Living Life

By Cole Noel

Living Life is all Dana Austin wanted to do. Finally in her groove as one of the most sought after consultants on juvenile cases in North Texas, Danas focus was food, fun, and fitness. As she wrestled with her faith, Danas struggle with two lovers complicates her simple life amidst some unsuspecting circumstances.

As Dana deals with the concerns of loving a man who she doesnt trust and a man whose love overwhelms her, she is faced with the toughest battle of her life. Dana makes a fatal choice between Judge Derek Cartier, her other best friend and companion, and Lincoln Hollingsworth, her college love and returning soldier.

Her journey back to the living moves Dana to face her distant relatives, emotional hang-ups, and redeeming faith in herself and love. Believing that love and God have given up on her, Dana is reminded that there is hope to live life!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jan 5, 2016
• ISBN: 9781449060763

Cole Noel

Cole NOEL is a native of Southern California. A writer for many years, Cole NOEL utilizes the written word to encourage and entertain readers, and to remind others that love prevails and hope exists.

Book preview

1.

"Congratulations, Judge Cartier! Another successful campaign," I exclaimed. Derek Cartier, Dallas County judge and my more-than-a-friend-sometimes was leaving his chambers with me after a consultation. Most of the time we are strictly professional in public, but we are really close and comfortable in private. But lately he’s blurred the lines and he has my vision blurry. It took a moment to reign in my excitement about his recent accomplishment of getting a community achievement award after a challenging re-election and all of the hard work I put in to make it happen.

We are quite the pair, Ms. Austin, he hinted. My partner in crime.

Now D.C., watch what you say. It’s not very becoming of a judge to use such terms, you know! I teased, being careful to not say his nickname too loud. I am thinking of him more though as a ‘partner’, I will admit only to myself. I’m sure he would have me bedded and wedded by Independence Day at this rate.

Ha, ha, ha, Dana. This is why you need to come around more, just so you can keep me in line. A strong man needs a strong woman, he says as he inches closer with hopes of wrapping his arms around my waist. I was careful to get the lip gloss off him before walking out of his chambers but the smile on both of our faces seemed impossible to remove. I will say it was great to have your support through it all, Dana. You helped make this possible and I owe you a dinner! He inched closer to whisper and so much more.

I got hot and once again a smile was plastered on my face. I quickly snapped back to the reality of being in the court house and not the privacy of his home. It has been my pleasure, your Honor, and I will hold you to it! I said, winking at him as I forced myself to look away.

Derek’s deep laugh always stirs a smile on my face. His voice is rich and sultry. Derek couldn’t help but smooth my hair down to my bra strap. As a man that is particular about many things, he has made it known that he enjoys an all-natural woman, and so do I. I enjoy the diversity of creating my own style and being chemical and weave free. Now, I can certainly understand why a woman might get a weave or floss a wig for a little assistance in this hot Texas weather or with these hot men, but I am doing me—all me.

I have to admit, like my hair, he’s been growing on me this past year. Derek counts it a great thing that a black woman lets him put a finger on her head without breaking it after putting in so much work to get it just right. However, we are in public, so I gave him that look that says if he chooses to relish this moment, he’ll definitely have to answer a load of questions from spectators.

During his campaign, Derek had a platform, our juvenile intervention project, and other pressing judicial obligations that kept him juggling his personal, professional, and political responsibilities. To the outsiders, I was some consultant on the team and rarely did they see us in the room alone. I was often at functions under other pretenses and known more for being associated with his professional entourage yet never as his personal companion. Though my presence was known and felt, I stayed a safe distance when it came to him. He described me as his spotlight because I help him shine.

Of course, with all of these encounters, our relationship grew and evolved. I spent countless hours working on Derek’s campaign and orchestrated everything from his responses to his outfits, and he let me. However, behind closed doors, most of Derek’s down time was spent with me resting in the comfort of our ever evolving friendship. Along with Ms. Cee Cee, Derek was instrumental in exposing me to the urban night life of DFW area. We have enjoyed poetry and spoken word events in South Dallas and Oak Cliff area and concerts at the park. I was the one who let him in, which lead to how I’m feeling now: special.

It had been a while since I had felt that way. Derek has been longing to be the right man, but I often put him in the right now category. I admit, it was safer for me. Commitments tend to be all consuming. It’s hard for a woman like me to be with a man like him-all about marriage and a family. He was a romantic and I-a skeptic burned by love. I knew him too well. Playing house may be the highlight for some, but it’s usually too much trouble for me. After I put out the last one and moved away, I selfishly resorted to solely coital visitation at The Parley. Other than that, it has been all about me for a while, and I like it that way. Yet lately, I’ve noticed how much I considered Derek. He was getting next to me, and, yes, okay, I liked that too!

