Lilly Unleashed

By Jim Pahz

She's ditzy, dynamic, and irresistible to men. Her name is Lilith, but she prefers to go by Lilly. She changes her name and appearance the way the rest of us change our clothes. She's a genuine princess, a demon with pizazz, who talks to owls and charms the trolls from burial mounds.

When it comes to painting there is no one better. Ask Michelangelo, or Botticelli. Ask Roberto Sicignano. Her peers have been the world's greatest artists and she has known many of them personally.

Lilly is also a poet, a feminist, and currently a college freshman. She's a prankster who likes to fool people. She fooled King Solomon, Empress Theodora, and most recently an Israeli police officer. She will fool you, too.

Join Lilly as she travels from Jerusalem to Chattanooga, Tennessee. Along the way she will visit museums, collect some bones, and commit a murder or two. It's what she does. It's what she's always done.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Writers' Collective
• Release date: Sep 12, 2017
• ISBN: 9781386155539

Book preview

Gratitude

––––––––

The author would like to express his

appreciation for the cover art and depiction

of Lilly's crest to Ms. Renee Miller

––––––––

For technical assistance

as well as continual encouragement,

the writer would like to thank his friend,

Ms. Amy Serwitz

1

Israel

Squirrel belched, and then began scratching his head. He thought he might have head lice. Maybe it was cooties, or crabs, or some kind of biting insect. He wondered if those things were the same animal or different things entirely. But they could be fucking lobsters as far as he was concerned. They were driving him crazy and he was itching everywhere. Something needed to be done. He noticed with some curiosity that as he scratched his head there was a snowstorm of dandruff falling. How long has it been since I bathed? He couldn’t remember, but it had been awhile. He turned to Rashaad.

Am I offensive? Do I smell bad?

Are you kidding me? The Palestinian answered chuckling, Is that a trick question?

I’ve got to get some medicine, Squirrel said. I want to get high and I need money.

Get a job, Rashaad said sarcastically. Then he laughed again, saying, And keep your distance from me.

Do you think there is a cream for itchiness? Something’s making me itch.

I imagine there is, Rashaad said. You should go to a pharmacy.

We need to pull off a job, Squirrel continued. We’re broke.

Oh, you’ve noticed? Maybe you should snatch another purse. You could get lucky and it might be filled with cash. Wouldn’t that be nice?

I can’t afford to get caught again, Squirrel said. I don’t think I could handle another visit to Ayalon Prison.

Then you’ve got to find an easy mark—someone who can’t put up much of a fight.

Like who?

Tourists. God, we’ve got enough of those in this country! Isn’t this the Holy Land? It’s a magnet for tourists. They come from everywhere. All we’ve got to do is find an old person. He pointed in the direction of a group of elderly people gazing into a shop window.

Like them. Look how they are dressed—smart. They’re ain’t no flies on those geezers. They have money. That’s obvious. My guess is they got more than they need. They’re probably from the U.S. or Europe or some other place. How they going to fight back? I mean, look at them. What are they going to do, hit you with their walker? They look like they’re a hundred years old. I tell you Squirrel, it doesn’t get any easier than robbing old people; they’re half-dead already.

How would we do it, Rashaad? Tell me.

Pick out a target. Follow him or her. Wait till the right moment when no one is looking, then grab that person. Drop a gunny sack or a blanket over his head. We’ll take what he has and hold him for ransom. He must have family, somebody who’ll want him back. It could be a good score and the risk is minimal.

Does it matter if our target is a man or woman?

Not at all. It makes no difference. It’s a target of opportunity.

What if the old person up-and-dies on us? You know, has a heart attack or a stroke.

Big deal. He’d be doing everyone a favor. Who’s going to miss an old person, anyway? You see, Squirrel, old people have lived their life. They’re superfluous.

What does that mean?

It means they’re unnecessary, no longer needed. I know I wouldn’t miss such a person. Would you, Squirrel?

No, Squirrel replied, thoughtfully. I don’t think so. I mean it’s not like I knew him. I never knew my grandparents. But it seems like a good plan, Rashaad. I’m in. But we’re going to need a car.

I know where we can get a car. Willard has wheels.

And we’re going to need a hideout—a place to take the old person.

Willard has a house, too. It is somewhere past Be’er Sheva—Arad, maybe. I’m not exactly sure. But if we use him we’ll need to give him a cut. I think he would want to be a part of this, but he won’t do it gratis.

He won’t do it... what?

For free, Squirrel. He won’t do it for free.

