Scars to Your Beautiful: Reckless, #3

By Ashlyn Mathews

My remorse is skin deep.

I live paycheck to paycheck, call the apartment on the scary side of the city my home, and have no life outside of working two jobs. When given the chance to crash a masquerade party in the rich part of town, I readily agree. What I didn't expect is to be escorted to the party by Jaxson McCallister, a man from my past who holds a dark grudge against me. A man who doesn't have a clue it's me beneath the mask. Or does he?

I'm unwilling to forgive her.

The law was too soft on her, and she knows it. I can't forgive or forget Tavi Gabriel for her role in my little sister's death. When she drops into my life again after going MIA, I'm determined to make her pay for getting off easy.

But when I see the pain and remorse etched on her face as a deep scar, can I forgive and forget her? Or will I demand a different penance that will test my long-buried feelings for her?

 

Previously published title:  Love, Actually (Red Meets Blue)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Commencement Bay Publishing
• Release date: Nov 15, 2017
• ISBN: 9780996380140

Ashlyn Mathews

Ashlyn Mathews is a registered nurse with an overactive imagination. Her interests and activities include taking a lot of pictures of her golden retrievers and flowers and posting them on social media (occasionally she’ll post pictures of her kids and hubby), binge-watching funny and romantic Netflix shows, reading books and magazines of various genres, eating a lot of carbs, and drinking A LOT of coffee. Hot, iced, blended… it doesn’t matter as long as it has coffee. For more on her romance series, visit ashlynmathews.com.

Book preview

1

Tavi

H old still, Bunso.

An endearment from my tough-as-nails cousin?

I’m not the baby of the family anymore, Mari. I remind her. Bunso is Filipino for ‘youngest’. I swear the further along Mari is in her pregnancy, the more forgetful she gets.

She glares at me in the mirror. I realize that.

I know better than to stick my tongue at her; she’s got my hair in a death grip. I do so anyway. Her brown eyes cross and twinkle. I smile back.

In the mirror, I watch her sweep my hair into an up do. Her fingers weave in and out of the strands. What she’s doing reminds me of when she would stay and comfort me until I fell asleep, exhausted from fighting the fight inside my head.

I glance away from our reflection in the mirror and look at the sleeping two-year-old on my lap, anything to forget my time in the psych unit.

Drool clings to Jovani’s puckered mouth, and his cheeks are a perfect shade of Roxanne Picotee Carnation. He’s beautiful, Mari. I smooth my hand over Jovani’s dark hair. My chest aches at how much I love this little guy. You’re so lucky.

Lucky to have a good man love her, and lucky to have a family that will soon grow by two more. Mari and Joe are pregnant with twins.

Don’t tell Joe Jovani’s beautiful. Girls are beautiful. Boys are handsome.

I can’t resist. I roll my eyes. And princesses live in castles with their princes while trolls like me live under bridges, right?

"You put yourself down, Tavi. In the mirror, our gazes lock before hers shifts to the scar on my face. Joe and I have nothing but love for you. So will the rest of the family. Let them into your life."

Uh-uh, not going there. I can count on one hand how many people I allow into my life, and I’m happy with the number. However, my choice doesn’t give me the right to be a bitch.

I’m sorry, I mumble. I’m grateful for everything you and Joe have done for me. They took me in after I was discharged from the hospital. It was them or the streets.

Grateful only gets you so far. Her hand settles on my shoulder. You say college is important. Playing video games during your off hours won’t get you there.

Falling back on the old standby of Mari becoming more forgetful with her ever-growing belly, I set her straight, nicely. At night, I wash dishes at Joe’s nightclub. During the day, I work at your flower shop.

Wake up. Get a run in. Work. Power nap. Work. Sleep. Repeat. There is no down time. And I don’t understand all this talk lately from Mari of grateful only getting me so far. I’m grateful, I truly am.

