Meghan’S Journey: The Story of Meghan Redenbach: the Teenage Girl Who Showed a Community How to “Man Up” in the Face of Cancer

By Nancy Redenbach, Meghan Redenbach and Debbie Holahan

Meghan Redenbach was thirteen years old when she was diagnosed with fibrosarcoma, an extraordinarily rare form of ovarian cancer. At the time her tumor was identified, she was one of the thirty documented cases in the United Statesand one of only two children. Her physical life came to an end on Christmas Eve, two years after her initial diagnosis. One of her goals was to write a book so she could help more people.

Meghans Journey tells the story of her life, her diagnosis, her treatment, her death, and the powerful support of a community, friends, and family. This memoir combines Meghans words with journal entries her mother, Nancy, made throughout the journey, showing Meghans remarkable strength and courage in the face of illness. Evident throughout are Meghans kindness, her exuberant love of life, and the lessons she taught about how to live and make the most of every moment.

An emotional, true story, Meghans Journey serves to inspire others and give them the strength, hope, and the courage to confront lifes seemingly insurmountable challenges.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Oct 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781480802810

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Copyright © 2013 Meghan Redenbach, Nancy Redenbach, and Debbie Holahan.

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ISBN: 978-1-4808-0280-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-0281-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013916927

Archway Publishing rev. date: 10/17/2013

Table of Contents

Preface

Meghan’s Introduction

Part One: Meghan Jean Redenbach

Part Two: Meghan’s Book

Chapter I   Learning I Have Cancer

Chapter II   The Ride to Roswell

Part Three: Nancy’s Journal

Part Four: Christmas Eve

Candlelight Vigil

Part Five: Mourning

Part Six: Volleyball

Part Seven: Niagara University Hockey

Part Eight: Mike, Meghan’s Fund, and the Man Up Car Show

Part Nine: School and Community Support

Part Ten: What Meghan Taught Us

Part Eleven: Graduation Day

Part Twelve: Meghan’s Last Words

Acknowledgements

For Meghan

"…we rejoice in our sufferings,

knowing that suffering produces endurance,

and endurance produces character,

and character produces hope…"

Romans 5:3-4

Teal: The Color of Ovarian Cancer Awareness

Preface

Meghan Redenbach was thirteen when she was diagnosed with fibrosarcoma, an extraordinarily rare form of ovarian cancer. At the time her tumor was identified, she was one of the thirty documented cases in the United States, and only one of two children. Her physical life came to an end on Christmas Eve, two years after her initial diagnosis. The story of Meghan prior to these events is special, but the tale of those last two years is nothing short of remarkable.

This project came about because Meghan decided she wanted to write a book. It actually began in ninth grade with her English teacher, Christopher Schaus. The class was reading The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Meghan loved that book, and loved even more that Susan E. Hinton was only seventeen when her novel was published. Meghan announced to Chris that she had a story to tell, and she thought she should write it. With his encouragement she began with small narratives and completed four of them, but Meg got sidetracked as she completed what appeared to be a second successful cancer treatment during her ninth grade year. There was club volleyball through the winter, a fifteenth birthday in spring, family trips to Walt Disney World and Hawaii, and two volleyball camps that summer. She got busy living the life she loved.

I began meeting with Meghan in August prior to her entering tenth grade; I was to be her English teacher that year. I had been a peripheral part of Meg’s life through volleyball, as my husband Bill Holahan was her coach and my step-daughter Erin Snyder his assistant and Meghan’s setting coach. She was now beginning her third and final battle. It wasn’t long after I began working with Meghan at her home when she turned her head and looked at me with her wide, expressive, beautiful eyes and said, I want to write a book. Will you help me? She wanted to keep it a secret, a surprise for her parents. I wish we had had more time; she had warned me that there wouldn’t be a lot of that, but I didn’t want to believe her. She had given me her completed writing, we worked on an outline together, she dictated ideas as I typed, and she passed along to me last minute thoughts through her psychologist and social worker at Roswell Park Cancer Institute. It has been very overwhelming, to say the least, but I promised Meghan I would work with her parents and finish her book.