Well, of course not. I wouldn’t expect that he would help us for free. That’s all right with me because I’m a generous person—itchy, but generous. Squirrel smiled, revealing a mouth missing several teeth. The few that were left were misshapen and yellow. Squirrel began scratching more vigorously. So we need to find a target. We could go to where the hotels are. Tourists stay in hotels. That’s probably where we should start looking. Hotels could be like our hunting ground.

That’s a plan Squirrel. You’re thinking now. We’ll find someone who looks suitable. When we find our target we’ll do surveillance like the cops do. We’ll watch his movements and monitor his comings and goings. When the time is right, we’ll snatch him.

Or her. You said it could be a woman also, Rashaad, remember? You said that.

That’s right, Squirrel, I did. It doesn’t matter what the gender is, either sex will work.

I like this plan, Squirrel said. It sounds promising. I hope we find someone soon because I really need my medicine.

Your itching medicine?

No. The other kind. The kind that gets you high.

The plan will work, Squirrel. We just need to find the right person. Leave everything to me. I know where to look.

2

Istanbul

Emma, what’s wrong? You’re still in your pajamas. I thought we were going to the bazaar this morning.

Emma reclined against the pillows. I don’t feel like doing anything, except maybe staying in bed, she said with a sigh. I’m sorry.

Lilly went to the window and opened the blinds, filling the room with sunlight. Why? I thought you wanted to go sight-seeing. Istanbul is a fascinating city. There is so much to see. It’s the bridge between east and west you know.

I don’t know if I have the energy. What I can’t understand is why you aren’t more tired. Do you ever get tired? Emma asked.

Of course I do, sometimes; especially when I’m in one of my down moods. When I’m depressed I get tired. But I’m not depressed now and there are so many exciting places to explore—adventures to have.

I’m looking forward to Jerusalem. Emma admitted. At seventy-two years old, how many more adventures can one have? I might be all adventured out. When you think about it, it’s quite remarkable we have as much energy as we do for a couple of septuagenarians. We must have seen just about everything there is to see. I’m excited to see Allison. After her visit, I think I might be ready to go home and sit in the proverbial rocking chair. Chattanooga seems appealing. Come to think of it, so does rocking.

Nonsense! Lilly protested. You’re just being silly. The world is full of interesting places, and I know you’re still a kid at heart. Even if you won’t admit it. We’ve only scratched the surface. You’ll love Istanbul, Emma. Just give it a chance, that’s all I ask.

All right, Emma said reluctantly climbing from the comfort of the bed. I’m sure you’re right. I’ll get dressed. Then you can take me to the bazaar. Maybe we’ll find a treasure. Just give me a few minutes. Even though she had conceded to Lilly’s wishes, she was still reluctant. The last thing they needed was one more thing to stuff in their basement. There was already so much junk there, they could practically open a museum of their own.

After Emma dressed and applied her makeup, she turned to Lilly and said. Look at me. These days, whenever I look in the mirror I’m surprised. I am reminded of my grandmother, although I feel older than my grandmother. I don’t know when I became such an old woman. But the  interesting thing that puzzles me is that you’re aging too. Why do you look old, when we both know you’re really not?

Lilly lowered her head and in a soft voice said apologetically, It’s a courtesy. I love you, Emma, and I don’t want to cause you any distress.

Because with you, aging is optional, and it’s not for me?

Something like that. What you see is the appearance of aging. It’s an illusion. I can appear to be any age. Would you prefer me younger, like when we first met? Would you like me to be that same ditzy girl from the cottage in Michigan? Being that girl was always one of my favorite roles to play. I love ditzy. I suppose we could pose as a grandmother and grandchild. Would that please you, Emma? I can transform, if that’s what you want. Lilly searched Emma’s face as she spoke.

No, that would only make things worse. I remember, Lilly. Of course I do. But thank you. You are considerate. And it has always been that way. How long have we been together?

About thirty years, give or take.

That’s longer than I was married, Emma reflected. Amazing. My commitment to you was only supposed to be for two years. You gave me an escape clause, but I never chose to escape. Why would I? I’ve always loved your company. You’ve made my life interesting. More than interesting, you've made my life exciting.

It’s my charm, Lilly answered flippantly. She smiled a broad smile, But you have always been free to leave, if that’s what you wanted. That was our arrangement and I try not to have expectations.

I know, but why would I go, and where? She walked to Lilly and embraced her. As usual Lilly’s touch was cold. The sensation no longer startled Emma. She was accustomed to it. So where shall we go my lovely Ice Princess? What adventures do you have planned for today?

