Fall's Descent

By J.L. Kudlo

After confronting the enemy in New Orleans, Will and Freya return to their beloved small town to begin their senior year of high school where the only troubles seem to be finding the time to be alone, always interrupted by the quirky friends and family that have been a part of Will’s world since he can remember. The supernatural threat that Will has been fighting against since the spring, seems to have quieted, allowing Will to settle into a normal life as a teenager...until the terror begins.

When livestock is slaughtered and classmates turn up missing, leading up to a massacre on the football field, Will and Freya learn that an enemy has returned, stronger and far more threatening than before, accompanied by an unexpected alliance. Realizing he must return to the world he’s been fighting against in order to protect those he loves, he calls on those that can join him in his fight, including his best friend, Rowhyn, who has returned from Louisiana with a greater understanding of her gifts and a new love. Together they fight against this deadly threat, but in the end, Will loses more than he was ever willing to give.

• Language: English
• Publisher: J.L. Kudlo
• Release date: Sep 30, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370725632

J.L. Kudlo

J. L. Kudlo hails from a small midwestern town where she lives with her husband and four rescue pets. She is a fierce advocate for the adoption of shelter pets as well as possesses an extreme love for baking. Kudlo grew up with a pen and paper in hand, jotting down short stories that would often gain her invitations to writing workshops. Realizing the narrow margin of writers that succeed professionally and taking some sage advice from her mother, Kudlo attended graduate school and became an occupational therapist, but her strong penchant for writing never faded. Kudlo combined her passion for adventure, animals, baking and growing up in Small Town, USA and created the Season's Series, character driven novels about a young man that believes he is living an ordinary life only to discover that life has other plans for him. Book one of the series, Spring's Beginning is slated to be released in early December 2014.

Book preview

Preface

The crowd was silent. Only the chill of the October rain tinning off the aluminum bleachers could be heard. No one moved. Bodies still and erect like statues, faced the same direction, hundreds of pairs of eyes horrified by the gruesome scene that was unfolding on the football field under the bright lights. The players dressed in maroon and gold for our team and purple and white for the opponents were scattering about, slipping in the muddied grass and sod, afraid they would be next. They weren’t foolish. Running would only make them a target. Instead, they huddled together, waiting for the attack in which they would kick and punch, hoping they could fend off the monsters. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t and when it didn’t, the screams began, something this town had become familiar with over the last two weeks.

On the fifty yard line the green grass, streaked in white, quickly turned red as the lifeless boy’s body was shredded, purple and white pieces of fabric littering the field. Synthetic fibers must not have tasted good to the beast that hovered over its prey. There could be no rescue for this young man, only a recovery, that is, if there was anything left to find.

Two other injured players, representing one from each team were making their way to the sidelines. Apparently the beast had no loyalty to either team. They were just dinner. The player in the opposing team’s jersey was crawling on his hands and one leg, the other leg dragging behind him oozing blood, tracing his every direction like the red line showing the distance from one destination to another on a GPS system. The player next to him was one of my best friends, Finn. He worked quickly to shred part of his jersey into a long strip and tie it around the wounded player’s leg like a makeshift tourniquet. Finn worked quickly despite leaving himself exposed to the beast that was losing interest in the lifeless mound of flesh and blood that had once attempted a futile escape. Finn would not leave someone that needed his help even if it meant putting himself at risk.

I watched, still frozen, as Finn helped the other player to his feet before placing him over his shoulder and carrying him off the field. He was no sooner on the sidelines when the beast’s attention was directed to the two players trying to flee. It was going to make its move and Finn’s back was to the beast, unaware of the attack that was about to come.

In the deafening silence, came a shrill cry which pierced my ears but awakened my senses and I could move again. Finn! Look out! I yelled as I ran down the bleachers, dodging spectators that began to swarm in all directions and became obstacles for me to run around.

The crowd was making a way for the exit, tripping over one another, falling down the bleachers. Others tried to help those that had fallen to prevent them from being trampled by the mass chaos that could not be controlled.

