The Heart of a Sinner

By Lynn Shurr

A tiny premature infant is delivered into the caring hands of NICU nurse, Annie Billodeaux. His father, Matthew Keaton,is the newly hired running back for the New Orleans Sinners football team. His mother is deceased, victim of a stray bullet fired in a gang war. Matt blames himself for having brought his wife to the city.
Annie's heart goes out to little Daniel and his suffering father. As she teaches Matt the ins and outs of the NICU and the handling of his child, her affection for both grows into a love she cannot confess so soon to the grief-stricken man. Matt feels the pull of Annie's tenderness, but won't act on it out of respect for his wife's recent death. When Daniel is able to go home, how can Matt keep Annie near until the right time comes for him to voice his love for the Angel of the NICU?

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Wild Rose Press
• Release date: Jan 9, 2019
• ISBN: 9781509223794

Book preview

nurse

The Children of Joe and Nell Billodeaux

who fulfilled the prophecy that they would have

twelve offspring, this way, that way, all ways

Dean Joseph Billodeaux – Joe’s illegitimate son by a one-night stand with a woman who planned to shake him down for money. He is adopted by Nell who believes she cannot have children of her own. Current Sinners quarterback. (Wish for a Sinner, Son of a Sinner)

Thomas Cassidy Billodeaux – a redheaded son who enters the family through an open adoption with a teenage mother. His birth father is Joe’s no-good cousin. He is a kicker for the Sinners. (Wish for a Sinner, Kicks for a Sinner, She’s a Sinner)

Jude Emily Billodeaux – twin of Ann, conceived by in vitro fertilization using eggs purchased from Nell’s sister, Emily. (Wish for a Sinner)

Ann Marie Billodeaux (Annie) – Jude’s quiet twin. (Wish for a Sinner, Heart of a Sinner)

Lorena Renee Billodeaux (Lori) – First of Nell’s little frozen babies to be born, one of the triplets. (Kicks for a Sinner)

Mack Coy Christopher Billodeaux – Second of the triplets to be born. (Kicks for a Sinner)

Trinity Billodeaux - Youngest of the triplets and named for the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, smallest of the three and in need of a powerful saintly help to survive. (Kicks for a Sinner)

Xochi Maria Billodeaux – child of Joe’s no-good cousin by a young Mexican woman. She is Tom’s half-sister and is adopted into the family after the terrifying deaths of her parents. Her name means blossom in Aztec. (Kicks for a Sinner, Sister of a Sinner)

Teddy Wilkes Billodeaux – a child with spina bifida abandoned by his mother at Nell’s health care center and adopted by the family. He believed himself to be Joe’s natural son. (Paradise for a Sinner, Never a Sinner)

Anastasia Marya Polasky (Stacy) – daughter of Nell’s sister, Emily, and a bogus Polish prince. She becomes a ward of the Billodeauxs upon her parents’ deaths but is never adopted by her own wish. She arrives on their doorstep the same day as Teddy. (Paradise for a Sinner, Son of a Sinner)

Edith Patricia Billodeaux (Edie) – a normally conceived child, twin of Rex. (Love Letter for a Sinner)

Rex Worthy Billodeaux (T-Rex) – Edie’s twin brother and future Sinner’s quarterback, maybe. (Love Letter for a Sinner)

Chapter One

Ten p.m. on a Sunday night, the doors to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit zipped open. Nurse Annie Billodeaux accepted another fragile soul into her care with gentle hands. She weighed in the tiny, bald baby boy delivered by C-section from his mother’s womb at twenty-eight weeks of gestation at two pounds, three ounces. Working with the neonatologist, she went about her duties swiftly but carefully: inserting a catheter, hooking up an oxygen feed to the little nose, attaching sensors to the feeble chest, and starting an intravenous line to feed an infant too young to suckle. He’d stay in the warm cocoon of his incubator until large enough to enter a wider world.