I snapped out of it. It sounds like you need about 14 hours on someone’s couch! I said, pushing him back. Why did men have to be stroked? Couldn’t they do something on their own? Speaking of stroked, the main man who has called in favors to bed Judge Cartier slithers near.

Your honor, said Valentin Dupree, attorney at law, clearing his throat. Here I’d thought we would leave unscathed, but Val Dupree always found his way into our occasional goodbyes after work. Val always has some agenda or poor lost devil he is trying to redeem and finds it necessary to attempt to rope in Derek to go easy. Val made it known that he helped to secure some voters on behalf of his ‘good friend’ Judge Cartier. That fool seems to have a man crush on Derek and might I add, he could sure work a nerve and run interference.

Val is good looking, fit, and well-manicured. You would have thought he was twice the looker the way he walked around with his nose so high in the air, lips perfectly glossed. I have a limited tolerance for overly cocky lechers, and Val Dupree is definitely a sycophant willing to do anything for a victory in the courtroom. He has his eye on becoming the District Attorney and thinks his connection with Derek will help him. Although, his desire to win cases makes him a great advocate for all of his clients, I dislike his tactics.

Counselor.

Ms. Austin, Val Dupree said with a slight snarl and an invisible eye roll. What a hater! I could almost feel compassion for him since he became quite the bitter black man after his wife left him and received full custody of their dogs. He took my kindness as an invitation and asked me out, but I tactfully turned him down without rudely explaining that I disliked his ego and he wasn’t my type. Now it seems like he only entertains me to gain Derek’s attention. I told Derek he needed to watch out.

Mr. Dupree, I replied with utter professionalism. I stepped back from him and Derek to check my Blackberry. I glanced at my shoes in admiration and hoped my new shipment was arriving today. Giving me the nod of approval, Val Dupree winks at me as he notices my shoes after drooling over Derek’s.

Judge Cartier, I appreciate your judgment regarding my client’s case, he blurted out to Derek, who interrupted him.

I’m not doing you any favors, counselor. I made my ruling based upon the evidence presented to me and the law, Mr. Dupree, said Judge Cartier.

That’s right! Nobody is going to do you a favor, Mr. Dupree. I have to admit I love to see Derek put Val in his place. I resisted shooting Val a look. Ugh, that guy gets on my nerves. The sound of his voice, so smug and condescending, makes me want to roll my eyes. His tone was annoying, and his game was weaker than Atari. However, I play the game. Politics! You never know when you might need someone’s input, and I was often reminded that I was a woman in a man’s world. I might need Dupree one day.

Either way, thank you. Ms. Austin, I appreciate your input as well, said Val. Who would have thought that you had those connections that…

Don’t mention it, I warn him. I stopped him thanking me and moved away from the conversation. Derek already knew that I had friends in high places and access to information that is above his pay grade, but I rarely share. Have a great day, Mr. Dupree, I said as I walked away.

Your fangs are showing, Derek said, winking at me. This man knows me well and lately he has been able to take my crazy. I know he makes your skin crawl but you did a good thing by getting the truth about that report.

Yeah? I waivered. I knew it was right to help uncover the truth, even if that meant helping out Val Dupree. I gave him a smirk, shaking off the weird creepy vibe.

Dana, you are an asset. I am glad you’re my friend, said Derek. But, I don’t think I can afford to keep you on my payroll. My interest in psychology, criminal justice, and law, coupled by my side interests in political science and business, kept me as a professional law student for many years. In the end, I graduated with two bachelor degrees in psychology and sociology, and a master in criminal justice, along with a wealth of experience and a desire to be a consultant. I have a thank you surprise all planned; it’s the best I can do.

I’ll send you my bill and a few payment options, I teased. I heard my phone alert telling me I had another message.

So, are we still hanging at The Lounge? he inquired after my brief distraction by another suitor. This man dominated my professional world and now he is keeping my social calendar full. He conveniently asks me to every function, seminar, and town hall meeting to offer my professional input. He finds a way to get me out to his favorite venues, concerts, and sport outings. I think he likes to see me all dressed up in formals. Here I am comfortable standing in the shadows and Derek is now pulling me into the public spotlight to stand next to him.

