Reload: Loaded, #2

By Casey Ashwood

“I can't make the same mistake twice.

After being rescued from his abusive relationship, Jaco Ferra is trying to put the pieces of his life together again. Every time he thinks he's moving on, his PTSD makes it hard for him to live and love in the now. He's afraid that he'll never find someone to stand by his side and help conquer his inner demons.

It's time to bite the bullet.

Detective Sean Hunt is everyone's rock, whether he likes it or not. Although he is calm, patient, and loyal, he can't stop dating men with issues... men who can't be there for him, too. As if dating as a cop isn't hard enough, he worries that he'll never find someone that can be his rock as well.

I can't make his life a living hell because mine is.

A near-accident one night opens a world of possibility for Jaco and Sean as the spark of passion and drive to protect consumes them. But can Jaco allow Sean close with the shadow of his past looming over him? Or will he give up his shot at happiness and land himself in even deeper trouble?

Reload is a gay romance novel. It's the second novel in the “Loaded” series. It has a happily ever after ending with no cliffhanger.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Casey Ashwood
• Release date: Feb 18, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386497318

Casey Ashwood

Casey Ashwood is a gay romance author who was born and raised in Canada before moving to the UK to chase romantic rainy days. He has always had a passion for writing, although it took years before he made it his career. His romance stories center around dramatic tension, steamy encounters, and happy endings. When he's not writing about tantalizing trysts, he's busy traveling Europe or cuddling his two cats. He is also passionate about art, aquariums, and gaming. [e-mail]

Book preview

1

Jaco

Jaco Ferra stared at his laptop. He was hunched over the computer at the library on campus, staring at the blank page. The cursor taunted him with its blinking. He was supposed to be doing a paper but the words wouldn't come .

The first leaves of the fall were changing colors outside the window. Summer had come and gone so fast. At the same time, it had been slow as well. It was weird how time moved.

The last two months had been trying for Jaco. Not long ago, he had escaped his abusive and criminal boyfriend with the help of his cousin Eugenio and his partner Denver. With their help, he also escaped criminal charges of his own. Controlled by his boyfriend, he had been involved with several home robberies.

After he was free, he thought things would immediately be better but they weren't. He still had a lot of work to do on helping himself through the aftermath. Eric Barclay had done a number on his self-esteem and it was a bitch trying to build that back up again.

With the start of a new semester, Jaco figured it'd be easier but he was once again misled. It was harder than he'd imagined to focus on the lectures and work. Being so close to so many people also made him nervous. The inevitable bumps in the hallways made Jaco nervous and jittery. Yet more stuff he'd have to work through with his therapist.

With a sigh, Jaco closed the laptop and tucked it into its bag. He shook his head as he pushed the chair back and rose to his feet. He pulled his jacket close as he made his way through the library and out into the evening.

Right now, all he wanted to do was get home and be alone.

When Jaco walked through the front door, some of the stress slipped off his shoulders. Walking through the city at night made him nervous. All that stress made his shoulders and neck taut. He had always been a bit nervous of venturing out at night but it had only gotten worse. In every shadow, he saw Eric. It was ridiculous and he hated it.

Hey, his roommate Camden greeted him from the living room, a game controller in his hands. He didn't even look away from the screen.

Hey, Jaco greeted Camden. Where's Will and Heath?

Beats me, Camden shrugged.

Jaco shared the apartment with three other young men. Although he got along okay with Will and Heath, it was Camden that he got along with best. He was quieter and typically more chill. Will and Heath were also party boys. While Jaco used to like partying, he had retreated more into himself over the past few months. Besides, the kinds of party they liked Jaco wanted to steer clear of.

Jaco threw down his backpack, kicked off his shoes, then strode into the living room to join his friend on the couch.

Oh, fuck, Camden swore as he got himself killed in the game. He grumbled to himself and held out the controller to Jaco.

Jaco shook his head and didn't accept it. Nah. Not right now.

How did studying go? Camden asked.

Ugh, it could go a lot better, Jaco grunted as he folded his arms over his chest. I just can't concentrate.

Man, that sucks, Camden frowned. We need to get you out and have some fun.

Jaco tensed. The idea of going out was still daunting to him. He couldn't spend the rest of his life hiding, though. It wasn't good for him. He couldn't let Eric take away his entire life even after he was gone.

Yeah, you're right. How about we do something this weekend? Jaco suggested.

What do you wanna do?

I was thinking an arcade or movie, or something.

Sounds good, Camden agreed.

Okay, I'm going to hit the hay, Jaco said as he rose again, barely giving himself time to get comfortable. He was wiped and just wanted to sleep. Even that was easier said than done these days, especially with the nightmares. He had taken a sleeping aid a handful of times but it made him uncomfortable. He tended to have weird, nightmarish visions right before falling asleep.

See you later, Camden said.

He left the living room, freshened up, undressed, and climbed into bed.