She’d done this procedure many times and remembered each child she’d nurtured before turning it over to the parents to take home. Always, Annie called the patient by its name—in this case Daniel Ames Keaton. There you go, Danny, all safe and sound. Your parents will want to see you soon and make sure you are in good hands. You are.

Now that she had a moment to think instead of simply reacting as trained to the emergency, Annie realized she knew this baby and his parents. Not two weeks ago in early May, she’d had dinner with her mom and dad and other siblings residing in New Orleans before starting her shift. As usual, Joe and Nell Billodeaux had taken a young couple under their mighty wings, in this case the Sinners football team’s new running back, Matthew Keaton and his pregnant wife, Melinda. Her oldest brother, Dean, the quarterback, and his wife had been delegated to help the Keatons find housing in the Crescent City.

Over a shared appetizer of Oysters Rockefeller, or Huitres en coquille a la Rockefeller according to the menu at venerable Antoine’s, and rejected by Mrs. Keaton who feared contamination even though the oysters were baked, they discussed what features the newcomers wanted in a home: city, suburbs, lakeside, north shore, number of bedrooms, etc. One thing Annie, seated across the table from Melinda, felt certain of—the wife wasn’t at all at ease in the Big Easy. She fretted over the traffic and crime, the unhealthy climate, and the quality of the schools she wouldn’t need for years.

Hidden by the table, the woman’s belly swelled as she neared the seventh month of a pregnancy, though the tall, slim, blue-eyed and beautiful blonde, the type most football players seemed to prefer as wives, carried a rather small bump. Annie knew that meant nothing in the long run. Tall women didn’t show as much. If she were lucky enough to become pregnant, with her small stature she’d resemble a pumpkin exactly as her petite mother had. She knew one man who’d gone for short and brunette, her dad. So, maybe someday…

Melinda announced she’d be a stay-at-home mom, subtly dissing Dean’s wife, Stacy, who had a part-time nanny that allowed her to continue her interpreting and translating business as well as participate in cultural events. She gave her time to help football players’ wives get settled too. As Annie knew well, Stacy, every bit as tall and blonde and better built, seldom backed down. Good for you. I’d go nuts if I didn’t get out of the house for some intellectual stimulation.

Melinda’s husband, snatched from Indianapolis as soon as he became a free agent for a forty-million-dollar contract, exuded the confidence of a man who’d made a great move for his career. Matt entirely missed or ignored the byplay in favor of being deep into sports conversation with the Hall-of-Famer quarterback, Joe Billodeaux. Annie couldn’t read auras like one of her sisters, but a career in nursing had increased her empathy. Possibly, she could help the situation.

She offered Melinda a confident smile, the one she always wore in the NICU. Who is your obstetrician? Oh, Dr. Cooper is excellent. Both my sister and I work for Ochsner. It’s a great hospital with top notch care. I’d suggest for now you might want to rent a place in the Garden District to be closer to medical care. It’s a quiet area with good security. In other words, the realm of the rich.

So Stacy says since she lives there. Excuse me, I need the ladies’ room—again.

A hazard of your condition, Annie said pleasantly, but none of the Billodeaux women offered to go with her.

Annie’s twin, Jude, sitting beside her radiated hostility toward the woman. She whispered to her sister, Latched onto a husband in college and probably never worked a day in her life. All the Billodeaux girls were expected to live purposeful lives and be able to earn their own way.

It must be hard on her, coming here pregnant, losing her support system back home, especially her mother who lived nearby.

As she mentioned several times already. You know I can’t stand nervous Nellies. Jude took no crap from patients or doctors. Suited for the NICU, nope. She’d gone into surgical nursing.

Yes, if it were one of us in this situation we’d simply squat down and deliver that baby ourselves, wrap it in a blanket, and get back to work.

Damn right, Sis.

Across the table, their mom gave them the hairy eyeball for whispering at dinner. They stopped. Tiny Nell Billodeaux also took no crap from her grown children. The rules they’d been brought up to obey still held sway. All twelve of them had turned out well so far. Okay, there was Mack, but the family hoped he’d grow out of his antics.