You might imagine that the story about a fifteen-year-old girl dying of cancer would be considered a tragedy, but the word tragedy is defined as having a sad ending with themes and circumstances concluding in a heartbreaking downfall. That is not to say that Meghan’s death was not sad or heartbreaking; it was unquestionably both. However, what came after her death has been uplifting, inspiring, and healing—nothing that could be remotely close to being considered tragic. Meghan displayed unimaginable courage in her efforts to comfort those around her rather than feel sorry for herself. This is the girl who told her father to man up in the dawn of her diagnosis. Through surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy she continued to demand the best from herself while insisting that everyone be kind to each other. Before her untimely passing on Christmas Eve, Meghan arranged for a family friend to buy gifts for her parents and brother. As her closest friends held small gatherings around her bedside during her final days at Roswell Park Cancer Institute, Meghan led a lively rendition of Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.

Meghan’s book has taken a direction quite different from the one she had originally envisioned, but I believe it is one she would have undoubtedly approved. The heart of the book is now the journal of Meghan’s mother. Nancy kept it in order to keep track of medications and document information from doctors, but it gradually shaped itself into an extraordinary story. For anyone who has struggled through life’s difficult challenges, inspiration can be found in these pages. Together with her daughter’s writing, Nancy has fulfilled Meghan’s original goal: to write a book that might help others.

As I prepare this introduction there are still no adequate words to express how this experience has changed my existence—not so much working on her secret project —but just having been a part of Meghan Redenbach’s life. I am so grateful that she drew me in to become part of her family and share the journey that can only be described as the ultimate paradox: every minute spent with Meghan was so beautiful, even in the presence of such cruelty that is cancer. But that was one of those things she passed along to me—at her ten-year class reunion she did not want to be remembered as the girl with cancer. I hope she knows that she won’t be; she will be remembered for her courage, her kindness, her exuberant love of life, and the lessons she has taught us all about how to live and make the most of every minute.

Debbie Holahan

Meghan’s Introduction

When Meghan began her secret project of writing a book, I asked her why this was something she wanted to do. These are Meghan’s words from late in October of 2010.

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I never thought I would want to write a book, but now I do. I am fifteen years old, and I have cancer. I am currently experiencing my third battle. My community has reached out to me to help me get through this. Some people tell me my experience has helped others get through tough times. I thought if I just reached back to give something—if I wrote a book I might be able to help many more people.

This all really hit me when I was sitting in English class last year, my freshman year of high school. When we were reading The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and seeing how her book really kind of changed things, I figured I could do the same. At this time my cancer had come back a second time. It was funny how I just accepted it. I was still really angry and pissed off, but I accepted it and knew I had to do whatever I had to in order to get through it. One day I was just sitting there and the thought occurred to me—I should write a book.

The support I got from my friends, family, school and community was overwhelming. People said I gave them inspiration. I was in awe of the idea that people thought of me as a hero and role model and the strongest person they ever met. I thought to myself, How is this possible? I am only fifteen. I don’t know how to be somebody’s hero or anything like that.

For me, I really didn’t want to talk to anyone who was going through what I was going through. It seemed to me if I talked to other people who were suffering with cancer, it would make me face more of the reality and how much sickness there was. If I imagined it was just me, I didn’t have to look at the kids who were five years old, crying and screaming when they had to get their blood drawn. I could blank it all out. I didn’t want to believe that people had the same sadness as me, especially kids; I wanted to be positive. I saw a little boy running the halls of the hospital with his IV—that’s what I wanted to be—without a care in the world.

I am told that I could give someone else strength, someone who is going through a rough time…I don’t know. My parents tell me I am the rock in the family and hold everyone together.

I don’t know what people think or what they take from me—as long as it is something good.

