Advertising for Love: Seeking a Wife Through the Personal Ads

By David P. Kronheim

Personal ads are todays singles bars. More people than ever are

finding dates and mates from the personals.

ADVERTISING FOR LOVE teaches singles how to use personal

ads more effectively.

ADVERTISING FOR LOVE, by David Kronheim, is a light-hearted

journal, covering one year of the authors search for a wife through

the personal ads, dating services, and matchmakers. It features

many humorous anecdotes, along with some touching stories.

This book has a very upbeat and cheerful tone. It shows that if

you have a positive attitude, and a good sense of humor, using

personal ads and dating services can be a rewarding experience,

despite the occasional date from hell.

There is a section offering advice on writing your own ad,

responding to ads, and meeting safely.

David Kronheims writing on personal ads and singles issues has

been published in New York Magazine, and in various newspapers.

He has also been host of a radio program for singles.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 30, 2000
• ISBN: 9781462828890

David P. Kronheim

David Kronheim is an advertising copywriter and marketing analyst. He is a published author on the subject of personal ads, and has hosted a radio program about dating and single life. David has a B.A. in Communications, an M.B.A. in Marketing, and is a native of New York.

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Copyright © 2000 by David P. Kronheim.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-7-XLIBRIS

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

Contents

PART 1

PROLOGUE

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6

PART 7

PART 8

PART 9

PART 10

PART 11

APPENDIX

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

PART 1

PROLOGUE

YOU’RE NO ADONIS.

I am getting married to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

There I am on my wedding day, sitting next to this wonderful, sweet, young woman who is everything I ever hoped to find. Our families are around us, but we only have eyes for each other. Never have I been this happy. Just one problem … I’m only 12 years old, and I’m having a dream.

That memorable dream occurred more than 30 years ago. But I’m still searching for a wonderful, sweet woman. It’s been quite a journey, going from college mixers, to countless singles events, and finally into the world of personal ads, dating services, and matchmakers.

Unlike so many men, I’ve never feared the words "commitment and marriage.» In fact, I’m very open about how much marriage would mean to me. When I was working for an advertising agency, my boss once asked me, «Where do you want to be in five years?» Without hesitating, I replied, «Happily married.» Not exactly a career-enhancing response, but at least an honest one.

So why haven’t I met that special woman? Part of it was extreme shyness when I was younger. I’m also on the quiet side, certainly not a party animal, or a hunk who makes women swoon in my presence. As one woman I dated told me, You’re no Adonis. While I have a very cheerful personality, and a great sense of humor, I’m not going to immediately blow someone away. I’m the type of person that usually, the better you know me, the more you’ll like me.

The best way for someone like me to meet a woman would be through friends, family, or work. But that wasn’t happening, so I’ve had to turn to other sources, such as dating services, matchmakers, and most often, the personal ads.

Years ago, few people used the personals. But by the early 1980’s, personal ads became much more common, and acceptable, and I was willing to try something new. I work in advertising, and have also been a radio announcer, so I knew it wouldn’t be too hard for me to write or record an ad.

In 1983, I began to advertise, and the number of women I dated increased dramatically. But did I find my true love? No.

Maybe I just never had that good bit of fortune to place an ad in the right place, at the right time. Also, women I tend to be attracted to, are somewhat conservative, and reluctant to answer personals. I’m sure some women who are that way, have seen and liked my ads, and had we met, we would have liked each other. But shyness, fear, or just uneasiness about this method of meeting, kept these women from responding. So we never got the chance to build that wonderful relationship.

Relatives and friends kept asking: How come you’ve had all these dates, and you’re still not married? What’s wrong with you? I told them about some of my unusual dating adventures, many of them pretty funny. You could write a book, they said.

So in 1993, I kept this daily journal about my search for love. I also wrote about my more interesting personal ad dating exploits from past years. It’s a light-hearted, humorous look at my search for a wife, and in the words of my personal ad, I hope to make you smile. There are stories which are amusing, touching, and some that are downright strange, including one about a date who pulled a knife on me.

