Pursuing Happiness

By Jessie Pinkham

A repressive childhood casts long shadows.

Growing up in a reactionary religious household left Matt Aldridge socially inept and woefully unprepared for life in the wider world. He’s still trying to figure himself out when he meets his hunky new neighbor, Collin Moravec. Matt likes him at first sight, and miraculously, Collin feels the same.

When his cousin Levi shows up needing a home, Matt doesn’t hesitate to take him in, even as it throws his own world into disarray. He’s determined to save his younger cousin some of the struggles he faced. But taking on this responsibility brings up old anxieties, and in his terror of failing Levi, Matt pushes Collin away. He has to move beyond his fearful upbringing once and for all, or he’s going to end up miserable – and alone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jessie Pinkham
• Release date: Jul 12, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463726624

Jessie Pinkham

Some kids have imaginary friends. Jessie grew up in rural Maine where she needed to entertain herself, so she created an imaginary village and she has been dreaming up stories ever since. These days she writes romances which reflect her love of hot guys and a good happy ending. Married to her own Mr. Right, Jessie gratefully acknowledges his support and encouragement. She enjoys exploring the diversity of the universe and therefore cannot commit to a single subgenre of male/male romance. She’s also a chocoholic, avid reader, and travel enthusiast. Too often she rushes out at the last minute because she lost track of time while writing. For more information, please visit jessiepinkhambooks.com.

Book preview

Chapter One

A nother Father’s Day over. Matt held up his cup in a mock toast before downing the last of his soda. Or it will be, once I get to bed.

The holiday was an unpleasant reminder for a slew of reasons. He would be glad to have Father’s Day done with so he could go back to a world that wasn’t chock full of praise for dads.

And now we have eleven months before the rest of the world is celebrating their parents again, added Sarah. Just enough time to build up the strength to deal with it all over. She rolled her eyes. God, I sound bitter.

I think a little bitterness is fair.

Not everyone had a father worthy of being showered with praise, much as Hallmark liked to pretend otherwise. That was why, for the second year running, Matt and Sarah had gotten together to commiserate Non-Mother’s Day and Non-Father’s Day. It helped take the sting out of seeing the parent-child bond celebrated all around them, and served as a reminder that they weren’t alone. How many other people spent Father’s Day trying to avoid all the cheer because it poked at the hollow place in their heart? Probably a lot more than would ever admit it.

She grimaced. Yeah. The last time I picked out a present for my dad, he returned it so he could spend the money on booze.

Sarah had dealt with this longer than Matt. The child of two unrepentant alcoholics, she’d bounced around the foster care system from age twelve to eighteen. It was the kind of story at which a few years ago Matt would have sadly nodded and remarked that such things happened when people were tempted by sin, before feeling slightly smug about his own picture-perfect family.

That was before he learned there were a lot of different ways for even picture-perfect families to be screwed up.

I want to go to bed before Deidre gets home, said Sarah. Otherwise I’ll have to deal with her pity, and that makes everything ten times worse.

This is why I don’t have a roommate. Well, one of the reasons anyway.

You live in a cave.

Matt just shrugged. It wasn’t a new debate. Rent in Philadelphia wasn’t as bad as some cities, but it was still on the high side for a veterinary technician’s salary. To live in a decent neighborhood, you had two options: share with a roommate or live in a small studio. While Sarah’s apartment was inarguably nicer than his, the studio was his own. It wasn’t spacious and the windows looked out over dumpsters, so nobody was going to call it a fantastic apartment. He was willing to take that if it meant the freedom and privacy of his own space.

Night Sarah.

Bye. We’ll talk soon.

Don’t we always?

She grinned. Yep.

They’d been good friends for three years now, though they’d known each other over four. As Sarah rightly pointed out, Matt was kind of weird when they first met. At that time, they had nothing in common other than both working toward being vet techs. Matt was still weird, he was well aware, but he and Sarah had a lot more in common now, including dysfunctional families.

On the walk back to his apartment he caught himself wondering about his father. He shook his head. Don’t go there. Not worth the mental energy.

Instead, he turned to admire City Hall while waiting for the walk signal. Though he’d never claim to be an architecture enthusiast, the ornate building was beautiful, especially when it was lit at night so the white marble almost glowed in dramatic contrast to the dark recesses. There was something to be said for the stateliness of late nineteenth-century public buildings.

He was far enough away for a good view of William Penn’s larger-than-life statue atop the tower, looking out over the city he founded. At a time when sectarianism ruled, Penn had stood for religious freedom. This liberty was the philosophical foundation of Philadelphia. Modern residents didn’t appreciate what Penn had given those settlers in the 1600s, but Matt had an inkling.

