Spiny Funkle

By James W. Battee

The people of a small Arkansas town have used a horribly disfigured man, Spiny Funkle,who lives in the hills at a place called The Crag, as a boogie man to frighten children. Some think he is responsible for the disappearance of two boys that go missing from an area near where he is known to live. Four young cousins, who are strangers to the area, change the picture when they meet the supposed kidnapper in the woods near a cabin where they are staying with their grandparents. Later, they have a run in with a false Spiny wielding an ax in the same vicinity. The cousins know the bogus Spiny is up to no good, decide to investigate on their own, and wind up in a dangerous situation involving drugs, a secret hideout, and a gang lead by "Mercer the Merciless". The cousins help Spiny and the police to capture the gang and recover the cache of drugs, but things do not end there. Spiny;s story gets put into the news, and the gangsters vow revenge on Spiny and the kids. A local hospital offers to help Spiny by trying to learn more about the disease that has caused his deformity. When Spiny is shot in the back and rushed to the hospital to save his life, a discovery is made that changes everything for him.

• Language: English
• Publisher: James W. Battee
• Release date: Oct 14, 2014

James W. Battee

James Battee Is a 75-year-old retiree and who is twice widowed. He grew up in Baltimore Maryland and moved to Glen Burnie one of its suburbs after he married his second wife, Judy. An avid reader and writer, his first book, Double Trouble on Corned Beef Row, was published in 2010 in both print and e-book versions. Even though the book saw critical acceptance, it's so only limited readership.His second book, Spiny Funkle, used his wife's grandchildren as models for some of the characters. Their first names and basic physical descriptions were helpful in determining the path the story would take. Everything else is pure fiction including the main character and the mythical disease from which he suffered..James is active in his community and serves as recording secretary to its Residents Council and is currently working on a third book, Jihad, that tells of a terrorist attack on the infrastructure of the United States and Western Europe. He hopes to have it completed by the spring of 2015.

Book preview

Chapter 1

The Evening News

6:05. The evening news would be on. Peter Berger wanted to catch the weather forecast. The next day he was taking his two children, Alexandria and Tristan, to spend some vacation time with their grandparents at a cabin Pops had borrowed from a friend.

The anchor man, flanked by a middle-aged woman wearing anachronistic 1960s style glasses, was recounting the story of a second child missing in the same area as one who had disappeared several months earlier.

A remote report came on from the area being searched. A young black man, wearing a rumpled suit and dust covered shoes, stood at the side of the road that ran beside a large stream. He had apparently been on the scene for awhile.

Peter recognized the man as one he had seen before. He watched as the reporter began his story.

I'm here near the campsite where young Bobby Platt was staying with his parents before they discovered he was missing. The twelve year old said he was going to see if he could find anything he could add to his rock collection.

This area around Milesville was once the filled with mines for coal and a variety of minerals. Tailings from them are loaded with all sorts of unusual stones that collectors can easily find."

According to his parents, Bobby is an avid collector who is hoping to be a geologist when he grows up.

The reporter went on about how the parents had been down the stream about a quarter of a mile fishing for catfish. When Bobby wasn't there when they returned, they began to worry. Their campsite was exactly the same as it had been when they left it, so they knew he had not been back. When he did not show up at dinnertime, they contacted the State Police.

It had now been 48 hours since the boy had last been seen. Searchers had combed the rocky terrain and searched the area along the stream sides. Heavy rain the previous evening had washed away any scent search dogs could have followed.

With night fast approaching, the chance of finding the boy was diminishing. The authorities were considering calling off the search, but the boy's parents pleaded with them to continue. With the national news covering the story, it was pretty hard to do that without looking heartless.

The media had latched onto the locals' dread of the area and a man named Spiny Funkle who was purported to be some kind of hideous monster who roamed the hills in the area and lived near a place called The Crag, a huge out- cropping of rock that was visible from the road where the TV station's remote was set up. The camera swung to a view of the rock in the distance.

When questioned about Spiny Funkle, the police said the man existed, but they had not been able to connect him to the previous disappearance that took place earlier in the summer.