When I made it to the bottom of the bleachers and to the fence that surrounded the field, I saw Finn look in my direction from my warning and he ducked under the beast that had lunged for him. It crashed into the surrounding fence and was recovering as Finn ran to the opposing team’s bleachers and rolled the wounded player in between the slats of metal and onto the ground where the player had somewhat of a protected barrier. Of course, if the beast wanted to get to him, it could but it would have to exert some effort and when there were enough prey on the field, it would be pointless to work so hard. Regardless, the beast galloped on all fours to the bleachers and gnashed its teeth at the young player that had made his way to the back of the structure. The beast continued to bash its head into the spaces between the seats and was beginning to bend the metal when Finn began to distract the wild animal, this time with Leo at his side whom had been able to usher the rest of the players off the field while the beast had been distracted.

Hey! Finn yelled out.

Finn and Leo were each holding the yard markers in their hands, attached with the metal chain. It seemed like a feeble form of protection but then, what else was out there that could serve as some kind of weapon? They couldn’t out run it nor could they defeat it with the skills that Finn, Leo and I were working on at the gym. Finn and Leo saw their only option and were going for it. I sensed their strategy that should the beast lunge, Finn and Leo could clothesline it and then secure it with the chain. In theory, it was a smart plan and it would have worked had they been dealing with something from this world but when the monster attacked and the taut chain split apart across its chest, it sent Finn and Leo flying on their backs. They were exposed. No weapons, no defense and when the beast approached my two childhood friends, I knew that out of the three of us, only I could stand against the evils sent from the other world.

I hopped the fence that separated the spectators from the players and knew that from here on out, I no longer had the luxury of sitting idly by. For the first time since I quit the rugby team back in the spring, I rushed the field.

Chapter 1

Close your eyes.

Why?

Really?

I couldn’t understand how she failed to see that it was difficult to take my eyes off of her.

No, I teased. I can’t.

Will, don’t be ridiculous, Freya sighed as she placed her hands on her hips. Hermod could have killed you. Yes, you were putting up quite a fight but he was only playing. Had he wanted to end it quickly, he would have. That’s why we need to keep training.

Embarrassment and irritation at the idea that Freya didn’t see me as a contender against Hermod, one of the enemies from Management, got the better of me and I turned my back to Freya. I had felt strong against Hermod when we faced one another in New Orleans after Odin and the rest of Management kidnapped Susanna. In my mind, I landed as many punches as I had taken, but I knew Freya was right. Had Hermod wanted to kill me, he would have. I was becoming stronger everyday but I was no match for a god centuries old.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I still couldn’t face her. Pride was something that in my almost eighteen years of life never lessened.

I felt slender fingers glide over my right shoulder and heated air from Freya’s breath warm in my ear. My knees became weak. Don’t be too proud to accept help from someone who knows a thing or two about Odin’s kind. You are strong and there will come a time when nothing will stop you but until then, just let me show you a few things. Deal?

Freya was right and I faced her, raising my eyebrows at her offer. That depends. What are you going to show me?

She backed away from my longing arms and wrinkled her nose before pulling her scarf out of her long mane of auburn tendrils that billowed in the wind. It did not take long before the familiar scent of cloves, apples, figs, and cinnamon was caught on the fall breeze, surrounding me. It never stopped making my heart beat faster. Only one other person’s scent was as familiar to me, one that I could recognize from a distance, but it had been awhile since the last time I experienced it. I couldn’t think about that now. Right here. Right now. That was how I was living and that was what I was willing to deal with.

I held my arms out in front of me with my wrists together while smirking at her gesture. If you wanted to tie me up, all you had to do was ask.

Freya’s devious smile and a slight cock of her head told me that I didn’t quite have it right. Maybe if I protested enough, she might change her mind.

I moved in closer and with my hands still together, I swept a curl away from her cheek. I promise I will be good.

Hmm…tempting, she considered as she placed her arms around my neck, rubbing the scarf across my skin before placing gentle, sweet kisses along my jaw line. But that isn’t quite what I had in mind.

Abruptly, Freya spun me around and shielded my eyes with the scarf. The oranges and reds of the autumn woods turned black but my sudden blindness did not dull the smell of Freya that clung to the silky material. In fact, I picked up other scents that I had not noticed before. I pressed the material closer to my skin with my fingertips and the earthiness of the figs seemed more poignant while the cloves gave off a muskiness that I had never detected before. My body quivered at being so close to her.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to control myself when Freya and I were together. I was beginning to feel like I was ready to share everything with her. We had come close so many times when lost in the moment of living between fear of the unknown and fear of the known, but I didn’t want it to be that way. I was kind of traditional and I wanted it to happen for us because we made a conscious decision and not one based on whether we were going to survive one more night.

