Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges Into Texas Bigger and Better

By Bathroom Readers' Institute

Uncle John ropes, wrassles, and rides into the Lone Star State in this updated, king-sized grab-bag of all things Texas.

Packed with 60 new pages, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges into Texas Expanded Edition! is bigger and badder than the previous edition. This cowboy-sized collection of Texas talents, truisms, and tales offers fans everything they love about the Lone Star State: its colorful history, fascinating figures, good grub, bona fide Texas brews, and much more. Like what? How about . . .

* Cowboy street cred: How to tell a drugstore cowboy from the real deal.
* Hogs gone wild! 
* The funniest Texas tombstones. 
* A few facts about the grand Rio Grande.
* Oil myths, rodeo clowns, water wars, and all the weird, wild, and wonderful things that can be found only deep in the heart of Texas.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Portable Press
• Release date: Apr 1, 2013
• ISBN: 9781607108061

Bathroom Readers' Institute

The Bathroom Readers' Institute is a tight-knit group of loyal and skilled writers, researchers, and editors who have been working as a team for years. The BRI understands the habits of a very special market—Throne Sitters—and devotes itself to providing amazing facts and conversation pieces.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION TO THE SECOND EDITION

HOWDY, Y’ALL!

There’s an old saying that you should never ask people if they’re from Texas because if they are, they’ll tell you. And if they’re not? Well, you wouldn’t want to embarrass them now, would you?

Uncle John doesn’t care if you’re from Texas, though, because whether you’re a native Texan, a Texan at heart, or someone just passing through—this updated, expanded, and jam-packed second edition of Texas facts, figures, and lore has more to offer than a roadside flea market.

That’s because the Lone Star State is more than a location—it’s a legend. And whether you hang your hat in Houston like me, raise cattle in the Panhandle, or make up the Austin hipster scene, this land between the Red River and Rio Grande always has a surprise in store. It’s a big place—about 268,580 square miles (more than England and Japan combined). So who could possibly keep up with all of the tall tales, the exciting things going on, and the amazing land and larger-than-life people?

That’s where Uncle John comes in. The Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series and Texas are a perfect fit: both are too big to ignore and too interesting to forget. This carefully crafted collection gives locals the insight they’re thirsting for and lets visitors in on the Texas they don’t often read about elsewhere. Only Uncle John could take the king-size tales and tidbits of Texas and pack them into an easily digestible digest that’s as easy to read on the trail as it is in the homestead.

To make it happen, members of Uncle John’s Texas team traipsed all across the state from the Big Thicket to the Big Bend so you could enjoy its most amazing facts—and all from the comforts of your Lone Star sanctuary. Deep in the heart of this latest installment, you’ll find tales and trivia on all things Texas, including . . .

• Urban legends and UFOs, Texas-style.

• Hidden barbecue hot spots.

• Rodeo clowns and cowboy etiquette.

• The inspiration for Lonesome Dove.

• Legal issues related to dining on roadkill.

• How to become a Texas Ranger.

• What happened to the stars of Dallas.

• And much more!

WELCOME!

If this is your first time cracking an Uncle John’s cover, I’d like to issue you an especially warm howdy. You’re now part of an underground movement dedicated to using the peace and quiet of los baños to squeeze some smarts into your cabeza—rather than just sitting there doing nada. If you’re a longtime Uncle John compadre, you’ll be glad you didn’t miss this Texas version: just another part of a tradition of rustling up the best in rest-stop reading!

If you’re from Oklahoma . . . well . . . sorry there aren’t more pictures.

Make note of this book’s smooth pages and unbent back because in a month it will be as weathered and as worn as a West Texas ranch hand. So hang up your Stetson, put the Cowboys on DVR, and let your Wranglers roam free-range while you flip the page and . . .

Plunge into the great state of Texas!

—William Dylan Powell

Houston, Texas, USA

PREFACE

GREETINGS!

If—like me—you’ve walked the beach at South Padre Island, sat on the lawn of Southmost University in Brownsville, fallen into the canal in San Antonio (it was an accident), heard Kinky Friedman sing at a club in Austin, eaten lunch at the Inn at Turtle Creek in Dallas (Jerry Johnson was at the next table), or just enjoyed singing along with Marty Robbins’ El Paso, you know that Texas is huge . . . and hugely diverse. What a great state!

Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges into Texas has been written for Texians, Texicans, native-born and transplanted Texans, and anyone with a big appreciation for the legendary Lone Star State. The good folks at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute, along with special contributors native to Texas (as well as those who just wish they were), worked hard and long on this inaugural edition. It even has a map for those of us who don’t know where Marfa is.

So saddle up, sit down, and kick off your boots to enjoy some quality reading about . . .

• San Antonio’s Toilet Seat Museum

• The Cutthroat World of Texas Cheerleading

• Buried Treasure (You Could Still Find)

• The Dirty Lowdown on Rattlers

• Tough Texas Women

• The Real Dirt on Rodeo Lingo

• Cowboys, Cattle, and Cabernet

• The Land of a Thousand Tornadoes, and so much more.

Enough of my jabbering on, or as Frank Dobie said,

The way to spoil a story is to talk about it rather than tell it.

So let’s get on with our Plunge into Texas!

As always—go with the flow . . .

—Uncle John and the BRI Staff

THE GRAND THRONES OF SAN ANTONE

Michelangelo had the Sistine Chapel ceiling; Leonardo had the walls of Santa Maria delle Grazie; Rembrandt had his canvases. And Barney Smith has his toilet seats.

As of 2012, 90-year-old Barney Smith spent more than 40 years expressing his creative vision on approximately 700 toilet seat lids. As the collection has grown, he has turned his overflowing garage in San Antonio into the admission-free Texas Toilet Seat Museum, which attracts about 1,000 visitors per year.

STILL LIFE WITH TOILET SEAT

Smith’s association with toilet seats is long-standing (or, you could say, sitting). He spent the first part of his adult life as a master plumber, concentrating purely on the toilet’s more practical uses. However, upon retiring from that trade, the artist in Barney Smith was free to give vent to his creative urges.

Barney Smith found his new calling by accident—in one of those divinely ordained collisions of circumstance and creativity. He’d returned from a hunting trip with his father and was looking for a way to display the antlers of the deer he’d bagged. Being something of a pack rat, Smith scrounged through his stuff and happened upon a discarded toilet seat. It was the perfect size and shape; he mounted the deer horns onto it and, as they say, the rest is (art) history.

A BARNEY SMITH ORIGINAL

Smith is very particular about his canvas. Not just any seat will do. He spurns lids made of wood or plastic, preferring instead the ones made of pressed sawdust and glue. And like the Renaissance artists of old, lucky Barney has a patron: a plumbing supply company has generously donated most of the seats (although Barney prefers to call them plaques) he’s transformed into art over the years.

Texas is neither southern nor western. Texas is Texas.—Senator William Blakley

THE ARTIST AT WORK

Each plaque has a specific theme, commemorating special events in Barney’s personal life, like the one inspired by his own eye surgery, complete with photographs and eye patches. Or social issues, like his Stop Drugs, Say No, which features a genuine marijuana leaf embedded in it. (Its reverse side includes a note from the San Antonio Police Department giving Smith permission to own and display the pot leaf for educational purposes.)

His work has memorialized deceased pets, chronicled vacations, and celebrated personal milestones. And as his star has risen (he has appeared on the Today Show, The Early Show, and Montel Williams, and been featured in National Geographic), people from all over the world have sent him objects to incorporate into his work.

Smith estimates that it takes him about 20 hours to go from toilet seat to work of art; he paints, etches, carves, as well as glues and embeds objects into the plaques. Each one is special to him, and he has refused repeated offers from would-be buyers.

UNFINISHED MASTERPIECE

When asked, Barney has said that he’s unable to select one as a personal favorite. But if there’s one that might be called his obsession, it’s the plaque that commemorates his wife Velma’s gallstone surgery, which includes her IV, ID bracelet, and a photo of her on a gurney—but not her actual gallstones. She had to draw the line somewhere! Velma has hidden the removed stones somewhere in their house, and has refused to divulge their location. So far—search as he might—Barney Smith has been unable to find them.

* * * * *

FOOTBALL QUEEN

Kayla Thompson is the Queen of Texas Middle School Football. In 2011, the Austin seventh-grader joined the West Ridge Middle School Wildcats as a wide receiver and immediately began showing up young men from all around the state. Thompson played not just wide receiver, but also defense, running back, and even quarterback. Of one interception returned for a touchdown, her principal said: She smoked the boys. They couldn’t catch her if their lives depended on it.