But didn’t she realize how hard it is to get ahead in this job market without an advanced or a specialized degree?

I take a deep breath in and exhale. Mari should know better than to let our conversations get too close to running too deep.

We try very hard, her, Joe and me, to keep our talks on the non-serious side. Get too serious and we’ll remember the darker times. A time I’d rather the three of us forget ever happened.

Yet I can’t shake the memories, and I know they can’t either because… because my mental breakdown happened, and nothing we do can take away the past. So, we don’t forget. We just don’t talk about it.

Mari’s brows pull together as she puts the finishing touches on my hair, a color extension—a strip of blue to be exact, to match the dress and the mask. I thought you’re off my payroll.

Being pregnant is muddying her memory. Mari signed my paycheck. I can’t quit every time some guy keels over when he sees my face.

Oh, sweetie. She hugs me from behind, being careful not to wake the warm bundle of preciousness in my arms. I downplayed the situation, but Mari understands how much the customer’s freak-out hurt me.

God, I love her.

She’s the mother I never had and the older sister I’ve wished for. Unlike the large families my cousins have, I’m an only child. My mother died in the Philippines when I was five, and my father never remarried. He passed away from liver failure a year ago.

Not getting the chance to say, I love you, Dad, one last time is my biggest regret, equal to the remorse I feel for not doing more to save my best friend, Sarah.

My throat tightens, and I blink at the tears before Mari can see them. Otherwise she’ll think I’m in the beginnings of another mental breakdown. I can’t have her believe that of me, not when I’ve been in control of my life for a solid six months now.

My dad’s the reason an advanced degree is at the top of my bucket list. If I earn a bachelor’s degree, like he’d done, he’ll be dancing in heaven. Too bad I haven’t decided on what kind of degree I want. Even if I had, I can’t afford college anytime soon.

Sure, I can apply for a grant or financial aid, but, I’m stubborn. I’d like to earn my degree with hard-earned money. Yet since leaving the hospital, I’m barely keeping up with my bills.

Living paycheck to paycheck is wearing me down.

Worse, the landlord sent notice. Rent is going up, again, at my next renewal in two weeks. Another four hundred dollars. Is that legal? I sigh. Legal or not, my rent is one of the cheapest in San Leandro.

If I renew, I can cut costs elsewhere. I can sell my Corolla for what it’s worth and take the bus. But I can’t stomach the thought of parting with a gift from my dad.

You can move back in with us.

Mari reads me well. Or maybe it’s the black doom and gloom of hopelessness wafting from my core.

We kept your room the way you left it.

Don’t worry, I’ll come up with a plan. I like my privacy too much to share my personal space with anyone, including family. Living with Joe and Mari had tested my sanity. And sorry but I’d rather not be the third wheel.

In his sleep Jovani mumbles then smacks his lips. I glance down. His Gerber baby cheeks are flushed and ready for kisses. I swipe at the drool at the corner of his mouth. My life isn’t all doom and gloom. I have my family.

Speaking of family… I can’t believe Eve’s helping me crash a party.

In the mirror I see a blue sleeveless, ankle-length dress hanging from a hook on the back of Mari’s door. On the floor is a pair of sky-high silver heels.

Do you think he’ll be there? I say in a low voice, as though speaking Jaxson’s name will transport him through a portal and straight into Mari’s bedroom. Eve told me he’s not into parties.

Surprising. At Stanford, parties didn’t start until Jaxson arrived. That’s what I heard around campus whenever I visited Sarah her freshmen year.

You told Eve about Jaxson McCallister!?

Jovani squirms. I shush Mari. She has the nerve to glance around the room. Did she expect Jaxson to materialize, too?

What did I tell you about saying anything to Eve?

Um, tell her nothing of my personal life. I give her a sheepish grin. I thought you were kidding.

She sets her hands on her hips. When it comes to Eve, I don’t joke. She’s meddlesome.

But you love her because she’s got a big heart, and she’s Joe’s little sister.

