Beanum Infinitum: Book 1

By P.B. Gookenschleim

In this first thrilling installment of Gookenschleim's Beanum Infinitum series, Gookenschleim attempts to find a happy median between eloquent prose and absurdity. The eighteen pages that follow are his attempt to demonstrate just how excruciatingly ambitious even the silliest of stories can be. After all, his main character is a talking pinto bean. All that's left is a bean burrito monster in search of talking pinto beans to devour; oh wait, there's one in here too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 27, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477261101

P.B. Gookenschleim

P.B. Gookenschleim lives in Ukelele, Hawaii. It is on this remote island, far off to the left, that he is a scientist by day and an avid chocolate milk maker by night. *Sigh* He also writes. Gookenschleim's area of expertise is genetics. It was with genetics that Gookenschleim was able to peer farther into the Universe than his father could have ever hoped to have done. His fasha, E.H. Gookenschleim, an astronomer officially for 52 years, first engendered the wonder of the universe in P.B. at the pre-pubuscent age of 11. He did so by allowing P.B. to read the revelation of the King James Bible. E.H. went on to tell his son P.B. that if he did not learn about the Universe or should he ever lose his sense of wonder, the events described in that book would dictate the rest of his human existence. Terrified of such a horrific fate, P.B. always listened to his fasha. Soon after, at age 14, P.B. received a microscope for his birthday, and quickly became obsessed with the inner Universe. After graduating with honors from MacDowell's online University for Less than Below Average People he was given a grant for one zillion American dollars. Zillion dollars in hand, he built his own island where he now experiments on ants. Gookenschleim claims that an alien came to him in a dream, the same one that spoke to Daniel Quinn, and told him that if he could find a way to make ants glow in the dark and somehow transform them to be more chicken like, he would be able to not just see the Universe but feel the Universe. Up to now, he has failed miserably like a mentally handicap giraffe trying to pick up a straw with its neck.

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© 2012 P.B. Gookenschleim. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,

or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 09/20/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-6109-5 (sc)

978-1-4772-6110-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012917459

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For my little brother, Paul, who suffered with me. For my sister, Cindy, who wanted it to be a talking bowl of menudo. For Taryn, whose memory reminds me exactly who else stares at the universe just like I do. To Carl Sagan, for resisting the urge to scream violently at the camera. To Alan Watts, for being nonchalant about the whole thing. And for Galileo and Hypatia, whose revenge reverberates through time with each amazing discovery.

Also, for the poop that took a pee.

Are they saying that the trees are just as special as I am?

No, we’re saying that was always between you and the trees.

    Once there was a bubble.

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Streaming around the surface of this bubble were billions of galaxies swirled in endless colors twisted throughout the light. Tucked into a single