Texan Dooley Wilson, the piano player Sam in Casablanca, couldn’t play the piano He sang As Time Goes By, but the piano-playing was dubbed.

TEXAS BASICS

Think you know the Lone Star State? Then belly up pardner, grab a pencil, and test your T.Q., Texas Quotient that is.

1. What is the state capital of Texas? (C’mon now, this is a gimme!)

A. Austin

B. Houston

C. Dallas

D. San Antonio

2. Okay then, so what’s the largest city in Texas?

A. Austin

B. Houston

C. Dallas

D. San Antonio

3. There are 254 counties in Texas alone. Which one of these is not one of them?

A. Deaf Smith County

B. Loving County

C. Castro County

D. Boone County

4. Which is the largest river wholly contained in Texas?

A. Red River

B. Brazos River

C. Canadian River

D. Colorado River

5. If you were a-counting, how many species and subspecies of poisonous snakes would you find in Texas?

A. 100

B. 57

C. 16

D. 5

6. Texas is certainly a land of extremes, and the weather is no exception. Can you guess the hottest and coldest recorded temperatures in the Lone Star State?

A. 120 degrees F and -23 degrees F

B. 140 degrees F and -10 degrees F

C. 115 degrees F and -15 degrees F

D. 100 degrees F and 0 degrees F

7. Texas towns are known for their distinctive names. Can you pick out the one made up by Uncle John?

A. Tolette

B. Point Blank

C. Whatchamacallit

D. Cut and Shoot

8. Nearly all of Texas’s 254 counties derive more revenue from cattle than any other agricultural commodity. Can you guess how many cattle and calves were inventoried in Texas in 2011?

A. 6.4 million head

B. 10.5 million head

C. 15.4 million head

D. 20.5 million head

9. Calling all leadfoots! What is the maximum daytime speed for cars and light trucks traveling down the Texas highways?

A. 90 mph

B. 70 mph

C. 65 mph

D. 55 mph

10. Everyone wants to live down Texas way, so it’s no shock that Texas is the second most populous state in the country. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, about how many people make Texas their home?

A. 33 million

B. 12 million

C. 8.4 million

D. 25 million

Answers on page 363.

In Texas, it’s illegal to put graffiti on someone else’s cow.

SIX FLAGS OVER TEXAS

It isn’t just an amusement park.

At one time or another, six different Western nations planted their flags on the landmass that is now called Texas. Which ones were they? In chronological order:

Claimant: Spain

Held Claim to Texas:

1519–1685; 1690–1821

Flag: Spain had a number of flags, but this is the one that’s usually flown as one of the six flags. The upper and lower horizontal stripes are red and the inside field is yellow. The castle and lion symbolize the arms of Castile and Leon, two ancient Spanish kingdoms.

History: Spain claimed Texas as early as 1519, when the coastline was mapped. Spain kept its claim on the area (despite the incursion of the French, which we’ll get to in just a second) for 300 years, which makes the Spanish flag the one that flew the longest over Texas, so far.

Seventy-five percent of the world’s Snickers bars are made in Waco at the M&M/Mars plant.

Claimant: France

Held Claim to Texas: 1685–1690

Flag: A field of white with alternating rows of golden fleur-de-lis (these look like clubs on playing cards or the emblems for the New Orleans Saints if you’re an NFL fan.) The fleur (French for flower) has long been associated with all things Français.

History: Short and nasty. The French were already in Louisiana, so they figured, what the heck, why not try for Texas? Despite the prior Spanish claims to the land, the pushy French planted their flag upon sweet Texas soil; explorer René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle, founded an outpost known as Fort St. Louis (in what is now Victoria County, Texas) in 1685 with 200 other pushy Frenchmen. After five years of disease, famine, and attacks by Native Americans, there were only fifteen left. La Salle himself was murdered in 1687. Spain regained control and kept it for more than a century.

Frognot, based on a Texas place of that name, was a Dallas-based alternative groove funk band.

Claimant: Mexico

Held Claim to Texas: 1821–1836

Flag: A tricolor field with green to the left, red to the right, and white in the center. Although the symbolism has changed over the years, green stood for independence, white for faith (specifically of the Catholic persuasion), and red for unity; later green stood for hope, white for purity, and red for the blood of heroes (there are still other interpretations as well). In the center of the flag is Mexico’s coat of arms: an eagle on a prickly pear cactus, eating a snake. The image refers to a myth in which the Aztec people were commanded by the god Huitzilopochtli to build a city where they saw such a scene. And they did, too, right where Mexico City stands today.

