Consequences of Being JoJo

By Anne Marie Citro

Consequences of Being JoJo
One... Two ... Three... heartbeats away. Jocelyn is at crossroads in her existence. She has the life every woman dreams of. Exotic beauty, a profession she thrives at, adoring friends and family that love her. So what could have happened to drive the twenty-nine-year-old to suddenly plunge into the depths and darkness of pain and suffering? No one around Jocelyn saw the agony expect one man, one night that looked beyond her smile. JoJo has to decide if her life is worth fighting for or is it easier to slip away into the numbness and finally end the pain?
Carter Daniels a sexy womanizer who lives for today and doesn’t worry about tomorrow. That is until his world is blown apart and so is everything he thought he knew. Uncontrollable anger for missing the signs that cost him a friend and resulted in his injuries. Carter discovers by accident Jocelyn a family friend and the woman she spent one night with is teetering between life and death. Carter saw something in JoJo’s eyes their one night that tormented him ever since. Against the wishes of his family, he is determined to help her. Carter knows if he was ever going to recover fully from his disillusionment he has to help save JoJo. He failed one woman, but is he strong enough to save JoJo?
Can two tortured souls help each other heal the wounds of their past and their present? Or are the consequences of being JoJo too much to overcome?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anne Marie Citro
• Release date: Jul 16, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463973912

Anne Marie Citro

Anne Marie Citro grew born and raised in the greater Toronto area of Ontario, Canada. She grew up in a large, loving family. Anne Marie is married to a very patient man. He is the love of her life. They have four very cool sons, and the girls they brought into their family that have become daughters of her heart. She has been blessed enough to finally have a beautiful granddaughter after four sons. She has her own personal gaggle of girlfriends, who enrich her life on a daily basis and make her laugh. Caesar Friday is her favourite day of the week. Caesars with the girls and date night with her hubby. She works with special-needs teenagers, that have taught her how to appreciate life and see it through gentler eyes. Anne Marie was encouraged by her husband to follow her life long dream to write. She loves the characters that take over imagination and haunts her dreams. She loves the arts and she has tried her hand at painting, wood sculpting, chainsaw carving, wood burning, metal and wire sculptures. Yes, her husband is a very patient man! Anne Marie is an avid reader and enjoys about three books per week. But nothing makes her happier then riding on the back of her husband's Harley and throwing her arms out and feeling the wind race by. Anne Marie and her husband take a few weeks every year to travel to spectacular destination around the world. Anne Marie is excited and can't wait to see what the next chapter holds for her life.

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By Anne Marie Citro

Copyright © 2018

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of Anne Marie Citro, except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976.

Editing by C&D Editing

Cover created by: Ravenne Villanueva

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Cover photo by Anne Marie Citro Copyright 2018

Models: Sammy Sabo & Ronnie Wray

This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book either are from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, establishments, events, or location is purely coincidental and not intended by the author. Please do not take offence to the content as it is fiction.

Trademarks: This book identifies product names and services known to be trademarks, registered trademarks, or service marks of their respective holders. The authors acknowledge the trademarked status in this work of fiction. The publication and use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

This book contains mature content not suitable for readers under the age of 18. This book contains content with strong language, violence, and sexual situations. All parties portrayed in sexual situations are over the age of 18.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Chapter 1: My Slanted Eyes

Chapter 2: Cards on the Table

Chapter 3: A Dollar Thirty-Five Richer

Chapter 4: Skeletons and Cadavers

Chapter 5: Emerge from the Bones

Chapter 6: Barcelona

Chapter 7: Misogyny, The Hatred of Women

Chapter 8: Ding, Ding, The Prince’s Ring

Chapter 9: First World, Third World

Chapter 10: Beacon for Assholes

Chapter 11: Baby Toes

Chapter 12: Walnuts and Chestnuts

Chapter 13: Lightning Strikes

Chapter 14: Acceptable to Be a Voyeur

Chapter 15: Ride, Eat, Sex, Repeat

Chapter 16: Smokin’ That Wacky Tobacky

Chapter 17: JoJo’s Haven

Chapter 18: Your Feet Firmly Planted

Chapter 19: Forever and Beyond

Chapter 20: Hummer of a Flight

Chapter 21: Too Big for Your Boat

Chapter 22: What Do You See?