In looks, the twins greatly resembled Nell with her big, brown doe eyes and dark hair, despite having been conceived from eggs donated by her sister. They often regretted having inherited their father’s curls and not his impressive stature. But, what could you do about that?

Melinda returned from the restroom just as the impeccable waiters served the entrees. Jude speared the last oyster, the one meant for the squeamish eater, before they took away the tray. These used to be made with snails, but oysters are easier to get in New Orleans, she said to the expectant mother—and got another glare from her mom.

Nell redirected the conversation. A pity you don’t like seafood, Melinda. It’s so very good here.

The doctor says I’m a little anemic and should eat more red meat while I’m pregnant. Being from the Midwest, I prefer it to fish, so it all works out, Melinda answered as she accepted her prime tenderloin.

Now, standing by the incubator that held Melinda and Matt’s very premature son, Annie wondered what had gone wrong. The mother seemed fine two weeks ago at dinner, but you never knew what might occur in a pregnancy. She asked the neonatal pediatrician also staying near to answer questions, What happened? Preeclampsia or just one of those things?

Accident. The couple strayed into the wrong area of town and drove through a gang shootout. Collateral damage. The mother is still on life support, but she’s brain dead. The father is waiting for her family to arrive before pulling the plug.

Dear God, Annie murmured as Matthew Keaton entered the room, filled it really with his size, his brawn. A powerful six-five, two-hundred-thirty pounds, Annie knew his stats as she did most of the Sinners players. Those substantial shoulders delivered a vicious block and absorbed the same. His long legs ate up the yardage to the goalpost, and just try to knock a ball out of those muscular arms. He’d cultivated a mean, dark-eyed stare for his publicity photos, enhanced by the total lack of a smile in his large, granite jaw.

Someone had garbed him in a blue disposable gown that barely fit, helped him scrub as the sleeves beneath it were rolled up, and tagged him with the ID that paired him with tiny Daniel. Annie wondered if the clothes were blood-spattered. Matt offered no smile now as he stared at his son splayed out like a human sacrifice stuck full of tubes and needles, but the eyes, his eyes, appeared lost and bewildered beneath thick black hair thoroughly raked by frantic fingers.

Will he live?

His chances are excellent. We will nurture his development every step of the way until he is ready to come home, the pediatrician answered. This is our night nurse practitioner in the NICU, Annie Billodeaux, one of the angels who will be watching over Daniel. She’s the best, the heart of the department.

Dear Dr. Brown, always generous with his compliments. All the nurses loved him and dreaded his approaching retirement. Annie produced a gentle smile, but Matthew Keaton didn’t seem to notice. Will he be blind or impaired in some way if he survives?

She took his question. Blindness is very rare these days, and he has every chance of being a normal child. Daniel will continue growing right here until he is big enough to go home with you. He might even play football someday. My brothers, Dean and Mack Billodeaux were both preemies. So were Jude and me. Dad delivered us a little early in the back of a wrecked motorhome. All of us grew up just fine.

Her name finally registered on his shell-shocked face. You’re Joe’s daughter.

Yes, we met at dinner a few weeks ago. I am so sorry to hear about Melinda. She very much wanted this child.

I think so. Matt seemed uncertain. I hope I did the right thing, letting him be born and not sending him with her.

You certainly did. You will always have part of Melinda in your life.

One other item, Dr. Brown said. We have detected a PDA in your son. That means a duct in his heart is open between the chambers. At this stage of development, it’s common and might heal itself as the baby grows. If not, we will reevaluate the situation, consider surgery if necessary. Don’t worry for now. If you have any questions, ask me or Annie.

Thank you, doctor. I must get back to my wife. Her parents are coming in on a redeye flight from Indianapolis. I have to leave to pick them up soon.

Annie intervened. No, you don’t. I’ll call Dean. He’ll meet them and bring them here if you give me their flight number and time. No sense in having a man in his mental condition cause another accident.