One of the police officers, Sergeant Darrell Davis, told the reporter he knew Mrs. Funkle from his high school days and couldn't imagine her being a part of anything like an abduction. Her husband was normal when Davis had last seen him which had been at least fourteen years before.

Since then whatever affected him had deformed him to the point that he was grotesque. The local doctor had no idea what had caused his deformities and was unable to treat him. It was then that people began to treat him as a freak and make him an outcast.

There was nothing substantial to connect Funkle with the disappearances other than his appearance and the isolation that his family seemed to prefer. His wife made occasional forays into town, but Funkle and their son stayed away.

Still, the local people's suspicions about him went on to the point that there was talk about a posse hunting him down, but they knew he could lose himself in the woods around there without half trying. Funkle and his family had evaded them before when they tried to take his son away for not attending school.

He knew every rock and tree like an old friend. He had grown up there, and they hadn't. All they could do was curse at him and swear to hang him, if they caught him. Law, or no law. They believed the disease, whatever it was, had made him into a soulless monster.

Peter saw these exchanges on the TV and pondered the wisdom of taking his children to stay with his parents at the cabin near where all this was happening. He would sleep on it and decide in the morning. Maybe things would be different then.

Besides, His brother, Paul, was sending his two girls to stay there, too. They were flying in from Baltimore, and Paul might lose the cost of their air fare if he canceled the flight.

The four cousins were looking forward to spending time together. They did it seldom, living so far apart. The last time they had been together was at their Uncle Joel's wedding two years earlier. They had a lot of catching up to do.

Aw, heck! Mom and Pops will be there to watch over them, he thought. They aren't babies. Alexandria is a teenager and so is Olivia. Why spoil their fun. Besides, he wanted to see his parents, too. He had missed Joel's wedding due to an accident that put him in the hospital, so it had been even longer for him.

Chapter 2

Pops' Cabin

Hurry up, girls, or you're going to be late for your plane, Dinah Berger shouted up the stairs to her girls who were in their bedrooms. Olivia and Kara answered almost simultaneously, Okay, Mom.

They were not enthusiastic about their trip. They knew the place they were going had no electricity, so their iPods and GameBoys would not work once the batteries ran down. They were going to spend the next month with their grandparents in Arkansas out in the boonies in a cabin.

They loved Grammy and Pops, but going without TV, the Internet, and other forms of electronic entertainment was going to be difficult, at the least, they thought.

They had never been to the cabin before, and this was going to be like going to their church's summer camp except summer camp had electricity. There was no lake there, either.

Their uncle Peter and their parents made the vacation arrangements so their grandparents could spend some time with their grandchildren. The grownups figured that the old people might not get many more chances to do that. Grammy was in her 60s and Pops was in his 70s.

Olivia, the older of the two by two years, was the studious one, wore glasses, and was more into reading and playing the the piano than more physical activities. She had a sparkling personality, and loved books. Her musical skills gave her many opportunities to perform. She accompanied other musicians who played at her church frequently.

She liked making things and crafts and was deeply sympathetic to underdog and charitable causes. If someone was in trouble, the first question she would ask would be What can I do to help? She even donated her long sandy brown hair to have a wig made for a child going through chemotherapy. Olivia only looked for the best in anyone.

Kara, though younger, was taller than her sister, and more athletic, but really didn't like participating in organized sports. She was, also, quieter, like a deep pool that had held many hidden secrets. Sometimes a little rebellious, she was more likely to procrastinate in matters like homework and chores than her sister.

Kara was a little self conscious, and did not realize what a lovely young woman she was becoming. She never thought of herself as being beautiful although she really was. Tall and slender, but not skinny, the early signs of woman-hood were already showing.

Like her sister, she had sandy brown hair, but not as long as Olivia's had been. Both girls had the kind of creamy complexions most women would die for. They both had wonderful musical talents. They were taking along musical instruments and a small sheath of sheet music of the kind that others knew and could sing while they played.