Chapter 23: God Save The King

Epilogue

Thank You

Acknowledgements

Sneak Peek

Sista’s Series

Under Her Wings

Lyrics Heart & Soul

Thicker Than Blood

Breaking Down Her Walls

My Beloved Past

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my goddaughter, Samantha Sabo. Sammy is a survivor of anorexia nervosa, and thankfully, lived to tell about it. She is beautiful inside and out, courageous, and inspirational. I love her to pieces.

Sammy shared her diaries, in which she wrote during her hospitalization. It was a vital part of my months of research. This is Jocelyn’s story, not Sammy’s. However, without reading about Sammy’s struggles, frustration, and fear, I don’t think I could have understood the highs and the lows or the challenges Jocelyn would face.

Sammy is also the woman on the cover of this book, and I couldn’t be prouder of her. Love you, daughter of my heart!

This book is also dedicated to my best friend, Liz, Sammy’s mom, and the rest of her family. This disorder is horrific, and it takes a toll on a family. I watched as the closest woman in my life fought for her child’s life, and it broke my heart. I believe Sammy survived because of her family’s love and support.

Chapter 1

My Slanted Eyes

Jocelyn cracked her eyes open upon hearing the alarm of her phone beeping beside her. She slowly dragged one arm out of the covers to silence the darn thing. After a week in sunny Florida, with temperatures hot and humid, waking up back at home was a shock to her system. It was early spring in Toronto, and it seemed like Florida wasn’t sharing the sun’s warmth.

Jocelyn had travelled to Daytona Beach on March break as a favour to Taya, one of her best friends. Taya’s brother-in-law Carter had been overseas in South Korea on a mission and had ended up right in the middle of a terrorist attack. Jocelyn hadn’t even known the US had any forces in South Korea.

Unbeknownst to any of her friends, Jocelyn and Carter had history. A one-night stand the evening of Taya and Levi’s wedding. They also didn’t know that Carter had been emailing Jocelyn on and off because he saw something in Jocelyn’s eyes that not even her closest friends or family had seen.

In Jocelyn’s mind, a one-night stand meant no contact afterwards. Carter misunderstood that concept. If nothing else, he was persistent. However, she was extremely uncomfortable with just how much he saw behind the mask of her always-smiling face.

Nobody had ever looked to see if her smile reached her eyes.

***

Jocelyn wasn’t prepared when she walked into Carter’s room at the rehabilitation center and saw his face. The charming, smartass manwhore was broken, with a haunted, angry look that scared the shit out of her. Something had either died inside him when the IED exploded, or he had left it behind in South Korea, because the enraged man in front of her was not the provocative man she had known.

Looking over from his sulking position in front of a window that looked out to the old, used-up part of Daytona, he barked out, What the hell are you two doing here? while giving them an infuriated look.

Taya, not intimidated in the least, walked up to her brother-in-law. Well, we’re certainly not here to enjoy your cheerful disposition. Stop being an ass. I asked Jocelyn to come, to see if she could help with your physical therapy before you get released in a couple weeks.

"I don’t need any goddamn help. No one is going to fix me enough to ever be able to hold a rifle again, so what’s the point? Directing them to the door, he yelled, Get out!"

Jocelyn reared back from the venom in his voice. She had never thought Carter could be cruel, or a quitter.

"Maybe I should wait outside for a few minutes and let you guys sort this out."

With a look of satisfaction, Carter sneered, Yeah, JoJo, go hide. You’re good at that.

"Carter Daniels! That’s rude. Did you damage your brain in the explosion? Taya was hopping mad. Jocelyn and I flew across the country to help your sorry ass, and you’re being a jerk? You owe her an apology."

