Pursued by Love

By Jeanne Bush

This is a love story, but its radically different because the love of God breaks into the novel like a whirlwind. What is the price of such love? Are the characters, especially one young woman, able to accept the magnificent challenge? The plot is woven around this theme of love--human and divine with the golden thread of the gospel of St. John binding it together. Its a story of mystery and suspense in the lives of characters who are very much like you and I.

Pursued by Love is a fascinating story which describes the path of love meant to be trod by each of us on our journey through life. Human love and divine love are chronicled in expressive, well-written prose. The reader is captivated by descriptions of the interior life and the interaction between that and a beautiful love story, which are then wrapped in a tantalizing mystery. A good read, I would recommend this book to anyone who wishes to journey with a woman who has discovered the rich life of the interior castle.

--Ann Daly, SNDdeN

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Jun 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466933897

Jeanne Bush

Jeanne Bush creates a world of characters who seem to step off the page as they draw us into their intriguing lives of pathos and humor. But the author’s unique ability to introduce the reader to the interior life of the Gospel and the great mystics of the Church is truly a gift. She was awarded The Catholic Writers’ Guild Seal of Approval for her literary art and doctrinal authenticity in her novel Pursued by Love.

Book preview

Dust Jacket

P aula Moore, an insurance investigator, with her best friend, Consuela Del Santos work to discover the legality of the claims assigned to them, managing to find humor in the direst circumstances. But Paula discovers that some of her claimants are curious characters—even dangerous. Feeling overwhelmed by stress, she becomes acquainted with the sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and is attracted by the beautiful, spiritual life they enjoy. She decides to accept the invitation to stay at their convent on weekends, while maintaining her job at Gardner Insurance, to discern her own religious calling; but at the end of a year discovers that she has an illness and is forced to put her vocation on hold. She is then thrust deeper into the tempestuous turmoil of her investigative work.

Paula continues to be drawn into the lives of people who make up her world. Among them is Scott Higgins, whom she is attracted to but who has complications of his own, a young single mother with an alcohol addiction, and a priest and nun who are ready to take on anyone who threatens their friends in the inner city—even drug lords. But the most disturbing character is the one who keeps threatening Paula without revealing their identity.

Through all of this Paula is called by the Holy Spirit to enter more deeply into the Divine mystery and splendor of the spiritual life. His love is revealed like an unfolding symphony; and in the crescendo of the story, the threads of mystery come together in a twist of irony.

Prelude

N ow, she was suspended between Heaven and earth above the concrete canyons of Hartford’s office buildings. In a rush she remembered the canyons in the West: glorious open cathedrals of stone—blazing color in the sunlight—yawning abysses of shadow in the evening. Exploring them had been terrifying and thrilling. The same feelings began to invade her now as a prickly sensation radiated out from her stomach, rippling through her chest, her limbs, down her arms through her fingers and toes, making her heart race, her breathing shallow, bubbling in her brain making her feel light headed—making her want to let go and fly through space. Looking up at an ebony sky swirling in silvered clouds, she imagined that all of Heaven were holding their breath waiting for her decision. Was she ready to risk everything for Love?

What events in the story of her life had brought her to this… ?

Chapter One

A breeze from the Connecticut River swirled through the open window caressing the sleeping figure as the sacred words of The Song of Songs flowed through her dreams, Arise, my love, my dove, my fair one, and come away… . You have ravished my heart, my sister my bride… a garden fountain, a well of living water…

Paula suddenly awakened. She sat up and glanced at her watch on the night table. It was 5:45 AM, and the Sisters began meditative prayer at 6:30. This might be her last day here, and she wanted a little time alone before the Blessed Sacrament.

