Tessa and Claudine: Finding My Sister

By Lisbeth Thom

In this family drama, the struggles and triumphs of life are laid bare. The reality and honesty will touch you. Lisbeth Thom has delivered a delicious bedtime read, as effective as coffee and leftover cheesecake but with none of the calories.

--Larry Larance, author of

Choctow Bluff, A Better Looking Corpse, and Skidaway Scenes

It is 1955 when sixteen-year-old Tessa Steinbrucker suddenly finds her life turned upside down after her unpredictable, alcoholic mother, Eva Mae, decides to leave their stepfather. Tessa and her older sister, Claudine, sit together on a bus bound for Indianapolis. Upon arrival Tessa realizes she is nothing but a tiny dot in a big city.

As Tessa and Claudine attempt to acclimate to the frenzied Indianapolis pace, their grandfather helps their mother secure an apartment and a job. Introverted Tessa desperately desires a closer relationship with gregarious Claudine. Unfortunately, the only thing they seem to have in common is their concern for their mother, who often pits her daughters against one another. Over the years Eva Mae remarries more than once and continues on a rocky path. But when their mother goes missing, the sisters must decide whether to accept the sordid details of her disappearance. Now only time will tell if their relationship is strong enough to survive this latest tragedy.

Tessa and Claudine is the poignant tale of two sisters and their tumultuous relationship with their troubled mother as they battle their differences and attempt to find acceptance within themselvesand with each other.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Jul 29, 2014
• ISBN: 9781480808294

Lisbeth Thom

LISBETH THOM is a freelance writer and teaches a continuing education writer's course in Savannah, GA.

Book preview

Chapter 1

The summer I turned sixteen, my life turned upside down.

It all began one morning right after school let out for the summer when we heard this blasted pounding on our back door. Mother got up from the kitchen table, darted across the linoleum floor, and yanked the door open. And there stood Hilda, the woman who lived in the upstairs half of our rental house. Eva Mae, she said, shaking a finger in Mother’s face, I cannot tolerate all of this hollering and screaming between you and Luke until all hours of the night. I intend to report you to our landlady.

Oh, go right ahead. Blanche Odum is my good friend. She won’t pay any attention to the likes of you. Mother shut the door in Hilda’s face. That bitch, Mother said. She sat back down at the kitchen table, lit a cigarette, and continued reading the society page of The Chicago Tribune.

I’m leaving for work as soon as I change, my sister, Claudine, said. She zipped out of the kitchen like her butt was on fire. Claudine had a summer job at the A&W Root Beer stand. I worked there too, but only in the afternoons.

As I finished cleaning up the breakfast dishes, the thought of Hilda gossiping all over town made my stomach do a native dance.

Luke, our stepfather, slammed the screened door when he came in from outside. Seeing him made me feel even queasier. I ran into the bathroom and upchucked my cornflakes. After rinsing my mouth, I headed to the bedroom I shared with Claudine in the front of the house. She had already left and most likely had forgotten all about Hilda’s visit. Like Mother, Claudine could shelve unpleasant things. Not me. I couldn’t erase that smirk on Hilda’s face.

Claudine would make fun of me if I told her that Hilda’s visit had bothered me. My sister and I used to be close, but we had drifted apart. She had her circle of friends, and I had mine. I missed the fun we used to have together. I still wanted to be friends with her but with our opposite personalities, we were now trains headed in different directions. It seemed like the only thing we had left in common was our concern for Eva Mae, our rudderless mother. We were worried about her.

I kept rehashing the fight between Mother and Luke from the night before.

glyph.jpg

I had heard them come home way past midnight, swearing and yelling at one another. I had covered my head with my pillow but couldn’t drown out their racket. When I heard a loud thud, I felt certain that Luke had knocked Mother down. I heard her crying.

Do you think she’s hurt? I said, trying to awaken Claudine. She didn’t respond. I lay in bed shaking and shivering even though it was hot in our room.