Eyeing Jocelyn up and down, then turning back to the window, he snarled out, I’m not apologizing. I didn’t ask either one of you to come here, so why don’t you jump back on a plane, go home, and leave me the hell alone.

Taya stood at five-foot-two, just an inch shorter than Jocelyn, but she took on Carter’s six-foot-one frame, getting in his personal space. What, are you giving up? Feeling sorry for yourself, Golden Boy? Guess what? We all must deal with shit that changes our lives. But we don’t give up. We fight.

Jocelyn didn’t know whether to walk out or stay in case Carter got physical with Taya.

Extremely uncomfortable with the escalation of their tempers, Jocelyn calmly and confidently intervened, Taya, give me a minute alone with Carter.

They both whirled their heads around like she was stark raving mad.

"I got nothin’ to say to you." Carter sneered.

Still remaining calm, Jocelyn said, Well, I have something to say to you, and you can choose to listen, or you can ignore me. I don’t care. But I won’t leave before I say what I have to.

Taya wasn’t sure Jocelyn’s suggestion was the best idea, but her locking horns with Carter wasn’t either. Nevertheless, Taya would put her faith in her friend, for her in-laws’ sake.

"You better not be a jerk to her," Taya seethed, pointing her finger at him as she stormed out of the room.

Cupping the elbow of his ruined shoulder, he told Jocelyn, Say your piece and get out.

Placing her sweater on the hospital bed, stalling, still not sure what she was going to say, she decided to go into therapist mode. I might not be able to give you complete range of motion in your shoulder—from what I understand, a lot of damage was done to your AC and clavicle bone—but I’m sure I can help considerably.

He emitted a snide laugh. You think that’s my problem? Then, JoJo, you didn’t read the rest of my file. Hoping to scare her out of his room and back home, he said, My injuries read as follows: A punctured lung from a stray nail in the IED, inner ear damage, flash burns—first-, second-, and third-degree to my right side, where my uniform melted into my skin from the heat—dust and smoke inhalation, and a concussion of epic proportions. He spat out the rest like she was dimwitted. My fucking clavicle bone and AC joint separation and partial scapula bone replacement is the least of my worries.

Seeing her shock, he was pleased he was finally getting under her skin. He was damaged beyond repair, and she couldn’t fix him.

Jocelyn’s eyes grew large, and her lips pressed together in distress. Although her heart broke for what he had suffered, Jocelyn couldn’t let him abandon his recovery.

"Wow, you must have pushed yourself hard to have come so far in only two and a half months. Why give up now?"

Stalking towards her at an alarming rate and getting in her face, nose-to-nose, he seethed out, Listen, you little Asian bitch, I didn’t ask for you to come here, and I don’t want you here. If you don’t want to go back to Toronto, then go back to China, or wherever the hell you came from. Just get the hell away from me.

Jocelyn flinched from his spiteful words and tone, but she wouldn’t let him see how much they hurt her.

She squared her shoulders. I’m not Chinese. I’m half-Japanese and half-Czech Republican, and I was born in Toronto, so I’m Canadian. Yes, I’m sure all you see is a chink, but I’m more than that. I’m used to not meeting people’s expectations, so I won’t give your attitude a second thought. Taking a step back and clasping her arms while gathering courage, she told him, I’m also Taya’s friend and a damn good physiotherapist. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it for Taya, your brothers, and your parents, because I love them. I also thought I was doing it for a guy who wanted to be my friend, seeing as he has been emailing me for months. My mistake.

He blew out a frustrated breath, realizing his scare tactic hadn’t worked. Turning, he went back to his spot by the window.

Jocelyn had to put him in his place if he was going to accept her help, so speaking with a slight edge, she continued. I’m also used to working with special needs teenagers who fight like mad when I push them past their comfort zone, so I can handle you. You want to act like a spoiled rotten child, fine, I can deal with that. I just wish you were one of my mute students, so I didn’t have to listen to your bullshit.

Her softly imparted words stung like she had intended. Carter felt like the bastard he was. Still, no one understood the trauma he had suffered, and he wasn’t referring to his physical injuries.