Dressed in casual gray slacks and a royal blue sweater, she pulled a comb through tousled blonde hair. The curls were defying her this morning, but there just wasn’t time to wet them down. And it was too late to remedy the shadows beneath her hazel eyes that betrayed lost sleep. Shrugging at the mirrored image, she picked up her rosary from the dresser, opened the door and quietly slipped into the hallway of the Sacred Heart convent. Paula could hear the Sisters begin to stir. Hurrying down the backstairs of the old Mansard style mansion, she glanced through the window of the second floor landing into bright blue sky. It lifted her spirits a little, and she felt a surge of hope. Continuing down the stairs, Paula entered the Chapel and slipped into a pew. The Sanctuary lamp sent red flames across the gold Tabernacle door.

As she began to pray, My God, she remembered Sister Teresa telling her to think about what she was saying to God and to savor the words like honey on the tongue. My God! She began again this time pondering the salutation. God belongs to me, and I to Him! How awesome! I love you, Jesus, she breathed, and her heart seemed to open like a flower letting the dew of grace fill it.

The mansion, that was now a convent, was situated on a bend in the Connecticut River, and later that morning Sister Teresa and Paula were braving the February wind to walk along the river path. The gray-blue water reflected shards of sunlight, and a few mallard ducks were riding out the choppy waves.

Sister Teresa broke the meditative silence that had fallen over them. Paula, she began. If you were asked to write your biography, what would you say about the weekends you have spent with us this past year?

Paula hadn’t expected this question, but as she pondered it for a moment it seemed like an excellent way to put things into focus. She had stayed with the Sisters on weekends while working during the week as an insurance adjustor at Gardner Insurance. By doing this she had hoped to determine whether or not God was calling her to the Religious life. Now at last this was the weekend for decision-making.

It’s been an adventure. The words were tumbling out. An adventure that I can see gloriously unfolding down through the years. She paused to catch her breath, and thought of the recent events that had thrown her off balance. But that was what Christianity was all about wasn’t it—the triumph of the cross?

Sister turned to look at her. Her waist length, white veil was billowing in the wind. She was a diminutive figure with a face that had weathered many cold New England winters, but her blue eyes reflected a serene and joyful spirit. The Spiritual Life really is an adventure, Paula—a journey of love. She turned her gaze toward the river as though garnering wisdom. It is a journey, but we don’t always know where it will take us.

Paula’s senses went on alert. Sister was leading up to something.

The path was winding back toward the convent. Sister stopped walking and Paula turned to face her. Paula, how are you feeling?

Paula felt fine. The same way she had felt a month ago when Doctor Hilda Dietrich had discovered the hard little stone in her breast that had turned out to be cancer.

I’ll be starting chemotherapy next week. She began as if she were commenting on an insurance claim. Then after nine weeks it’s on to radiation. She tried to keep her tone light, but the catch in her voice betrayed her.

You have a lot ahead of you, Paula. Sister’s voice was low and soothing. "But I want you to know that you can be cured."

I know I have to think positive, but my stats aren’t all that great. They’re giving me a 70% chance even with therapy. They came to a bench overlooking the river.

Let’s sit here for a few moments. Sister said as she brushed the concrete with her handkerchief. It’s warm from the sun, and the view is lovely here.

Paula sat next to her friend, and gazed at the silvery water and row of houses perched on the riverbank opposite them.

I know you can be cured, because I’m a cancer survivor.

Oh! Then you understand! Paula was relieved. This was someone who had been there.

Yes, I do understand. Getting a cancer diagnosis seems like a terrible invasion. You begin to look at the world as a very unsafe and toxic place. And suddenly the future seems very dark.

So, how did you handle it? I mean you seem so full of joy. How long has it been?

It’s been fifteen years with no recurrences.

Fifteen years! Paula couldn’t believe it. You must be cured.

Sister tilted her head back and chuckled. I suppose I am. She said patting Paula’s hand. "Well, I want to give you reason to hope. My stats weren’t very good either. I think with treatment I was given only a fifty percent chance of a cure."

"You have given me hope. I’ll think of you when I’m going through… all of that."

Good! Remember God is holding you in the palm of his hand.

Paula nodded as she imagined herself a tiny shorn lamb held tenderly in His hands.

