My Screwed Up Life

By J.L. Ostle

"This story is about growing up with life throwing everything it has at you."

I slept with two men. I don’t mean I slept with one then went to the other. I literally slept with two men at the same time. Now though, I know I need to choose one, or let them both go.

The funny thing is they were my childhood best friends.

Here is my story. I was a well adjusted thirteen year old, to an angry, horny sixteen year old who loves a little control in the bedroom. After some crappy circumstances I finally grew up and took control of my life. I am now eighteen years old and ready to have a fresh start at UCLA.

Who do I meet though? The boys that were my world as a kid. They were my obsession without me even realising it. We are now older, years have gone by. We have changed, and they offer me something I don't think I can say no to.

Them.

New adult contemporary romance with mature content. Recommended for 17+ due to mature language and adult situations

• Language: English
• Publisher: J.L. Ostle
• Release date: Oct 22, 2015
• ISBN: 9781386799733

Book preview

Dedicated

Always to my amazing, gorgeous little boy Jake. Love you always little man <3

I want to dedicate this book to an old best friend of mine who passed away seven years ago. She was the first girl I met when I moved to Carlisle when I was thirteen years old. She was so full of spirit and life. You are never forgotten, I miss you every day.

My Screwed Up

Life

Copyright 2015 J.L. Ostle

All rights reserved

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including but not limited to; photocopying, recording or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, excerpt in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to peoples either living or deceased is purely coincidental. Names, places, and characters are figments of the authors imagination, or, if real, used fictitiously. The author recognizes the trademarks and copyrights of all registered products and works mentioned within this work.

All rights reserved.

Edited by Laura Hampton of Editing For You

Formatted by Pink Ink Designs

Proofread by Proofreading by the Page

Cover by The Final Wrap

Warning: 17+

Not appropriate for readers under 17.

Contains explicit language and descriptions of sexual situations.

Prologue

Now 2015

Imove my body to the beat of the music. I don’t think, I just move. I think the few shots of tequila helped loosen me up. My eyes are closed and I let everything wash away. My head has been in overdrive since I moved back here, but now I let all thoughts drift off to the abyss. I raise my arms above my head, clasping my hands together on top of my head, swaying my hips side to side. I feel so free right now. Another song comes on, slower, more sensual. I continue to dance, letting the music take over me, guiding me.

I am so engrossed in the music, I don’t notice a presence of someone behind me. I feel hands on my hips, moving with me. By the touch, I know straight away it’s Dean. I know by now how his touch alone ignites something deep inside me, the electric pull. He pins my body against his. My ass to his front. Swaying with me.

I feel my body start to heat up. I still don’t open my eyes. I am afraid as soon as I do, it may end. I let the music run through me. I feel his hard erection press against me. I gasp. I can’t help but push myself closer to him. I am so turned on, I have such an urge that I want my body to connect with his in any way possible.

My breathing is coming in heavily, I am literally panting. I know my lace panties are soaked. I lean my head back and I feel his hands slide lower, closer to the destination that I want him to touch. My head has gone all lightheaded. Then I feel another body in front of me. I feel his hard cock against my front. He moves with us. Jason, my bad boy, pushes himself closer to me. Apart from Dean, no other man can make my body crave their next touch. I am trapped by the two men who are my undoing. For the last week, I feel we have been in some foreplay. With the secret innocent touches, the lustful stares. This has been just one huge mega build up of pure sexual desire.

I need more.

God, I need more.

We move like we are in sync. If anyone is watching us right now, I bet they’ll think we are in some sort of intro to an erotic movie. How we are moving, how close we are. How much we are grinding against each other.

I have never been so turned on in my entire life. I want to scream fuck me now, please.

Their hands start moving all over my body, my sides, my hips, my waist, my ass. I feel fingers glide against my most sensitive part. My head falls back. I feel that any second my body is going to collapse on the floor if it wasn’t for the two men who are my every darkest fantasy holding me up. I know no one can see what they are doing, as their bodies are shielding mine. A pair of hands grips my hips as another strokes up and down on my bare thighs.

My heart is beating so fast, I feel like I am about to have a heart attack. Can you have a heart attack at eighteen?

I should be worried that people are probably watching, guessing what these two men are doing right now, but I don’t give a shit. They can fuck me right here on the dance floor and I wouldn’t give a damn.

My dress glides up, I feel fingers stroke my soaked underwear, then they enter my wet folds. I try so hard not to scream. I feel nips and licks against my neck. Whoever is touching my folds is gliding my wetness back and forth, then they touch my clit, pinching it, causing me to moan. I am sure I wasn’t quiet, but the music covers it up.

I  feel another hand glide down, feeling two different hands working me. Fingering me as another rubs my clit. My legs are shaking. It is sensation overload. I feel two erections grinding against me to the beat of the song. I feel their fingers go faster, I feel fingers stroke my clit as another penetrates me, entering one finger then two. I don’t know who is doing what, but OH MY GOD.

It’s too much. I can’t take any more.