Will! Freya commanded, looping her fingers in the belt loops of my jeans. Gosh, you are easily distracted today.

Well, maybe if you weren’t so unbelievably gorgeous, insanely intelligent, and hands-down irresistible I could focus. I swooped her up in my arms and buried my face in her mountain of loose curls.

So it’s my fault, is it?

Yes!

So, I’m a distraction, then?

Yes!

Good! Freya said as she pushed away from me. There will be lots of distractions when Odin decides he is ready to lay claim to this world and you will need to be prepared.

I followed her voice. She was circling me and I heard the fallen leaves that had turned crisp from the cool autumn air give way under Freya’s feet.

And when Odin does come, will I be blindfolded?

Not in the literal sense, but you might be blinded by something or someone so you will need to rely on your other senses. She continued to circle. You need to listen to everything around you, Freya whispered in my ear from behind. You need to become familiar with touch. A slight tickle of a leaf or flower skated from the back of my hand up to my elbow. You need to recognize the scents that are familiar just as importantly as those that are not. Freya’s familiar scent became strong but then faded, replaced by a foul smell dank earth that burned my nose. And lastly, you need to trust your palate. Velvet lips touched my own before the warmth of her softened sugary tongue teased mine. For one is pleasing, the other poison.

My body couldn’t resist. I was used to keeping it together but how together could a seventeen year old boy be when it came to his hormones? I swept Freya up in my arms, blindfold still secured tightly. I knew these woods behind Freya’s house almost as much as I knew my own. Countless days since our return from Louisiana were spent down by the stream of Freya’s property while we worked on sparring, strategizing, and somedays, just wading in the hot spring and talking about the future like two regular teenagers. So when I needed to get somewhere quickly, I didn’t rely on my eyes to guide me. Freya was right. I used my other senses. I counted my steps to the two trees that formed a makeshift doorway to a collective bunch of burning bushes and brushed past the birch, feeling it’s smooth trunk against my left arm. I knew that I was walking between them as the oak that was on my right, not nearly as smooth as the birch, snagged at my jeans. About five more steps and we would pass inside the circle of burning bushes. I turned sideways to make it through the narrow opening that the bushes offered and once in the center, I could feel the thick, cool grass free of littered leaves, tickling my toes. As I lowered Freya to the ground, the sounds that provided background noise during our training began to fade. Maybe it was because the bushes provided a barrier from the outside world or maybe it was the steady pounding of my heart that seemed to beat heavily in my ears. Either way, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because this was the moment. Everything my body craved for with Freya since the first time I saw her was about to happen.

Freya didn’t resist as I hovered over her. She placed her hands on my hips before she slid them under my t-shirt and pulled it over my head. I was certain the blindfold would come off with the shirt but it remained. I wanted more than anything to see Freya but she stopped me from pulling it off.

No, she breathed heavily. Resist.

I nodded because I understood. In this moment, Freya was teaching me. I was to find my way and Freya was going to guide me, show me. I was blinded, yet I had never seen so clearly, been so confident in my actions then I was now.

I gently kissed her forehead, nose, lips, chin, her chest left exposed by her tank top and finally to her skin that was bare between the bottom of her shirt and the top of her pants. I kissed her toned stomach just above her hip bones and took in the saltiness of her sweat from our sparring. My tongue circled her navel twice before I blew softly in the opposite direction. Freya moaned underneath me as she weaved her fingers through my hair, directing me where she wanted me to go. I was catapulted into a state of pure nirvana. I needed her and I was about to show her how much.

***

Freya? Will? Are you guys down here?

It was Phillip, Freya’s brother, a man that I had come to respect and admire over the past couple of months but whom at that moment had undeniably the world’s worst timing.

I ripped the scarf off my eyes that were as wide as saucers. Freya giggled and placed a finger over my lips. I’ll handle this.

Freya pushed me off her and sat up before running a hand through her hair and returning my erotic blindfold back into just another hair accessory. She stood up and walked through the fiery red bushes towards Phillip.