A few minutes later I heard a more explosive noise. This time Claudine sat up in bed. Stop throwing furniture at the wall! Mother screamed. You broke the damn chair, she said. I loved that chair. Now look what you’ve done.

He’s really drunk this time, Claudine said.

Claudine, what should we do? My heart pounded.

We’d better stay out of it, Claudine said.

I lay awake until finally it got quiet. I figured they had probably passed out. I fell asleep after that.

glyph.jpg

I got up off the bed, not wanting to rehash the previous night any longer. I put a towel and my new bathing suit in a tote and then searched for Mother. I found her sitting in the living room on the sofa that turned into the hide-a-bed where she and Luke slept at night. She was flipping through the Ladies’ Home Journal.

I’m checking out the latest fashions, Mother said. Toreador pants and pedal pushers are hot items for summer. The big items for fall will be sheath dresses and pastel blouses with upturned collars.

I doubt if we’ll get any of those styles here in Hawthorne, I said.

Probably not, Mother said. As she turned the page, I noticed several purple bruises on her swollen face.

I swallowed hard. Luke, a construction worker, had been out of work for weeks. Thank God Mother still had her job at the dress factory—she was the one who kept food on our table. Luke hung around the house a lot, and I often smelled booze on him. Mother only drank when they went to the American Legion hall in the evenings. I had no idea what we could do, but they certainly could use some help. Claudine and I needed to come up with a plan.

Diana invited some friends over to have lunch and sunbathe in her yard, I said.

Mother said I could go but said to be home in time for supper. When I kissed her good-bye, I noticed several more bruises on the side of her face running up into her hair. That made me wince.

Before leaving, I put a note on Claudine’s desk that read, I need to meet with you in our room for a short time tonight. It’s important. Love, Tessa.

I had no idea then that I was the one who would not be able to attend the meeting.

glyph.jpg

I’m about to fry out here, my friend Judy said as we sat on beach towels eating ham-and-cheese sandwiches and drinking cold sodas. The leaves in the nearby willow trees in Diana’s back yard hung limp in the steamy air.

There’s no hint of a breeze, I said, wiping off my brow.

It’s a blasted oven out here, another friend said.

‘Stop moaning, Diana said. Maybe I should douse all of you with the hose."

I wish we could go swimming at Hogan’s Lake, I said. We all agreed that taking a dip in the lake sounded great.

Diana got up and tiptoed inside the house. Her mother was taking a nap. She returned, keys in hand. She closed the porch door, careful not to make a sound, and stepped outside. Diana motioned for us to come to the garage. We grabbed our towels. Diana climbed into her mother’s Cadillac, put it into neutral, and steered while the rest of us pushed the car out of the garage and down to the end of the driveway.

I climbed in the middle of the front seat next to Diana. Judy scooted in next to me. The other two girls got in the backseat, and off we went. As Fats Domino belted out Blueberry Hill on the radio, we sang along. Diana drove several blocks north on Fifth Street. At the edge of town, she turned right onto Miller Road.

At a curve in the dirt road, we passed a horse barn. We edged around the curve and then drove a mile or so down a straight stretch. We went into a dip in the bumpy dirt road, and soon Diana turned into another curve. A short distance away, we saw a black car speeding toward us on the wrong side of the road. It’s coming right at us, Judy yelled.

Diana jerked the wheel to the right, trying to get out of the way. But it was too late. The black vehicle crashed into us, and I blacked out.

When I regained consciousness, the rearview mirror swayed back and forth in front of me. Blood poured out of my mouth into my cupped hand in which I held pieces of my front teeth. Blood splattered all over me. A limp Diana lay facedown on the steering wheel. On my right side, Judy moaned. The jagged bone in her upper leg poked through the pale, freckled skin of her left thigh. Sirens wailed in the distance. A crowd gathered. Faces stared inside the car. A tall, broad-shouldered police officer opened the front passenger door and reached for Judy. She cried out as he lifted her. Move back. Get out of the way, the officer yelled at the crowd. I passed out again.

I awoke in the emergency room, my face bandaged, my head throbbing. At first I could only see a clock on the wall. Then a male nurse moved my gurney down a hallway, onto an elevator, and then into a room.