I feel the ache build up between my legs. I feel like I am on drugs, I am on such a high I never want to come down. I know it isn’t the alcohol. I feel something happening. My legs are trembling, I feel like I can’t breath. Then a strong sensation takes over, taking me so far away I see stars behind my eyes. My whole body feels like I ran a ten-mile marathon. My legs have turned to jelly. I have no energy left. I finally open my eyes, they land on a pair of green ones. Jason looks at me like he wants to eat me. Devour me.

I feel myself getting turned on all over again.

You taste so good, I hear Dean huskily say in my ear. I swear I almost came again by those words alone.

Chapter 1

2010

I feel the tears roll down my cheeks as I hear my parents shouting at each other again. This has been happening more and more for the last couple of months. They think because my door is closed and they stay downstairs I can’t hear them, but I can.

I can always hear them.

I look out my bedroom window looking at the stars above, hugging Mr. Snuggles my teddy. He is a dog, I love him to bits. Dean, my best friend, won him at a fair. I instantly loved it. He is so soft and cuddly. I squeeze him harder as the yelling gets louder.

Why do they always fight? They love each other, you don’t yell like that if you love each other. I use to hope one day I would have what they have. The way my mom looks at my dad with pure adoration, and how he used to kiss her neck any chance he got. I want that when I find my soul mate, my future husband, but now, things have changed, and I don’t know why.

I asked Mom once why do they keep fighting but all she told me was that when you are older, sometimes adults fight but it doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person. I never understood what she was saying. I still don’t. It didn’t make sense. I hug Mr. Snuggles closer, I know my tears are falling on his head making the fur all wet.

I hear a tap, tap sound on my window, I quickly wipe away the tears on the back of my hand and arm and look down. I see Jason and Dean standing there with little pebbles in their hands. I almost feel relieved that they are here. I need them now more than anything, they can make me feel better for a little while. I open the window and watch as they climb the tree and over the windowsill into my room. I stand back watching them effortlessly climb through.

They have been climbing through my window for the last few months since the arguments between my parents started happening.

They both come to me, holding me, hugging me.

They know my parents have been fighting. I told them one day when we were near the lake. We never keep things from each other. We have been friends since I moved here three years ago. They didn’t like me at first, they just saw a girl and thought I would be like the rest playing with Barbies and dolls, but I’m not like the other girls. I love to get dirty, play football, wrestle. I am like one of the boys. After beating their ass in a football game, we have been inseparable ever since.

I hate that they are seeing me like this, crying like a little girl. I am thirteen years old, I hate crying. I hate it when I see other girls cry. I never want to look like they do, but with my parents screaming horrible things to one another, I can’t help it.

Shh, it’s going to be okay, we are here. We got you. Dean says stroking my hair, I let the tears fall once again. Dean is holding me at my front, as Jason is hugging me from behind, his head laying on my shoulder.

They are my best friends, my family.

Dean and Jason are both fourteen, I will be fourteen in less than two months. They are both about the same height, about an inch or so taller than me. They both have brown hair, but Dean’s a little longer and darker. He has light blue eyes as Jason has dark green ones.

They are starting to get attention from girls at school. I hate seeing girls giggling, fluttering their eyelashes at them, they look like idiots, but the worst thing is they enjoy being admired. What boy wouldn’t though?

No, I think the worst thing is they love being admired by the girls who look all girly, with their lovely shiny hair, lip glossed lips, wearing pretty dresses and skirts. Some of the girls are starting to develop as I have yet to. They use to hate girls, but now they are seeing them differently.

I have wavy brown hair that does my head in, so it’s always tied up in a low ponytail. I have big boring brown eyes. I definitely don’t dress like a doll. I don’t want Jason and Dean to see me in a lovey-dovey way, but I rely on them. They are my everything. I am afraid one day they are going to leave me behind.

They promise me no matter what, we are going to be best friends for life, even when we are old and saggy. I just have a feeling that one day they are going to have girlfriends and I know the girls aren’t going to like me. They don’t really like me now. They hate that the two popular boys in our grade both hang out with me.

A scruffy tomboy.

I have one friend who is a girl, Tina, and she is the only one who doesn’t care that I have two best friends who are boys.

They shouldn’t shout like this when you are in the house, it’s wrong, Jason says. I hear the anger in his voice.

I just want them to stop fighting all the time. They are married, they love each other. I just don’t understand. I cry all over again. I hear my mom yell some names no child should ever have to hear.

Bloody hell, your mom can yell for someone so small. Dean tries to joke, but I don’t feel like laughing. I see Dean look behind me towards Jason. They don’t say anything. It’s like they are mind reading each others thoughts. They both hold my hands and guide me to my bed and we all lay down, with me in the middle. It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay. After a few more soothing words, them both stroking my hair, my arm. I fall into a restless sleep.

I wake up the next morning and I am on my own. I know they couldn’t stay all night as my parents would have a fit, but hate that once again I am all alone. I sit up and stretch and I see Mr. Snuggles laying on the pillow and a daisy next to it. I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. I hug my teddy as I smell the little flower.