I quickly responded and answered him. Sure, I can go for some spoken word and smooth jazz. Give me a heads up on the time and I will meet you there. I am getting my act together tomorrow.

Ah, yes, your self-care day. You do like to take care of yourself!

Someone has to.

Yes, I know, Dana. Let me know when I can, he said seriously. I doubled step and I recovered before we both laughed at his playful innuendos. I can’t help myself around him sometimes. I shook off the fact that he is making me weak in the knees. Can I offer you a ride?

Nope. Go green and then maybe. Ditch the gas guzzler, I insisted. I already know that if I leave with him, I’d get caught up, and I could not do that—not with him tonight. I have a lot on my mind plotting how I can end it with my ex so I can move forward.

Ya’ know, one day you will stop running from me. I’m a good guy, Ms. Austin, ya’ know? he confessed. That was true-I have been running and I know he’s a great guy.

Soon, I will take you up on that, but I know that I have to go, your Honor. See you later.

Yes, Ms. Austin. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, I love how you say that.

I loved the sound of his whisper and his scent. I smiled ear to ear as I softly pushed him away. You would! I replied.

When a man finds a good thing… he started. He shook my hand as he gazed into my eyes before we parted ways.

I walked away from him, checking out his shadow on the ground. We both took a second glance before we lost sight of each other but his delicious scent lingers with me. I had to stop and take one more look to give him a quick wink as I trotted off around the corner. It takes a moment before his shadow leaves me. No surprise since his tall frame towers over me often when we hit the court for a game of one on one and he can almost keep up with me when we go rowing. That man tends to age beautifully and lately he keeps me wanting more! I was starting to fall for him. My goodness, how often do I think that? D, don’t get caught up, I reminded myself. God knows that I am out here just trying to have fun and live my life, and he wants so much more…and he deserves more.

I dug into my bag for my metro pass and found a yellow carnation and a note from Derek saying he wanted to take me out. I hopped onto the train and headed back to Highland Park, smelling my flower. I grabbed my phone and I texted him my answer. My 20 minute commute was my time to plug in my ear buds, listen to my jazz playlist, and disconnect from my lingering issue-which currently is cutting of my ex. I am reminded me that juggling takes a lot of energy and courage, both of which I need to consume for my future. With Derek sparking my interest, I am looking at my future in a different light, but I need to let go of my baggage after helping him unload his, so I started with the things I can control like recycling, commuting, and getting fit.

My ex, on the other hand, he was out of my control and my biggest obstacle to take on. As I waited for the bus, I declined an offer for a midnight rendezvous with my ex, and in order to devise my permanent departure plan, I would soon shut down the cell phone for the night. I decided I would rather put up my feet than put up with him. Until I got the courage and nerve to end it finally with Lincoln, I need to slow down with Derek. I quickly returned a text to my best friend, Angela, before pressing the off button on my cell.

I was excited to get home to enforce my me time especially since I found a package waiting at my side patio. My shoes are here! I headed straight into the kitchen, threw on my light jazz playlist, and enjoyed Sade, Coltrane, Chris Botti, and Miles Davis as I prepared my salmon and broccoli.

Looking out into my backyard, I made a mental list of things to work on: the exit plan, the garden, the patio deck, and supplies to build a doghouse. The light was blinking on my answering machine, but I didn’t have the strength to listen to anyone requesting a return call from me.

Tomorrow worries were for tomorrow!

2.

"So, Dana, how are things? asked Diane, my fit life coach for the past four months. Are we going to do the dance, again?" We are just past the real ‘get to know you’ phase and we are comfortable with one another now. Diane is eclectic in her style, relentless in her approach, and willing to put up with my stubborn ways.

I’m getting in my cardio by running and some resistant training at the gym.

Right, but it’s your eighth week of row strengthening. I need for you to increase your repetitions that includes front squats, bench pull, pullovers, step-ups, and trunk rotation.

I got it, Diane. But let’s talk about this menu. Food wise, I swear by fish and broccoli. I’m doing fresh fruits and veggies. I’m juicing, I plea. Apple chips and water are my new best friends instead of buttered popcorn and sweet tea. Oh, and of course my water intake is on point.

At least three days a week, I run four miles in the morning, and in the summer I swim 30 laps twice a week. I started Pilates, and my core is getting stronger, but I have yet to master some of the rolling positions. It was Lincoln who would hit the track with me, play a match of tennis, and a bit of basketball during college. If my rowing crew wasn’t in the gym with me, he was. Lincoln didn’t care much for rowing himself, but he enjoyed coaching me. Fitness helped me to focus on myself, which I fail to do at times. Now my workouts are with a trainer and on occasion, with Derek.