My name is Harriet, a nurse in the room said as she pulled back the sheet on my hospital bed, took a large pair of scissors from her uniform pocket, and cut off my new black and red plaid bathing suit. I wanted to scream. I’d worked hard at the A&W to buy the bathing suit she had just cut in half. My mouth hurt too much to say a word.

Harriet put a blue hospital gown on me and gave me an update on my friends. Judy was in surgery, getting her broken leg repaired. Diana was asleep across the room from me. She’d received a concussion but would be okay. The girls in the backseat had only minor bruises and had gone home. Get some rest, Harriet said and left the room.

My mouth felt all puffed up and tasted like I’d been chewing on a dead animal. My swollen tongue lay on the floor of my mouth like a beached whale. The doctor came into the room and told me he’d put more than thirty stitches in my tongue and face. You have broken bones in your face, he said. You won’t be able to have your front teeth replaced until your bones heal in about six months.

I covered my eyes with my right arm. Oh good Lord, not six months. That sounded horrible.

After the doctor left, Harriet stabbed me in the butt with pain medication. By the way, my last name is Steele, she said. My boy Benny’s been dating an auburn-haired girl named Tessa from here in Hawthorne. Could that be you?

With reluctance, I nodded yes.

He may be able to come see you, but he’s pretty busy on the farm. She frowned as she gave me the once-over.

I honestly did not want Ben Steele visiting me while I looked like Dracula’s cousin. Ben’s family lived in Elm Grove, about fifteen miles from Hawthorne. I hoped he was too busy working on the family farm.

After Harriet left, I closed my eyes. My moody mother would be coming soon. I wanted to see her, but I dreaded her reaction. She might act worried at first and then get angry with me for heading out to the lake, especially since none of us had a driver’s license. Diana had her temporary license, but that didn’t count. If Mother was having an off day, all hell could break loose.

When the pain shot took effect, I slept. I awakened when someone called my name. Opening my eyes, I saw a man wearing dark green pants and a khaki shirt with an emblem on the pocket. He looked like a repairman. He stood at the end of my bed, his hands resting on the railing, staring at me. He was tall with dark hair and looked familiar. I’m your dad, he said. I heard you were in an accident.

I tried to speak, but no words came out.

I wanted to stop in and see how you’re doing. I work downstairs in the maintenance department. I’m so sorry you got hurt.

I’ll be okay, I said, speaking slowly.

Of course you will, he said. He pulled a chair up beside my bed. I know it must hurt to talk, so you don’t have to say much. I don’t want to cause you pain.

I wanted to say that he’d already caused me pain. Where had he been when I was a little girl who wanted a dad to love her? Where had he been when I wanted to give him the Father’s Day card I made at school? It was probably a good thing I couldn’t talk.

Okay, I finally said.

I remembered seeing pictures of my dad in the faded black photo album that Mother shoved way back on a shelf in the dining-room cabinet. Squatting on our green oval rug, I often leaned way in back behind a pile of Life magazines to get the album out. Mother had tossed out most of my dad’s photographs. Sometimes she’d simply cut his image from pictures and saved the rest. But in one photo, my dad stood near the big oak tree in front of our house, holding me, a tiny bundle. Claudine stood next to him in a ruffled white pinafore.

I hope you heal fast, he said.

The doctor said I will, I said, muffling my words.

My dad looked unsure of what to say next, which didn’t surprise me. After all, he didn’t know me. At sixteen I had only this fuzzy memory of him from a Christmas Eve many years ago when he knocked at our front door. Mother had opened it. My dad was on the doorstep, holding two wrapped boxes. These are for the girls, he said. I peeked around the corner into the living room when I heard his voice and motioned for Claudine to stop dancing a jig in the dining room and come look. We stared wide-eyed. Our dad set two large gifts down inside the door and then brushed flakes of snow from his hair.