I also offer suggestions about placing and responding to personal ads. Perhaps I can convince you to run your own ad or answer one. By the way, if any of my advice helps you meet your true love, I hope you’ll invite me to the wedding, or at least send me a piece of the cake.

A few notes about this journal …

I have a good memory. So while I kept a diary for 1993, the stories from previous years are based on my recollections. I saved every letter that was written to me in response to my ads, and I still have all my appointment calendars, listing who I actually spoke to and met. But until 1993, I never made any notes after meeting someone. All I had was a name, phone number, sometimes an address, and also at times, a note about where we met. In most cases, and certainly in all the memorable ones, I see a name, a date, and I can recall conversations and meetings quite well.

The stories are all true, but in order to protect the privacy of the women I’ve spoken to, all names, and some other identifying characteristics have been changed. Few women would’ve dated me if they knew their names would turn up in a book.

In case you’re hoping this journal is filled with tales of passionate romance, or at least some hot and heavy one night stands, sorry. First of all, I’m only writing about women I’ve met through personal ads, dating services and matchmakers. The overwhelming majority of these dates are ‘one-time’ meetings, and the amount of romance in nearly all these cases can be summed up in one word: NONE.

Secondly, I don’t believe in Kiss and Tell. Some things are private, and I don’t feel it would be proper for me to write about or discuss them. I know this may seem like some old-fashioned virtue in these days of tell-all talk shows and books, but those are my values. So if it’s steamy sex stories you want, those TV talk shows are still around, and I’m sure this isn’t the only book on someone’s dating life.

I’m a lifelong New Yorker, with a B.A. in Communications from Queens College, where I was a news and sportscaster for several college radio stations.

After earning an M.B.A. degree in Marketing from Hofstra University, I joined a mid-sized advertising agency in New York as a market research analyst, a job I created myself. I became captain of the agency’s softball team, not because of my great playing ability—I stunk!—but because I would write entertaining memos to the staff about the games. Based on my creative softball reports, the agency decided I had the talent to write radio and TV commercials.

I currently run my own business as both a copywriter specializing in creating funny radio commercials, and as a marketing research analyst, an uncommon, but interesting, combination.

In 1993, I returned to radio as host of a weekly talk show about single life. My broadcasting style wasn’t exactly controversial. I was upbeat and cheerful, sort of the ‘Mister Rogers of talk radio.’ But I did get set up on dates because of my radio program. That’s just one of many unusual stories I’d like to share with you.

PART 2

I’D BURN THAT PICTURE IF I WERE YOU.

Friday, January 1, 1993

I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions, but this year I plan to make a greater effort to meet that special woman. This means continuing to run and respond to personal ads, extending my membership in a dating service run by a Jewish Community Center on Long Island, and trying to meet someone in the more conventional ways as well.

Tuesday, January 5

A woman who is a volunteer matchmaker, affiliated with a Long Island synagogue, found someone last week, who is interested in me.

Rita began her service a year ago, and I was one of the first people to sign up for it. We spoke on the phone a few times before I met her, and Rita seemed to have two obsessions about me—my voice, and my height.

She kept telling me what a nice voice I have. Some people get compliments about their looks, their wisdom, or their accomplishments. I get them about my voice. I’ve been a radio broadcaster, and my voice is OK. But it’s far from being as good the voices you usually hear on the radio.

As for my height, every time we spoke, Rita asked how tall I am. When we met, she checked the height listed on my driver’s license. Then, Rita told me to stand up. Are you sure you’re only five-ten?, she asked. You look taller. I said that maybe I’m an inch taller in shoes, and being very slim might also make me look taller. But a man of average height, like me, wouldn’t claim to be shorter than he really is. I almost expected Rita to get a ruler and measure me.

I had been asked to bring a couple of pictures of myself to the interview. Rita kept one for her files. But as for the other photo, she said, I’d burn that picture if I were you. Talk about being direct! I never said I photographed well.