Let’s start in Byzantium, the Old City. We can go to Sultanahmet Square. Also, we can visit the Hagia Sophia Museum and the Museum of Turkish and Islamic Arts. They are something to see, incredible. Honestly, there is more to see in this ancient city than we could see on this visit or in ten visits. This is one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities on earth. This whole area used to be called Constantinople, before it was renamed Istanbul.

I know that, Emma said. Remember, I am a student of history.

Then you will find it especially interesting.

I’m sure I will.

***

And now, Lilly said, looking around, you are in the Hagia Sophia. This is an incredible museum with an amazing history. I love this place. It was originally constructed in the year 360 A.D. by Constantine the Great. From that time until 1453 A.D. it served as the Greek Patriarchal Cathedral of Constantinople.

It’s magnificent, Emma said as she looked around and up at the domed ceiling. Arches and curves, she said. They are so much more pleasing to the eye than straight lines. It conveys a sense of majesty and the mosaics and tiles are beautiful.

"Yes, awe-inspiring is the description I would use. That might be a cliché, but it’s true. I can’t think of any other words to describe it. The original church was destroyed in 404 A.D. when riots broke out after the patriarch John Chrysostom was exiled by Emperor Arcadius. His church, too, was destroyed during the Nika riots and burned to the ground. It was rebuilt by Justinian the Great who inaugurated the church in 537 A.D. He built a much larger and more magnificent church and had ten thousand people working to restore it to the opulence you see today. I knew him, Justinian. At least I think I did and from what I remember, he wasn’t that great—at least not in my opinion.

His wife, on the other hand, she was outstanding. She may have been a truly great woman—one of only a few. Her name was Theodora and I count, I mean counted, her as one of my friends. We used to play pranks on people together. She was both beautiful and intelligent—one in a million. Justinian adored her and permitted her to be co-ruler with him. Unfortunately she died young. Lilly stopped to reflect, and then she began to laugh. "I used to pretend to be her. I would walk around the palace, making my head leave my body and float in the air behind me. It was one of my better pranks. I wanted to scare the people, which of course, I did.

Do you know that in his writings, the historian Procopius referred to Theodora as a demon who used to remove her head and roam the palace? God, I hate that word. It’s so disrespectful. Theodora wasn’t a demon, any more than I’m a demon, even though that’s what people have called me for centuries. It wasn’t her head floating in the ether—it was mine, and it wasn’t even my real head. It was a trick. Still, she took the blame. Lilly laughed again, I always liked to do stuff like that. I still do. I can be so silly, but I guess you know that.

I do, Emma responded. I’ve seen some of your mischief up close and personal. Tell me more about this museum.

"Well, the Greek church stood here for a long time. Then in the year 1453, the city was conquered by a man named Sultan Mehmet II. The people went a little crazy and started to dismantle the church and carry off some of the building material. They were like those morons you see on the news at night. The ones who make up ISIS today—the religious crazies and wingnuts who want to destroy everything and kill all the infidels. Beware of zealots, I always say. If those people back then had gotten their way, the descendants would have no heritage left. There would be nothing here, but ruins.

Mehmet saw what was happening and didn’t like it. He felt it was wrong and maybe, in some ways, sacrilegious. Even though he wasn’t a Christian, he ordered the vandalism to stop and afterward began to convert the church to a mosque. He had the religious items removed and covered the mosaics of the church walls with plaster to hide all the Christian imagery. The mosque has been damaged several times since by earthquakes. One repair was made by Suleiman the Magnificent in the 16th century. Anyway, the complex remained a mosque until 1935 when the government of Turkey converted it into a secular museum. And here we are, standing in the flow of history.

It’s so big, Emma said, looking around at the walls and up to the ceiling. It’s an enormous building. What were the Nika riots?

Violent riots that lasted about a week. Many people were killed—thousands. It was initially over a chariot race in the hippodrome. But in reality it was all about politics and which faction was going to rule Constantinople. Politics were dirty back then, corrupt and dishonest—just like today. Justinian was almost deposed. He practically lost everything, but thanks to the cleverness of his wife, Theodora, Justinian prevailed. It was a bad time, Emma. It wasn’t pretty.

You know, Lilly, I don’t believe you can get all of this information from books. With all your knowledge, you should work as a tour guide.

I’ll keep that in mind, Lilly said laughing, If I ever need to find another job. I’ll put it on my list, just behind joining a circus.

I can’t imagine knowing so much history and having been there and lived through it. And all those people. It’s remarkable.

"No it’s not. You just need to be around long enough. Besides, I didn’t know them all, Emma. I knew some personally, like Theodora, but others I knew only by reputation. I never knew Suleiman. I doubt if he was actually magnificent. What I heard, at the time, was that he was a rather cruel man. Probably he would better be described as Suleiman the Nasty, but what do I know?