It’s freezing out there, he said, looking past Mother. Santa had better bundle up tonight. We giggled. I wanted him to come inside, but Mother had other plans. Scowling, she whispered something in his ear. Looking startled, he turned around and left. She slammed the door shut.

Mother put his packages against the back wall behind the tree. Opening them the next morning, we discovered that he’d brought us dolls. I thought my new doll with golden curls, a green dress, and fancy black shoes was beautiful, but mother said it was ugly. I named my doll Clara and kept her on my bed until a few months later when a tramp came up to our back door begging for food. Mother came into my bedroom and said the tramp’s little girl didn’t have a doll. I ran barefooted into the kitchen and watched out the window as the tramp ran across the back lawn carrying a loaf of bread, a sack of apples, and Clara.

Chapter 2

"Is there anything I can get you?" my dad said.

No, thanks, I said. I didn’t know what else to say. He was a stranger. He sat smiling at me. I twirled a corner of the sheet between my thumb and forefinger. I fought back tears, willing myself to be strong.

I’ve got to go now, he said, standing up. I didn’t really want him to leave. Bye now. You take care, he said, touching my arm. I tried to smile. He bit down on his lower lip as he walked out the door.

Was that your real dad? Diana said as soon as he left.

No, he’s someone else’s dad, I said, knowing he was going home to his other family.

I turned toward the wall and wiped my eyes with a tissue. My dad had only been gone a minute or two, but it already felt like he had never been in the room.

Minutes later, I heard yelling in the hallway and knew it was my mother. You’ve no business coming here. You’ve never done a damn thing for her. You don’t even know your own daughter. What was Mother thinking—yelling loud like that in a hospital? My dad had probably rushed away from her as fast as he could.

Mother strutted into my room in three-inch high heels, wearing a ruffled black skirt, a turquoise peasant blouse, dangling silver earrings, and her signature bright red lipstick. She did not mention seeing my dad. She carried a green vase filled with pink roses.

Oh, good Lord, honey, you look pitiful. These flowers are for you. Mother set the roses on my bedside table. Mother gave Diana a box of butter cookies, then looking at me, said My stars, girl, you are one big bruise. How do you feel?

Not good, I said.

I’d like to punch that drunk driver in the face, Mother said.

She stared at me like she wondered if I’d ever look like I did before the accident. I wanted her to skip the negative comments. I knew I looked terrible.

I wasn’t surprised when Mother didn’t mention seeing my dad. She never wanted him anywhere near Claudine or me. Over the years, she’d always refused to talk about him. She told us that she’d married young and it had been a big mistake. I knew next to nothing about him except for one thing. When I refused to change my mind about something, Mother always claimed I was stubborn just like my father.

Mother didn’t blow up about the accident. Instead, she seemed relieved that we weren’t hurt any worse. While we visited, she kept looking at her watch. I already knew from her fancy outfit that she had evening plans.

Claudine said she’d work your afternoon shift at the A&W until you recover, Mother said, amazing me.

Good, I said. That will help me keep my summer job. One thing was certain, though: I wouldn’t let her have my hours when I got better. I liked earning money.

Our neighbor Billy Givens saw the accident happen. He got Claudine all upset when he described the accident scene in gory detail, Mother said. She stared at me as we visited. She started in on Luke. I hope to heck he found work today. I heard they started a construction job over near Effingham.

Mother and Luke married ten years ago when I was six and Claudine seven. I was sitting on the purple sofa in our living room learning how to tie my shoelaces the day Mother said she wanted us to learn how to spell Steinbruecker. It seemed to me that mastering shoelace tying was enough for one day. Besides, I already knew how to spell Andrews, my birth name. Luke wants to adopt you, Mother said. I didn’t recall being asked if I wanted to be adopted.

Luke’s waiting for me at the American Legion, Mother said after a short visit. She kissed my forehead. Get some sleep. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. She waved as she went out the door.

Mother and Luke loved to dance. I’d seen them in action. He knew all the good steps and twirled her around the floor like she was a movie star. Never missing a beat, she followed his every move. I enjoyed watching them dance, because it was the only time they looked happy together. Lately, Mother often talked about getting out of our small town. I wondered if Luke was looking for permanent work elsewhere.