I thought the interview dwelled too much on the physical characteristics of the woman I’m seeking. Rita wanted to know what my requirements were regarding height, weight, hair color and eye color. I said that although looks do matter, and there would have to be at least a little physical attraction for me to get involved with someone, I don’t have any specific requirements. I mentioned I prefer someone with a clean-cut appearance, rather than a woman with a funky or trendy look. Women who look and dress on the wild side wouldn’t be attracted to me anyway.

So my first match was Marilyn, a funky, trendy artist. We had nothing in common. Rita told me that Marilyn called after our date and said, You’re a very nice guy, but she thinks you’d be better off matched up with an accountant. If you go by stereotypes, I would have a better chance of hitting it off with a C.P.A. than an artist. But I’ve known artists that I would have been very happy to date.

Now Rita matched me up with Elaine. From Rita’s description, we had few similar interests, but Elaine sounded like she’d be fun to meet, so I agreed to call.

When I spoke to Elaine, something about her seemed familiar. She mentioned that she had responded to personal ads in the past. I had met an Elaine in 1987. Could it be?

I checked my old calendar, and sure enough, the phone number matched. I recall the date very well. I phoned Elaine the next

day and told her we’ve met. She didn’t remember me at all. But I knew where we had gone for dinner, and I even remembered some of the things we talked about.

That had been a completely blind date. Elaine didn’t describe her looks in her letter to me, and since I was picking her up at home, I didn’t have to know. I was very pleasantly surprised when we met. She was quite attractive, and I enjoyed having dinner together. But there just wasn’t any chemistry between us, and I don’t think she was interested in any further dates with me.

Tonight, we met again. Elaine is still very pretty. We had a nice time, and I was glad to see her once more. But we’re just not each other’s type. Elaine did try to set me up with a friend of hers. Guess what? I’ve already dated her friend too.

Wednesday, January 6

I’m going to run a personal ad in The Jewish Week, a New York area newspaper. Responses to the ad can be by letter or by voice-mail. Callers to the voice-mail system hear a greeting from me, and then they can leave a message. I recorded the greeting today, and it’s like doing a radio commercial for yourself. My tape repeated some of what’s in the print ad, but I also talked about my career and interests. I reminded the women to tell me a bit about themselves. If I just get a woman’s name and phone number, all I have to go on is the sound of her voice.

Actually, how a woman speaks is important to me. I’ve always been turned on by women with nice, soft, sweet voices. I figure if I’m going to listen to a certain woman’s voice for the rest of my life, it should at least sound pleasant to me.

Friday, January 8

My ad is in the current issue of The Jewish Week. The ad is scheduled to run for four weeks, and is similar to the ads I’ve placed in the past. It says:

Incurably romantic, kind, caring Jewish man, good values, sense of humor, hopes to make you smile. Bright, educated, 38, never-married, 5’10 & slim. I’m respectful, sensitive, and desire a marriage full of warmth, love and laughter. Seeking a sweet, cheerful, intelligent Jewish woman, 23-34, with good values, to love & cherish forever."

This ad is written the way I’d write advertising copy for a client. I identified my target audience, and then focused on my attributes that a woman in that target group would like. My ad and voice message don’t deal much with looks or interests, but put emphasis on personality and values. Notice that I don’t ask for a photo. I’ll find out if there is an attraction when we meet. Besides, many people, including me as you now know, don’t photograph all that well. I’ve known plenty of women who are much prettier in person than in a photo. Above all, I believe in being totally honest in these ads. If I lie, I might get more responses, and go on more dates, but I won’t find that special relationship.

Saturday, January 9

The first two voice-mail responses to my ad sure caught my attention.

First there was Dawn, a kindergarten teacher with a smile that can melt an iceberg. Dawn also has an interesting history in my file of response letters.

Dawn’s mother has written to me in the past. While the letters mentioned Dawn’s good qualities, they also said she had no time for dating, and was quite depressed. The tone of the letters suggested that I could be the one who changes Dawn’s outlook on life. That was laying it on a bit too thick, and made me uncomfortable. If a woman is a basically happy person, I can make her happier. But I’m not a cure for depression or a downbeat attitude.

The other response was from Lesley, and it wasn’t the first time she’d contacted me either. We