History: Mexico declared its independence from Spain in 1821 but had a rough time maintaining their North American territory. Part of the problem was that so many of those irritating Americans kept crossing the border to settle there: 20,000 of them by 1832. By 1835 Texas had formed its own provisional government and in early 1836 it declared itself independent from Mexico, a move that was made official in April of 1836, when Sam Houston captured Mexican leader Santa Anna at the San Jacinto River. And just like that, Mexico got the boot.

World-famous gambler Thomas Preston, also known as Amarillo Slim, hails from Texas.

Claimant: Texas

Held Claim to Texas: 1836–1845

Flag: Every Texan knows it: To the left, a blue vertical stripe with a lone white star in the center; the remainder of the flag is equally divided between two horizontal stripes: white on top, red on the bottom. But did you know that while Texas won its independence from Mexico in 1836, this familiar banner didn’t become the Texan national flag until 1839? For three years another flag flew over Texas, a golden star centered on an azure-blue field. The flag was designed by David Burnet, the interim president of Texas in 1836.

History: Texans are proud of the fact that the state was once an independent country, and of their flag (although the rumor that Texas is the only state allowed to fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag is just that—a rumor). Be that as it may, the Republic of Texas had a rough go of it during its decade of independence, mostly financial. From the very start, some Texans were angling for annexation by the U.S. And interestingly enough, the U.S. wasn’t in a huge rush to do it, since both Presidents Jackson and Van Buren passed on the chance to bring Texas into the fold. Eventually, in 1845, the republic was annexed—a move that precipitated the Mexican-American War in 1846, in which the U.S. definitively got title to Texas, as well as what would become New Mexico, Arizona, California, Utah, Nevada, and parts of Colorado.

There are seaworthy replicas of the Niña, Pinta, and Santa Maria in Corpus Christi.

Claimant: The United States of America

Held Claim to Texas: 1845–1861; 1865–Present Day

Flag: This one should look familiar: the field of 13 alternating stripes of red and white, symbolizing the original 13 colonies of the United States; the rectangle with the white stars representing the number of states in the Union. Texas was the 28th state, and so with its induction, the U.S. flag had 28 stars, arrayed in four horizontal rows of seven stars.

History: Texas was the last slave state admitted to the Union (West Virginia, which seceded from Virginia, was admitted to the Union in 1863 on the condition that slaves in the state were to be emancipated on a schedule). The slavery issue, among others, inclined Texas to secede from the U.S. with other Southern states to join the Confederate States of America in 1861. This meant that within the space of 40 years, Texas was under the control of four separate countries: Mexico, Texas, the U.S.A. and the C.S.A. Anyway, that whole C.S.A. thing ended badly, as most Americans know, but Texas’s second marriage to the U.S. has been going strong for 140 years.

Stephen F. Austin and Santa Anna belonged to the same freemasonry lodge in Mexico City.

Claimant: The Confederate States of America

Held Claim to Texas: 1861–1865

Flag: The Southern Cross flag that many people consider the Confederate flag was not actually the Confederacy’s national flag; it was its naval jack. The C.S.A. flag, known as the Stars and Bars, had a design more similar to the Union Stars and Stripes. The similarities between the two were significant enough to cause confusion on the battlefield—yikes! The number of the stars on the flag also ranged from seven to thirteen, depending on the C.S.A.’s optimism about acquiring states under Union control (the Southern Cross features 13 stars). The Confederacy went through two more iterations of its flag before the Civil War ended in 1865.

History: Of the six nations that flew flags over Texas, the C.S.A. flew its flag for the briefest amount of time. Nor was the transfer to the C.S.A. a painless one for Texas: Sam Houston, governor of Texas in 1861, vehemently opposed secession and refused to pledge his allegiance to the C.S.A., a move that prompted his removal from office. During the Civil War, not only did Texas have to deal with attacks by the Union troops, but also raids by Native Americans and the Mexicans.

After the end of the Civil War, Texas returned to the Union fold and has flown the Stars and Stripes ever since.

Dallas’s Fountain Place building has a central court fountain with 360 computer-driven jets.