"Now, let’s talk about your future." Paula braced herself. Now at last she would know whether these holy women had accepted her.

You have blended in very well with our Community of Sisters. More importantly you have shown yourself to be a devout young woman. I think you would be a fine religious. She paused, and Paula knew there was a but coming. A but that would shatter her hopes for a new life. I do think you will do just fine with the therapy, but it will be a difficult three months for you. Paula nodded as Sister continued.

Entering the novitiate can be challenging too. It’s a lot different living with thirty sisters everyday while learning to follow the religious life than spending weekends with us as our guest. Then too, it’s a time of sacrifice. You’re required to leave behind all that you own, the social life you’re use to and freedom to live life the way you want to. I just think it would be too much for you right now.

Paula wanted to say, None of this matters. I love God. I’m ready to surrender everything to him. I want to be His entirely. But she said nothing. She knew it would not make any difference. The decision had already been made. The Sisters had not accepted her.

Paula felt like she was dream walking as she packed her travel case. She prayed that she wouldn’t reveal her heartbreak when she made her final goodbyes to the Sisters, whom she had grown to love.

Hearing footsteps in the hallway, Paula looked up just as Sister Teresa bustled in.

Come downstairs with me for a cup of your favorite herbal tea. I have something for you.

An aroma of chocolate brownies mingled with steaming peppermint tea greeted Paula as Sister led her to a cozy spot in the kitchen where a table was set with rose patterned china. A small package wrapped in gold paper was nestled next to one cup and saucer.

Sit here, Dear. Sister said as she began to pour the tea. Go ahead open your gift. It’s very special.

The gift was a book of the psalms bound in black leather with the leaves edged in gold. Paula’s hand trembled as she held it.

You’ve said that the spiritual life is becoming an adventure for you.

Paula nodded; she could feel a hot tear escaping.

Sister continued, It is a journey—an interior journey. Saint Teresa of Avila compared it to entering an interior castle. A castle made of a single diamond with many rooms, and the King, Christ is in the center of this castle. The castle of course is your soul.

Paula was intrigued. It was like some wonderful fairy tale. Only this was true!

"You need a key to that castle. Now, God has given us many spiritual gifts. His Divine Word is a means of receiving those gifts. Sacred Scripture is actually God’s love letter to us, and the Psalms are a way of expressing that love in an intimate way. One of the most beautiful love songs, that expresses God’s love for the soul, is The Song of Songs."

Paula listened enrapt. There was a wealth of spiritual truth unfolding for her.

"But each person must find this key for themselves. This quest is the mystery of the spiritual life. It is both our search for God, and our surrender to God." Paula could only nod her head. It was all so new to her, and so awesome.

Suddenly they were surrounded by Sisters who wanted to express their love for a friend who was leaving them. Paula felt a rush of joy. They would be her friends always.

Chapter Two

"H i, Paula. I’m Judy. I’ll be doing your treatment today. The nurse, dressed in teddy bear print, looked way too young to do a treatment—not one this serious anyway. Pretty color isn’t it? She held aloft a plastic bag filled with a chemical that looked like sparkling cherry juice, but it wasn’t. Paula already knew it was extremely caustic. A single drop on the skin would burn like acid. It was supposed to destroy the bad cells and leave the healthy ones alone, or so they said. This was not entirely true, because her hair was guaranteed to fall out.

Paula sighed as she stretched out her right arm. It had to be the right arm. The left arm had lost two many lymph nodes for them to take a chance. Without a proper number of lymph nodes there was danger of a complication. Lymph nodes were like nets that captured cancer cells, so some of Paula’s had been removed to see how far the breast cancer had gone. Out of fifteen, two of Paula’s nodes had caught cancer cells. That was why she had a 70% chance of survival. She was trying to think positive. A 70% survival meant that of 1000 women, with her stats, 700 would be cured. Put that way it did not seem so terrible.

