Love and Little Birds: Wrestling with the Sadness of Dementia

By John A. Radway Jr

The human brain is desperately fragile in some ways and incredibly powerful in many others. Dementia is the quintessential example of mental fragility, but dealing with dementia can awaken the full power of the brain in those who are obliged to care for its victims. In Love and Little Birds, author John Radway shares the journal of his struggle to cope with the dementia that eventually claimed the life of his wife, Claire, at the age of seventy-five.

Divided into two parts, the first section describes Radways attempts to grasp the meaning of dementia, while the second section includes a very personal chronicle of his tortuous journey through the ruins of his previous life into a new one.

In this memoir, Radway seeks to provide guidance to others who are caring for someone struggling to deal with a dying mindthe sad prognosis for this disease. He communicates the emotional toll it takes on the caregivers, who are fully aware of what is happening to their loved one. Love and Little Birds provides raw insight into a caregivers world and shares the importance of taking care of the self so as not to be destroyed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: May 21, 2013
• ISBN: 9781480800960

John A. Radway Jr

John Radway is a retired attorney and farmer; he is originally from Hawaii but is now living in Arizona. His greatest joys have been his forty-nine-year marriage to the love of his life, Claire, who succumbed to dementia at the age of seventy-five and, now, helping those who care for dementia patients.

Book preview

Love

and

Little Birds

Wrestling with the

Sadness of Dementia

JOHN RADWAY

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Copyright © 2013 John A Radway Jr.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4808-0095-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-0096-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013908937

Archway Publishing rev. date: 5/15/2013

Cover photo by Linda Mestek

www.capturingthewest.com

Contents

Introduction

PART I

Shape and Shadow, Form and Function: The Structure of Progressive Dementia

Boxes and What They Contain: The Shape of Reality

Layers within the Boxes: Changing Shapes

Dealing with Dementia: The Shadow of Reality

Dealing with Death: The Cruelest Reality

After the Ashes Have Cooled: Rebuilding Reality

The Shape of the Future: Banishing the Shadows

Postscript: Going Home, The Last Journey

PART II

Claire and Me: An Emotional Journey

Seasons

My Little Ghost

Anniversary

This Fleeting World:

Foundations

Pathways

Claire

Rustling Leaves

Places and Spaces and Time

The Solace of Uncertainty

Shapes and Shadows

The Tunnels of the Wind

Music

The Final Decision

Sundowning

Windows of the Night

Remnants

Dementia:

This Fleeting World:

Identity Theft

Solitaire

This Fleeting World:

Northern Lights

Gettysburg Revisited

Battlefield Gettysburg

Perhaps

The Comfort Zone

In the End

Reflections

Through the Gates

Introduction

We all know that the human brain is desperately fragile in some ways and incredibly powerful in many others. Dementia is the quintessential example of mental fragility, but dealing with dementia can awaken the full power of the brain in those who are obliged to care for its victims. This little book is the fusion of two diaries I have been writing in my attempts to come to grips with my own loss—the death from dementia of the love of my life almost three years ago. I started these diaries soon after I had committed her to the loving care of a facility specializing in dementia. There had been no time at all for writing in the final two years of my caregiving. The first section describes my attempts to grasp the meaning of dementia, and the second is a very personal chronicle of my tortuous journey through the ruins of my previous life into a new one.

It is not a terminally sad journey, and it’s not over yet. I have been helped along the way by good friends and by the staff of the hospice organization that