Reality Check: An Unconventional Guide About Conventional Parenting

By Dr. Kristen Benson

Do you find yourself doing things you swore you would never do as a parent? Welcome to my world. As parents it is our responsibility to make sure we provide safety, love, structure and learning to our childrens lives. There is no silver bullet on how you do it. Sometimes when it comes to parenting, you dont do it by the book, you JUST DO IT! I am sure every parent has questioned themself on how they disciplined their child, how they answer the million dollar question, Where do babies come from? and how to just get into a routine that will make your life and your childs life easier. This book will share all of my experiences, ethical and non-ethical and allow you to decide for yourself the best way to address, your relationship with your child. This book although written from my experience as a single parent, can assist anyone who faces the toughest but most rewarding job as a parent. This book will make you laugh and learn.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477281154

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© 2012 by Dr. Kristen Benson. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/19/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-8117-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-8115-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012919473

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

Chapter 1: Reality Check

Chapter Two: Who is the Boss and Who is in Control?

Chapter 3: Responsibility —Theirs and Ours

Chapter 4: Well Rounded

Chapter 5: The Sick Child

Chapter 6: When Things Go Wrong… Because They Will

Chapter 7: The Moment You Wait For

Chapter 8: Final Chapter —That is all she wrote

References

To Donald Corky Mitchell

Who inspired me to put the words to paper.

With laughter and friendship

Acknowledgements

The author is indebted to the following people for their contributions to the book:

Susan Muse, Corky Mitchell, The Rist Family, my husband, Mitch Benson, and most of all, my daughter, Harley Spicer, who has made me a better person and a better parent.

Preface

Do you remember the 80’s commercial, Calgon, take me away? Well, I believe that every person in this universe has felt that way a time or two. This book is written for all the working moms who find themselves reaching for the Calgon bottle daily. I will give you a little Calgon here in the form of nothing but whole-hearted truths. In parenting, no one has time for sugar coating. We’re all too busy! Just know that you may or may not like what I have to say. You may or may not believe what I say, or even what I have done in raising my own child. Just know this, parents: there was a three year period in my life that pushed me to the limit. I was newly divorced, a single mom who worked full time as a city middle school administrator. At night I attended classes to complete my doctorate which led me on a one-year journey of writing my dissertation. I survived; yet, the most amazing parts are these: a) my daughter is still alive and breathing; and b) she still thinks I am the best and coolest mom who ever lived.

This book is a guide for all of you parents who need to know that raising children can be done even while you maintain your sanity, keep food on the table, semi-clean your house, wash clothes, and most importantly, raise children who think for themselves and respect you for all you do. Yes, it is possible. REALITY CHECK: Parenting is never easy, even when there are two of you doing it together; doing it alone is the hardest job you will ever take on.

This book will be helpful in supporting anyone raising children. It offers ideas and suggestions about parenting for doing what you have never thought of, or what you have thought of, but swore you would never do. My ultimate goal is to help you get your life organized. I also hope to achieve helping you to get your children to do exactly what you want them to, even without asking. Imagine that! Read on, and expect to laugh, expect to learn.

Chapter 1: Reality Check

It doesn’t matter how you became a parent or what type of parent you are. Whether you are single, married, or divorced, the end result is the same. You are the life line to at least another human being, your child. When my former husband and I separated, my daughter was one and a half years old. She had many needs, and I was the one there to fulfill them. My life completely centered on making sure she was safe, fed, clothed, and loved. What would have been easy for me was to stay angry at the world for my getting into this situation. But that would have brought nothing into our lives, except a few more wrinkles from the ongoing stress or cause me to eat an entire box of Ho-Ho’s—and all that would have done was added more cellulite to areas of my body that does not need it. Let’s face it: when you’re not happy, no one is happy. What helped me the most was getting into a daily routine. My full time job required leaving the house at 6:30AM to take my daughter to day care by 6:50AM. I was on the job by 7:20AM, and there was no room for deviation to this routine. After all, the school bell rang at 7:45AM, and I had to be there with my game face on. REALITY CHECK: Time management was critical.

You will hear a great deal about the term: attention span. When we talk about attention span or the lack of attention span our children exhibit, we need to clarify the term. Attention span is the degree to which a child demonstrates sustained focus on designated tasks and activities, especially in school" (Guevremont, 1992). Experts say that attention spans vary in age, gender and type of activity. Older children tend to have longer attention spans, and girls have longer attention spans than boys. One researcher says that the attention span is equal to the age of the child. If your child is four, his attention span is four minutes (Hunt, 1985). Now that explains everything doesn’t it? Keep that in mind as you read through the book.

The Daycare Drop Off

Especially in our society, it is inevitable that the day will come when you must go back to work. Perhaps during your maternity leave, your child has had the luxury of having you at their