The Book on Laughable and Disturbing Police Reports: First Edition

By INV. SGT. GREGORY BRYAN DUNN

The Book on Laughable and Disturbing Police Reports was written with the intent of the author to give a glimpse of the lighter side of law enforcement to the general public, providing a description of actual police reports based on actual incidents.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Nov 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466967724

INV. SGT. GREGORY BRYAN DUNN

Winner of numerous awards and decorations, world-famous detective Gregory Bryan Dunn has been in law enforcement for over twenty and has served the people of Southern Illinois in the capacity of gang crime specialist. Inspired to give the general public a glimpse of the lighter side of law enforcement, Gregory Dunn has written a collection of short stories that is guaranteed to make you laugh. Concentrating on writing full-time now, Detective Dunn is now retired from the force and is currently enjoying the rewards of a successful writing career.

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REPORT NUMBER 1

Disciplinary Response Memo

To: Chief of Police Montgomery Pressley

From: Officer Luke Nielsen

Reference: Alleged Allegations of misconduct

Dear Chief Montgomery, I, Officer Nielsen would like to take this opportunity to give you my account of the situation reported by the dispatch. I would also like to thank Captain Johnson for allowing me to explain myself of these accusations. On Feb 1st, reporting officer was on routine patrol and observed a female parked along the side of the road and appeared as if she needed assistance due to some sort of car problem. I noticed the hood was up and a woman dressed in a black mini skirt bending over the opened hood of her Black Chevy pickup.

I approached this woman and inquired if she needed assistance. She was then identified as Sally Jones. Ms. Jones asked to use my cell phone and I let this Jones inside my squad car in order she could use the phone. After making the phone call, I admit we chatted for a while, which I now know is against department regulations. After conversing for a short while, Mrs. Jones exited my squad car without incident. End of report/nothing further at this time.

Revised memo later followed which read: On this date, on March 27, I now confess to having sex in my squad car with the distressed woman and accidentally having my radio microphone keyed during the whole encounter thus having a recording of said encounter with police dispatch, who in turn told internal affairs division on me. My hormones got the best of me and I apologize for costing the city the thousands of dollars to investigate this incident.

End of Report

REPORT NUMBER 2

Aggravated battery by a Preacher

Reporting officer was dispatched to the Pentecostal church in reference a battery that had taken place during church services. Reporting officer spoke with victim Jennifer Flanagan, along with some other witnesses who advise they observed the battery. Mrs. Flanagan stated she was listening to the sermon by, Pastor Ryan Mickson, along with the rest of the congregation. She advised it was the first time she attended the church. During the sermon, she stated pastor Mickson started saying things that were in her opinion, hateful, and derogatory towards black people. Mickson also stated the only people who are true believers in Jesus are Republicans and Democrats are black evil people! She and other witnesses stated Mickson went on a rant stating black are cursed because they’re evil.

Mrs. Flanagan advised after the sermon was over everyone flocked to the pastor and informed him they did not agree with the sermon he just gave. Mickson advised these were the principles his father taught him and he feels he is correct. Mrs. Flanagan advised as an African-American, she was very offended by that sermon. Mrs. Flanagan advised it was at this point she told Mickson his father was wrong to install racist negative opinions in him. She also informed him that she would not continue to go to his church. After informing pastor Mickson she was going to find another church, the whole congregation stood up and started clapping. Mrs. Flanagan advised, along with several witnesses, pastor Mickson came up to her face to face and punched her in the nose very hard with his closed fist. Flanagan and several other witnesses advised Flanagan fell down the stairs and hurt her arm also. Reporting officer immediately contacted dispatch and requested an ambulance to arrive at the scene. Ambulance personnel arrived on scene and transported Mrs. Flanagan to the closest hospital. Reporting officer was able to get a written statement from Mrs. Flanagan along with 12 other witnesses who observed the battery.

Reporting officer advised he walked over to the Parsonage spoke with pastor Mickson. Reporting officer read him his Miranda rights and the pastor gave reporting officer a written statement concerning what had taken place. The pastor advised and in his written statement he was giving a proper sermon and after it was over, his whole church became possessed with the spirit of Satan. Mickson advised Satan instructed his church to rebel against him and called him a racist Republican joke. Pastor Mickson further added Jesus Christ informed him through a vision and instructed him to walk over and punch the new loud mouth lady in the face, as hard as he could. The pastor informed reporting officer he believes he should not go to jail because Jesus Christ told him to do it and that he was only battling the forces of darkness.

Reporting officer then advised that the pastor he was under arrest. Reporting officer placed pastor Mickson in custody and transported him to the County jail for further processing.

End of Report

REPORT NUMBER 3

Accident Investigation Report

Reporting Officer was dispatched to the 200 block of Concorde Street in reference to a 10-50 (traffic accident). Upon arrival to the accident, reporting officer observed a male/Asian hysterically screaming at a newer looking blue Chevy S-10 pickup truck. The subject appeared to be dressed in some sort of waiters uniform. Reporting officer could hear the man screaming at the vehicle You stupid American car. Reporting officer approached the individual and inquired what the problem was. Reporting officer received the subjects green card and identified the man as Li Chan. Mr. Chan explained he was driving his vehicle and hit the auto pilot button on his American made Chevy S-10. Chan advised the vehicle remained at the same speed while it drove directly into the wall of the Church of Christ on Murdale Street. Reporting officer explained to Mr. Chan American made vehicles do not have auto pilot buttons. R/o inquired what button Chan activated that he thought was auto pilot. Chan directed r/o’s attention to the cruise control button. Reporting officer briefly explained how the "cruise