I’d appreciate that. Matt Keaton dug in his pocket. She took the note jotted on a slip torn from a prescription pad from his outstretched hand. She noticed he took another look at the frail little form in the incubator as if doubting all he’d been told.

You can watch the baby from Melinda’s room on a special monitor. My parents donated enough of them for every NICU unit. The next few days will be hard for you, but please visit your son often. He can hear you and get to know your voice, eventually your touch and scent. It’s important for his development.

Half turned away, Keaton simply nodded at her comment and kept walking toward the exit. Tough one, Dr. Brown remarked. Maybe the grandparents or a sister will step up to help.

If not, I’ll call in the team wives. And I’ll be here for Daniel, too.

Chapter Two

Annie finished her twelve-hour shift, tired but content as usual. After the Keaton baby, none of their tiny charges had coded or experienced other difficulties, a pretty quiet night. She preferred the NICU in the evening when the anxious visiting mothers had gone home, the doctors completed their daily rounds, and the ladies who volunteered to rock the infants left. If she didn’t have to rush from one crisis to another, sometimes she rocked the infants herself while offering a small nighttime bottle of breast milk. She didn’t mind changing a diaper either. Poop meant progress in their patients’ internal growth and dampness functioning kidneys.

For now, she only wanted breakfast in the hospital cafeteria, which had better food than most gave it credit for, before heading home to her apartment over the electronics store on the edge of the French Quarter. No coffee for her, but fresh fruit, a cheese and veggie omelet made on the grill, and a splurge on a large, fluffy biscuit. As she waited on the omelet and ate a few strawberries in the fruit cup, she spied her sister checking out with a large coffee in hand. Too tired for another lecture about her weekend and night hours destroying her social life, Annie ducked her head, but Jude with a twin’s sixth sense noticed her and came over to her table.

Rough night, huh?

Not too bad after the C-section baby got settled.

Matt Keaton’s child, it was all over the news last night and this morning. I didn’t care for his wife but wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Did you know he drove through that hail of bullets and took her straight to the hospital when he saw her slumped in her seat. He had no idea how seriously she’d been hurt and got her into emergency just in time to get her on life support to save the baby.

He seems like a man of action, wouldn’t have made it in pro football if he weren’t. Annie accepted her omelet and slathered the healthy spread the hospital provided in lieu of butter on her warm biscuit. I phoned Dean to pick up her parents at the airport. At least, I could lift a little of his burden. I’m certain he’ll blame himself for bringing his wife to New Orleans.

Yeah, probably. When are you going to ask for a day shift? You missed trying a great new Thai restaurant this weekend, and then, we went over to Mariah’s Place and danced with the tourists until all hours since the Sinners they were looking for weren’t to be found in the off-season.

Fortunately, Annie did not have to answer her question again, so stale it should be growing mold by now. Jude checked her watch. I have a surgery at nine. Got to go—but really, we are like those proverbial ships that pass in the night. Get some rest.

I will.

Annie settled into enjoying her solitary meal as she watched her sister move on.

She’d always let Jude lead the way from adolescent rebellion once they left the rules of the Billodeaux ranch behind to some really poor college choices early on until they settled into nurses’ training at LSU. After gaining experience, Jude pushed them on to pursuing rigorous nurse practitioner degrees. There, they’d split with Jude going into the surgical field which offered better hours and lots of adrenaline, and Annie pursuing the treatment of neonates requiring twenty-four-hour care.

When a wonderful job offer came through from Ochsner at the same time Xochi, her aura-seeing sister, decided to give up the apartment in New Orleans in favor of learning to be a traiteur, a traditional Cajun healer, Annie seized the chance to live her own life free of her sister’s influence. That lasted as long as it took for Jude to find a position at the same hospital and move into the second bedroom.

Can’t survive without my wing woman, her sister claimed. Annie had been that, suffering through many a double date while Jude pursued a guy she wanted, but soon lost interest in having. Men always seemed fascinated by dating twins, building fantasies in their minds and being severely disappointed by the Billodeaux girls.