As Jaco made himself comfortable on his back, he gazed around the room. His room was small but he made the most of the space. There were music posters on the wall, a guitar in the corner, and his secondhand computer desk with godawful stickers all over it.

Now and again, though, he thought about leaving the apartment and making a fresh start. The urge to run away was strong and Jaco combatted it the best he could. He had family and friends who were supporting him through this rough time, so it'd be stupid to flee. Then again, the brain didn't always think logically under stress.

It wasn't like he'd be able to afford living anywhere else, anyway. He had lost his part-time job at an electronics store just last month. His performance had suffered and his superiors decided to give him the boot.

Now, although it was slow going, he focused on his real passion: web tech. He was building websites for several hundred dollars a pop, which would help him pay the bills and rent that month. Building the websites seemed to be one of the few things that he could concentrate on, so he took advantage of it when he could.

But building those websites meant spending more time inside behind closed doors. At least with his old job, he had some human interaction. He needed to get back out there in the world and take his life back.

One thing at a time, Jaco murmured to himself as he blew out a breath and closed his eyes.

2

Sean

Now, what have we got here ?"

Detective Sean Hunt leaned forward in his chair, his legs pressed against the underside of his desk. His grey eyes flicked across the computer screen before him where CCTV footage played. The screen showed an alleyway where a panicked man dumped a backpack into a dumpster then fled.

Sean hummed to himself as he grabbed a screen capture and printed off the clearest picture he could manage. He strode from his desk, across the bull pen of the precinct, to Detectives Denver Hayes and Eugenio Mendes' desks. Hey, guys. I think I've got your thief.

Hayes and Mendes both swiveled in their chairs to face Sean. The two were so in sync with one another that they even had spinning chairs together down to an art. Yeah, what do you have? Hayes asked as he straightened his tie while Mendes reached out for the photo in Sean's hand.

I scrubbed the footage you asked me to and found this guy dumping a backpack, Sean explained as he handed the photo off and tucked his hands into his pockets.

Hayes leaned over Mendes' shoulder. That's our guy, Mendes said with a sharp nod, seemingly unfazed by Hayes' close proximity. The two had always seemed comfortable in each other's personal bubble, Sean had observed.

Hayes clapped Mendes on the back as he pushed back and grabbed his jacket. I knew it'd be him. Let's go catch him before he bails. Thanks, Hunt.

No problem. Sean watched as the two strode off in unison. They walked tall beside each other—partners on a mission. He hoped that they'd catch their man. That wasn't Sean's case but when they asked for some extra help with surveillance, he was happy to help. While other cops griped about it, sifting through surveillance videos or listening to voice recordings was something Sean enjoyed. The intense concentration and willpower it took to find the needle in the haystack was thrilling to him. Because of his dedication, many detectives came to him for a helping hand.

As Hayes and Mendes disappeared from sight, Sean's stomach did a funny little thing. It was no secret that they were partners partners. Everyone at the precinct had suspected something would happen for years but it was only the past summer that the pieces finally fell into place for them. Even so, they still kept their romantic relationship toned down at work. There was no missing the extra glances they sent each other sometimes.

Sean was envious. They weren't only a great team with a high case closure rate but cute boyfriends as well. Not that he'd ever call Mendes cute to his face. He may be taller but Mendes was more buff and that scowl of his could make charging bulls run in the other direction.

Hey, Hunt! We're going out for drinks. Are you game? Sean's partner, Max Connolly, called from his desk. They had only been partners for a year but Sean got along with him well enough.

Max was a great guy. He was lively and clever, although he wasn't always very sensitive. Nonetheless, he and Max did well together and Sean trusted him with his life.

Sean checked his watch. It was past five, meaning his shift was officially over. While he'd rather go home and have a quiet evening, he didn't want to be that guy either. Yeah, sure, he agreed as he shrugged on his overcoat and joined Max.

The bar that they went to wasn't far from the precinct. It was a favorite for many cops looking to grab drinks after work since it was right around the corner. Sean walked into the bar with Max and a couple of other guys named Walker and Moore. He was easily the tallest of the group and stood out because of his lighter hair and more model-like appearance. When it came to work, he typically played the good cop while Max played the bad.

The group snagged a booth near the corner and Max ordered the first round of beers. Sean had no intentions of having more than one drink. He was sure the others wouldn't have much more than that either since they all had work in the morning.

Once Max returned with the drinks, Walker was distracted briefly by a text.

Checking in with the missus again? Max teased with a smirk.

Walker shook his head, not saying a word until he finished sending his message. You know how it is. Actually, no, you don't because you're a loser.

There was laughter as Max shoved Walker. Ass.

I gotta head straight home after this, though, Walker said. So only one drink for me. She's already complaining about my hours.

For detectives, the schedule wasn't always neat and tidy. Whenever they were needed, they came in, no matter what time of the day or night it was. It wreaked havoc on domestic relationships, though, and Sean had colleagues on their third marriage. The job hadn't made things easy for Sean to date either but he wasn't hurting as much as the other guys were. No, he was pretty laid back with his current lot in life.

