The Diaries of Adam and Eve

By Mark Twain

What if Adam and Eve Had a Diary?

“He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright and is sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing. It is in the heart that the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches, and riches is enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.” - Mark Twain, Eve's Diary

Mark Twain’s short stories aren’t about his religious beliefs. In fact, the Diaries of Adam and Eve should be taken with a grain of salt as they are humorous and witty and describe in a unique way the relationship between two human beings, man and woman who eventually end up falling in love with each other.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xist Publishing
• Release date: Sep 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9781681952581

Mark Twain

Mark Twain (1835-1910) was an American humorist, novelist, and lecturer. Born Samuel Langhorne Clemens, he was raised in Hannibal, Missouri, a setting which would serve as inspiration for some of his most famous works. After an apprenticeship at a local printer’s shop, he worked as a typesetter and contributor for a newspaper run by his brother Orion. Before embarking on a career as a professional writer, Twain spent time as a riverboat pilot on the Mississippi and as a miner in Nevada. In 1865, inspired by a story he heard at Angels Camp, California, he published “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County,” earning him international acclaim for his abundant wit and mastery of American English. He spent the next decade publishing works of travel literature, satirical stories and essays, and his first novel, The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873). In 1876, he published The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, a novel about a mischievous young boy growing up on the banks of the Mississippi River. In 1884 he released a direct sequel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, which follows one of Tom’s friends on an epic adventure through the heart of the American South. Addressing themes of race, class, history, and politics, Twain captures the joys and sorrows of boyhood while exposing and condemning American racism. Despite his immense success as a writer and popular lecturer, Twain struggled with debt and bankruptcy toward the end of his life, but managed to repay his creditors in full by the time of his passing at age 74. Curiously, Twain’s birth and death coincided with the appearance of Halley’s Comet, a fitting tribute to a visionary writer whose steady sense of morality survived some of the darkest periods of American history.

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The Diary of Adam and Eve

by

Mark Twain

Xist Publishing

TUSTIN, CA

ISBN: 978-1-68195-258-1

This edition published in 2015 by Xist Publishing

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Irvine, CA 92602

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The Diary of Adam and Eve/ Mark Twain

ISBN 978-1-68195-258-1

Eve’s Diary

SATURDAY.—I am almost a whole day old, now. I arrived yesterday. That is as it seems to me. And it must be so, for if there was a day-before-yesterday I was not there when it happened, or I should remember it. It could be, of course, that it did happen, and that I was not noticing. Very well; I will be very watchful now, and if any day-before-yesterdays happen I will make a note of it. It will be best to start right and not let the record get confused, for some instinct tells me that these details are going to be important to the historian some day. For I feel like an experiment, I feel exactly like an experiment; it would be impossible for a person to feel more like an experiment than I do, and so I am coming to feel convinced that that is what I AM—an experiment; just an experiment, and nothing more.

Then if I am an experiment, am I the whole of it? No, I think not; I think the rest of it is part of it. I am the main part of it, but I think the rest of it has its share in the matter. Is my position assured, or do I have to watch it and take care of it? The latter, perhaps. Some instinct tells me that eternal vigilance is the price of supremacy. [That is a good phrase, I think, for one so young.]

Everything looks better today than it did yesterday. In the rush of finishing up yesterday, the mountains were left in a ragged condition, and some of the plains were so cluttered with rubbish and remnants that the aspects were quite distressing. Noble and beautiful works of art should not be subjected to haste; and this majestic new world is indeed a most noble and beautiful work. And certainly marvelously near to being perfect, notwithstanding the shortness of the time. There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others, but that can be remedied presently, no doubt. The moon got loose last night, and slid down and fell out of the scheme—a very great loss; it breaks my heart to think of it. There isn't another thing among the ornaments and decorations that is comparable to it for beauty and finish. It should have been fastened better. If we can only get it back again—

But of course there is no telling where it went to. And besides, whoever gets it will hide it; I know it because I would do it myself. I believe I can be honest in all other matters, but I already begin to realize that the core and center of my nature is love of the beautiful, a passion for the beautiful, and that it would not be safe to trust me with a moon

Reviews for The Diaries of Adam and Eve

[niecierpek · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A funny little book. Adam is just one of the benign beasts in Paradise:) Eve is definitely the more active and mature one. Her language is so much more elegant. But she is also the inquisitive one, hungry for possessions and power. We sort of know where Lady Macbeth came from...They are both very likeable though.I read it for the first time years ago, and it lost a little with the second reading, but not that much.

[markberonte · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The most complete edition of Twain's two stories, it uses Mark Twain's preferred text and includes passages not previously included--and not available in any other version. The editor's afterword tells how Twain came to write the "Diaries," which are recognized today as his most personal works of fiction.

[mullinator52 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

If you like Mark Twain's cynical look on life, you will like his take on the Adam and Eve story. Be aware that the diaries are biased towards Adam.. of course you have to remember when it was written.

[hadriantheblind · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Biting humor. Twain at his most cynical.

