Captain Brassbound’s Conversion
()
About this ebook
George Bernard Shaw
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) was born into a lower-class family in Dublin, Ireland. During his childhood, he developed a love for the arts, especially music and literature. As a young man, he moved to London and found occasional work as a ghostwriter and pianist. Yet, his early literary career was littered with constant rejection. It wasn’t until 1885 that he’d find steady work as a journalist. He continued writing plays and had his first commercial success with Arms and the Man in 1894. This opened the door for other notable works like The Doctor's Dilemma and Caesar and Cleopatra.
Read more from George Bernard Shaw
Saint Joan: A Play Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Major Barbara Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Collected Works of George Bernard Shaw: Plays, Novels, Articles, Letters and Essays: Pygmalion, Mrs. Warren's Profession, Candida, Arms and The Man, Man and Superman, Caesar and Cleopatra, Androcles And The Lion, The New York Times Articles on War, Memories of Oscar Wilde and more Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMrs. Warren's Profession Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Misalliance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Bernard Shaw on Religion Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Perfect Wagnerite Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGeorge Bernard Shaw - A Selection of One-Act Plays Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5John Bull's Other Island Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Crime of Imprisonment Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Candida Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5You Never Can Tell Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Caesar and Cleopatra Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMan and Superman Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Doctor's Dilemma Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Philanderer Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Complete Works of George Bernard Shaw Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBernard Shaw on Literature Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Devil's Disciple Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Heartbreak House Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBernard Shaw on Politics Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBernard Shaw on Theater Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGreat Catherine: Whom Glory Still Adores Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Fanny's First Play Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5THE COLLECTED WORKS OF GEORGE BERNARD SHAW: Pygmalion, Candida, Arms and The Man, Man and Superman, Caesar and Cleopatra… Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSaint Joan Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Back to Methuselah: A Metabiological Pentateuch Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related to Captain Brassbound’s Conversion
Related ebooks
Captain Brassbound's Conversion Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Captain Brassbound's Conversion Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Lowden Sabbath Morn Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Delectable Duchy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Wrecker Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsJohn Sherman; and, Dhoya Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPunch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 93, November 5, 1887 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Happy Family Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Angel of Whitehall Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Pirate Duchess: Duchess Series, #2 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Day with the Poet Burns Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Merry Adventures of Robin Hood Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Greenmantle: Author of The Thirty Nine Steps Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTess Of The D'Urbervilles Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSt. Patrick's Day, or, the scheming lieutenant : a farce in one act Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Flying Inn Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPillars of Society Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPunch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, January 23, 1892 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAnanias Green Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFlood, The Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Upper Berth: 'We had talked long, and the conversation was beginning to languish'' Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Ghost by Arnold Bennett - Delphi Classics (Illustrated) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Rich Girl,The Poor Girl, The Coastwatcher And Me: Anecdotes And Reminiscences From The Collected Papers Of Justin Bornmann Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFrankenstein - Or, the Man and the Monster - A Stage Play (Fantasy and Horror Classics) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFanny's First Play: A Play in Three Acts Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Flying Inn: Dystopian Novel Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIs She His Wife: "I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free." Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Tempest Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDeep Water and Shoal Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Pioneers; a Tale of the Western Wilderness Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Classics For You
The Master & Margarita Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Fellowship Of The Ring: Being the First Part of The Lord of the Rings Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Learn French! Apprends l'Anglais! THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY: In French and English Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Confederacy of Dunces Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Flowers for Algernon Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Poisonwood Bible: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Silmarillion Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wuthering Heights (with an Introduction by Mary Augusta Ward) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Odyssey: (The Stephen Mitchell Translation) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Little Women (Seasons Edition -- Winter) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Old Man and the Sea: The Hemingway Library Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5As I Lay Dying Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5East of Eden Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Sense and Sensibility (Centaur Classics) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Ulysses: With linked Table of Contents Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Animal Farm: A Fairy Story Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Republic by Plato Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5For Whom the Bell Tolls: The Hemingway Library Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Count of Monte-Cristo English and French Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Farewell to Arms Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Titus Groan Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Jungle: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tinkers: 10th Anniversary Edition Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5A Good Man Is Hard To Find And Other Stories Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Rebecca Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Persuasion Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Canterbury Tales Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Hell House: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Captain Brassbound’s Conversion
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Captain Brassbound’s Conversion - George Bernard Shaw
CAPTAIN BRASSBOUND’S CONVERSION
..................
