Deranged Little Mermaids

By J.D. Rogers

Low Campbell, ex-cop, private detective, and mermaid, has made a lot of enemies over the years. Now, some of her dead enemies are popping up again. It seems that somebody is cloning them. If dealing with the clones of old enemies isn't bad enough, another woman has her sights sets on Low's boyfriend. Low can deal with supernaturals, and even the clones of supernaturals, but can she compete against a human woman for the hand of a man? And what will she do when she comes face to face with a clone of herself?

• Language: English
• Publisher: J.D. Rogers
• Release date: Jul 19, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370135745

J.D. Rogers

J.D. was born and raised in Montana. He studied history at Montana State University, before attending Hamline University School of Law in St. Paul, Minnesota. He returned to Montana where he set up his own practice. He started writing fiction to improve his writing skills as a lawyer, discovered he enjoyed it, and has never stopped writing. J.D. still makes his home in Montana.

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Deranged Little Mermaids

A Low Campbell Adventure

J. D. Rogers

***

Smashwords Edition

Text copyright © 2017 by J. D. Rogers

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for quotations in printed reviews, without the written permission of the author.

All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Cover Photos Courtesy of Pixabay.com

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return it to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 1

My new client wasn’t what I expected, but then they never are. Of course, I don’t exactly fit their image of a private detective, what with my being a mermaid, so I guess we’re even.

He called me, told me that he needed to hire a private detective. He said he got my number from a friend, then he asked me to meet him at his place of work as soon as possible. I said I’d be there in an hour.

I just got back from my morning swim, so I showered, changed into a professional looking black pantsuit and white silk blouse. Then I drove to the address that he gave me. The place turned out to be a funeral parlor, mortuary, whatever you want to call it. The sign in front of the two story Tudor style building read, Tibit’s Mortuary and Crematorium.

I should’ve known it wasn’t going to be a normal case, cheating husband, cheating wife, embezzling employee, that kind of thing. I’m the only supernatural detective in the city, which means all the weird cases are sent my way.

Why is a mermaid working as a private detective? Simple. Food cost money, especially if you’re not a big fan of sushi and seaweed, which I’m not. I prefer cheeseburgers, pizzas, and pancakes. Plus, I eat a lot of food. I need to consume at least seven thousand calories a day or I lose weight.

I guess that’s the downside to having such dense muscle tissue, muscle tissue that allows me to withstand the water pressure at the bottom of the ocean, swim at speeds in excess of seventy miles an hour, and bench press a car, not to mention repel small caliber bullets.

I parked my Honda Del Sol in front of the funeral parlor and followed the brick walkway that led to the building’s front door. There was a sign on the door that said, open for business, so I went inside.

I found myself in a spacious foyer that smelled of flowers. To the left was a chapel. Its double doors were open, revealing a silver casket surrounded by bouquets of flowers, all kinds of flowers, tulips, lilies, roses, daises, carnations, you name it.

Straight ahead was a winding staircase that led to the second floor. Directly to my right were four office doors. The walls were painted a dark pink. I believe most people refer to it as salmon. The carpet was a dark brown. It was thick and plush, the kind of carpet that’s designed to mute sounds.

A tall man stepped out of the office closest to the door. When I say tall, I mean like seven feet tall. He was dressed similar to me, black suit, white shirt. The only difference was he wore a red bow-tie.

He was pale, pale enough to pass for a vampire, although he wasn’t a vamp. Vamps have about half the water in their bodies as humans and his was over sixty percent water, which meant that he was human.

I knew that because I could feel the water that made up his body. Feeling water, controlling it with our minds, is something all mermaids can do. Although some of us our better at it than others.

He was clean shaven, both his head and his face. He had a long nose and a thick lower lip that drooped down toward his chin.

Can I help you? he said with a voice that was so deep it was almost scary.

Low Campbell, I said. Someone called me, said they needed a private detective.

That was me, the man said. He offered me his hand. Edward Tibit.

He headed into his office and I followed. He slid behind his desk and sat. I grabbed one of the brown leather captain’s chairs that faced his desk.

What’s up? I said.

To put it simply, somebody is stealing bodies.

From here?

Yes. Four bodies disappeared last night.

Have you reported this to the police?

I’d rather not.

Why?

The bodies are transients. Mostly drug addicts in their twenties and thirties. They have no family to claim them so the city delivers them here, pays us to cremate the bodies and dispose of the ashes.

I nodded. And if they find out someone’s been stealing the bodies from you, you could lose your contract with the city.

Edward Tibit nodded. That’s why I’d like you to handle this, find out who’s been stealing my bodies and put a stop to it.

Can I ask where you got my name?

Hiram Bernard. His family has done business with us for years.

Hiram Bernard was a client of mine. He hired me to find his twenty-five year old daughter, who was being held hostage by a bogeyman. A bogeyman that I ended up killing.