Olivia's choice was a small keyboard about half the size of a piano's. Since the girls often went to summer camp, Olivia had saved what she earned doing baby-sitting and other jobs in order to buy it. It was compact, but loaded with features. She wanted to be able to keep up with her music while at camp but could not take a full-size keyboard and there was no piano at the camp.

The little keyboard solved the problem. It was small enough that she could pack it in her luggage, and it ran on either batteries or an electric adapter. It was an expensive item, but to her it was worth it.

Kara packed a piccolo that she was just learning to play. She could already play the flute, so the smaller one was easy to learn. She took some music, too. It was mostly elementary songs that she could use for practice on the new instrument.

Come on, girls! their mother shouted again.

We’re coming! they chimed in unison. Both girls were in Olivia's bedroom. Kara had already finished packing, and had carried her suitcases to the top of the stairs. Olivia was much more deliberate about what she packed than her sister.

Both girls had included craft projects to do for entertainment. Olivia had packed a large supply of batteries for her keyboard,and Kara had packed her piccolo. They knew that their grandparents loved music. Grammy played the piano, the clarinet, and was organist at her church back in Maryland. Pops played around with the guitar and the recorder flute.

Together, they carried the remaining suitcases to the entry near the mud room. Their minivan was parked just outside the door. Both parents stood there patiently waiting for them.

Paul put their luggage in the back of the van, and they drove to the airport. Baltimore-Washington Thurgood Marshall Airport was only about a fifteen minute drive from their home. The security check-in went along smoothly. They kissed their parents good-bye and boarded the airplane. Their grandparents would meet them at the other end of their journey.

The flight only took about an hour and a half and was uneventful. They passed the time trying to guess what kind of time they would be having. Both girls were anxious to see their cousins, whom they hadn't seen in two years. They wondered how much they had changed since then.

Their grandparents were waiting there for them when they stepped off the ramp from the plane. Their cousins, Alexandria and Tristan, would be arriving later. Uncle Peter was driving them from their home near St. Louis. In the time it would take to go through all of the airport security hassles, they could drive half way to the cabin, and it would be much more expensive than the trip by car.

Pops' Cabin, as they called it, was about an hour away from the airport. The girls were very happy to see their grandparents. They had not had a visit in quite some time, and they missed them. Until their grandparents got use of the cabin, they lived about 20 minutes away, and they visited frequently.

A friend who used to work with Pops owned it, and planned to sell it, but could not find a buyer. He offered it to Pops for the summer. He believed it would be a great place for him and Julie to get away and relax. It would be like camping out. He was right.

The girls, who sat in the old pickup's jump seats, chatted excitedly with their grandmother while Pops drove them away from the airport and out through back country roads. They could tell they were going into the hills as the pickup kept going upward during the trip. The road was cut into the side of a mountain, and there was another mountain parallel to it with a stream in between. There was a strip of valley land on either side that supported some little farms.

In the valley below, the stream flowed relentlessly towards the Arkansas River. At this time of year, the stream was a thing of beauty that meandered along the valley floor. It was an idyllic picture, like something out of Courier and Ives.

When they first saw the cabin, the girls were really surprised. It was not what they had imagined. It was an actual log cabin probably built in the late 1800s. It was fairly large and had several rooms.

Out in front was a large porch with a hanging swing, a rocking chair, and several of what looked like benches with backs.. The front of the house faced south and looked pleasant and homey in the afternoon sun.

The cabin had wonderful water, cool and refreshing, with just the slightest mineral taste. It was pumped up from a shallow well by an old-fashioned pitcher pump inside the house in a room that served as kitchen, dining room, and living room.

There was an old-time cook stove that burned either wood or coal in the kitchen and a generous supply of wood for it stacked up on the outside near the west wall. There was a large pile of coal out of sight at the back of the house.

Grammy and Pops had taken several weeks to clean it up before the girls arrived. It had been empty for about a year and a half. The owner, Pops's friend, had not been able to use it for a long time. He tried to sell it and to rent it, but had no takers.

He offered it to Pops so at least someone would get the use of it. Pops and Grammy really appreciated the man's generosity, and did the many small repairs that needed to be done including more than a little painting, and lots of cleaning. They wanted to leave the place in better condition than what they found it.

