Breaking Generational Curses

By Vivian Murray

          Dear Lord be with my children. I wonder if the things that my children are going through now is because of my past. Father I don’t want my children to live the life that I lived.  Lord be with my daughter Clair. She’s so troubled please help her to forgive me not just for me, but for herself,  She blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life. Lord  be with my son Larry.  He lives such a dangerous life, drugs has overtaken him. Lord be with my daughter Robin. she owns her own business, but after 10 years of marriage  her husband walks out, leaving her with a heavy load. Now she’s working a job outside of her business to keep it above water.     Lord keep my daughter Donna safe.

          She allowed her boyfriend to rape her daughter. She’s now waiting on a court hearing if found guilty she will go to prison for a very long time.   my son Michael He’s your servant, he preach your word every Sunday, but there are so many rumors about him stealing money form the church and sleeping around with different women.  Father please be with my baby boy Charles, when he was born he was such a joy to me, his father was the only man to love me. Before we could get married he was killed by two boys trying to rob him. Charles is now in prison for life, because he killed an old white couple in an attempt to rob them.

          Now Lord I ask that you have mercy on my family. I always taught my children to P.U.S.H. no matter what they go through P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens. So Father please remove the curse from my family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 25, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463425548

Book preview

Contents

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1 Who’s to Blame?

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 Momma’s Prayer

Chapter 8 Clair’s Story

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13 Robin Story

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18 Will Their Past Return

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

This book is dedicated to my mother, Mary Green:

I would like to thank you for my life. I also dedicate this book to

my mother-in-law, Bunnie Murray; your memories will always live

on. Thanks for loving me like your daughter. In addition, to my

baby brother, Jimmie Green (Turk), your memories will live on.

Acknowledgements

A special thank you to my father God which art In Heaven: thank you, Lord, for using me to touch someone through words.

Thanks to my children and grandchildren… for being supportive and giving me room to write. Marquita, Douglas,

Arkeshia, Trevyon, JaMichael, and JaKari (baby bear). I love you all Be-Boo

Thanks to my special friend for your support: Cynthia Johnson.

I can’t forget my sisters and brother, Elaine Cheatham, Charlene Thomas, Brenda Parker, and Michael Williams.

A special thanks to my niece Antoinette Cheatham for being there even when you didn’t feel well.

A special thanks to my best friends, Clara Ruffin, Donna Hampton, Charleen Bledsaw, and Vince Jackson.

A very special thank you to Winfred Walker for taking two steps when I took one.

To my dearest friend Artrice Brand thank you for your support. You mean more to me than you will ever know. You have been more than a friend you have been my sister. When others told me to give up you pushed me on. I Love you

To a very special Aunt, Willie Ruth Pearson you have been a great support system. Thanks for believing in me.

A very special thank you to Mr. Fred G. Williams for your support with this project.

CHAPTER 1

Who’s to Blame?

S ometimes I wonder where I could have gone wrong. Why is my life such a mess? Then I think about my life. I can remember when I was a little girl. I never felt loved. I never knew my father. I was the youngest of six children; my mother didn’t have much.

She didn’t even have love to give me. She gave me to my grandmother the day I was born. When I was two years old, my grandmother died. Therefore, my mother had to take me back.

I can remember while in grade school. The children talked about me. Boys never looked at me; my self-esteem was very low. I was extremely shy and did not have any friends. I would walk with my head down so as not to make eye contact with anyone.

At lunch or recess, I sat on the sidewalk or against the wall with my head down. I blocked out everyone around me.

When my brothers and sisters all got married or went off to school. I was left at home alone with my mother. Things got worse between the two of us. It was as though she hated me. I never felt so alone. One night my mother came home late after being out drinking with her friends. She looked at me with hate in her eyes.

She told me that she could not take it any longer--I had to leave. I cried out, Momma, why? Please tell me why?

She said, Black Gal, I raised you because I had to. I never loved you. Now that you’re eighteen, I want you to leave.

I did not know what to do so I turned to my sister Liz and her husband, Alton. They took me in.

One day I asked my sister if …she knew why our mother hated me so. She said, Black Gal, sit down.

She told me the whole ugly story of how our Aunt Lillie’s husband Bobby raped her and she became pregnant with me. My aunt and grandmother wanted to keep it a secret because they were ashamed. That is how my grandmother came to raise me. My aunt stayed with her husband even though he raped her sister. I grew up calling my father uncle. I had cousins who were also my sister and brothers. After my sister explained everything to me, I was so hurt. I went into a hole that I thought I would never come out of. I cried and cried; the pain was so deep I did not know what to do.

My sister told… me to P.U.S.H. She said P.U.S.H., Black Gal, P.U.S.H. I asked her what she meant. She said, Pray until something happens.