He said that you were the best in the business and if you couldn’t solve the case then no one could.

I assume somebody broke in.

Edward Tibit nodded. Through a back door.

The bodies were all taken at the same time?

They were, three males, one female.

He took me to the chapel and through a side door that led to the back. The door led to small parking lot in the alley. Both the door and the frame showed damage. It looked like the thieves used a crowbar to break the wooden frame and pop the door open.

If they needed a crowbar to break in then they were probably human. Most supernaturals would have been strong enough to rip the door off its hinges.

Looks like your thieves used a crowbar to break the lock, I said. Which means they were human. My guess is whoever wanted the bodies hired some petty thieves to snatch some bodies for them, which means they’ll be back.

Edward Tibit recoiled in horror. You think they’ll come back?

Petty thieves tend to return to the scene of the crime, especially when they’ve been successful. When they run low on cash, they’ll come back, snatch a couple more bodies, try to sell them to whoever hired them to steal the first four bodies.

So you’re going to what? Stake the place out?

I’ll give them a couple of days to burn through whatever they were paid, then I’ll stake out the alley.

And when you catch them?

I’ll make them tell me who paid them to snatch the bodies.

What if they don’t want to talk?

Trust me. They’ll talk.

***

I gave the thieves three days to spend their money, then I started my stakeout. There was a small parking lot behind the mortuary, big enough to hold seven or eight cars. The parking lot was on the right hand side as you faced the Tudor style building’s rear. There were a pair of garage doors on the far right of the building. I assumed that was where they kept the hearses. To the left of the garage doors, on the left hand side of the parking lot, was the door the thieves used to steal Edward Tibit’s bodies.

One of the advantages to being a mermaid is that we don’t sleep for extended periods of time like humans do. We grab five minutes here, ten minutes there, never more than an hour at a time, which means I’m sort of made for stakeouts.

I parked my Honda Del Sol in front of the garage doors and waited for the thieves to return, spending most of my time listening to the radio and eating the snacks that I brought with me.

Nothing happened the first night, but the second night something did happen. It was just after one in the morning when a white van pulled into the lot. On the sides of the van were the words Sunshine Dry Cleaners. The yellow and orange writing had faded, which told me that Sunshine Dry Cleaners no longer owned the van.

And yes, my eyes are sharp enough to allow me to distinguish colors in the dark. One of the advantages to being a mermaid. Our eyes are designed to see in the ocean's dark murky depths.

They pulled into the lot, spun around, and backed the van toward the door, paying no attention to my little Del Sol.

As two men climbed out of the van, I reached out with my mind, until I could feel the water that made up their bodies. Like all mermaids, I can control water with my mind, make it do pretty much anything I want. Although I’m a little better at it than most mermaids. Most mermaids can only feel and control large bodies of water, like the ocean, or a lake, or a swimming pool.

I can feel and control small bodies of water as well as large bodies, from the ocean down to a cup of coffee. I can even control the water that makes up a person’s body. I can order it to freeze, I can order it to boil, I can order it to burst through a person’s veins, arteries, and skin.

Which is what I did. I ordered the water inside the two thieves to cool. Not freeze, just cool a couple of degrees, just enough to make them shiver. Which is what they were doing when I climbed out of my car. You boys wouldn’t be planning something illegal would you?

Wha . . . what’s it to . . . to you? one of the men said. He was shivering, which is why he had trouble talking, no big surprise since I was causing his body temperature drop.

He was human, both men were human. I put them in their twenties. Both men were skinny, with long stringy hair that looked like it hadn’t been washed in months. They had gaunt faces with three day stubble on them. Their jeans were dirty and had holes in them. Their wife beater style undershirts were as dirty as their jeans.

I pegged them as a couple of drug addicts that thought they discovered an easy way to make some cash to feed their habit. Break into the mortuary, steal a couple of stiffs, sell them to the guy that paid them to steal the first four bodies.

I’m a private detective. I was hired by the mortuary to find out who’s been stealing their bodies. And from what I can see, I’d say that would be the two of you.

Ge . . . get out of here girly, be . . . before you get hurt.

Their teeth were chattering and their bodies were shivering, but unlike most people, they didn’t seem to notice. Probably because they spent half their lives shivering, every time they needed a fix.

The guy holding the crowbar stepped forward and swung it at my head. I stuck my hand up and caught the crowbar, stopping it in mid swing. Then I ripped it out of his hand and tossed it onto the building’s roof.

I’m not a girl, I said. ‘I’m a mermaid."

It was against the law for a supernatural to kill a human, which meant I couldn’t freeze the water inside their bodies. And since shivering was a normal part of their lives, there was no point in making them do that, so I ordered the water inside their bodies to return to its normal temperature.

Instead, I grabbed each man by the neck and lifted him off his feet, at the same time. One of the advantages of having such dense muscle tissue is it makes me extremely strong. I’m talking superhero strong.