Part One: Meghan Jean Redenbach

M ichael Redenbach nearly missed the birth of his first child, Nicholas. In January of 1990 he was a new Corrections Officer for the state of New York, assigned to work at the prison in Ossining. He got the call from his wife, Nancy, in Pendleton at ten thirty in the evening. He made it back one hour before Nick’s birth at 9:03 a.m. He was there for what would be one of the most miraculous moments of his life, without having to share in the challenge of Nancy’s labor prior to the delivery of his son. One can only imagine the surprise and terror he would experience more than five years later when he was at Nancy’s side for the entire progression of the birth of his daughter, Meghan.

Nancy reflected years later, Meghan was trouble from day one; she didn’t want to come out. If she had been the first-born there wouldn’t have been a second.

Hours into Nancy’s labor, Mike called his mother-in-law and agonized over what he believed no woman could ever survive, I think Nancy is dying…

On May 18, 1995 Meghan Jean Redenbach entered this world at 1:46 p.m. by emergency caesarean section, and nothing would ever be the same.

When Meghan arrived home from the hospital, five-year-old Nick promptly dumped his baby sister out of her bassinet; he simply wanted to hold her, and getting at her was not as easy as he thought. Nick adored Meghan right from the beginning. He wanted to feed her, hold her, and take care of her. He would forever serve to be a big brother and a friend. He never felt crowded or resentful of his little sister. The only exception might have been at breakfast time; Nick said they couldn’t eat at the same table while they were getting ready for school in the morning. The age-old sibling complaint of you’re chewing too loud was the conflict he remembered most. Nick smiled as he told of his frantic efforts to get Meghan out to the bus on time. I didn’t want to be late; I didn’t want us to be the kids that held up the bus for everyone else. Meghan was not a morning person.

Nick and Meghan played together at home and on vacations. Nick recalled camping at many New York State Parks and trips to North Carolina. He said Meg would often watch younger children while the adults were busy, and if those kids were a handful, she would be sure to tell their parents about it when they returned.

Nick’s friends never minded having her around either. Meghan was tough, liked sports, and could handle herself. When Nick was a little older, he and some of his friends would play street hockey in the family’s large driveway. He would dress Meghan up in hockey gear and have her play goalie. He instructed his friends to keep telling her how great she was so she would continue to allow them to keep shooting balls at her. The boys stayed and played longer, and Meghan actually became a pretty good goalie. Most brothers, even without a five-year age difference, wouldn’t have allowed their sisters to hang out with them, but it was never like that. Nick played games with Meghan, played catch and football, rode bikes, all the while remaining protective of her.

Meghan was a very precocious and curious child, but at the same time she didn’t get into mischief or things she wasn’t supposed to. She took her first steps at ten months old and spoke early as well. Meg soon became known as Jabber Jaws, and it was evident that she wasn’t going to be afraid to say anything anywhere. As with many children with similar attributes, Meg would also go on to embarrass her mother and father with her unique observations.

Meghan showed signs of being a free spirit in other ways during her childhood. Until she was four or five years old, Nancy had a hard time keeping clothes on her whenever she would drive somewhere in the car. Nancy had to extend her schedule every time she would travel alone with her daughter. Sitting in the back seat, buckled in a child harness, and out of her mother’s reach, Meghan would strip down to her underwear. It didn’t matter what time of year or what she was wearing, Meghan had to be redressed before they could continue on to their destination.

Dan and Debbie Howaniec were Meghan’s godparents. Like so many of Mike and Nancy’s friends, they became part of the Redenbach family and looked forward to babysitting little Meghan. From early on Meghan would be heard—often in fits of crying and screaming after her parents left. Debbie and Dan’s own kids would take cover, and they remembered thinking that Meghan was reminding them who the weak ones were. They survived to enjoy many family get-togethers, many involving competitive games. After Christmas dinner there would be Bingo, poker, and prizes! They always knew there was going to be a Meghan moment-she would get this look in her eyes when her turn was coming up, and they knew everyone else was in trouble; Meghan would not be the one to turn in her chips.