The bomb hadn’t just blown apart his body, it had blown apart everything he had believed in. He had lost a team member who was a good friend, and that was his fault, all for trying to help. That’s what Carter couldn’t live with.

Jocelyn broke into his thoughts with more bravado than before.

"I promised Taya I would give you a week. You want me out of here, then put up, shut up, and let me teach you what I can. Then you never have to see my slanted eyes again." Delivering the gauntlet, she defiantly waited for a response.

Carter didn’t think there was anything left of his heart until he looked into Jocelyn’s eyes and they seared him deeply. The pain etched behind those deep brown eyes was another reminder of what he had lost.

JoJo was talking to him about healing, when she was as emotionally damaged as he was. What a joke. He wasn’t interested in trying to help JoJo. He had learned his lesson from Mi Sun in Korea.

Relinquishing, he threw out, One week. No talking or trying to get into my head, just physical therapy.

Grabbing her sweater, she answered, Fine. Taya and I will drop our stuff off at your parents’, and then I’ll be back after lunch to get started. Get your sweats on, because I intend to work you until you ache.

An evil grin appeared on his face. Have you forgotten, babe? I like a little pain.

Her eyebrows drew together with annoyance. First, I’m not, nor will I ever be, your babe or your JoJo. My name is Jocelyn. Second, this is strictly professional, so keep your inappropriate comments to yourself. Three, I don’t want to get into your head. I’m a physiotherapist, not a psychiatrist, and I’m good at what I do. Don’t question anything I say. Jocelyn pivoted on her heels and marched out of his room, exhaling deeply as soon as the door shut.

Taya jumped up from a collection of chairs down the hall to meet her. How’d it go?

"Fine. We start after lunch. And I think it’s best if I come back alone," she answered with the same confidence she had faked with Carter.

"No way! You’re not dealing with him alone. Carter isn’t right in the head. That is not the man I know and love. I never thought I would say this, but I don’t trust him right now."

A couple of nurses walked by, chatting, oblivious to the tension between the two friends.

"It’s the only way I will succeed. Jocelyn placed her hand on Taya’s forearm. You have to trust me. I’ll teach him all he needs to do to continue to regain the use of his right arm, but he’ll be resistant with any interference from his family."

Thinking for a second, Taya said, I’ll ask Gunner for his opinion when we get home. If he agrees with you, then I will be pacified. Linking her arm through Jocelyn’s, they headed to the elevator.

Carter watched the door close before letting himself fall into the chair behind him. Why had he been so cruel to JoJo? She didn’t deserve to be the recipient of his uncontrollable rage. If it wasn’t that JoJo had similar eyes to Mi Sun, he would never have said that shit.

Carter thought JoJo was beautiful, and her eyes were one of her most attractive features. He wished they didn’t look so vulnerable, especially after his comment. He could add his name to the list of people who had obviously hurt her.

He had to get his shit together before she came back, so he could apologize. If his sister-in-law had heard his prejudice remark, she would have mopped the floor with him. Worse, if his father, Gunner, had heard it, Carter knew he wouldn’t be breathing. It was even unacceptable to his own ears, but he was so goddamn mad he couldn’t think clearly. Maybe he did have brain damage from his concussion.

After sitting with his head down for a few minutes, he realized he couldn’t get rid of the anger. It was as much a part of him now as his legs. However, he did believe, if he could keep his mouth shut, he could contain it.

At one o’clock, Jocelyn walked into his room with a large file folder of papers. Not even looking at him, she sat down and opened the file. Pulling everything out, she asked him to join her at the small table. She didn’t say hello or anything personal, just got right to work.

Jocelyn pulled out a diagram of a shoulder and the muscles connecting it. She had written out all his issues and highlighted the area she wanted to work on. For every highlighted area, she had a separate sheet with at least a dozen exercises on it.

It blew Carter away the work she had put into his recovery and made him feel even worse about how he had treated her.

Ashamed, he started, JoJo, I’m sorry for earlier. That was totally uncalled for.