Hello, Brother. Freya greeted Phillip with a kiss on his precisely chiseled cheek bones.

Freya, Phillip nodded, accepting her term of endearment. Where’s Will? Nissa is calling for him.

Freya pointed to the bushes. He’s here. We were just taking a break from training.

I frantically put my shirt back on and ran my hand through my hair that was long enough to secure with a tie. Nissa hated it and asked if I was going to take up soccer. I mean, that’s how all those soccer players wear their hair now. It’s supposed to be sexy, she would say making quotation marks with her fingers when she used the descriptor.

I like it, Susanna argued as she took a tray of cookies out of the oven. Thayer’s hair was that length when, I mean…well, you know.

It was hard for Susanna to talk about Thayer but she tried. It was important for her to tell me and I was always eager to listen. Sometimes the stories were detailed and descriptive and sometimes it was just a sentiment or a comparison of me to him but after she would tell me, I would write them down and read them over and over. Somehow, it made me feel closer to him.

You are very handsome, Will. Like your father, Susanna offered before leaving the kitchen. It was the same reaction that Nissa had when I would ask about Susanna, having believed Odin murdered her all those years ago.

Now, as I fussed with the rubber band to get my hair out of my face, I was thankful for the distraction. It allowed me time to get a hold of myself. Phillip was smart though and I suspected that his timely interruption was by no means, chance. I placed my face in my hands and gave a slight laugh before jumping to my feet and joining Freya and Phillip outside of the burning bushes that were not nearly as red as my cheeks.

If Phillip noticed my embarrassment, like the gentleman he was, he didn’t acknowledge it. He simply offered me his hand.

William. Good to see you. How goes the training?

Phillip was so refined that I almost felt a little out of place around him. My sweaty shirt, torn jeans, and wildly neglected hair were completely in another league from Phillip. His wavy blonde hair was never out of place and his eyes, jade, like Freya’s, were always sincere and full of compassion. They never judged and behind them, wisdom. Phillip could wear his perfectly tailored suits as if he were posing in a magazine and today, his latte colored suit with a burnt orange tie against his black vest, blended well with the autumn colors. It was fair to say that the man knew how to put together a wardrobe, but then so did all of the gods I met.

Training? I smirked. More like your sister is handing me my butt on a serving tray.

The three of us laughed while Phillip pulled his watch from his vest pocket to check the time. Yes, William, she most certainly is good at what she does. Anyways, I do apologize for the interruption but Nissa called and said that she has been trying to reach you on your cell phone several times but has not heard from you, so I told her I would come down and check on you.

I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket and saw all the missed calls. Guilt quickly overcame me for not answering. I knew Nissa and Susanna worried about my safety constantly but they also knew they had to let me live a life worth living.

Will, is everything okay? Freya asked.

Yeah. It’s just that Nissa and Susanna worry if I don’t check in. You know?

Freya and Phillip nodded their heads.

And they have good reason given everything that has happened over this past year, but not to worry. The threat will be handled in due time and if you two keep going at it like you have, you won’t need the rest of us, Phillip said rubbing the silver of his pocket watch.

Going at it? So he had suspected what Freya and I almost did. Had he seen us?

Phillip smiled his crooked grin. Your training, of course.

Of course, I agreed.

Well, you should probably give Nissa a call and Freya, Phillip nodded up towards the house, someone is patiently awaiting her dinner. She looked as if she might start in on the furniture.

Hildy! Freya yelled, taking Phillip’s watch out of his hand. It’s almost five. She’s going to be upset.

Hildy was Freya’s pot bellied pig. Big in size as well as in loyalty. I had met watch dogs that would cower at Hildy’s devotion to protect Freya.

Why don’t you go ahead, Freya. Will and I will catch up, Phillip offered, placing the watch back into his vest pocket.

Are you sure? Freya asked with a kiss on my cheek.

Yeah, sure. I probably need to head back anyways. I got the feeling Phillip wanted to speak with me and as long as it wasn’t about Freya’s and my relationship, I always enjoyed our talks.