The nurse bent over to insert the needle. She looked even younger up close with her luxuriant, brown hair gathered up in a teddy bear clip. But Judy’s touch was sure and soon the liquid fire was wending its way into Paula’s veins. Closing her eyes, she leaned against the leather recliner, and silently began to say the name of Jesus. An image of a castle made of light formed in her imagination, and she thought, Christ is right here in the center of my castle. The Divine Physician is with me.

Chapter Three

A s Paula backed out of the radiation oncology parking space, she breathed a sigh of relief, because today she had completed her radiation treatment. It had been a rocky road for the past three months, but now her entire cancer therapy was over with. Time to… but before she could complete the thought, her cell phone began to belt out a tune. She drove back into the space and pressed the send button. It was Consuela Del Santos, who liked to be called Connie, a coworker at Gardner Insurance Company. She had become Paula’s best friend.

How are you doing, Lady? Do you glow in the dark yet?

Paula laughed. Connie could find humor in almost anything. I don’t know. Wait until tonight and I’ll tell you. Any houses you want me to haunt, just in case?

Too early for that. Wait ’till Halloween, and we’ll sell tickets.

I’m in. I’ll be a bald, glowing… whatever.

Listen, Paula how about lunch, something Italian, Angelo’s maybe? They have booths there, just right for conversation.

Sure, Angelo’s would be fine. Paula’s curiosity was piqued. What did Connie want to say to her?

Great see you in a few.

They settled into a booth in a room away from the main diner. Connie fairly sparked with Latin energy. Even her mass of thick black curls seemed electrostatic. Her vibrancy was only slightly toned down by the fitted navy suit. Paula felt renewed energy just being in her friend’s presence. They scanned the menu. Paula was actually feeling hungry. She shuddered when she remembered what a job it had been to hold anything down during chemotherapy, and what a monstrous feat chewing was—especially when all her teeth became loose and her mouth was torn up from the liquid fire in her veins. But you were there with me Jesus and now it’s over! And I’m celebrating!

I think I’ll go with spaghetti and meat sauce. It will give me a shot of iron. Paula said.

Ammo against the baddies, right? Connie quipped.

Paula laughed, and said, Yes, the bad cells have gotten their socks nuked off. Changing the subject, she asked, How did you manage to work in lunch with me today? Connie was in automobile liability, and she was usually swamped with work, running around tracking down accident victims.

I managed to juggle around some appointments, because this is a cause to celebrate—your last radio date, Lady! Time to send up the balloons. Connie gestured with an upsweep of her hands as if releasing a bouquet of them.

After the waiter had taken their order, Connie leaned forward and asked, When do you think you’ll be back working at Gardner Insurance?

Paula began to unwind her silverware from the linen napkin. She didn’t want to be returning there at all. She had been so sure that she would have entered religious life by now. But the cancer had changed everything, and her supervisor had called this morning wanting to know what she planned to do. Cliff had allowed her to take a leave of absence while she was in treatment, but his patience was growing thin. And now Paula began to think it was a good idea to return to Gardner. She needed to make up for some things, even though she had no idea of how to do this.

At last she said, One week, Connie, I’ll be returning in just one week.

Connie’s dark eyes flashed with joy. Perfect! The attorneys are hosting a cocktail gathering in their new offices one week from today. The party might be just the thing to brighten your spirits before you return to work the following Monday.

Paula nodded. The cocktail party sounded interesting.

Oh, and Scott’s been asking how you’re doing.

Paula thought of Scott. The handsome Irishman was fun to talk with when the phones weren’t ringing off the wall at Gardner.

Tell him I said, hello. Paula said, just as the waiter brought their salads.