During my adolescent years I maintained a healthy weight, but somewhere between college and life, I put on some pounds beyond the freshman 15. There was a lot of drama, but I’ve been coping with the help of my woman of wisdom, Mrs. Cee Cee, my best friend, Angela, and my therapeutic confidant, Karen. With so many health issues running rampant in my family’s history, I have to be proactive. At my heaviest, I weighed just shy of 190 pounds. Although I am athletic and toned, I can stand to lose more. I have lost more than 39 pounds in a healthy way. No longer do I cringe when I get on the scale, thanks to Diane’s help, Derek, and a lot of hard work.

You are doing well, it seems. However, you are truly restricting yourself. Where is the variety? asks Diane the embracer of variety.

"Variety? I have no time for variety. I know what I like and I just have to flow with what fits, and fish and broccoli fit."

You have reached your goal—

I got a new goal! I have about six inches more to shave off and tone up, I interrupted.

Well, slow down and let’s celebrate this goal, Dana, she insisted. I gave her a thumbs up and a high five. Well, okay. Now, I could create one, but what’s the point of me creating a weekly menu if all you’re gonna allow yourself is fish and broccoli?

I hesitated for a second before I snapped, it’s the backup plan in case I change my mind. What can I say? I am a creature of habit. Diane shot me a look that I gave right back to her. "I may."

Yes, you have said that before. Okay, well, here it is. Best of luck to you, and I will see you next time. Before I forget, now that you have reached your goal, did you make a decision?

For a moment I almost said too much, but realized that she was asking about something I have always wanted. Oh yes, I will build my dog house and I will rescue a dog from the shelter. I know having a dog will force me to get out and walk the neighborhood more.

That’s true; a dog will help. Get a Dalmatian. They have a lot of energy, and they need the exercise. And I think building a dog house would be a great task for you.

"A Dalmatian? Is this a payback about me talking about your Cruella Devil look? I laughed. I want an animal working around my schedule, not dictating it." We exchange smiles despite how much we disagree. I know I give her a hard time, but I think she actually enjoys our encounters as much as I do. There’s never a dull moment.

My next appointment was with my estranged friend and therapeutic confidant. After my crisis blew over with my ex, I didn’t frequent Karen too often because she knows the Lincoln drama and I found it embarrassing to be in my situation. However, when I decide I need to make changes, I want her help.

Karen, he’s working a nerve, can I tell you? I started. I assumed the position on her couch as she politely suffered through my saga. I have loved this man for years. He has written me poetry, driven me across states, helped me through the family turmoil, and kept me sane. He was my family when I thought I lost my own. But, I need the strength to totally let go of Lincoln!

Dana, you don’t mind him working the nerve if you keep hooking up.

"What? Did you go there? Just tell it like it is!" we laughed, but I know she was right.

I will because you know I don’t mind laying out the truth, Dana. Once upon a time, you had the makings of a great relationship. Hell, I would have said you two were soulmates. Then it all changed. Now you feel like you owed him something for being there for you back then, but Lincoln has changed, and so have you, and this is not college.

Karen, Ange, and Ms. Cee Cee, have gotten me through some of the toughest times in my college and adult life. Karen tends to be honest like my best friend, and one Christian I don’t mind counseling me. She is real and doesn’t hit me upside the head with Scripture and religious rhetoric. It is Christians like Karen who helped me come to terms with the saint who is now my mother. I wrestle with them as much as I wrestle with God.

It hurts, I whispered.

It’s going to hurt. Dana, you are a business woman who manages to make things work. Austin and Associates has allowed you to do what you are passionate about which is making a difference in the world. I don’t know how you are doing so well professionally but allow yourself to wallow in muddy waters personally. You are in denial, Dana, because you have strong feelings for him still. Admit it.

There’s some baggage, Karen.

Like you don’t have a couple of green Eddie Bauer bags rolling beside you?

I snapped a look and said, Damn! Do you need to be on this couch? We both laughed. I’m not going to lie, I desire Lincoln-the old Lincoln. We have a history that bonds us in many ways and a chemistry— I breathed in heavily at the thought—that does not quit. But the new Lincoln always manages to snap me back to reality. In many ways, Lincoln was a first for a lot of things that mattered. I will just say this, I started while picking at my nails. I want to make sure he’s getting the help he needs, as I promised him I would. I don’t want to be with him but I don’t want to abandon him.

I took a deep breath and said, "Karen, I’m