Phillip leaned against the smooth birch. He crossed his arms with such fluidity of movement that I found myself attempting to be just as smooth by leaning my back against the rigid oak. I failed. I lost my footing by not quite centering my back on the tree and had to catch myself before landing on my backside. Sheepishly, I leaned back up against the tree and noticed a small smirk forming on Phillip’s face but he did his best to cover it with his hand.

Is everything okay? I asked curiously.

Yes, yes. Everything is fine. I was just curious if Freya ever shared with you about our lives before we came to Galesburg?

It was not the question that I was expecting him to ask and I was thankful for that. Just that you traveled quite a bit because of your schooling.

Phillip nodded. Yes, but did she mention how we assimilated into society?

I recalled the early morning on the dock of the pond when I discovered that Susanna was alive. It was a morning that Nissa had to reveal all of the secrets about the past and I remembered she had said Freya and Phillip didn’t blend in with their surroundings like so many others of their kind did.

Nissa said that you didn’t…assimilate.

She was right. That is why we moved around so much. It wasn’t my schooling. That was an excuse for our nomadic lifestyles. Too much time in one place aroused suspicion, Phillip said, maintaining his place against the tree.

Suspicion?

Regarding our agelessness, our hesitancy against forming friendships, relationships.

The idea of Freya in a relationship caused me to stir against the oak tree and I shoved my hands in my jean pockets. I understand, I offered but then fear snuck into me. What was Phillip trying to say? Were they thinking of moving again?

Sensing my discomfort, Phillip offered an explanation.

This is the first time Freya and I have talked about making a place our home. Becoming a citizen of this world and no longer playing the part of a tourist, if you will. Phillip fiddled with his watch again, hesitating. To be honest, it will be a bit of a challenge for Freya…for me.

I couldn’t hide my excitement at the idea that Philip and Freya were going to make Galesburg their home. But you have been doing it so well these last couple of months and Nissa and Susanna can help with the blending in part. I can help with that.

Phillip crossed the space between the two tall trees and placed his hand on the rigid trunk to brace himself against the oak. I’m counting on that. Again, Phillip hesitated by fiddling with his watch as he did when he wasn’t sure how to approach a subject. It was his tell. You are the first person Freya has grown to have feelings for in your world so this is new territory for me. If I am to be honest, I am not sure I am equipped to deal with heartache.

For the first time, I saw fear and insecurity in Phillip’s eyes at the idea that I might ever hurt Freya. I had to reassure him that breaking Freya’s heart was something I was incapable of doing.

I turned to face Phillip. I would never hurt her. I love her.

Phillip studied my face looking for something that might tell him I was being dishonest. People change, feelings change.

I don’t and mine won’t. Okay? I held my hand out to him.

Phillip glanced at my hand before taking it and placing the other on my shoulder. Okay.

Nothing else needed to be said as we made our way up the hill. Phillip nodded at me as he went through the front entrance to the house and I smiled the rest of the way to the car. I couldn’t get over my excitement at the idea of Freya making Galesburg her home and when I saw the scarf she was wearing earlier hanging from my rearview mirror with a note attached that said Here’s to things to come, I had never been happier and more excited. Life, with all its dangers ,also afforded me so much to look forward to.

Chapter 2

William Huntslow! the two little women standing in the bright kitchen to the place I called home for the last thirteen years scolded in unison.

Nissa, petite and brunette had her hands on her hips and that infamous curl was pushed to the left side of her forehead which could only mean that I was in for a rather unpleasant tongue lashing. Susanna, her blonde hair tied in a braid that resided on her left shoulder, crossed her arms and darted the same scolding stare at me as Nissa. Nissa, my aunt, and Susanna, my mother and both faeries were about to unleash their disapproval on me for causing unwarranted worry.

I know. I’m sorry, I protested. I learned it was better to admit defeat with the women in my life then to try and put forward a case that I would most certainly lose.

Nissa was first. You know we don’t ask for much but just a check in from time to time would be nice to make sure you are not, not…oh, well you know. Nissa made a slicing motion across her neck to illustrate the point.

I tried to hold in my laughter because this was just the beginning. Susanna was next.

Will, we know that you are trying to maintain some normalcy in a, well, not so normal world, but isn’t it normal practice for those that love you to worry? Susanna was trying to be the more diplomatic about the situation, having just come to live with Nissa and I.

