The Self Help Addict: Turn An Overdose Of Information Into A Life Of Transformation

By Daniel Gefen

Break free from the self-help cycle and join the world of successful leaders.

IN THIS GAME CHANGING BOOK YOU WILL LEARN:
- How self doubt, procrastination and indecision create a cycle of self-help addiction
- Why people invest in self-help books, courses, events and come out still feeling unaccomplished
- How you can make your fears your friend and achieve anything your heart desires
- The importance of always taking responsibility for what happens in your life
- How much abundance there is in this world and that there is enough money, love and happiness for everyone to have a lifetime supply
- How to go from a consumer to a creator
- The art of taking action, because without action nothing gets done
- How to become accountable so you avoid putting things off
- The power of decisiveness and how to avoid feeling overwhelmed
- The secret to getting high and staying high (without drugs)
- Why you have already won
- How the real hero, that you have searched so long and hard for, is you

• Language: English
• Publisher: Evolve Global Publishing
• Release date: Dec 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370857371

Book preview

What is a Self-help Addict?

Like so many others, I have read tons of self-help books, listened to hours and hours of audio-books and attended countless seminars. Ultimately, however, I was just reading one book after the other without making any significant changes in my life.

I see this pattern happening to so many others. I believe there is a new-age addiction. Many people suffer from this addiction without even realizing they are addicted.

This addiction is so powerful that you persuade yourself that it is good for you. Each and every self-help book is going to change your life. Every diet program is going to be the last one. The one that you will stick to and finally get you to your goal weight.

This business seminar is worth every penny because I am going to learn how to become rich from it.

This addiction plagues our generation because we live in a world where things have become so easy. We don’t need to work to build a fire for warmth or light.

We can have things at the touch of a button. This has created a quick-fix mentality whereby we think that someone is going to tell us how to lose weight or make millions in weeks — and we believe them. Then when it doesn’t happen, we tell ourselves that we just need to read another book, listen to another audio, or go to another exciting seminar.

We are fooling ourselves.

We have become Self-help Addicts.

Self-help addiction is a never-ending cycle of highs and lows created by hype, hope, and laziness.

We have been sold and then sold again and we will continue to be sold as long as we buy into it. We will keep opening our wallets and wasting time listening to recycled and repackaged information until we stop and realize what is happening.

We have become escape artists. Lost in social media messages. Lost in Youtube videos. Lost in reality TV shows. Lost in bits of data. We have plugged ourselves into the matrix and simultaneously unplugged ourselves from reality. We have become machines. Responding to pings and tweets obsessively and compulsively. We have become reactive to hundreds or thousands of daily interruptions. We have given away our attention to others to the detriment of our most loved ones. We have been robbed of our most precious asset.

Time.

This book was written to help you break out of the cycle and achieve things you didn’t believe possible.

My goal is to help you go from an overdose of information to a life of transformation.

This book is for those of you who really want to change.

If you really want to make more money, become healthier, improve your relationships and go from consumer to creator then this will be the last self-help book you ever need to read. (unless, of course, I decide to write another book :))

Let's Bake A Cake!

Like anything in life, the difference between two things is what they are made up of.

If I bake two cakes with the same ingredients using the same measurements and at the same temperature for the same time in the same oven, I will have identical cakes. But if I change the ingredients any one of those factors — the ingredients, measurements, temperature, or time then I will end up with different cakes.

Self-help Addicts consist (for the most part) of similar ingredients. To become a Successful Leader we first need to look at what ingredients they share.

After picking the brains of over 100 super achievers on my podcast show, I have come to discover the reason for their incredible accomplishments.

They are not trapped in the self-help addiction cycle. I have included some of them in this book as examples of what it could be like once you escape the self-made prison of self-help addiction.

These guests include the smartest man in the world, the leading hostage negotiator for the FBI, business tycoons, celebrity influencers, and thought leaders.

Some of the common ingredients Self-help Addicts suffer from:

Indecisive, Overwhelmed, Self Doubt, Paralyzed by Fear, Low Self Esteem, Procrastination, Impatience, Perfectionism, Self Inflicted Mental/ Emotional Abuse, Information Over Consumption, Follow the Leader Mentality, Idolize the Hero Syndrome, Overcomplicating and Overanalyzing things, Highly Risk Averse, Inconsistency, Scarcity Mindset, Stuck in the Details, Spends Time with other Self-help Addicts, Blames Others, Lacks Accountability, Unstructured, Neglects their Health, Relies on Substances to Get 'High'.

Some of the common ingredients of Successful Leaders:

Decisive, Focused, Self Confidence, Courageous, High Self Worth, Seizes the Moment, Patience, Gets Things Done, Has a 'Good is Good Enough' Attitude, Self Accepting, Efficient Time Management, LEads Others, Plays to Their Strengths and Delegates Their Weaknesses, Gets Inspiration from other Super Achievers, Keeps Things Simple, Takes Calculated Risks, Maintains Consistency, Abundance Mindset, Sees the Big Picture while Living in the Moment, Spends Time with other Super Achievers , Takes 100% Responsibility, Hold Themselves Accountable to others, Has Structure, Maintains Good Balanced Health, Gets Natural Highs.

In this book, I will lay out these ingredients and if you bake the right cake you should be able to go from Self-help Addict to Successful Leader.