Meghan’s Aunt Joan once took five-year-old Meghan to a Christmas play at a local church with Joan’s godchild, Shannon. Meg was excited to get one of the Bibles that were being offered in the lobby after the program. She asked her aunt if it was called the HOLLY Bible because it was Christmas. She then asked her uncle if he wanted her to read from the Book of Guinness while he was enjoying a glass of the stout ale at the pizzeria where they ate dinner. Meghan and Shannon also discovered that they had better luck at computer Las Vegas Slots with the Bibles on their laps. After Meg returned from the fun sleep-over with her Aunt and Uncle, Mike called his sister to ask, What did you do to my daughter? She’s gambling with the Bible on her lap!

Jabber Jaws as she was, Meghan talked very little in kindergarten at Gasport Elementary School. Her teacher, Patty Russell, explained to her parents that Meghan, although participating and active, was silent most of the time. Mike and Nancy just looked at each other; this teacher could not be talking about their daughter. It was not long before that would change.

Meghan began her career in sports as a Pee Wee Cheerleader for the Loyal Football Program. Nick was already a quarterback for this community sports organization which now involved the whole Redenbach family. This was where Meghan first began to reveal not only her animated spirit, but the dedication and competitive drive that enveloped her whenever she committed herself to an activity or sport. It didn’t matter what it was, Meghan took on everything with gusto.

Cheerleading was just the beginning. It wasn’t long before Meghan began talking more in school. Mrs. Russell told Nancy she believed this involvement had helped Meg to open up, speak more, and express herself in class. Something she clearly didn’t struggle with outside of school.

Like many children during their elementary years, Meghan loved to stay busy. Each night she would ask, What are we doing? She did not like to sit around. Meghan loved crafts, especially for the holidays. She loved making cookies and getting dressed up in the Halloween costumes made for her each year by her godmother, Debbie. Although working full time as a teacher’s aide in the Williamsville School District, Nancy also volunteered at Meghan’s school. Each month Mike and Nancy would design and create a bulletin board for the front hallway. Meghan loved to go into school in the evening and help with this.

Meghan was memorable to every teacher she had. Dan Verdi remembers those images of his fourth-grade student:

I remember the thick, brown hair and the full-cheeks of her face. I remember her just floating up to my desk to hang out (when I asked her what she needed, she’d just reply, nuthin’ and smile). She always had a smile on her face. She’d pass on messages from her father whenever the Yankees weren’t playing well (Mike being a big Red Sox fan and me a Yankees’ fan), with all the sarcasm she could muster (What happened to the Yankees last night? They lost…). Some days, she’d just ask me if the Yankees won the night before and smile, knowing full-well they didn’t.

Both Meg and Nancy organized a class Thank You gift for me that year, a folding summer chair with all my students’ names embroidered on the seat, my name on the back support. It’s in my classroom today and sitting next to me as I type. I vaguely remember Nancy mentioning after-the-fact how Meg helped get word to the kids in the class and collect money during the school day, all unbeknownst to me.

Katie Fisk was frequently entertained by the often precocious Meghan:

When Meghan was in 5th grade, I had the privilege of spending most of the day with her. I especially enjoyed our daily morning banter. I always met the students at the door each day to greet them. This was Meghan’s first year in the middle school, therefore her first year getting up an hour earlier for school. Every day as I would greet her with, Good Morning! She would sigh and reply various comments such as, Bad Morning, Mrs. Fisk! I haven’t had my coffee yet. I think it was something that we both came to enjoy as the year went on, because the comments kept coming as to how many cups of coffee she needed and eye rolls on days I would greet her (on purpose) in an especially chipper way.

Meghan was also on my Jump-Rope-A-Thon Team for the 1st Annual Middle School Jump-Rope-A-Thon. She actually helped plan and run it with our class that year. She was determined to win the T-Shirt Design Contest. She came up with a plan with the help of a friend to make these t-shirts. The girls stayed after school and taught ME how to tie-dye shirts. I always loved her can-do attitude. I remember telling her that I had never tie-dyed shirts before and she said something to the effect of, We’ll figure it out. We can do it. We’re definitely going to win. She was right; they did win!

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