He turned around and watched the crosswalk light. Experience had taught him that appreciating urban scenery for too long made a man miss his crossing signal, and subsequently feel rather foolish while he stood around waiting for another opportunity to continue his travels.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. Thanks for fucking me up.

While Matt had always loved animals, he appreciated them even more once his relationship with his family fell apart and he realized how woefully unequipped he was to deal with the world at large. Animals were so much easier than people. They didn’t judge, or keep secrets, or even mind that at twenty-three he had the social skills of a sixteen-year-old when he was having a good day.

Animals he understood. Matt loved creatures of all kinds with the exception of pet tarantulas, which he just couldn’t bring himself to appreciate. At work he dealt mainly with cats and dogs, plus a smattering of other mammals because they were the most popular pets. His personal favorites were reptiles, and of all the reptiles in the world, he loved Dex most.

Hey, buddy, he announced upon arriving home, as was his habit. You ready to get out and play?

Dex always was. The bearded dragon had a respectable terrarium, but he enjoyed getting free range of the apartment and particularly loved the custom jungle gym Matt had put together for him. He also considered climbing Matt good fun. When motivated by a treat on Matt’s shoulder, Dex could make very good time up his arm.

Between the habitat and the gym, Dex took up a good chunk of the apartment, along with a not insignificant percentage of Matt’s limited spending money. He was worth every square foot and every cent. There was nothing like coming home, lifting the cover off Dex’s habitat, and having the beardie scamper up his arm in greeting.

As usual, he read and watched Dex play for an hour or so until it was time to make dinner. Cooking with Dex free in the apartment, he’d learned the hard way, was a bad idea. The bearded dragon was entirely too interested in the process and how he might work this out to get extra treats. When combined with his natural proclivity for climbing, this made for a dangerous situation. After nearly chopping off one of Dex’s toes some months back, Matt now made sure to secure his pet before cooking.

He took stock of his refrigerator and concluded that he really needed to go grocery shopping. Lacking inspiration, he decided to throw together a stir-fry with frozen veggies and a fresh zucchini which was fast approaching the end of its shelf life. He ate stir-fry frequently because rice and frozen vegetables were cheap, and he could scramble an egg for protein. He set aside a small piece of carrot to thaw for a treat with Dex’s usual dinner of greens and crickets. Dex was a bit spoiled.

Halfway through chopping zucchini, Matt was startled by a lot of thudding and curses which were only partially muffled. Curious, he set down the knife and went to go investigate the racket.

Once he opened his door, it was clear somebody was finally moving into the apartment beside his own. Two guys were manhandling an overstuffed couch which barely fit up the stairs.

Hold on. Damn thing is stuck again. Are you sure this is gonna fit?

I measured. Stop tilting it and it’ll fit just fine.

Nice way to talk to your volunteer labor.

The two did get the couch to top of the stairs, where they set it down for a break. Matt figured this was as good a time as any to introduce himself to his new neighbor. Now if only he could get all the social cues right.

Um, hi, he said, then promptly chastised himself for leading with ‘um.’ He tried again. Moving into number six?

Of course, at least one of them had to be. Who lugged furniture into an empty apartment just for fun? Still, blatantly obvious comments were standard and expected for small talk. This was a good thing, because it spared Matt frantically scrabbling for something clever to say.

One of the two, the man with lighter hair, stuck out his arm. Collin Moravec. I take it you’re my new neighbor?

Matt Aldridge. I’m in seven.

Nice to meet you, Matt. This whiner is my brother Todd.

Matt wasn’t paying all that much attention to Todd because Collin was very nice to look at. For one thing, he had what Matt considered to be the most attractive body type: a couple of inches taller than Matt himself with broad shoulders and lean muscles. All of this was topped by a handsome face set with sparkling blue eyes and thick brown hair. A total looker.

Now, it seemed that Collin shook his hand slightly longer than one would expect, and he was certainly smiling more than usual for meeting a neighbor. Matt was still trying to figure out if that meant anything when he realized that holding the guy up from his moving wasn’t going to make the best impression.

Need any help? he asked, because it seemed the polite thing to do.

Thanks, but the couch is the last of it. We brought everything else over earlier.

Okay. Welcome to the building.

So far, so good, replied Collin with a grin.

Back in his apartment, while he resumed cutting zucchini, he pondered the encounter. I really need to figure out this gaydar, he muttered to himself. Collin had seemed a little flirtatious, but Matt was a notoriously bad judge when it came to flirting. It would be nice if Collin was gay. Really, though, what were the odds? Life would be so much easier if he could afford a place in the Gayborhood proper.

Chapter Two

Y ou haven’t even started unpacking and you’re already flirting with the neighbors, said Todd in his best accusatory voice.