Don’t you think it’s strange how history attributes lofty titles to men of achievement: Suleiman the Magnificent, Justinian the Great, Constantine the Great.  Nonsense. Today we would probably call them egomaniacs or narcissists. These were men with enormous egos and significant achievements. You don’t hear people talk about females with such reverence. I often wonder why don’t we hear of Theodora the Great? She was much more capable than her husband. And then there’s Cleopatra. You don’t hear anything about Cleopatra the Great. All you hear is that she died from the bite of a serpent.

I heard she was beautiful, Emma offered.

Maybe. Lilly answered, sounding doubtful. "Julius Caesar evidently thought so. That’s what men think about, appearance. How come you don’t hear anything about Lilith the remarkable? Because I am, you know, but I’ve never heard that. All I ever heard was Lilith the evil, or the terrible, or the demon. Oh, there’s that word again. People say I live in a cave. They call me a baby killer. Have you ever seen me kill a baby? Of course not, because I don’t do those kinds of things. But that’s what people say. I tell you Emma, I don’t care much for history. It literally means his story. What about the rest of us? What about our story? Besides, most men are dogs. That’s been my experience, starting with that silly Adam."

I know, Lilly. You’ve told me before, again and again. Your judgement is a little harsh when it comes to the male of the species.

I know I’ve told you. It’s not original. I heard it in Florida from a woman named Elida. She ran a plant business and I stopped by one day to buy a plant. I think it was a Ficus. I had just finished touring the Everglades in one of those flat-bottom boats; the kind with the big propeller on the back. I was looking at alligators and conversing with owls. Did you know I speak owl?

Yes, Lilly, I know.

I also speak about twelve other languages fluently. Anyway, Elida and I got to talking over coffee and she began to tell me about her problems with men. We were conversing in Spanish because she was originally from Guatemala. Then out of the blue, she blurted out, ‘You know, I’ve come to the conclusion that all men are dogs.’ I remember her telling me that as if it were yesterday. But there was about a two thousand year difference between her time and that of Theodora. It’s amazing, but both episodes seem like they were just yesterday. The mind plays tricks on you. Sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing whether or not something really occurred or if it’s just a dream floating around in my head—like a memory. But that incident really happened and most of the time I agree with that Elida woman. Men are dogs.

Whatever! Emma said, clearly disinterested. She had seen this mood in Lilly before, when she went on and on about something that bothered her. You’re the one with the experience. As you say, you’ve got a lot of history, so you should know. I don’t know about such things, nor do I care. At my age I’m not interested in men, that’s so yesterday.

Trust me Emma, they’re dogs, starting with Adam. He wasn’t a very nice man. He had hair everywhere—his face, his chest, even his back. Also, the fellow picked his nose, and he had bad breath—really foul. I’ve owned dogs with better breath than his. I couldn’t get close to him because he was so offensive. And when it came to making love—that was another matter entirely. He just had to be on top. He was adamant. ‘A woman,’ he said, ‘belonged on the bottom by virtue of her inferiority. Women are subordinate to men.’ Anyway, that’s how the story goes. People say I refused to submit to Adam because I didn’t want to be on the bottom. And after I lost my temper, I left the garden in a rage. I stormed right out of the Garden of Eden. I was just a hot-headed little bitch. Please, Emma, have you ever heard such balderdash? Can you imagine leaving paradise because I wanted to screw sitting up instead of lying down? Absurd! Who invents these kinds of ridiculous tales? Religious people seem to think the Lilith fable makes eminent sense. Religious crazies accept that I left. And, of course, I did and would again. I mean the man was nasty. I walked out on that foul smelling, nose-picking, hairy man, because I guess I’m just too hard to please. That’s me—super bitch.

You never met Adam, Emma said, shaking her head.

Of course I didn’t. But Emma, you know the truth about me. You know how lovely I am. Some people say that I am the incarnation of evil itself. That’s not true, either. I prefer to think of myself as the first feminist. I’m kind of proud of that role. But I admit I’d be a poor choice for the Quiverfull movement. I read about that cockamamie group in a women’s magazine. I’m not about sending forth any children into this shitty world because some man tells me that is my religious obligation. Not me.

Emma remained silent. She had heard Lilly’s Garden of Eden rant many times before. It was one of Lilly’s favorites. When things weren’t just right or something was troubling Lilly, or even if she was just bored, she would launch into her tirade about the Garden of Eden and how Adam was so awful. Lilly said