It was true. Yes, I guess parents that worry are normal.

Nissa and Susanna exchanged glances. They seemed pleased that I had called them parents and I knew that I had just won the battle. We didn’t use titles in this small oasis of our cottage in the woods. We were all equals and nothing changed when inside the four walls of this home as well as in the outside world. But, one thing I did understand is that on rare occasions when I did refer to them as aunt or mom, they would melt.

Nissa removed the chicken cobbler from the oven while Susanna set the dining room table. Well, I do suppose that Susanna and I might be a smidge overprotective. Maybe we could stand to be a bit less worrisome.

I watched the two women nod at one another and then me, a sentiment that said they would try.

You know what? I think I like the arrangement that we currently have. Don’t change a thing. I held out my arms to both of them and they filed in, including Brucie, the smallish brown terrier that was no less a family member then any other member of the circle. Brucie sat in the middle of the ring we had formed looking up at us, wagging the very tip of her tail until we returned to our dinner duties.

I never asked but besides checking in, was there anything that you wanted to talk to me about? I asked Nissa and Susanna at the dinner table, a ritual I looked forward to.

Meals were always an event when it came to Nissa, especially now that Susanna was reunited with the two of us. Sitting down together became a time for laughter, for normalcy and often a few friends would join us at the dinner table. Sometimes the other faeries from the bakery would join us, other times it would be Finn and Leo. On rare occasions Dr. Seward would find himself enjoying a home cooked meal, but I suspected he craved the company more than anything after the loss of his wife to the goddess Jormangandre.

Tonight, was a treat for me. Chicken cobbler was one of my favorite dishes and on a cold October night, nothing else seemed as satisfying, comforting. The cheesy cobbler was always crunchy on the exterior but they held a secret deep inside the outer shell. The soft and fluffy center created of perfectly handled flour, butter and buttermilk were almost a meal in itself. But it got better. When the spoon dove through the savory barrier, it plunged into the depths of a creamy sea filled with vegetables and the most tender chicken, accented by the freshest of herbs. It was happiness and safety all wrapped up in a nine by thirteen inch pan. As a kid, I would scoop large amounts of it onto my plate, more than I could ever eat, and the piping steam would warm my face but I never waited for that first bite to cool. Nissa would warn me that I would burn my tongue and ruin my taste buds, but it never happened. Some things were just too good to wait for.

Into my second helping, I had almost forgotten that I had asked a question, but then I noticed Susanna and Nissa exchanging glances and smiles again. Rosalyn called, Susanna began before shielding her face with the crystal of her water glass that formed dancing crystals from the light to illuminate her cheeks.

Rowhyn’s coming home tomorrow, Nissa shouted out. Nissa didn’t hide her pleasing look from me. She popped a green bean into her mouth and stared right at me, through me.

Rowhyn, my best friend, was still in Assumption, Louisiana, perfecting her skills as a witch under the tutelage of Rosalyn, a powerful faerie witch hybrid. Rowhyn decided to stay in Louisiana after we travelled down to the Big Easy to confront Odin and take back Susanna. She claimed it was to learn from Rosalyn, to help her harness her powers and perfect her spells, but we both knew that she needed to create some distance from me. Our friendship was at risk as her feelings grew into something more…something that we, as kids, had always agreed we would not explore. It was too risky. We were better apart than broken.

Rowhyn was not the only one that needed the distance. After Jormangandre killed Mrs. Seward, I had asked Freya to leave. I believed that we were more of a threat together and with Freya gone, she would be safe and Management would only come for me. The people in the sleepy town of Galesburg would be free of danger…or so I thought. But once Freya was gone, she left a black hole in my heart that was so deep and dark, I almost wished for the idea of danger. I didn’t look for it, but I wished for it. I was so consumed by it that I didn’t see what else Freya had left behind. It was the ability to open my heart to someone and light the inner fires of wants, needs and desires. I had been so busy mourning the loss of Freya that I didn’t understand what has happening between Rowhyn and I. I saw Rowhyn, for the first time, in a different way. She wasn’t just the tomboy in a summer dress with bloodied knees. A woman stood before me with the confidence of boldly accepting her new powers. It put my willingness to stomach what I was becoming to shame. It was intriguing and unexpectedly attractive. I reasoned that it was because Freya was gone that my brain would play such games but it wasn’t true. That would cheapen my relationship with Rowhyn. I was beginning to see that it was quite possible to love more than one girl in entirely different ways.