I asked her why I should pray. Why should I pray to God? God does not love me. I did not know God; my mother would never let me go to church. My sister explained that God loves us all. I asked my sister, If God loves me, why would he allow me to be in so much pain?

My sister said she could not answer that but said I should try God. I started going to church on Sundays and Bible study on Wednesday night. I learned so much. I got saved. After I had developed a relationship with God, I thought that everything would change. after a few months, I still felt empty. God did not send me Mr. Right, so I settled for Mr. Right now. I met a man named Tedrick Jones, and everything that could go wrong did. He was a major drug dealer. He liked to drink and get high. I wanted someone in my life, so I did whatever he wanted me to do.

One night he told me to make a drop for him. It was in a bad neighborhood. When I got to the place, two men got out of a big black Cadillac; they took the drugs from me. When I yelled out, one of them hit me in the face with his gun. When I got back to Tedrick, I was bleeding. He looked at me. He was only concerned about his money. He slapped me and called me stupid. He told me I was only good for having sex. Some of his friends came along, and when they saw me, they laughed and laughed. Tedrick told them that when you are drunk, anything looks good. I asked him why he said that. I thought we were in a relationship. His friends laughed again. Tedrick got so mad that he slapped me again, and he said that he did not want to be seen with me. When I got home, my sister looked at me. I was bleeding and crying.

She started screaming, What happened to you? I told her Tedrick jumped on me, but I did not tell her about the drugs. She took me to the hospital. I begged her not to call the police; she did not like it, but she agreed. When we got home she said, P.U.S.H., Black Gal, P.U.S.H.

I called out to the Lord for a better life. I went to the church to speak with Pastor Moore about the things that was going on in my life. He listened to me. He said that everyone needed to feel love. God loves us all even when we sin. He got up, came over to me, and kissed me on my neck. I liked the feeling, but I knew it was wrong. He held me in his arms. The next thing I knew we were in his office having sex. After we finished, he told me that no one was to know about what happened, not even my sister. He told me if I told anyone, they would not believe me. They would put me out of the church. I knew then what my momma always said was true: No one would ever love me, not even God. Why did the pastor use me when I was hurting so bad?

When I got home, Liz and Alton were laughing and enjoying each other. I went straight to my room. I wanted to ball up and die. I cried for hours until I fell asleep.

Liz knocked on the door to tell me that pastor Moore wanted to speak to me on the phone. I did not want to talk with him, but I did not want Liz to think anything was wrong. When I got to the phone, he said that he was sorry if he did or said anything to hurt me. He was having feelings that he knew that he should not have for a member. He asked if I could meet him at the park in about an hour. I knew that I should have said no, but I wanted to see him. When I got to the park, he was there in another member’s car. He asked me to get in. We talked for about two minutes. Then he fondled my breast. I wanted him to stop, but I could not tell him, so we made love in Sister Gwen’s car for hours. The next day at church, he preached on adultery. I just looked at him, and I asked God to forgive me. I sat in church and looked around at all the women. I looked at the pastor’s wife and wondered why he was so unfaithful to her. She was a very pretty woman. I wondered if I was the only woman in the church that he was seeing.

Two weeks had passed, and Pastor Moore had not called. I went to the church. It was late. When I got there, I saw Sister Gwen’s car. I knew that he used it sometimes, so I did not think anything. I used my key to the church to get in. When I got to the pastor’s office, I opened the door. Pastor Moore and Sister Gwen were having sex. He asked me to join in. I looked at him and ran out. He ran after me and said if I told anybody about our affair or what I saw. He would beat my black ass.

After leaving the church, I went home. I looked at my sister Liz; she was so happy. I wondered why her life was so happy and my life was so full of hurt and pain. We grew up in the same house. Why did our mother love her and not me? I wanted to be happy no matter what the cost. I started going out with different men every night. My sister got upset about it and told me that I could not live in her house carrying on that way.

One night when she was gone to church, I came out of the bathroom wet with no clothes on. I knew Alton would not be able to resist my big breasts. I told him I didn’t know he was home. He walked into the bedroom, and I went in behind him.

I said, I knew when you saw me with no clothes on that it wouldn’t bother you because I’m black and ugly.

He told me that he never thought I was ugly. He came over and kissed me. He looked at me and said, You know this is wrong.

I was hurt because I knew it was wrong, but I wanted him. I told him that I was so very sorry. I walked back to my room. He came in after me and put his body against mine. We made love. It was the best feeling in the world. We both cried out for God to forgive us, but every chance we got we were making love.

Two months passed, and I did not have a menstrual cycle. I knew that I was pregnant. Alton told me that he knew that it was not his and that if I said that it was, he would kill me. I knew that my baby was Alton’s because I was never with anyone after him. I went through a deep depression. How could I do that to my sister?

Liz took very good care of me while I was pregnant, but I knew that I could not