BIG-SCREEN TEXANS

They’re cool, and they’re Texans. Catch them on the big screen.

RENÉE ZELLWEGER

Born in: Katy, Texas

Big break: Tom Cruise’s love interest in Jerry Maguire.

Famous for: Bridget Jones’s Diary, Chicago, Cold Mountain

Did you know: Her father was born in Switzerland and raised in Australia; her mother was born and raised in Norway. Zellweger is the second University of Texas graduate to win an Oscar.

TOMMY LEE JONES

Born in: San Saba, Texas

Big break: Cast on Broadway shortly after college.

Famous for: The Fugitive, Batman Forever, Men in Black

Did you know: Brainy Mr. Jones attended Harvard, where he roomed with future vice president Al Gore.

SISSY SPACEK

Born in: Quitman, Texas

Big break: Cast opposite Martin Sheen in Badlands

Famous for: Carrie, Coal Miner’s Daughter, In the Bedroom

Did you know: Before she struck it big, Sissy lived in New York City with her cousin, actor Rip Torn. She was a folk singer and even recorded a record under the name Rainbo.

OWEN AND LUKE WILSON

Born in: Dallas, Texas

Big break: Owen co-wrote Bottle Rocket, an independent film that starred both Luke and him.

Famous for: (Owen) Shanghai Noon; (Luke) Old School

Did you know: Owen was expelled from Dallas’s St. Mark’s Academy in the tenth grade, which inspired his Rushmore screenplay. Younger brother Luke stayed at St. Mark’s, where he still holds five track and field records.

In Texas, the wool-mill town of Eldorado is pronounced el-doe-RAY-doe.

OFFICIALLY IN TEXAS

Every state has a state bird, flower, and motto. But in typical Texas style, the legislature has gone and designated an official just about anything you can think of to represent all the truly wonderful and diverse things that make up Texas.

Dancer Cyd Charisse (real name: Tula Ellice Finklea) was born in Amarillo on March 8, 1921 She was named for her aunt Tula and uncle Ellis.

LITTLE-KNOWN TEXAS FIRSTS

You may know that the first word spoken from the moon was Houston, but did you know that Texas is the home of a few other fabled firsts that you probably thought happened somewhere else? Read on.

FIRST FLYING SAUCER

The term flying saucer dates back to a Texan named John Martin who, in Grayson County, just south of the Red River, went out hunting on January 25, 1878, hoping to see some deer or rabbits. Instead, he was stunned to see a dark object high in the northern sky.

According to an article in the Denison Daily News, Martin first noticed it appeared to be about the size of an orange, after which it continued to grow larger . . . When directly over him it was about the size of a large saucer and was evidently at great height. And thus the flying saucer was first reported.

Idaho pilot Kenneth Arnold is often given credit for coining the term in the late 1940s.

FIRST AMERICAN THANKSGIVING

Massachusetts? Never heard of it. The real first Thanksgiving celebration took place in Texas. In 1540, Francisco Vázquez de Coronado of Spain was appointed to explore North America and seek out the Quivira, a legendary city of gold. The expedition turned out to be a disaster—and a bad career move for everyone involved. The only gold Coronado found was in the West Texas sunset, and he lived the rest of his life as a desk jockey in Mexico City. (Yes, they had desks in the 16th century.)

But along the way, Coronado did find the first Thanksgiving celebration. On May 23, 1541, running low on both food and morale, Coronado and his men happened upon a band of Tejas Indians in Palo Duro Canyon (southeast of Amarillo), who gladly gave them both grub and a good time. A grateful Coronado declared it a day of giving thanks for this bounty in the new country. In 1959 the Texas Society Daughters of the American Colonists dedicated a plaque to the canyon, designating it as the place where the first Thanksgiving feast took place. And that makes it official.

FIRST QUIZ SHOW

This is long before Jeopardy! and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. The world’s first quiz show was the brainchild of Parks Johnson, a Houstonian who sold advertising for local radio station KTRH. Starting in November 1932, Johnson would stand in front of Houston’s Rice Hotel and—live, on the air—ask trivia questions to passersby.

The show, Vox Pop (as in vox populi, meaning the voice of the people), didn’t really take off until one stormy night when Johnson, a marketing-savvy kind of guy, offered a dollar to anyone who would brave the weather and come out to participate in his question-and-answer game. Hopeful contestants flocked to the scene and the ratings soared. Johnson sold the show to a number of networks, including CBS and NBC, eventually bringing Vox Pop to New York, Paris, and London.