Working nights gave her some separation and a few hours to herself to find her own way. They still had days off together to shop or go to lunch or return to the luxury of their parents’ ranch with its horses for riding and a pool for sunbathing and other spa-like amenities.

She ate the last crumb of her biscuit and scooped a final red grape from the bottom of the fruit cup. Time to go home and sleep away the day in the bedroom secluded from busy Canal Street with its clanging street cars, constant stream of traffic complete with blaring horns, and crowds of boisterous tourists. She happily let Jude have the bigger room with the windows overlooking the hubbub. It suited her sister’s personality perfectly.

As she emptied her tray, Dean and Matt entered the cafeteria. They would have stood out even if not handsome and moving with the coordinated grace of athletes. The eyes of every woman in the place from the chunky black lady at checkout to a female doctor in her lab coat tracked them. Dean guided Matt by the elbow as if the man had gone blind. He placed him at a table. Sit here while I get you something to eat, then you are going home with me. Keaton did not respond. He stared into the shiny metal surface of a napkin holder as if trying to see the future.

Dean veered from the path to the breakfast buffet to head off his sister. Annie, would you sit with Matt for a few minutes? I know you’re exhausted, but you always think of something comforting to say.

Her eldest brother looked fairly tired around the eyes as well. I can spare the time. Did you stay all night after picking up Melinda’s parents?

Dean nodded. "Mostly out in the waiting room. When I called to let him know they’d arrived on time, he asked if I’d bring him a shirt and slacks to change into before they saw Melinda’s blood on him. Jesus, what a tragedy. Anyhow, I caught a few z’s, but Matt got nothing, up all night praying with his in-laws who wouldn’t let their daughter go. They seemed to be under the impression that he chose the baby’s life over their daughter’s because he is Catholic, and they are not.

Blame and denial. It’s rare to have to choose between a mother and baby anymore. Weren’t they grateful he saved their grandson?

I gather not. They asked that the monitor to the nursery be turned off and didn’t want to visit the baby after a doctor and hospital psychologist convinced them to let Melinda go around six a.m. They left to make arrangements to have her sent home for burial. Said they’d take a taxi to a hotel afterward and would fly back with the body.

Annie shook her head. Matt had nothing to say about it?

The psychologist came for me and asked me to help, to talk to him. He and Melinda signed on a house in the Garden District, smaller than ours but nice, on Friday. They were out celebrating the new place and drove beneath an overpass on their way home. He didn’t recognize the situation until they were in the midst of it. Blames himself big time. Look, I need to get some food into him. Since his in-laws have decamped, I asked him to stay with me and Stacy. He shouldn’t go to an empty house. Keep an eye on him for me just a few minutes. I don’t want him to take off in a blood-stained car.

I’d be glad to do that. He’s as fragile as one of my infants right now, but no one can see it inside that big body. She moved in Matt’s direction, a large man slumped at a small table.

She took a seat across from him. I heard Melinda has passed, and I am so sorry. Annie gave in to the urge to place her small hand on top of his large, tanned one. His fingers were chilled.

He raised his eyes to hers. I don’t know what to do.

You don’t have to do anything right now. Your son is safe in our arms and will be for the next three months. He is your focus now. By the time Daniel is mature enough to go home, you’ll have a plan. We’ll help you with that. Do you have any other family to contact? I could make the calls, she offered even though short on sleep herself. Her hand fell away. He didn’t appear to notice.

No one. I have no one. My folks died in a traffic accident on the way to see me play at Notre Dame. I was adopted as a baby, their only child, their pride and joy. No one could have better parents. Matt scrubbed at his face. Hard to believe this is worse, but it is.

Annie remembered. That tragedy made the sports pages, too, exactly as this one would. She recalled thinking, Poor guy, so all alone. Growing up with eleven siblings was often aggravating, but she’d never be without their love and support. Note to self to have more than one child or adopt if she couldn’t.

I have an aunt and uncle, some cousins, in California. Don’t know them well. Doubt if they will want to come to the funeral, but I’ll get around to calling them. You had a long night too.

