2013 I read with interest an account of a walk of three thousand miles across China by the adventurer Rob Lilwall. Although not a specifically Christian book, Rob Lilwall concludes his account with the following reflection:

I belong to a faith, at the heart of which is the claim that I am completely loved, and which also calls me to live courageously as a pilgrim. On this pilgrimage of life there will be times when I fall down. But instead of giving up or becoming bitter, I must get up and keep walking and reject the view that life is all about winning. Rather, I must keep a soft heart which, despite the tests and trials, is learning to love.¹³

Like the journey made by Rob Lilwall, the Christian life is a challenging journey full of twists and turns, ups and downs. It is not a smooth journey. The question arises: how do we cope with those tough times when everything seems to go wrong? Do we become hard and cynical—or do we remain soft-hearted and trusting? Some ministers seem to develop a ‘chip on the shoulder’ and become angry and bitter, as they focus on what they believe to be the ‘unfairnesses’ of life. They forget that life is not about ‘winning’ in the here and now, but about keeping going, whatever, and fail to allow the so-called unfairnesses to become opportunities to grow in grace (see Rom 5:3-5; Jas 1:2-4). In our call to be pilgrims, our focus is to be on the future hope, and not on past hurts or present difficulties.

The journey can be tough,¹⁴ but where there is faith, God can sustain and strengthen. To quote the psalmist, as the pilgrims pass through the dry valley of Baca, it becomes a place of springs; the autumn rain fills it with pools (Ps 84:6). Dry valleys do not literally suddenly become filled with refreshing pools simply because pilgrims are passing through. But beneath the poetry is the conviction that God makes all the difference to the pilgrim life. Where God is looked to, troubles are transformed, new strength is received. Instead of getting weaker on the journey, the pilgrims grow stronger as they go (Ps 84:7). Hopefully This Is My Story will show that despite all the ups and downs of life, I too have remained a ‘soft-hearted’ pilgrim.

A Story of Leadership Development

At yet another level This Is My Story tells the story of the making of a leader. Over the years I have exercised leadership in a variety of contexts. The question arises: how did this come to be? What caused me to become a leader? Was leadership in my genes, or were there other factors at work which enabled me to exercise leadership?

I believe that leaders are both born and made. The Bible teaches that leadership is a gift from God (see Rom 12:8; 1 Cor 12:28; Eph 4:11). Yet leadership is also a gift to be developed. God may have given me a capacity to inspire others, but at the same time I have had to learn how to exercise that gift. Some of that learning comes from books, but a good deal of that learning comes from life experiences. The fact that I was the eldest of four children and the eldest of fourteen cousins may well have contributed to that leadership development. Further, the opportunities I had in my gap year to work amongst young people undoubtedly contributed to my leadership development. Leaders are not just born, they are also made through experiences, both good and bad, that come their way. This conviction came to expression in the dedication of Radical Leaders: A Guide for Elders and Deacons in Baptist Churches: In appreciation of all those deacons who have served with me in my churches in Altrincham and Chelmsford. To a large degree I am what I am because of them. A favorite proverb of mine is Proverbs 27:17: Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another.

A point I wish to emphasise is that there never comes a time when leaders are fully developed—there is always so much more to learn. Theological college marks only the initial stage of ministerial formation. There are so many more stages to come, as pastors review and reflect on their ministry, and at the same time discover new resources for ministry. In a constantly changing world continuing ministerial development is not an option, but a necessity. Right up to the moment I retired I was still learning how to preach, how to exercise pastoral care, how to engage in mission, and how to lead a church. Even now in my retirement I am still learning. So another aim in telling my story is to tell of my ongoing growth and development as a leader in God’s church.

A Story of Ministry

At its heart This Is My Story is a celebration of ministry in the local church. I believe that the local church is the cutting edge of the kingdom, and that there is no higher office that that of a local church minister. A major theme of this book is my sense of delight and privilege in being called to be a pastor—in spite of the tough times I have known.

Not all ministers retain this sense of delight and privilege. I remember the surprise I felt when in my early sixties a senior InterVarsity Press editor said to me, You are the only author of your age I have met who still loves being a pastor. Then there was the occasion when I asked a colleague what he would do if he were told he had won the lottery. I would take the money, tell the deacons to go to hell, and then get out of the church as fast as I could! By contrast, I would have happily stayed in my post. Ministry can be tough, but ministry is wonderfully rewarding. Yes, I have been a missionary teaching in a university setting, and I have been a principal of a theological college, but for thirty-four years of my working life I have been a pastor—and in that I rejoice.

Interestingly, books on the joy and privilege of pastoral ministry are rarely written by those who have remained pastors of a local church. Within a British context I am not aware of one such book written in the last fifty years. Had the title not been already taken, I could have entitled my book Living Out the Call.

My Side of the Story

This Is My Story is also a personal apologia. Over the years I have been a controversial figure, when, like my father, I have been fearless for the truth. Not everybody has agreed with the approaches I have taken. This is an opportunity for me to tell ‘my side of the story’.

Clearly, I have made mistakes in life. At the end of the day all of us have to say, God be merciful to me, a sinner (see Luke 18:13). However, there have been times when I feel I have been caricatured, if not pilloried. I therefore want to take this opportunity to tell the story from my perspective. Doing so is a dangerous business, for it risks equating opinion with truth. Marcus Aurelius, a second-century AD Roman emperor, wrote in his Meditations: Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.¹⁵ There is often more than one side of a story. Nonetheless, recognizing the dangers of selectivity and subjectivity, I have sought to tell my story as I perceive it. After all, I was there!

To quote Richard Kearney again, Storytelling is never neutral. Every narrative bears some evaluative charge regarding the events narrated and the actors featured in the narration.¹⁶ Time and again in this narrative of my life I have made judgements, not least by the stories I have included and the stories I have excluded. I have sought not to be dogmatic—where possible saying, it seems to me. I recognize, too, that my readers will also make judgements. For, says Kearney, There is no narrated action that does not involve some response of approval or disapproval relative to some scale of goodness or justice.¹⁷ In that respect telling my side of the story is a dangerous exercise. My only defense is that along with the Apostle Paul I have sought to tell my side of the story with integrity: We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don’t maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes . . . We keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God (2 Cor 4:2, The Message).

A story in process

When I began to draft this autobiography within the first year of my retirement, the book ended with my retirement in March 2014. I put the draft to one side, only to take it up again in the summer of 2017: at that stage I decided to take my account down to our golden wedding anniversary. God willing, there are still many years left to live, serve and learn—but that will be another story.

The story, however, is more than a continuing story. It is a story in process, in the sense that there is still so much of my story which I need to understand. Dan McAdams, an American academic, wrote that the story . . . inside of us . . . is made and remade in the secrecy of our own minds, both conscious and unconscious, and for our own psychological discovery.¹⁸ If so, then maybe I need further skilled psychological help to enable me to discover my story? In this regard my attention was drawn to the work of Leslie Farber, an American psychiatrist, who said: "It is given to human experience not only to contemplate its own nature and existence but to historicize itself . . . As I survey this pastness that belongs to me alone, this unique tangle of public-private, shared-solitary, accidental-intentional, known-unknown, that is my life so far, and is in some way accountable for my arrival in this present, and for whatever present-ness is