Jocelyn didn’t even lift her head. She just continued with her explanation. She knew he was only apologizing because he had seen the amount of work she had done. She wasn’t stupid.

"JoJo, look at me."

Keeping her head down, she licked her lips and took a deep breath, trying to keep the hurt from her voice. It doesn’t matter. Let’s continue.

He reached for her hand. It does matter. It was beyond malicious, and I didn’t mean it.

She flinched and pulled her hand away. People always said stuff to her, then claimed they didn’t mean it. That was bullshit, and she knew it. True opinions were often said without thinking of the ramifications. The same as when people were drunk and ran their mouths off. Booze, like tempers, revealed people’s true feelings.

Trying to appease him, all she said was, Fine. Let’s move on.

Carter knew she didn’t mean it. Her body was still coiled tight. He would give it some time and try again later.

Jocelyn pulled another paper out. I checked the gym here and at your parents’. Every exercise listed can be done here until you are released, and then at home.

Surprised, he asked, When did you have time to see both gyms?

She finally looked up. Before we came to see you, I checked out the gym. Then I spoke to the physiotherapist in this facility to get their consent to consult on your case. When I went to your parents’, Gunner showed me the gym there. Taya had already told me about most of it last week, when I started your program. Now, let’s start with the exercises for the rotator cuff.

"You must have worked for days on this." Pulling the papers from the file, he shuffled through them.

She collected the papers from his hand and looked down again. I take my job seriously, and I want you to get movement back in your arm. Let’s get to work.

JoJo still wouldn’t look him in the eye. He had been a prick, while she had spent at least a week on his physical therapy program.

Carter really looked at her while she organized the papers. She was short, like Taya, but that was where the similarity ended. JoJo must have inherited more Czech features because the only thing that resembled her Japanese side were the slants to her eyes. Her skin was pale, she had a narrow nose, full, luscious lips, and long, dyed blonde hair. Not bleach blonde. Hers was a beautiful, light honey colour. It obviously wasn’t her natural hair colour because her eyebrows were brown, not black like her slanted eyes should have indicated.

Unlike Taya, JoJo was curvy, again a contradiction to her Japanese culture. She was thinner than he remembered, and he wasn’t sure it suited her. Her hands were delicate and fine. They made Carter want to reach out and hold them to see if they were as soft as he remembered. He needed some type of connection, so he did the next best thing.

He reached out and tucked her draping hair behind her ear.

Jocelyn flinched again, pissed. What are you doing?

Unabashed and a little ticked off, he said, I want to see your face when you’re talking to me.

She was annoyed even more at him for not taking it seriously. You are supposed to be following the diagrams I’m showing you, not looking at my face. Moving right along. I want you to stand, and I’ll show you the first exercise.

Carter had pushed her enough for today, so he got up and started to learn each exercise. JoJo hadn’t been kidding when she said she would have him sweating. They worked steady until five thirty.

"I’ll be back tomorrow at nine thirty. Please be ready to work the minute I get here, because I booked the gym. I want to show you how I want you to use the machines here and the ones at home. I’m going to take these and revise some of the exercises to accommodate your range of motion." Jocelyn turned, heading towards the door.

"Wait. Aren’t you going to say goodbye?"

Grabbing the handle, she huffed out a frustrated breath. Goodbye.

"JoJo!" Carter snapped before she walked away.

Turning on her heels, she asked, What, Carter? What do you want from me? He hadn’t talked after their initial discussion. Why now?

"I want you to accept my apology. I really am sorry. He ran his fingers through his lengthening black hair. My life has sucked for the last three months, and I took it all out on you, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it. I appreciate everything you are doing."

Uncaring that he was feeling guilty, she said, I already told you, it doesn’t matter. Turning, she walked out without another word.

"It does to me," he whispered as the door clicked shut.

All the anger he had been harbouring for months dissipated after he had hurt her. Carter had attacked an innocent, kind woman, and the guilt was killing him. He had to find out what caused the sadness behind her eyes before she left Daytona.