And your point is? Collin didn’t usually turn down a chance to flirt with a cute guy, a fact his brother knew full well.

My whole body aches from helping you move into this crappy third-floor apartment that doesn’t even have an elevator. You’re having way too much fun.

It’s not that bad an apartment.

Todd shook his head and sat down on the couch. Your furniture barely fits and you look out over dumpsters. It’s a crappy apartment.

At least I’m not selling my soul to a corporation, replied Collin without even thinking. They’d had this discussion before. Besides, the apartment was only a fifteen-minute walk from his new job and had been renovated in the last ten years, which was more than he could say for a lot of the places he’d looked at renting.

I know, making a difference, helping your community, and all that.

It’s infinitely more fulfilling than your little slice of suburban paradise. He was excited to start his new job as the communications manager of a small but growing LGBT center. Moreover, there was no amount of money that would entice him to work for a major telecom company like his brother.

We’re almost thirty, man. I thought you’d be ready for something that pays better.

I’m always going to be your hopelessly idealistic younger brother.

Todd snorted. Yeah, those eight minutes made a real difference somehow.

Collin and Todd were fraternal twins. Still, they had few things in common. They shared the same birthday, both stood 5’10, and both inherited their dad’s broad shoulders. That was where their similarities stopped. Collin had light brown hair while Todd’s was jet black, Collin wanted his career to make a difference in the world whereas Todd just wanted a good paycheck, and of course Todd was straight and Collin was gay.

For all their differences, they got along well enough and helped each other, as brothers often do. Todd was grumbling about helping Collin move at the moment, sure, but not two years before when he bought his house it had been Collin hauling his brother’s stuff around. On his vacation, no less.

I’m ordering pizza, Collin said, having worked up quite an appetite. You staying?

Damn right I’m gonna get a free meal out of this. Todd put his feet up on a box marked Kitchen. Pepperoni and mushrooms on my half, and make it an extra large.

Mushrooms would, in Collin’s opinion, ruin a perfectly good pizza. Half a disgusting pizza, coming up. The apartment had come with a menu on the counter so he grabbed his phone and dialed that number.

You start Wednesday, right? asked Todd once the order had been placed.

Yes.

Well, I’m happy for you. It’s not what I’d want, of course, but it’s a promotion from your last job and you’re excited, so it’s all good.

Thanks. There’s a lot more we can do once people know we exist and I’m really looking forward to being part of that.

Between unpacking and starting his new job, Collin was too busy to think about his cute neighbor beyond a passing hope that they’d meet again soon. As it happened they met again Saturday morning.

Collin’s nightstand had gotten smashed up in the move and Saturday was the first chance he had to replace it. Pleased because the new nightstand had only cost him eight dollars at a thrift store, he was reaching for his keys and debating whether or not he should move his TV when he saw a lizard dart out of Matt’s apartment.

Dex! called Matt.

Collin set down his nightstand on the off chance that he could actually catch the lizard. Surprisingly, he didn’t need to. The grey-green lizard scurried up to the top of the nightstand and sat there to take in the view. He couldn’t have been more than eighteen inches long, yet he somehow managed to look like he owned the world.

Matt rushed over to retrieve his pet. I’m sorry.

No problem. Hey, Collin had wanted to run into the guy again and he’d gotten his wish. Now to make the most of it.

Scooping the lizard up in one hand, Matt turned to a FedEx man Collin hadn’t even noticed. Next time I’ll be expecting you and I’ll put him in his terrarium.

Good idea, said the delivery man, giving the lizard a wary glance.

The FedEx man left and Collin decided to seize the opportunity which had so conveniently presented itself. So you have a pet lizard?

Specifically, a bearded dragon.

I didn’t realize these apartments were big enough, said Collin. In truth he’d never given the matter a second of thought, but the statement served to keep the conversation going.

They are if you’re willing to give up space. A moment’s hesitation, and then Matt said, I can show you if you’d like.

Collin was in favor of anything which gave him more chances to flirt with Matt. Sure. Let me just drop this off. He picked up the nightstand, deposited it in his own apartment, and followed Matt.

That’s his habitat, said Matt, gesturing to a large tank. On Saturday mornings I let him roam around the apartment. Only I forgot that I ordered his crickets online, and he ran out the door when I was taking them.

You can order crickets online? This was news to Collin. People who said you could get anything on the internet really weren’t exaggerating, and not just in regards to porn or sex toys.

It’s cheaper than the pet store. That’s why I’m switching. He set the bearded dragon down on some kind of… actually, Collin wasn’t sure what the contraption was. He looked at it for a minute before Matt explained, That’s basically a beardie jungle gym. As you saw, Dex loves to climb.

Dex? As in Dexter?

"As in I called him Dexter and