* * * * *

CARTOON KING

Fredrick Bean Avery was perhaps better known by his nickname: Tex. Born in Taylor, Texas, Tex Avery was a true pioneer of cartoon animation. Avery’s Texas-sized sense of humor and boundless imagination made his creations all the more memorable.

First at Warner Bros., he is credited with creating Porky Pig, Daffy Duck, and in developing the wiseacre Bugs Bunny. After leaving Warner Bros. for MGM, Avery did some of his best-known and loved work. The deadpan Droopy Dog and sexy Red Hot Riding Hood are among his most famous characters. For a few good laughs, check out these Avery classics: Bad Luck Blackie, King Size Canary, and Droopy’s Good Deed.

The USS Lexington, in Corpus Christi, is a WWII aircraft carrier that’s known as the Blue Ghost.

RIDE ’EM, COWBOY!

Yee-haw! Uncle John’s guide to the main events at a Texas rodeo.

Chances are if you go to a Texas rodeo, you’re bound to see some roping and riding. In the meantime, you can beef up your knowledge with this quick and dirty summary of rodeo’s biggest attractions.

CALF AND STEER ROPING

In the olden days, cowboys had to rope a sick calf to give it medicine, but nowadays it’s done for sport, too. Here’s how it works. The cowboy begins on horseback and chases a calf that’s been given a head start. The cowboy has to rope the calf, flank it (imagine a miniversion of cow tipping), tie three of the calf’s legs together, and remount the horse. If the calf doesn’t kick its way to freedom within six seconds, the cowboy has successfully completed the event.

Steer roping is calf roping, but on a larger scale. In fact, it’s on too large a scale, which is why this event is rarely performed—most arenas aren’t big enough . . . even in Texas. For this event you have to cross the border into Oklahoma to the Lazy E Arena, where the National Steer Roping Finals are held each November.

TEAM ROPING

This is a two-man job. One cowboy is the header, whose job is to rope the steer’s head. The other cowboy is the heeler, who must rope the steer’s—you guessed it—heels or feet. The event ends when the steer is roped and both riders’ horses are facing each other. Giddy-up!

STEER WRESTLING

In this corner, the challenger, weighing in at 195 pounds. In the opposite corner, the defending champion, at 855 pounds. It’s man versus beast. The steer is given a head start and runs in a straight line while driven by a hazer, a rider on horseback. The cowboy, or bulldogger, rides a horse to catch up to the galloping steer and leans over to grab the steer’s horns. Then he slides completely off his horse to leverage his weight, slow down the steer, and throw it on its side. The clock stops when the cow is completely tipped with all four hooves pointing in the same direction. Billed as the fastest event in rodeo, the current world record is 2.4 seconds!

RAM computer memory was perfected by Texan Robert Dennard in 1966.

SADDLE BRONC RIDING

In this event, all a cowboy has to do is stay on the horse for eight seconds. Easy? You try it. The rider starts with his feet over the horse’s shoulders, which makes it easier for the horse to throw the rider. With one hand only, the rider then holds onto a thick rein attached to the horse’s halter while the horse basically goes nuts and tries to toss the rider. The idea is to aim for a smooth ride in rhythm with the horse’s movements. Not so easy. The rider is disqualified if his free hand touches anything (including himself), if he drops the rein, or if a foot falls from a stirrup. So, now that you know the rules, find the softest saddle money can buy, throw it on the bronc’s back, and go for it, cowboy!

BAREBACK RIDING

This event is like the saddle bronc ride, only sans saddle. Some say this is the most physically demanding event in the rodeo. The handhold, called the rigging, is made of leather and secured atop the base of the horse’s neck (also known as the withers). The rider holds onto the rigging with one hand and tries to stay on the horse for eight seconds. As with the other rides, the free hand must not touch anything or the rider will be disqualified.

BULL RIDING

In the rodeo they save the best for last, and that’s no bull! Well, actually, it is bull. This is the most popular event of the rodeo. It’s just like riding a bronco bareback, except the bull is hundreds of pounds heavier, has a meaner disposition, and a pair of very sharp, very pointy horns. If the rider manages to stay on the bull for eight seconds without his free hand touching anything, or without being trampled or gored, then that cowboy will get applause and live to see another prairie sunset. Coordination, balance, strength, and flexibility all factor in, but mental toughness is probably a bull rider’s most prized asset.