As Connie liberally sprinkled her salad with raspberry vinaigrette, she asked, Have you heard about the new hires? Paula had not, so she explained, Gretchen Smith is a new attorney at Morgan and Stewart. Paula nodded. Morgan and Stewart were the outside attorneys who handled claims litigation for Gardner. As a claims adjustor, she often referred cases to them that were to be handled in Court. Connie continued, She was just hired this week. She’s a bit of a mystery. No one seems to know much about her. Paula grinned. Her friend loved a mystery. This was partly why she was such a good claims adjustor. The other part was an uncanny prescience; she just seemed to know when things were going to happen. Connie added, I imagine they’ll be formally introducing her at the get-together. She paused taking a bite of tomato, and Paula interjected, She’ll probably be assigned to me, Connie, to break her in, since I tend to have routine cases.

Connie raised her eyebrows, and said, You’ve gotten some pretty big claims, Paula. That water contamination case was a doozy.

Yes, there have been some potential bombs set on my plate. The two friends broke out in laughter. Paula swallowed her tea in a gulp as she sputtered, "Luckily none of them have gone off yet."

Paula caught her breath, and asked, And who is the second hire?

Her name is Katryn Shelley, very young, I’d say 18 to 20. She does routine clerical work for us, and I have no complaints with her work. But… Connie rolled her eyes, and added, she’s a bit of a puzzle too. She has an attitude, and it’s going to take some patience to bring her around.

You’re just the one to do that. Paula said, thinking how Connie and her husband were raising six wonderful children. She was working now to help defray the cost of college for them, as she often said, I want them to attend a college where they’ll get a good solid education without some air-head of a professor undermining the Faith.

Connie smiled at the compliment saying, You know, Paula, even though your Religious life has been put on hold, I think God may have a mission for you right there at Gardner.

Paula nodded, and paused remembering how she had first met the sisters in their religious house during an evening of recollection. What had struck her about them was that they seemed to be women in love. Paula had not found real love yet, and her heart reached out in yearning toward the kind of life that brought such joy. It was then that she decided to spend more time with the sisters to discern whether she did have a vocation to surrender her life entirely to Christ. At last she replied to Connie, Perhaps you’re right. Maybe my search for God is somehow related to what awaits me there.

Chapter Four

P aula stood in the hallway trembling slightly as she read the gleaming brass plate that indicated this was the Law Office of Morgan and Stewart. Dear God, how do I find You at a cocktail party? she prayed silently. Then as she took a deep breath trying to slow her runaway heart, she recalled the sacred poetry from The Song of the Beloved :

I will rise now and go about the city,

   in the streets and in the squares;

I will seek him whom my soul loves.

"God is telling us through His Psalmist that He can be found in the city, because He can be found anywhere!" she thought. Mustering her courage, she squared her shoulders and pushed open the door to suite 707. The crowded room burst upon her, an exotic garden of color and contour, bubbling with conversation and laughter. Feeling a sudden rush as if she were stepping on stage, she slipped in.

Hello, you must be Paula Moore. A young woman, with fabulous cheekbones, her honey-blonde hair pulled back in a French braid, walked toward Paula. Neville has told me so much about you, and I’ve really been anxious for us to meet. I’m Gretchen Smith.

The mystery lady! Paula was intrigued as she grasped Gretchen’s extended hand and said, Consuela has mentioned you as well. Paula felt very awkward. It was as if Gretchen were trying to read her or something. Just then the Lincolnesque figure of Neville Stewart approached them. So, you’ve found each other! he bellowed in a booming voice. Haggard features betrayed his fifty plus years, even though chestnut brown hair was full with only a touch of gray at the temples. Wonderful to see you, Paula. May we plan to have you back on board Monday? His expression was kind, and Paula began to actually warm to the idea of returning to work.

Yes, you may, she said with renewed enthusiasm.

That’s just bully!

Paula suppressed a chuckle at the British expression.

Well, then, we must celebrate. Shall it be punch or champagne? Not knowing what was in the punch and not wanting to ask, she answered, Champagne would be lovely, thank you.

Fine. Then turning toward Gretchen he said, Why don’t you and Paula try the buffet while I secure the drinks?