They worked for a week on all his exercises, but she wouldn’t allow any personal conversation. The minute he asked about anything, she shut him down and told him to talk to Taya. He was starting to doubt she would ever open up to him, and that devastated him.

***

Climbing out of bed, she rushed into the washroom and weighed herself. One hundred fourteen pounds and two ounces. Shit! Jocelyn had put on a pound and six ounces since her trip to Daytona. Carter’s mother and aunt were amazing cooks. Their scones were to die for.

Could it be water retention from her flight home?

Jocelyn got off the scale, hoping her weight would be back down to what it had been before she went to Florida after she peed.

Getting back on the scale after she relieved herself, there was only a two-ounce difference. Damn! How was she supposed to go to her parents’ and celebrate her brother’s birthday with her weight gain?

Why couldn’t she say no to food? Jocelyn knew it was because she didn’t want to offend anyone. No, that wasn’t true either, because she offended people by being big for a Japanese girl. They would all be happy with her if she was the right size. If she could just get down to one hundred two pounds, she would be perfect. Then everyone might like her better. She would be pretty for the first time in her life.

Jocelyn never expected to be beautiful, but she was at least hoping to be pretty.

She jumped into the shower, washed up, dried her hair, and tried the scale again. One more ounce. Why was she torturing herself? She promised to weigh herself only once a day instead of her usual eight. How was she going to get through dinner?

She decided if she ran for an hour, and then did her workout, she could stand a few extra calories.

After getting home from her run, she decided to do a double workout. Maybe then she could lose a few ounces.

A double workout turned into a three-hour session, and then she showered again before getting ready to go to her parents’.

Jocelyn arrived at her parents’ house at three p.m., knowing her mother would want help. She hadn’t eaten since yesterday, and she was feeling lightheaded. Her stomach had given up grumbling. It took too much energy.

Opening the door, she walked in and saw her dad watching TV. Hey, Dad.

Hanging up her coat, she heard her father’s response. How’s my little sumo wrestler doing? Come here and give your old dad a hug.

Jocelyn hated that nickname.

Stiffly walking over, she bent to her father and hugged him. Have you heard from Teddy today? I tried calling him when I got in last night. I was hoping to join him and his friends for a drink, but he didn’t reply. I texted him this morning to wish him a happy birthday, but he still didn’t respond.

Grumpily, he replied, The fairy hasn’t called today. I’m glad he didn’t reach you. I don’t want you hanging out at a gay bar. I’d just like to see one of my children dating the opposite sex.

Dad! Don’t call Teddy a fairy. It’s mean, Jocelyn reprimanded.

It’s the truth. For God’s sake, he’s more feminine than you’ll ever be. I still can’t figure out how I ended up with a boy who’s feminine and a daughter who’s built like a sumo wrestler.

His words hurt like the cutting edge of a blade.

Disgusted that she and Teddy would never be good enough for their father, she spouted, Why do you have to say such horrible things? Can’t you just accept us for who we are?

I could if you two were normal. I married a Japanese woman because they’re beautiful, soft-spoken, tiny, and delicate. I never thought you would inherit my side of the family’s build and the fairy would end up like your mother.

Ivan! Both Jocelyn and her dad turned to see her mother standing there, none too happy. Our children are perfect just the way they are. Jocelyn, why don’t you come into the kitchen and help me out?

Jocelyn didn’t even glance at her father as she followed her mom into the kitchen.

In a sweet, soft voice, her mother apologized, I’m sorry, my darling. I don’t know why he says those things. He has been under a lot of stress at work, and I think he’s just really tired. As usual, Aiko tried to smooth the waters. You know your father loves you and wouldn’t change a thing about you or Teddy.

"Hmph. You don’t really believe that for a minute, do you? Teddy and I have been a disappointment since the day we were born. We will never meet his perfect standards."

Aiko loved her husband, even though he could be hard on their children. It was her duty to make sure they understood his nature.

Sometimes we take out frustrations on the people closest to us. He knows you will love him no matter what he says—that is what families do. Your dad does love you and is very proud of you.