For me, that’s normal. What about Melinda’s family?

The Ames? Plenty of them, a couple of younger brothers in college and a sister still at home. Dozens of cousins Melinda used to say. After I lost my parents, they became my family. Melinda and I had dated only a couple months at the time, but her folks took me in and treated me like a third son. Seemed natural to get married when we graduated and keep things that way. Now I’ve caused her death. They won’t forgive me.

You did not, Annie said emphatically. Some out of control gangbangers did. Focus on the child you saved. He needs you in the days to come. As for family, you’ve got the support of the team and as many of mine as you can handle.

Dean shoved an overloaded tray of food in front of Matt. Scrambled eggs draped with bacon strips overflowed the plate. They rested on a foundation of sausage patties. He plunked down four biscuits and a bowl of cheese grits as well. A large coffee and an orange juice loomed over all.

Matt reached for the coffee, wrapping his hands around it as if he warmed them. Thanks, but I’m not hungry. You must be. You eat it, especially those grits. Hoosiers like me don’t understand why anyone eats grits.

Don’t mind if I do. Dean topped the bowl of grits with eggs and crumbled a couple of sausage patties into the mix. He split a biscuit and added grape jelly from a packet on the table.

Men the size of Matt and Dean could eat that way, especially when in training, but Annie had to watch every calorie, or she’d go from petite to plump in a minute. Matt made no move to pick up his fork.

Here, Annie, join us. Have a biscuit. Dean’s strategy, obviously, if they ate, maybe Matt would too. Annie accepted a biscuit she didn’t want, added jelly, and took a bite. Good, she said as if encouraging a child.

When that didn’t work, Dean issued an order. As team captain, I’m telling you to eat. You needed to keep up your strength. Voluntary training starts soon. I need you in tiptop condition.

That succeeded, a tough statement from a member of the Sinners team. Matt shoveled in a few mouthfuls as if he didn’t taste a thing but would choke it down anyhow. They were good for the meantime.

Annie stood. I’ll check in with you later. Now to get herself home before she fell asleep behind the wheel.

Chapter Three

Usually when Annie woke in the afternoon around four, her first thoughts were of standing under a hot shower and then scrounging something for dinner. But, as she stood with the water pummeling her shoulders and dripping off her small breasts, her mind kept turning to Matthew Keaton and his tiny child. All parents whose children came into the world so prematurely were stunned, worried, and guilty, though the fault seldom lay with them. To be accused of letting his wife die for the sake of the infant by the in-laws added a whole new layer of emotions. How might she help besides care for Daniel to the best of her ability?

As Annie dried the short, dark curls she could do nothing with as they had a will of their own and settled into a mop atop her head no matter what, she considered the steps she could take. Refreshed and dressed for a quiet recuperative evening at home, she dumped a bag of frozen beef stir fry into a skillet, squeezed the sauce over the top, and turned up the heat. Pushing the mixture around the pan with a wooden spoon, she wondered if Matt had gotten any sleep after Dean took him home.

Setting herself up with a fruit cup of mandarin oranges and a glass of iced tea, she sat at the small table in the kitchen and listened to the TV in the living room blare the five o’clock news. Locally, the commentator led with the Keaton tragedy. Carrying her plate to the sofa, she took a seat in front of the set to learn what happened while she slept.

Matt had issued no statement. The hospital spokesperson took charge of that matter, stating the life of the child had been saved. The mayor declared war on gang violence for the umpteenth time, and the Sinners PR person expressed the team’s heartfelt condolences to the family. Some reporter tracked down Mr. and Mrs. Ames at their hotel and recorded a bitter statement from Melinda’s mother that if her daughter had stayed in Indiana she’d still be alive. What about their grandson? Only time would tell if he lived or went to join his mother as perhaps God intended. The couple turned and walked away, leaving the interviewer with his mouth momentarily agape. He clamped his jaw back into place and covered his lapse by wishing little Daniel Keaton a full recovery. Daniel had no need to recover