Paula caught her breath when Gretchen led her into the next room and indicated with a flourish the damask covered buffet table. It held a life sized ice swan, laced in rainbow light, nestled in a tray of hors d’ouevres. On either side of the centerpiece were tiers of confectionary flowers in spring colors. The opulently set table was placed against a glass wall that showcased the sun—a flaming vermilion disc hovering above the Connecticut River.

Gretchen excused herself to check with the Caterer about replenishing the punch, and as Paula walked toward the table, her gaze fell on Scott Higgins. He seemed to tower over everyone in the room. Flashing her a roguish grin, he spoke something to his companion. She appeared to be a teenager with short unnaturally brilliant red hair, and was wearing a black sheath dress with spaghetti straps. As Scott turned away from her, she gave Paula an appraising once over, and she knew at once that this must be Katryn.

Striding over to Paula, Scott said, You look wonderful! in a voice that included the whole room. The china blue eyes were warm, and Paula felt herself relaxing, in spite of the attention he was drawing to her. It’s great to see you, he continued dropping his voice to almost a whisper. The place is dead without you! Who else would I talk to about everything from Shakespeare to pulsars? As he said this he gave a wry smile, knowing how they had gotten into a lot of good natured arguments at Gardner. He tended to come down on the opposite side of things from Paula, and she couldn’t resist challenging him. After all he was her peer. They were both claims adjustors at Gardner Insurance but in different lines: she in commercial liability and he in marine casualty.

What have you been doing for four months? he asked.

Images of surgery, chemotherapy and radiation plummeted through her imagination along with a wave of panic. She remembered to breathe deeply and managed to reply, Other than getting zapped with the equivalent of 27,000 x-rays, Scott, not much. The boyish bonhomie faded, and with a look of concern he held her eyes. Hey, are you okay?

I’m doing well now, better than ever. Having said it, she knew it was true; something wonderful was happening.

Fantastic! Then sensing there was a story here, he asked. What’s your secret?

Paula paused. What could she say? Connie was the only one she had confided in about her time spent with the sisters. She wanted to say, I’m on a glorious journey of discovering God!

But before she could reply, Neville interrupted them saying, Sorry to keep you waiting, Paula! The champagne had to be hunted up. It’s flowing like water. Paula smiled as she thought how Neville’s British accent and elegance would make him a natural as a Jane Austin character, maybe even a villain.

Thank you, Neville. Her smile brightened as she accepted the sparkling crystal glass. Just then Scott excused himself commenting that he needed to get some refreshment. Paula felt abandoned, and decided that he needed more cheerful company.

I’m sure that Gardner Insurance will be glad to have you back. Neville continued. I’ve heard through the bush telegraph that there are some industrial cases that need a crack investigator. As Neville expressed the compliment, he raised his eyebrows and grinned showing tobacco stained teeth. Paula remembered Connie telling her about a tobacco case that was pending.

Thank you, she said as the sound of musical laughter caused them both to turn their heads. Gretchen was the center of a large circle with her head thrown back. She created a stunning picture, her suit a splash of chartreuse against the orange sky. And there was Scott like a puppy at her heels. Paula was surprised at the twinge of envy the scene created.

Cliff Hallsworth’s voice caught her attention as he said, So you’ve managed to get her here. He was addressing Neville.

Yes, we’ve gotten her here, Cliff, and we’re hoping she’s back on board by Monday.

Feeling pressured, Paula turned toward her supervisor. Unlike Neville’s gaunt appearance, Cliff, with his high color and rugged physique, looked as if he had fallen out of a painting by Franz Halls. Before she could join in the repartee, she heard Neville addressing Cliff in his stentorian voice. I think congratulations may be in order, Cliff. I hear that your name is in the upper echelons last drawing for VP.

Paula wondered, with a flash of anxiety, what this would mean for her if Cliff accepted the position as Vice President. Would she be expected to take Cliff’s vacated job? She knew he had been grooming her for it. But she liked the freedom of being on the road, especially now. She had no intention of being boxed up in an office all day juggling figures.

"I just go where they