That being said, I would like to point out that I’m not what you would call a husky girl. Although I am fairly tall, coming in at five feet nine inches in my bare feet. Dense doesn’t mean thick. A block of wood and a block of lead can be the same size, the same thickness, but the lead is heavier, denser than the wood.

What are you? one of the men croaked.

I already told you, I’m a mermaid.

Mermaids aren’t that strong.

And just how many mermaids have you met in your short despicable life?

None. He was still croaking when he talked, probably because I was still holding him by the throat.

Who paid you to steal those four bodies?

A vamp.

A vampire hired you.

He nodded, or tried to nod. Not an easy thing to do when you’re dangling by the neck.

This vamp have a name?

Gavin.

Gavin what?

He never gave us his last name.

I turned to the guy I was holding in my other hand, my left hand. Then I shook him. That true?

This one tried to nod. Once again, not an easy thing to do when you’re dangling by the neck. It’s true.

What did he look like?

He looked like all vamps the second man croaked. Skinny and pale.

The reason vamps are so pale is because their bodies are about thirty to forty percent water. Compare that to a living being which is over sixty percent water. The reason they’re all skinny is because, well, to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why they’re so skinny. Maybe it’s because the cells in their bodies are dead, animated but dead. They don’t split and reproduce like normal healthy cells. Maybe it’s because the only food they digest is blood. I don’t really know. But then I’m no scientist. I’m a private detective and an ex-cop.

That’s all you can tell me about this vamp? I looked at the guy I was holding in my left hand, then I looked at the guy I was holding in my right.

Can’t breathe, the guy I was holding with my right hand squeaked.

I lowered him to the ground, so he was standing, then I did the same for his partner, but I didn’t let go of their throats. I just loosened my grip a little, so they could talk.

He drove a motorcycle, the guy in my left hand said.

A red motorcycle, the guy in my right hand said. That’s all we know. I swear it.

Yeah. Yeah, his partner said. That’s all we know.

A vamp that drove a red motorcycle and went by the name Gavin. Had to be Gavin Eckles. He was hired muscle and would do anything for anybody, if they paid him enough.

I had run into him before. He was working for a bogeyman named Theodore Wexell. Teddy, as he liked to call himself, was kidnapping young women and draining them of their youth. Which is where that old phrase, don’t let the bogeyman get you, came from.

Gavin Eckles cleaned up after the women disappeared, making sure there was no evidence left behind, evidence that would tell the authorities what happened to the women. Unfortunately for Teddy, Hiram Bernard found a piece of that evidence and passed it on to me before Gavin could get to it. I had no idea where Gavin Eckles lived or who he hung out with, but I could find out. The city might be big, but the supernatural community isn’t.

Before I looked for Gavin Eckles, I needed to take care of the two clowns in front of me. And while it was against the law for a supernatural to kill a human, it wasn’t against the law to rough them up a little, especially if it occurred during the commission of a crime.

That’s why I banged their heads together, kind of like Moe with Larry and Curly. I didn’t bang their heads hard enough to kill them, just hard enough to knock them out, and maybe give them a couple of concussions. Then I called the police.

Chapter 2

I was well acquainted with the two uniforms that arrived on the scene after I called the cops. The older guy was John Simkins. A fat middle aged cop that made fun of me when I first joined the force. The younger one was Doug Wert. I stayed at his place for awhile when I was being hunted by assassins. The only other mermaid in town, Savanna Green, was still staying there.

No no, Simkins said, climbing out of the passenger’s side of the black and white Dodge Charger. We’re not taking this call if you’re here.

Relax, I said. There’s nobody here but me and a couple of unconscious drug addicts. Simkins looked around, checking to see if someone was hiding in the shadows. No big surprise. The last time they answered a call and found me waiting for them, a fireball throwing elf set their shirts on fire, sending both men to the hospital. The good news was the burns they suffered turned out to be minor, probably because I managed to activate the building’s sprinkler system before the fires got too big.

What’s up? Doug said, climbing out of the driver’s side. He was about my size, with broad shoulders, large biceps, and sandy blond hair.

Couple of drug addicts tried to break into the place.

And what? Simpkins said. You just happened to be driving by and stopped them?

Someone broke in a couple of days ago. I was hired to catch them.

Why would drug addicts want to break into a mortuary?

That’s a question best answered by a drug addict, I said.

Simkins looked at the two men lying at my feet. What did you do to them?

We were playing three stooges. I was Moe.

You banged their heads together? a grinning Doug said.

Just hard enough to knock them out.

Simkins looked into the back of the empty van. I’d still like to know what they were planning on stealing.

Coffins?" I could’ve told them the truth, but Edward Tibit insisted I keep quiet about the missing bodies.

What would they do with coffins? Doug asked.

Some of those things run as much as ten grand, I said. "You