George Bernard Shaw
KYPROS PRESS
Thank you for reading. In the event that you appreciate this book, please consider sharing the good word(s) by leaving a review, or connect with the author.
This book is a work of fiction; its contents are wholly imagined.
All rights reserved. Aside from brief quotations for media coverage and reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced or distributed in any form without the author’s permission. Thank you for supporting authors and a diverse, creative culture by purchasing this book and complying with copyright laws.
Copyright © 2016 by George Bernard Shaw
Interior design by Pronoun
Distribution by Pronoun
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Captain Brassbound’s Conversion
ACT I
ACT II
ACT III
NOTES TO CAPTAIN BRASSBOUND’S CONVERSION
CAPTAIN BRASSBOUND’S CONVERSION
..................
ACT I
..................
ON THE HEIGHTS OVERLOOKING THE harbor of Mogador, a seaport on the west coast of Morocco, the missionary, in the coolness of the late afternoon, is following the precept of Voltaire by cultivating his garden. He is an elderly Scotchman, spiritually a little weatherbeaten, as having to navigate his creed in strange waters crowded with other craft but still a convinced son of the Free Church and the North African Mission, with a faithful brown eye, and a peaceful soul. Physically a wiry small-knit man, well tanned, clean shaven, with delicate resolute features and a twinkle of mild humor. He wears the sun helmet and pagri, the neutral-tinted spectacles, and the white canvas Spanish sand shoes of the modern Scotch missionary: but instead of a cheap tourist’s suit from Glasgow, a grey flannel shirt with white collar, a green sailor knot tie with a cheap pin in it, he wears a suit of clean white linen, acceptable in color, if not in cut, to the Moorish mind.
The view from the garden includes much Atlantic Ocean and a long stretch of sandy coast to the south, swept by the north east trade wind, and scantily nourishing a few stunted pepper trees, mangy palms, and tamarisks. The prospect ends, as far as the land is concerned, in little hills that come nearly to the sea: rudiments, these, of the Atlas Mountains. The missionary, having had daily opportunities of looking at this seascape for thirty years or so, pays no heed to it, being absorbed in trimming a huge red geranium bush, to English eyes unnaturally big, which, with a dusty smilax or two, is the sole product of his pet flower-bed. He is sitting to his work on a Moorish stool. In the middle of the garden there is a pleasant seat in the shade of a tamarisk tree. The house is in the south west corner of the garden, and the geranium bush in the north east corner.
At the garden-door of the house there appears presently a man who is clearly no barbarian, being in fact a less agreeable product peculiar to modern commercial civilization. His frame and flesh are those of an ill-nourished lad of seventeen; but his age is inscrutable: only the absence of any sign of grey in his mud colored hair suggests that he is at all events probably under forty, without prejudice to the possibility of his being under twenty. A Londoner would recognize him at once as an extreme but hardy specimen of the abortion produced by nature in a city slum. His utterance, affectedly pumped and hearty, and naturally vulgar and nasal, is ready and fluent: nature, a Board School education, and some kerbstone practice having made him a bit of an orator. His dialect, apart from its base nasal delivery, is not unlike that of smart London society in its tendency to replace diphthongs by vowels (sometimes rather prettily) and to shuffle all the traditional vowel pronunciations. He pronounces ow as ah, and i as aw, using the ordinary ow for o, i for a, a for u, and e for a, with this reservation, that when any vowel is followed by an r he signifies its presence, not by pronouncing the r, which he never does under these circumstances, but by prolonging and modifyinq the vowel, sometimes even to the extreme degree of pronouncing it properly. As to his yol for l (a compendious delivery of the provincial eh-al), and other metropolitan refinements, amazing to all but cockneys, they cannot be indicated, save in the above imperfect manner, without the aid of a phonetic alphabet. He is dressed in somebody else’s very second best as a coast-guardsman, and gives himself the airs of a stage tar with sufficient success to pass as a possible fish porter of bad character in casual employment during busy times at Billingsgate. His manner shows an earnest disposition to ingratiate himself with the missionary, probably for some dishonest purpose.