I was still struggling with the possibility of how two friends with so much history could ever turn into anything more when Freya returned to me. She would not let me confront Odin alone and just like that, I realized my feelings for her were just as strong and real as they were the first time I saw her. They had never changed. Rowhyn saw this and it hurt her. I hated myself for wounding her again and if I was to be honest with myself, I loathed the part of me that could have feelings for another so quickly. But as Nissa pointed out, the feelings for Rowhyn took awhile to develop…twelve years to be exact. And now, with Freya’s return to Galesburg and falling right back into the way we once were, I questioned what it was I was experiencing with Rowhyn. I knew I hated not seeing her and I missed her but I couldn’t put a label on our relationship like I did with mine and Freya’s. Ugh! How was I supposed to save the world when I couldn’t understand myself?

But this separation of Rowhyn and I was different then when she and I didn’t speak in the spring. During her time in Assumption, we spoke on the phone and wrote letters to one another. It was infrequent but not awkward or forced. We would tease one another and she would mention how much she was learning from Rosalyn but she would never mention specifics about what she was learning. She talked about the places she had been and people she had met but she never spoke with me about how she felt about things. I certainly knew how I was feeling when she told me about a Saturday she had spent at the ocean. Rowhyn even sent me a picture to remind me of the fact that she was moving beyond the summer. It was a picture of a woman with wavy blonde hair, the wind whipping it behind her. The violet eyes that stared into the camera lens kept secrets but the wide smile told me that they were good stories, happy stories that her eyes held back. This woman had a bag of seashells in her hand and she was holding them out for the camera. She was wearing a white cotton sun dress that hugged her body from the wind blowing it tight against her, exposing her bronzed legs. This woman was my best friend and this picture was one of a life that she didn’t share with me. But when I held this photograph in my hand, what I wondered more than anything was who was the man in the picture with his arms around her that she did share this life with? She had omitted him from her story about this day. I knew I didn’t have the right to feel this way as I had made a choice last summer, but the question chipped away at me every time I looked at it. Rowhyn looked so happy and the man she was with seemed proud to be in her company. Most people couldn’t help but feel this way when they were with her, but this was different. Rowhyn and this man shared something that not even the camera could hide and something in me began to hurt.

Will? Susanna tapped my hand lightly with her fingertips. Are you excited to see Rowhyn?

I shook myself out of the memories of the picture and stared into Susanna’s blue eyes and answered her the only way I could. With the truth.

Yeah, of course. I played with a piece of the biscuit on my plate. I was eager to see her but a part of me wondered if it was still going to be the Rowhyn I always knew…my Rowhyn.

As only Nissa could, she read me like an old familiar book that had been paged through hundreds and hundreds of times. You are worried she won’t be the same.

Yes, I willingly and easily admitted.

And you are a little afraid that she won’t be pining for you anymore like she did. Another truthful statement.

Nissa! Susanna exclaimed. That’s not nice.

Nissa began scooping out the ice cream to go with the pumpkin roll. What? I don’t say it to be mean or intrusive but change is always hard, especially for Will.

I hadn’t given much thought to what Nissa had said but if I was to be honest with myself even if I wasn’t ready to admit it to Nissa and Susanna, a part of me did wonder if Rowhyn’s wounds about our relationship had healed and if she was cured. I figured she was, given that picture she sent. Another part of me worried that the easiness of Freya and I came from the absence of Rowhyn’s unwillingness to befriend the girl that I loved. Rowhyn could make my life difficult if she wanted to but I selfishly wanted my best friend and my girlfriend to make amends. I fully admitted that it would make life a whole heck of a lot simpler for me.

Honestly, I haven’t thought about it that way, I admitted as I poured myself some coffee. I just don’t want there to be any tension between us, you know, because of Freya.

If you don’t mind me saying, it is what you make it, Susanna offered while doctoring her coffee with cream and sugar.

True, but Rowhyn has a way about her.

Nissa nodded. Yes. She sure does.

***

Lying on my bed reading with