Jocelyn was disappointed over how her mom always made excuses for her dad. Just once, she wished her mom would defend her and Teddy, instead of always being the peacemaker. She wanted her mother to scream and yell at her father’s slanderous opinions. However, that wasn’t her soft-spoken mother’s nature. Aiko was everything Jocelyn wasn’t, and that was why she would never measure up in her father’s eyes.

Before Jocelyn could respond, the doorbell rang. Hoping it was Teddy, she said, I’ll get it.

She rushed to give her brother the heads-up about her father’s attitude. Opening the door, however, Jocelyn was shocked to see two police officers standing there.

Good afternoon. Is this the Cermak family residence?

Jocelyn’s heart started to race. She knew they weren’t here for anything good. Yes. What can I do for you?

Very sombre, one of the officers said, Miss, we’d like to come in and talk to you.

Jocelyn stood back and extended her arm, welcoming them in. Please, come into the living room. My father is in there. I’ll get my mother.

The two officers walked in as Ivan stood.

What’s going on?

Akio walked in, hearing the voices she didn’t recognize. Ivan? Why are the police here? She made her way to the comfort of her husband’s arms.

Mr. and Mrs. Cermak, would you please sit down? I’m sorry, but we have some bad news.

Jocelyn heard her mother’s gasp and knew her life was about to change for the worst. Falling onto the couch beside her parents, she listened as the police delivered the blow they all knew was coming.

We regret to inform you that your son, Theodore Cermak, was murdered at two o’clock this morning.

Nooooo! Jocelyn screamed as her mother fell to pieces in her husband’s arms. Even her dad was crying.

This couldn’t be happening. Not her brother. They had to be wrong. They had to have made a mistake.

The police officer gave them a minute to collect themselves before saying, We will need you to come to the hospital to identify his body.

What happened? Ivan asked.

Sir, Theodore and his friend were attacked after leaving a bar last night. We believe it was a hate-motivated crime. The perpetrator got away, but we are looking at surveillance videos from the area. We will catch the person and punish them to the fullest extent of the law.

Jocelyn struggled to process the details the officer was giving them. They had to be mistaken.

Teddy didn’t have any enemies. Everybody liked him, she cried out.

Shifting uncomfortably, one of the officers said, Miss, from witness testimonies, we believe it was a random act of violence directed at his sexual orientation, not the person he was.

Doubtful of what she was hearing, she asked, Someone killed him for being gay?

Her father’s pain hit a boiling point. What don’t you understand? They murdered him for being a homo.

Standing up, outraged at her father’s hateful language, she screamed, I can’t fucking believe you! My brother was murdered because of some prejudiced bastard like you. I don’t ask you what you do in your bedroom. Why the hell should you or anyone else care what he did?

Needing to escape, Jocelyn ran to the door, but she didn’t leave before imparting her final words. The only thing I’m happy about is that Teddy didn’t hear that. With that, she slammed the door shut as she ran from the house.

Jocelyn! her mom cried out, jumping up to follow.

One of the officers was quicker and told her that he would talk to Jocelyn.

Getting to the car as Jocelyn started it, the officer opened her driver’s door. Miss, I can’t let you drive like this. Let me drive you to wherever you want to go.

Jocelyn trembled with grief, her body starting to catch up with the shock of hearing about her brother’s murder.

The officer aided her to his cruiser and loaded her into the front seat. After he got in on his side, he turned to her. I’m sorry for your loss. The only thing I can think to say is, don’t let your father’s remarks hurt you. People say things they don’t mean when they are in shock. I’m sure your father loved your brother very much.

I wish I believed you, but love in my family is measured by expectations, something my brother and I never lived up to.

The officer asked for an address and entered it in his dashboard computer as he listened to the quiet sobs of the beautiful young woman beside him.

After a few minutes, Jocelyn asked how her brother was killed.

Do you really want to know?

She nodded.

He was stabbed.

She oddly wondered if the knife was as sharp as the one piercing her heart right now. That would have hurt like crazy.