Julie Berger had put in in a small garden of flowering plants in front of the porch. It really dressed up the front of the house and made it more welcoming. She said, with a little laugh, I never worked so hard before on what was supposed to be a vacation.

Grammy showed the girls to the room that they soon would be sharing with their cousin, Alex. Three girls in a room was going to be fun! Their cousin Tristan, the only boy in the group, would sleep on a cot in the living room. Their grand-parents would sleep in the larger room right next to theirs that served as a master bedroom.

They were prepared for the experience of using outdoor plumbing for the duration. All four of the cousins had used portable toilets when they visited various places that did not have restrooms, but they never expected to have to use one for an extended period. The summer camps they attended had indoor plumbing and the amenities that went with it.

Grammy showed them the place she had for storing food. It was a huge old icebox that stood in the corner. Once a week, Pops would drive into town and pick up large blocks of ice that kept the food from spoiling in the summer heat. They had stopped at the ice house on the drive up and picked up two huge blocks of ice that now lay in the back of the truck under a tarp. Pops picked up a huge pair of ice tongs and put the ice in its place.

About an hour after arriving at the cabin, Peter Berger drove up in his SUV. Alexandria and Tristan were out of the truck almost before it stopped. Peter stepped out, hugged his parents, then turned to his two nieces.

Gracious, you girls have grown a foot since I last saw you! and gave them both big hugs, too. Both girls were happy to see their uncle and their two cousins.

Alexandria and Tristan hugged their grandparents. Alex, the oldest of the four, went over to her cousins and hugged them both. She was really glad to see them. It had been almost two years since their last meeting.

Tristan, being a bit shy, was hanging back from hugging his cousins, but they came over to him and each gave him a big hug. It was obvious that Tristan was uncomfortable being around the three girls. He was the youngest, and he didn't know how to act around his cousins.

He loved his sister, but they moved in different circles. He mainly hung out with his school friends who were into computer games and internet chatting as he was. Alex's girlfriends often teased Tristan, so he did not enjoy being around them even though several of them were very pretty.

Grammy Berger herded them into the combination living room/dining room/kitchen for some lunch. She had set the large table with some salads, and the makings of sandwiches. Everyone helped themselves, and when the meal was finished, they continued sitting there talking and catching up on family news.

Since it was getting late in the day, it was decided that Peter should spend the night rather traveling on the unlighted back roads in the dark. Pops had a sleeping bag and an air mattress that Peter could use. This gave Peter the added advantage of being able to visit with his parents and nieces for a longer time while the cousins reacquainted themselves.

That evening, Grammy served a huge dinner of roasted turkey with stuffing, green beans with almonds, corn pudding, mashed potatoes with gravy, and ice cream for desert. It was like having a Thanksgiving dinner. Everybody ate like it was going to be their last meal.

A stuffed grandfather kissed his wife and announced, Now you see why I am as fat as I am. Can you imagine eating this woman's cooking every day when she feeds you this well? They all agreed they could not, laughing all the while.

Grammy organized the cleanup, and when finished, they gathered around the table again. Pops pulled an old Monopoly board from atop the ice box, and cajoled them into playing. The kids were far from eager to play, but once the game got started, it became a real competition with lots of

You owe me $50, and an occasional, You cheated!

As it got late, Grammy started setting up the sleeping arrangements. Tristan's cot, and Peter's sleeping bag were set up near the large fireplace in the living room. The fireplace had been the cabins original cooking facility.

It still had the features that would have been used when it was new, like a long metal arm that swung out from the side to suspend a cook pot over the fire. It also had large, brass andirons on which to set the firewood. Seeing it, one got at a sense of history and marveled at how people had survived and flourished in those earlier times.

Hot water for showers was provided by a contraption that was built by the house's current owner. It was a cleverly made device that allowed water, poured into a trough next to the sink to be channeled outside to a heater fueled by coal or firewood. A second hand-cranked pump then transferred the water to a tank above a walk-in shower in its own little room in the corner of the cabin. It was only big enough to shower and get dressed. in. It had a window that allowed in light during the day, but at night was illuminated by an oil lamp that set on a small shelf on the wall near the door. The light it gave off was barely adequate.