DISCLAIMER:

I am not saying that the consumption of self-help material is bad. I have gained tremendously from the self-help industry.

The problem isn't the consumption of information. The problem is the lack of action.

We have been given a treasure trove of tools. We must now learn to wield them.

We have been given an axe and taught how to use it. Now let us chop some wood.

We have been given a paintbrush and taught how to paint. Now let us make a masterpiece.

It is time for the student to become the master.

NOTE:

Throughout the book I will be referencing episodes from my show. If you would like to listen to a specific episode you can either go to www.DanielGefen.com/(episodenumber) for example to listen to episode 100 you would go to www.DanielGefen.com/100 or you could search for ‘Can I Pick Your Brain?’ on iTunes or any other podcasting app and find the episode.

My Story

School Can Be Cruel

Last night, I told my kids a bedtime story about a little boy who was the new kid in school.

He was introduced to the class and told to take a seat. But when he looked around the classroom, he saw that all the boys had placed their bag on the seat next to them.

They didn't want this new kid sitting next to them.

What if the new kid was weird?

What if he smelled bad?

What if he was a nerd?

What will everyone else think of me if I let him sit next to me?

As the new kid stood there, looking around for an empty chair, it seemed like an endless amount of time, filled with immense shame, sadness, and fear.

Suddenly, at the back of the room, a brave boy removed the bag from the chair next to him.

The new boy breathed a sigh of relief as he sat in the chair.

He became eternally grateful to that boy who had the heart and courage to accept him and welcome him into his space.

I turned to my children and said:

You be the one that removes your bag from the chair next to you!

Never let another human suffer because you are afraid of what others may think of you. We are all created to love each other, even though we may be different.

But daddy was that a true story?

Yes. That new boy was me.

Who Am I?

So who is Daniel Gefen? It depends on whom you ask…

If you ask my parents, siblings, wife, children, friends, enemies (hopefully I don’t have many), neighbors, members of my community, ex-school teachers, ex-classmates, business partners, clients, friends on social media, mentors and others I have interacted with in my life they will probably all tell you something different.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter who they think I am.

Because what they think about me has nothing to do with me.

The reason why you will get a different answer depending on whom you ask is that each person sees me through their individual lenses. They will judge me based on their personal beliefs, experiences, self-image, upbringing, levels of security, and other unique characteristics. They will see me as a reflection of themselves. They will like the parts of me that they relate to and understand, and feel uncomfortable by the parts of themselves they don't understand.

You see, the biggest problem Self-help Addicts have is that we care too much about what people think of us. This is the root of the addiction.

Taking action without fear of what others will think is the cure for Self-help Addiction.

What other people think of you has nothing to do with you.

So who is Daniel Gefen?

I am who I think I am.

That’s the power of my mind. I get to create who I am.

Every single moment of every single day I get to recreate myself.

I choose who I want to be based on my own thoughts, speech, and actions.

It’s super powerful. So don’t give away that power to others.

What you think of me has nothing to do with me.

I didn’t always think that way. In fact, I have struggled all my life comparing myself to others, craving attention, trying to prove my self-worth, beating myself up inside, wearing the mask I thought you wanted to see.

I was the class clown. Desperately trying to get attention at any cost. I spent a lot of time in the headmaster’s office.

When I was in high school, I was picked on. I was bullied emotionally, and I was called countless names including Spider Face (because of a mole on my cheek with hair growing out of it, which I later got frozen off), Bugs Bunny (my teeth stuck out a mile), and dumb and stupid because I was kept back a grade. (There was no room for me in the grade above.)

I had just one friend growing up and spent most of my youth sitting in his room playing video games, escaping from the pains of growing up.

I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish community in London called Stamford Hill. My father ran two kosher grocery stores where I sometimes helped out at busy times. He also did photography as a hobby and as a side gig. I would joke that I had 4 siblings. My brothers Yoel and Benjy, my sister Bracha, and the baby Canon. (The camera was attached to my dad like it was his baby). I was the oldest.

My mother was a stay at home mom. What can I say about my mom?

We got into our fights but I love her dearly and she means the world to me. (You know that, right? ;) )

My first job was volunteering in a home for the mentally handicapped. That was a life awakening. You don’t know how fortunate you are until you spend time with people who don’t have the basic functionalities we take for granted.

Things like eating, going to the bathroom, driving a car, finding a soulmate, having children...life’s simple pleasures are an unbreachable challenge for them.

Tricking my Wife into Marrying Me

When I met Lorren for the first time it was love at first sight ... at least for me . She was beautiful (and still is after having four kids). We met in Israel on vacation (interestingly, we now live here). She was from California and I was from England — two opposite ends of the world (physically and culturally).

I charmed her. I did all the usual, but she was playing hard to get. So I got on a plane. I literally had to chase her. Bear in mind, I'm an English boy who has never been to America, and here I am getting on a plane to go see her.

I had no idea where I was going to stay or what I was going to do. I literally just called up a couple of my friends.

Hey, do you know anybody in California?

They're like, California is pretty big. Where in California?

I'm like, I think she lives in Los Angeles.

Oh, yeah. I know a few friends.

I ended up crashing random people's houses until they kicked me out.

At one point, I really wanted to get engaged, and we had this weird conversation where I basically said to her, Why are you not ready?