THE MAN. Awtenoon, Mr. Renkin. (The missionary sits up quickly, and turns, resigning himself dutifully to the interruption.) Yr honor’s eolth.
RANKIN (reservedly). Good afternoon, Mr. Drinkwotter.
DRINKWATER. You’re not best pleased to be hinterrupted in yr bit o gawdnin bow the lawk o me, gavner.
RANKIN. A missionary knows nothing of leks of that soart, or of disleks either, Mr. Drinkwotter. What can I do for ye?
DRINKWATER (heartily). Nathink, gavner. Awve brort noos fer yer.
RANKIN. Well, sit ye doon.
DRINKWATER. Aw thenk yr honor. (He sits down on the seat under the tree and composes himself for conversation.) Hever ear o Jadge Ellam?
RANKIN. Sir Howrrd Hallam?
DRINKWATER. Thet’s im-enginest jadge in Hingland!—awlus gives the ket wen it’s robbry with voylence, bless is awt. Aw sy nathink agin im: awm all fer lor mawseolf, AW em.
RANKIN. Well?
DRINKWATER. Hever ear of is sist-in-lor: Lidy Sisly Winefleet?
RANKIN. Do ye mean the celebrated Leddy—the traveller?
DRINKWATER. Yuss: should think aw doo. Walked acrost Harfricar with nathink but a little dawg, and wrowt abaht it in the Dily Mile (the Daily Mail, a popular London newspaper), she did.
RANKIN. Is she Sir Howrrd Hallam’s sister-in-law?
DRINKWATER. Deeceased wawfe’s sister: yuss: thet’s wot SHE is.
RANKIN. Well, what about them?
DRINKWATER. Wot abaht them! Waw, they’re EAH. Lannid aht of a steam yacht in Mogador awber not twenty minnits agow. Gorn to the British cornsl’s. E’ll send em orn to you: e ynt got naowheres to put em. Sor em awr (hire) a Harab an two Krooboys to kerry their laggige. Thort awd cam an teoll yer.
RANKIN. Thank you. It’s verra kind of you, Mr. Drinkwotter.
DRINKWATER. Down’t mention it, gavner. Lor bless yer, wawn’t it you as converted me? Wot was aw wen aw cam eah but a pore lorst sinner? Down’t aw ow y’a turn fer thet? Besawds, gavner, this Lidy Sisly Winefleet mawt wor’t to tike a walk crost Morocker—a rawd inter the mahntns or sech lawk. Weoll, as you knaow, gavner, thet cawn’t be done eah withaht a hescort.
RANKIN. It’s impoassible: th’ would oall b’ murrdered. Morocco is not lek the rest of Africa.
DRINKWATER. No, gavner: these eah Moors ez their religion; an it mikes em dinegerous. Hever convert a Moor, gavner?
RANKIN (with a rueful smile). No.
DRINKWATER (solemnly). Nor never will, gavner.
RANKIN. I have been at work here for twenty-five years, Mr. Drinkwotter; and you are my first and only convert.
DRINKWATER. Down’t seem naow good, do it, gavner?
RANKIN. I don’t say that. I hope I have done some good. They come to me for medicine when they are ill; and they call me the Christian who is not a thief. THAT is something.
DRINKWATER. Their mawnds kennot rawse to Christiennity lawk hahrs ken, gavner: thet’s ah it is. Weoll, ez haw was syin, if a hescort is wornted, there’s maw friend and commawnder Kepn Brarsbahnd of the schooner Thenksgivin, an is crew, incloodin mawseolf, will see the lidy an Jadge Ellam through henny little excursion in reason. Yr honor mawt mention it.
RANKIN. I will certainly not propose anything so dangerous as an excursion.
DRINKWATER (virtuously). Naow, gavner, nor would I awst you to. (Shaking his head.) Naow, naow: it IS dinegerous. But hall the more call for a hescort if they should ev it hin their mawnds to gow.
RANKIN. I hope they won’t.
DRINKWATER. An sow aw do too, gavner.
RANKIN (pondering). ‘Tis strange that they should come to Mogador, of all places; and to my house! I once met Sir Howrrd Hallam, years ago.
DRINKWATER (amazed). Naow! didger? Think o thet, gavner! Waw, sow aw did too. But it