There are 16 major military installations in Texas The largest, Fort Hood, is located in Killeen in central Texas.

HOTTER ’N A BURNIN’ STUMP

Whether five-alarm or just smoke-alarm, there’s nothing like a bowl of Texas chili to fill a belly up!

If you know beans about chili, allow us to tell you something really important: Texas chili has no beans. Not a one. Maybe in other states you’ll find a bean or two. But in Texas, chili is just a fiery molten stew made of beef, onions, tomatoes, spices, and lots and lots of chili peppers. Everybody has a special recipe, but no true Texan would add a legume to the mix.

CONSIDER THE SAUCE

Chili’s past is a little bit shady since nobody quite knows who invented it or when. Some say it was invented by cattle drivers and trail hands during long cattle drives. Others speculate that chili’s origins go much farther back in time to the Mayans, Aztecs, and Incas. Still others give credit to Canary Islanders who started immigrating to the San Antonio region as early as 1723. They were known for concocting tasty dishes using local peppers, meat, onions, and most important of all, cumin.

And let’s not forget the Chili Queens of San Antonio, a group of ladies who, legend has it, earned that moniker when they stirred up and sold vats of the meaty goo on street corners and in front of the famed Alamo in the mid-nineteenth century. No matter who you thank for it, there’s no denying the melting-pot influence of a variety of cultures on this hot and spicy dish.

HOT STUFF

Even the field of chili technology is a heated battleground. The invention of chili powder enabled cooks to streamline their recipes a bit, but just who invented chili powder also remains a mystery. We do know that chili powder is indeed a Texan invention, but was it German immigrant Willie Gebhardt, who moved to San Antonio near the turn of the century and registered his Eagle Brand Chili Powder? Or was it Fort Worth grocer DeWitt Clinton Pendery’s own blend of spices that was the first true chili powder?

Either way, chili’s popularity grew and grew during the late nineteenth century. It first hit the global stage at the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago, where a booth offered San Antonio Chili for all to taste.

TOP CHILI DOG

One of the most famous chili contests is the Chilympiad, a festival that began in 1969 in San Marcos, Texas. Every year during the second week of September, competitors bring their chili recipes out for battle. All chili has to be made from scratch and all contestants have to be male. Luckily, the gals have their own contest in Luckenbach called Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned. Winners of both festivals automatically qualify for the World’s Championship Chili Cookoff, held every year in Terlingua, Texas.

The world championship is held during the first weekend in October. Men and women compete for a $25,000 grand prize and the title of world champion. A number of colorful characters have won this contest, but their recipes have even more colorful names:

• Warning Shot Chili—Runs for Your Life (2002)

• Road Meat Chili (1991)

• Tarantula Jack’s Thundering Herd Buffalo Tail Chili (1989)

• Shotgun Willie Chili (1985), named after Willie Nelson

• Bottom of the Barrel Gang Ram Tough Chili (1984)

• Capitol Punishment (1980)

THE REST OF US

If Capitol Punishment and Warning Shot Chili are world champions, then what are toned-down recipes called? Maybe Slap on the Wrist or Water Pistol Chili would be appropriate recipe names for those among us with tender stomachs.

The largest roundup of wild mustangs in Texas was staged in about 1878 A herd of 1,000 horses was captured to fill an order from the Argentine government.

GAME-TIME TRADITIONS AT TEXAS UNIVERSITIES

Check out these major Texas universities and their game-time football traditions.

Texans love their football—especially when their alma mater hits the field. And each school has its own unique traditions to help give the fans something to cheer (or jeer) about.

HOOK ’EM HORNS!

UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS AT AUSTIN

1. The Torchlight Parade and Rally

This annual event ramps up the fans for the big game against the University of Oklahoma at the Red River Shootout in Dallas. Sponsored by the alumni association Texas Exes, the parade starts at Kinsolving Dormitory and winds up at the Main Mall with a giant pep rally.

2. Smokey the Cannon

To get the crowd pumped up, the official University of Texas cannon,

Reviews for Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges Into Texas Bigger and Better

[knittygritty_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Great book to have in the car when you have to commute & might be caught in traffic jams.