I love Eve, too, for selfish reasons. During the worst time in my life, she’d caught a flight, and on short notice, to keep an eye on Jovani while Joe and Mari helped me straighten out my messed-up mind.

Mari sighs. Yes and yes.

I catch her reflection in the mirror, and Mari takes my breath away with how elegant she is. Her long black hair falls past her shoulders in waves. Tall and regal-like, she carries herself with confidence and grace even on the worse of days.

She can blame the majority of her worse days on me.

Though edging closer toward her late thirties, Mari looks barely out of her twenties with her flawless skin, sparkling brown eyes and a kind smile that puts the meanest guy at ease.

No wonder Joe—tatted, man-bun, six-foot-three, and muscular as all get out—fell hard for Mari.

Did you tell her anything else?

Like my time in the psych ward? The air in the room cools, and Mari looks like she’s holding her breath. No, I say, my eyes meeting hers in the mirror. That’s a secret for you, me and Joe only.

A shameful secret and a good enough reason for me to avoid the rest of my family. They’re as nosy as the paparazzi hounding the city’s winning quarterback, Drew Hazard. Not that I was picking up any gossip magazines off the rack in the checkout line.

Go over tonight’s plan with me again. She comes around and gestures for me to hand over Jovani.

Being careful not to jostle the chunky monkey, I give him to his mother. She holds him against her chest, lowers her head and inhales.

I smile. I love his scent too, baby powder mixed in with Mari’s perfume, Obsession.

The limo picks me up in half an hour and drops me off in the back of Drew Hazard’s place. A guy will be there to take me to the party. I mingle, have fun and flirt a little. At midnight, the limo picks me up at the same spot and drops me off here. Full circle.

And if something happens and you miss the pick-up time?

My smile fades. I see where she’s going with that pregnancy-addled brain of hers. I don’t plan on going home with a guy, Mari.

Didn’t she realize without the mask, guys and me don’t get along? Guys my age don’t pass out at seeing my face. Instead, they stare as though I’m a walking freak show.

Why not?

I turn in my seat, ready to tick off the reasons. The shimmer of the dress catches the light, and I close my mouth. The dress is beautiful, and the night promises something magical, different from the doom and gloom of my current situation.

If the spark’s there and the sex is safe, go for it, Tavi.

My cheeks heat. I understand how babies are made, but sex—having it or not having it—is a topic I’d rather not discuss with Mari.

To be honest, my biggest worry tonight is running into Jaxson at a party beyond my social status.

The man hates me.

I doubt he’ll be there, Mari says in that reassuring tone of hers. As I suspect, she can read me like a lit-up billboard sign. If Eve says he doesn’t like parties, I’d take her word on it.

I would agree, but this party is different. And from what I remember of Jaxson, fitting in was priority number two, right behind football. He hung out with the right crowd, slept with the hottest girls, and had the best grades.

His team won the Super Bowl, Mari. He’ll be killing his career if he doesn’t celebrate with his teammates. How much can a person change in four years?

For your safety, I’ll pray he avoids the party. She pulls back the covers and settles chunky monkey in bed. Joe is working the bar at Forsaken and won’t be home until two or three in the morning depending on how drunk and rowdy the club crowd gets.

Mari glances from the mask on the vanity to the gown hanging on the door. Come on, princess; let’s get you ready for the magical night you deserve.

I look forward to magical but do I deserve to attend this party after putting Joe and Mari through Hell on earth?

I don’t believe so.

2

Tavi

During the ride across the Bay Bridge, I almost ask the driver to turn around.

But Mari’s words stop me. Eve went through a lot

Reviews for Scars to Your Beautiful

[pelusa41-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Received an ARC for my voluntary review for reading deals. I was amazed with this book, this was my first time with this author, and just wow. It was good. There was so much emotion, secrets, and loyalty on behalf of Tara, but boy did she pay for that.