Rise of the Kritics

By Saul Reuben Guy

Earth is to be destroyed for receiving poor reviews by the Kritics, an alien species which reviews and destroys things that don’t meet their standards.

A college going student, James Bamboozle who just so happens to be an alien belonging to the Intergalactic Missionary Agency is in charge of protecting Earth and is the only thing that stands in the way of the judgement of the Kritics.

He teams up with Klara his secret crush from earth, Barney a bartender from earth and Doodle another alien along with a sentient machine called Sam.

Will this unlikely alliance be able to save the Earth? Or is Earth doomed?

A hilarious Sci-Fi adventure of epic proportions in a small package.

Please read as directed by physician, psychiatrist & friends.

Parental guidance is advised for children below 13.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Saul Reuben Guy
• Release date: Jun 27, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463262801

Saul Reuben Guy

Born Saul Reuben Gili in Norfolk, England and practically raised all over the world he has a few soft spots for a few countries that gave him memorable experiences. He is an engineer by profession and writing is his hobby. An introvert by nature, definitely not the life of a party, he would prefer to sit in a corner and share something funny with a few people rather than entertain the whole crowd. A person can't sit with him for five minutes without laughing, there is always something funny to talk about.

Book preview

RISE OF THE KRITICS

BY

S. R. GUY

Copyright © 2014 S. R. Guy

No human (read animal), animal, extraterrestrial or any living thing or dead for the matter were hurt during the writing of this book. However after the publication of the book and it being bought by someone, thrown by someone else and impacted on someone else's head lies solely between the buyer, the thrower and the throwee (being the person whose head was hurt). The Author holds no responsibility for such cases and duly wishes regret to the thrower that this volume contains so many pages for that he apologizes.

Buy the book and buy some more copies to give it to someone you hate (nothing makes a message more personal than buying a book published by this company and gifting it to someone, making it completely obvious that you hate the person) or even better throw it at them.

This book is a work of fiction any names, characters, and incidents are the product of the Author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

To the Late Mr. Douglas Noel Adams, the Author of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

A brilliant man I never met,

an opportunity missed that I regret,

The man who showed me the universe,

with just a towel and a toothbrush.

Foreword

The idea for the character was born from James Bond, The Author is a huge fan of bond films though never having read any of the books. This book, however, took its own shape. The Author holds a lot of respect for people, some are legends and some people's stories you have never heard.

Excerpt from the book:-

The president blinked this wasn’t what he was expecting. Who, wha… and then after gaining some composure So, er… what’s your name? asked the president.

Bamboozle, James Bamboozle spoke James. A secret service agent let out a slight cough.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Message From The Author

About the Author

Chapter 1

It wasn't a bright shiny morning nor was it raining in San Francisco. It was an ordinary day when the sun came up to do what it usually did, heat up the atmosphere and make bipedal mammals of a certain intellect feel very irritated. It was James (the hero of our story, though his character is debatable) as he sat through class dreading on how hot it was, as though global warming wasn't enough, but the sun had to add to the misery of life. The sun as though hearing his thoughts and taking it as an insult to himself, decided to hide behind a bank of clouds. The atmosphere of the class became dull and dreary, the dullness being there in the form of students. In mid-July, even the air conditioners deciding to kill themselves, conked off, realizing it was too hot for them (the AC were fitted with smart chips capable of deciding when not to overload and fry their systems; it was one of those days) and they bluntly refused to start up.

Though the windows were open, the winds in a cheerful mood not to be dulled by the class's atmosphere decided to go play in a nearby football field. Where their molecules got heated up and rose to the atmosphere while newer winds decided to play below them. The windows were a particularly useless invention (apart from the one running on your computer) there are never any winds when you need them and the view from the window is always the same (unless you're using blinds). But today the windows, in fact, one particular window would play an integral role in James's life.

James was in his final semester, majoring in atomic physics in the San Francisco university after this he was off to join the struggles and problems of finding a job and getting married, well at least that is what his friends thought. Though unknown to them he was an agent of the Intergalactic Missionary on a mission to save earth, from a planet earthlings would later discover and call it nothing because by then the planet would be destroyed and become a field of asteroids (The history of the planet is irrelevant at the present time, therefore, the Author skips it).

As he sat through fifteen minutes of boring lecture on atomic physics and the making of customizable and portable nuclear weapons, which he already knew. His seventh sense (prior to huge disagreements between how many senses their people at the home planet of Flartonia had, the entire populace had divided into two groups one supporting only six senses and the other seven. The planet was thrown into turmoil; one group emerged victoriously and completely annihilated the other. And thus they came to have seven and not six senses and failed to perceive the impending doom that faced their planet and complete obliteration of the species.