[tiffanyhickox · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book is an enjoyable, light read. It perhaps has one of the best ending sentences I have ever read, and is a book I would read again and highly recommend.

[brendancarroll_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A new twist on Genesis from a different point of view. Very humorous if not taken too seriously. Warning: Very Sexist

[trishpaw · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Charming piecewritten from Adam and Eve's view of their life in the Garden. There is a touching vignette about how Adam feels when Eve dies that is especially sweet.

[.monkey.-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This little piece of work was incredibly entertaining, and probably served to change my rather negative view of Twain's writing. I was continuously bursting into laughter while reading it. I do think it maybe went on a bit long, maybe these handful of stories were better left kept published individually, or in a large collection scattered throughout; it seemed to get a little stale by the middle. However, they were all enjoyable and the laughter and insightful nature of some of his observations make this little gem well worth reading.

[cait815 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I doubt that I would have ever come across this story if it hadn't been for Lori's review in December. Thank you Lori! I keep trying to write how much I loved this, but all that comes out is "gush, gush, gush". It was charming, witty, funny as hell, and the ending nearly had me shedding water out of the holes I look with. I deserve a good flogging for never having read Twain before now.

[hellen0-4 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Short and entertaining book that can be read very quickly. The first half is much funnier than the second one, but the book as a whole is ok.

[mpultz_2 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The obscure Diaries of Adam and Eve by Mark Twain is quirky, funny, light reading - I read it in about half an hour. It is of particular interest to fans of Mark Twain, as it is just as much a product of a particular period in his life as of his unorthodox views. It is one of several works, written late in Twain's life, that satirize religion, in this case the Book of Genesis. In a humorous fashion, the book deals with gender relations, human ignorance and limitations, the differences between the lazy and the productive, the creative and the unimaginative, the people with a zest for life and the people who are concerned mainly with eating and sleeping. All of this is condensed into a story of two familiar characters that makes for a brief but entertaining read.

[brianinbuffalo · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Humorous, insightful and inventive. Twain's twist on creation is an amazingly quick read, yet it leaves folks with many interesting points to ponder.

[rolyat-2 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I think this is the original version of men are from mars, women are from venus. but with humor.

[martinbodek · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I began drafting some scratch notes on a book idea, when I suddenly remembered that Twain had written something very similar. I read the book as reference. Indeed, I may have something that might be a proper follow-up. More on that soon, hopefully. Meantime, the book itself is unparalleled wit, and supremely clever. To truly appreciate the writing, one must know when exactly the two parts were written, and know the circumstances in Twain's life at the time. This knowledge enhances the appreciation for the literary mastery. I hope, and I think, I can write something comparable. I'll be working on it.

[sean191 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I'm just a fan of Mark Twain. As a "real" person (real is in quotes because I feel like it was a bit of a public persona...) Anyway, this book, which is a fairly short story, is good for a few laugh out loud spots and general amusement throughout. At first, it makes Adam seem a bit dumb and later,Eve seems brilliant. In the end, both come off looking pretty dumb. Which in Twain's mind, probably sums up humanity. Here's the part where I keep my opinion on the matter to myself...

[hermit_9_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Although the humor is a tad dated, the book is still funny. Twain’s humor may not be 21st century, but it is OK.

[bicyclewriter · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

It has been a while since I read anything by Twain, and I’d forgotten just how delightful it is to read his stuff.

Folks who are pretty hung-up on political correctness will find it disturbing that Twain crafts his Adam and Eve characters around pretty common stereotypes of males and females. I wasn’t bothered by this at all, and found it quite interesting that the stereotypes from 150 years ago seem so consistent with our stereotypes from today.

This is a very quick read, but after finishing it, I found myself looking back through it and reading parts of it again. It’s full of little diary snippets where each of the pair describes both the Eden they live in, and this other creature that they have been paired and connected with.

I’ll be reading some additional Twain for sure, now that my taste for his wonderful wit and wisdom has been whetted again...

[marsap_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This sweet novella brings the reader Mark Twain's “translation” of the diary entries by Adam and Eve. At first, Adam is puzzled by the new arrival in the garden and doesn’t really want much to do with Eve. Eve (a much more complex creature than Adam), believes herself to be some sort of experiment, is curious about the other experiment in the garden (Adam). Eve gives names to everything, much to Adam's annoyance. He tries to ignore her, so she seeks companionship among the animals particularly with a certain snake. Adam and Eve grow to love each other and, in the end, an elderly Adam is filled with a realization of that love as he stands at Eve's grave. The novella is organized as half Adam’s diary and half Eve’s. The tones are sharply distinct, and there’s no mistaking whose is whose. Adam’s is a straightforward, puzzled, and sometimes cranky accounting of the day’s accomplishments and discoveries. Eve’s is optimistic, wonderstruck, and emotional. I loved this small little novel—it is playful, ingenious (I found some of the concepts ahead of its time—women as the driver of life, the more complex and thought of the two inhabitants of the garden), funny and very moving at times (particularly the ending). As always, Twain never fails me. 5 out of 5 stars.