About an hour later, everyone was settled in for the night. It was so quiet, that the cousins had to adjust to not hearing the traffic noises that they normally experienced. The only sounds they heard now were of crickets chirping and the rustle of leaves stirred by the gentle evening breeze. Tired from their travels and the day's excitement, they almost all slept soundly through the night.

Chapter 3

Mikey McDonald

Everybody was up by eight o'clock, and Grammy started cooking a breakfast of thick sliced bacon, eggs cooked to order, and homemade biscuits. Tristan was the first one up after Grammy and Pops. He stood up, stretched, walked silently out the door, and headed for the outhouse. Peter, his father, awakened just as he was going out the door.

Tristan stood at 5 feet 8-1/2 inches tall at 13 years of age. Peter, his father, stood 5 foot 11, and like his father, the boy was of a slender build. He was a little shy around girls, but with boys his age, he stood out as master of video games. He liked baseball, and played a little sandlot, but like his cousin, Kara, was not really into organized sports. He was a decent soccer player, but video gaming was his thing.

He might be shy around girls, but his good looks were not lost on them. Secretly, quite a few admired his bright blue eyes, lightly freckled complexion, and the same kind of red hair his sister had. He never thought of himself as being handsome, but he was.

A few minutes later, Olivia strolled into the room. She walked toward the door, and her grandmother said, Tristan is out there. You'll have to wait for him to finish.

Alright, Grammy, Olivia pouted. I can see, this is going to be fun in the mornings. She was used to having her own bathroom, and having to share an outhouse with a crowd went over like a lead balloon.

It won't be so bad, Grammy said. You'll see. It's just that this morning it's all new. Everyone will adjust, then things will be fine.

Olivia wasn't so sure about that. She had experienced similar problems at summer camps: too many people, not enough facilities. She hoped that her grandmother was right, but didn't hold out much hope. She went to the mirror hanging on the wall next to the front door and combed her cropped blond hair, put a ribbon bow shaped barrette in it, and peered through her glasses at the results. Satisfied, she sat at the table and played with a paper napkin while waiting for Tristan to return.

A bleary-eyed, yawning, Kara, crept through the door like a person ten times older than her thirteen years. Younger than her sister, but taller by 3 inches, Kara was a slow starter in the morning. Like Olivia, she headed for the door, but her grandmother stopped her.

Tristan is out there. Olivia's turn is next.

Okay, Grammy, she replied sitting next to her sister. About that time, Tristan came meandering through the door.

What's good for breakfast, Grammy?, he asked.

Everything I fix, she said with a large smile. She handed him a large plate filled with bacon and eggs and biscuits and said, Grab the milk from the cooler and pour some for yourself and the girls. The glasses are on the second shelf of the cupboard.

About that time, Alexandria came into the room still wearing her nightgown. She had not had a good night's sleep. Not being in her own bed seemed to affect her more than it did the others. Each of the girls was in their own twin bed. There had been a set of bunk beds that Pops had separated and placed in line with a third bed they picked up at a thrifts store. The grand-parents did not want to have the girls sharing their beds.

Even with her tousled hair and rumpled nightgown, she was still a lovely young woman. Her gorgeous red hair and blue eyes, set her apart in any crowd. At sixteen, she was a little way from full-blown womanhood, but still caused male heads to turn in her direction wherever she went.

Her cousins and her brother had all gotten dressed before coming in for breakfast. Hearing the voices coming from the eating area had wakened her. Groggily, she sat on the end of the bench and rubbed her eyes.

Have trouble sleeping? Grammy asked.

Yes, ma'am, Alexandria said. I couldn't get used to the bed. It wasn't uncomfortable, just different than what I am used to..

That's a shame, Dear, Maybe tonight will be better now that you're more used to it.

I hope so, she said. I feel pretty rocky this morning.

About 15