A while later I was sipping on a chocolate milkshake when Claudine bounced into the room dressed in her A&W uniform; her black pants, starched and ironed; a white blouse; and an orange apron with deep pockets.

I just got off work, she said. Wow, you are a kaleidoscope of colors. I hardly recognized you. Well, at least you’re alive.

Thanks for working for me, I said.

Oh, no problem. I can tell you one thing, though. Working nights is more fun, and the tips double. Do you have a wad of gauze in your mouth? I can hardly understand you.

No, just my swollen tongue. I heard about Billy Givens.

That nerd—he has spaghetti for brains. I’d like to kick him in the balls.

Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.

Actually, you look better than I expected, Claudine said.

Mother thought I looked like crap.

She didn’t really say that, did she?

Well, no—not exactly.

I thought about telling Claudine about our dad coming to visit but decided to keep it to myself. Besides, she did all of the talking. Claudine loved to talk. She liked the sound of her own voice. This cute guy from Brownstown stopped by for a root beer and asked me out, she said. Claudine always had a trail of guys after her. Speaking of good-looking guys, we both looked up when one walked into the room. Much to my dismay, it was my boyfriend, Ben.

My heart pounded hard and fast. Hi, there, he said. My mom told me you were in a car crash. I was sorry to hear that. I gave Ben a few details about the accident. Sounds terrible, Ben said.

I’m Claudine, Tessa’s sister. I don’t believe we’ve met.

Ben smiled, said hello, and reached out to shake her hand. When their eyes met, I wanted to be a movie director in a scene where I could call, Cut!

Until that moment, Claudine had no idea what Ben looked like. Now that she knew, I could tell she was surprised that I’d been dating such a hunk. Ben looked fantastic in his white shirt and khaki shorts. His face and arms were tanned from working on the farm. He talked about digging post holes with his dad, gave me an update on his friends, and told me to work on getting better. Claudine watched in silence, something new for her. I thanked him for coming and felt relieved when he said he had to leave.

I’d better go now too. I’m kind of tired, Claudine said. "I’ll be back tomorrow. Want me to bring you another magazine? I’ll bring the new Seventeen that came yesterday."

Claudine rushed out the door. I envisioned her racing down the hospital corridor, heading to the parking lot where she could easily run into Ben. Even in her work uniform, Claudine looked good. Her black pants were tight, and her blouse didn’t hide her ample bust. I pictured Claudine and Ben going for a ride together, commiserating about my condition. Did Claudine have the nerve to go after Ben while I lay in the hospital, all battered and bruised? She probably did. And would Ben feel compelled to console her? Though my day had already been disastrous, it suddenly had gotten much worse.

glyph.jpg

The next morning, Diana told me her mother planned to ship her off to camp somewhere on the East Coast for the rest of the summer.

Oh, great, I said right before Mrs. Cranston, our high-school choir director, marched into the room. Diana was a soloist in the choir and also played the piano. She and Mrs. Cranston were pals.

I understand you split your tongue, Tessa, Mrs. Cranston said, glancing over at me. Perhaps you’ll be able to sing better now. Birds have split tongues, you know. She chuckled at her own humor. I rolled my eyes. I sang in the alto section of the choir but obviously wasn’t a star.

While Diana and Mrs. Cranston visited, I thought about Ben’s visit from the night before and wondered if he’d seen Claudine after they left. I remembered the day I first met Ben. His friends had dropped him off at the high school, and he walked me the mile or so home. When we got to my front doorstop, Ben invited me to a play at his high school in Elm Grove the next weekend.

When Ben picked me up the next Friday evening, Claudine was at work and Mother and Luke were at the American Legion. I loved sitting beside Ben at the play in my pale pink blouse and floral skirt holding his hand. After the play we couldn’t find Ben’s car. His friends had tricked him and moved it.

Take us to my car, you jerk, Ben said to his friend John. I don’t think this is funny.

Ben climbed into