Oh, no, because going home to a hot girlfriend is so difficult, Sean deadpanned, which earned him a snort from Walker and smirks from Max and Moore.

If you guys got off your asses and got girlfriends, you could share my pain. Well, boyfriend for you, Hunt.

Sean smiled and raised his beer. It was no secret that he was gay. While there was weirdness sometimes in the precinct, nothing serious had ever happened. When Hayes and Mendes properly came out to him as a couple, though, Sean had been so pleased. It was nice to have others around like him. Well, Max was also not straight but he was much more reckless than Sean.

Speaking of boyfriends, Hayes and Mendes are doing pretty good, huh? Walker mused.

Max shook his head. I mean, we all knew Hayes's not straight but Mendes was a surprise. Then again, the way those two were always together...

Sean grinned and threw his arm around Max's shoulders. Jealous of their partnership?

Max grunted and shoved Sean's arm away. Of course not.

I admire them, Sean said simply as he took another sip of his beer.

When was the last time you had a boyfriend? Moore asked.

Sean wasn't fond of the subtle tone of Moore's voice, which sounded rude to his ears. Still, he played it cool as he shrugged. A few years. Work gets in the way. You guys know how it is.

Yeah, but wouldn't a boyfriend be less clingy? Walker questioned.

Better watch yourself and change that attitude if you want to hold onto your girlfriend, Sean warned, keeping the tone more playful even if he was dead serious.

The last boyfriend Sean had was so aloof that he barely saw him. Tom had always been busy doing his own thing. While Sean had been mostly fine with it because of his own work, when he was off, he wanted nothing more than to crash into a lover's arms. Tom hadn't been able to provide that, though. He had been a good guy, even if he was a bit of a playboy, but their relationship didn't go anywhere.

As the group laughed, the conversation took a different direction. Sean was thankful for this since he didn't really want to get into his relationship problems.

After an hour or two, Sean eased himself up. All right, boys. I'm going.

So soon? came the chorus.

Wouldn't want to miss out on any beauty sleep, huh? Moore teased.

Sean was used to the teasing. Everyone liked to give him grief for his pretty appearance. Although Sean didn't play it up, he had enough self-confidence to know that he was attractive. Yet, the way everyone went about it sometimes made it sound like they expected him to be a model. There was no way he was that pretty or guys would be flocking to him all the time.

If you're relying on beauty sleep, you may want to sleep in tomorrow, Sean teased while the group went, oooh! and Moore threw a napkin at him. This kind of teasing was just how things were with the people Sean worked with. You had to be good at dishing and taking it in this job. Sean liked banter as much as the next guy and rarely passed up a chance to take a jab.

Sean clapped Max on the shoulder in passing after he slid his coat on. See you, he bade the group before heading out of the bar.

When Sean arrived at his apartment, he smiled as his cat meowed loudly and rushed to greet him. Hey, Darling, he greeted the old calico with a meow that sounded like a blender. He adopted her years ago as a senior cat and she was still going strong.

His apartment was nice enough, although Sean naturally wanted something more. He dreamed of having a house sometime but that seemed out of reach right now with his salary. Anything he could afford would be nowhere near work.

While Sean enjoyed peace and quiet, the place was too quiet. Sure, Darling was there to help liven things up but Sean missed having someone around. He had no desire to go back to having roommates, though.

Maybe it's time for Daddy to get back into the game, huh, Darling? Sean hummed to his furry companion as he scooped her up and moved to the kitchen. The old cat bunted his chin, purring. He put her down and poured the last meal for the day for her. As she noisily ate, crunching kibble and dropping some on the floor, he headed into his bedroom to get ready for bed.

He stripped down to his boxers and neatly put his clothes aside. He left the door ajar for Darling and shut off the light. He crawled into his queen-sized bed, sticking to the right as he always did. Some nights more than others, the emptiness of the bed was apparent. Tonight was one of those nights but Sean tried to shrug it off so that he could sleep.

Tomorrow, he'd dust off his old online dating profiles and see if anyone caught his eye.

3

Jaco

That Saturday, Jaco headed out to the arcade with Camden and a couple of other friends. Everyone was lively and enjoying the weekend. That helped Jaco come alive and forget some of his stresses, too, if even only for moments at a time. The guys were being especially good to him since tomorrow was his twenty-first birthday. He wasn't going to be celebrating with them, though, since his family was throwing a big party .

The arcade was filled with plenty of people that night, surrounding Jaco with bright lights and noises. The energy was high from the gamers, although the employees looked a lot less enthused. All the traditional games from crane machines to shooting hoops were there for them to enjoy.

When it came to the shooter games, Jaco had trouble getting into them. Since he was shot at by Eric, gunshots from television or games made his heart race in a bad way. He still liked playing them but his relationship with such