I quickly change into a pair of denim shorts and a black tank top and quickly head to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I look at my reflection and start making faces, laughing at how ridiculous I look. I walk down the stairs and I take a deep breath before walking into the kitchen. I never know what is going to be waiting for me after a night of screaming and shouting. But I do what I always do, put on a fake smile, and pretend I didn’t hear my mom call my dad every name under the sun.

Morning sweetie, Mom says kissing me on the cheek as I sit down at the table. I look across to my dad and he gives me a wink before going back to his laptop. Sitting here you wouldn’t think anything was wrong. I used to think maybe I was dreaming it all, but after a couple of times hearing them, I knew I wasn’t dreaming.

We eat in silence, no one saying anything. I feel like I am in trouble even though I have done nothing wrong. I feel like I am being punished. I never thought I would say this, but I can’t wait to go to school. Anything would be better than this. I throw away the rest of my breakfast that I couldn’t eat and say my goodbyes as I grab my backpack and walk out the door.

I walk down my pathway and across the street to Dean’s house. I ring the doorbell and wait, rocking backward and forward on my heels. The door opens, I see Dean’s little sister, sucking her thumb smiling up at me.

Ashleigh, she says, but it sounds more like Sh-Leigh. I pick her up, spinning her around, smiling at her fit of giggles. I give her a huge kiss on the cheek. Her big blue eyes are so full of joy. She is only two and a half, I swear she is going on five, she can’t stop growing. I love her like she is my own sister.

I grew up wanting a brother or sister, I think that is why I am so close to Dean and Jason. To me, they are my family. I would give them any organ if they needed one. I would die for them. I would take a horrible, brutal, painful death to save them. I think you get my point on how much they mean to me.

Bella, I told you not to answer the door. I swear you are too tall for your own good. I hear Sarah, Dean and Bella’s mom yell out, walking towards us.

Oh, Ashleigh, it’s you, come on in. This one is giving me gray hairs already. She picks up Bella and walks back inside the house. I close the door and follow. Dean, Ashleigh is here. I walk into the living room and sit down on the couch as I wait.

I look around and see all the photos on the walls, pictures of Dean from when he was a baby to him now. I am even in some of the pictures. I stand up and walk toward a picture of the three of us, Dean, Jason and myself. The three musketeers. I love this photo. We are all smiling at the camera, with me in the middle. I turn and look around the room. The home is smaller than mine.

Dean’s Dad passed away not long after Bella was born. They had to move to a smaller house, as they couldn’t afford the house they were at before. I never asked Dean how his Dad died. I know that he misses him, and looking at the pictures on the wall, he looked like an older version of Dean, same warm blue eyes and hair color. 

I can’t imagine what my life would be like if one of my parents passed away, I can’t imagine if one of them wasn’t there anymore. I hate that they are fighting, I hate that Dean lost someone close to him. How I wish I could just magically make my parents go back to how they were and bring Dean and Bella their Dad back. Make us all happy. I wipe a tear that escapes and scold myself for crying again. I can’t change anything, I know that, but God I wish I could.

Ashleigh, I hear Bella calling to me, walking towards me with her arms in the air for me to pick her up. God, she has gotten so heavy, what are these people feeding her? I laugh to myself.

You are getting too big and heavy, Misses. I walk her to the window and we stare outside as she hugs into my neck.

You ready? I hear from the doorway. I turn and smile at Dean, who is smiling back. He walks over and takes his little sister.

I’ve been waiting for you, I tell him.

You’re little early so don’t blame me. He sticks his tongue out at me. You going to have fun with Mommy as we go to boring old school, with boring old teachers, he baby talks to Bella, which makes my face hurt from smiling so big.

Draw pictures.

You are going to draw pictures? Make sure you do a big one for me when I get back home okay? He tries to put her down, but she latches onto his neck, not letting go, she starts to cry.

Me come too, she cries to Dean. I can’t help but feel bad. Just seeing her big blue eyes staring up at him. Her eyes are a little lighter than Dean’s, but it suits her light brown hair.

I would take you if I could, but you have to look after Mommy, I will be home soon okay. Give me some kisses. She still has tears sliding down her cheeks, but she gives him a kiss on the cheek, then he puts her down, giving her a big hug before standing back up. I see that he doesn’t want to leave her either.

Bella walks into the kitchen where their Mom is and we head out the front door. We are quiet as we walk towards Jason’s house. He lives just a few doors down. I don’t say anything as I know Dean hates it when his little sister gets upset.

He told me that he has to be the man of the house now, and he has to look after his Mom and Bella. He is only fourteen years old and he had to grow up so fast. He is the most sensible one between the three of us.

What do you guys feed her anyway? She felt like two bowling balls in a bag. I see the corners of his lips twist up a little. "I think she is going to be

Reviews for My Screwed Up Life

[Dale Damian Cruz · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book is awemazingly HOT!!!! Dang never viewed a threesome that good before!

[Christy Bailey · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Such an amazing story line! I loved it! Plus the guys...So HOT!