Turning towards the officer, she whispered, "He was a good person. I mean, a really good person. Teddy didn’t deserve this."

With a sad smile, the officer told her, If he was anything like you, I can believe it.

Chapter 2

Cards on the Table

Jocelyn laid in her apartment, numb and lost to the world. Her cell phone had been ringing off the hook, but she had been ignoring it. Besides that, it was so quiet she could hear the people upstairs moving around with their TV on. In all the years Jocelyn had lived in the brownstone, she had never heard the TV from another apartment. In all fairness, she usually turned on some music the minute she walked in.

Today, she didn’t want to hear music. It would just make her feel like everything was normal. Nothing was normal and never would be again.

She had often heard people say, when things went wrong, they wished they would just wake up and it would have all been a bad dream. Jocelyn had no false hope this was a dream because, asleep or awake, every nerve in her body told her it was real.

Teddy was dead and buried. How would she carry on? Next to her Caesar buddies, he had been the closest person to her. He had made her family manageable, and now that he was gone, so was the family she had known.

She still couldn’t comprehend how someone had randomly murdered him. How could someone hold so much hatred towards someone they didn’t even know?

He father’s words came screaming back: "What don’t you understand? They murdered him for being a homo." Her father’s small-minded, bigoted words still made her cringe.

The funeral had been a joke. The church her family belonged to refused to hold Teddy’s service because of his sexual orientation. So much for God being all-accepting. How dare they cast stones. Instead, they had the funeral in the chapel of the funeral home. Ivan had refused to wait until Teddy’s partner, Christian, was released from the hospital.

The investigators had refused to release his body for over ten days, and they hadn’t been able to make arrangements until they had permission. Even though it took a week and a half, it was like her father had wanted to bury his dirty little secret as quickly as possible. Most of Teddy’s friends didn’t come for fear of upsetting her dad. So, basically, his funeral had been just family, her Caesar buddies, and staff from the centre where she worked.

Jocelyn’s Caesar buddies, or sistas as they referred to one another, were as close as any blood family. Her girlfriends had met at Reach Within Centre, where they all worked with individuals with multiple disabilities. They had bonded over their favourite alcoholic drink, Caesars, every Friday night as they de-stressed from their emotional jobs. It had started with the six original girls and had slowly grown to include all their husbands, and strangely, the Prince of England, Edward, and his fiancée, Gillian.

Lying on the couch, her thoughts were consumed with what each of the women had gone through over the last few years, and how gorgeous each of them were.

Gabriella’s first husband and two young sons had been killed in front of her. For the first time since their deaths, Jocelyn understood a fraction of what Gabriella must have endured. She remembered her despair when Gabriella had disappeared, resurfacing in Scotland, brought back to life by her new husband, Liam, the bodyguard to the youngest Prince of England. She now resided in Scotland, but she Skyped every Caesar Friday.

Francesca had survived the loss of her mother and her special needs brother, but instead of wallowing in her pain, she tried to assist every person who needed help. Frankie’s love had transformed her reclusive, angry, rock star husband, Ryder, into a gentle lamb.

Dakota and Caden had been betrayed and separated. Then, one fateful day, Caden, a paramedic, had saved Dakota, who had nearly died in a head-on collision. To Jocelyn’s amazement, Prince Edward had been instrumental in reuniting the couple.

Next, there was Taya, who had witnessed her mother’s murder at the hands of her father. She had then been kidnapped by him before being rescued by Levi’s father. Levi, her husband, had fought tooth and nail to prove to Taya she wasn’t responsible for her mother’s death, and that he was the man for her.

Zara and Jake had met when Zara had been attacked by a vicious dog. When she had found the man who had rescued her, they had started dating, discovering a deep love and a link to their past.

Each of her girlfriends had struggled with insurmountable odds and had found the men who would fight for their beautiful women. Meanwhile, no man was breaking down her door to help her through Teddy’s death, proving to Jocelyn once again that she was unlovable and ugly.

Jocelyn knew part of her problem was body-shame.

She was fat.

She couldn’t change her mixed heritage or what she