Coffee and Kisses

By Raquel Antúnez

Adriana’s life is a complete mess. Her relationship with Álvaro has been in crisis-mode for a few years already, but she’s assailed by doubts. Most importantly, how is she going to leave him to move back with her family in the Canaries with the financial difficulties she’s facing?

In the middle of all this chaos appears a special someone who turns her world upside down. Who is this man she falls for and makes a fool of herself over? There are probably twenty years, and a ton of other things, separating them, but can she let love slip away from her after it comes into her life again? Running away isn’t the answer—it’s time to make decisions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Raquel Antúnez
• Release date: May 26, 2017
• ISBN: 9781547502523

Book preview

Chapter 1

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The stars stood out in the clear sky and the full moon bathed the avenue in a soft light, allowing me to clearly see where I was going. As if just now realizing what I was doing, I wondered why I was in the middle of the neighborhood, running full speed ahead, in the middle of the night. I usually don’t step foot in the street until at least dawn. I shrugged my shoulders as I forced myself to enjoy the cool breeze, which was especially welcome this late in June. The music from my headphones filled my ears. Spotify accompanied me during all my daily workouts, making me hum along and run in time to each song.

I turned on to the main street. It smelled like fried food, late night dinners, and one of my favorite smells: coffee. As I always do whenever the scent of coffee reaches my nose, I instinctively ran my tongue across my lips in an effort to taste it. I jogged through the neighborhood but quickly grew bored with the area and headed towards Parc del Guinardó.

The park is one of the busiest places in the neighborhood. It’s where people go to play sports, work on their laptops in the shade of a tree, read, picnic, or simply enjoy the afternoon on the grass. Children run all over the place, and dogs and their owners go on their daily walks there, which is why I was surprised when I arrived and saw that nobody was there. Well, not nobody. He was there.

He flustered me with just a smile. I tried to keep my pace up so as not to let him notice, but it seemed as if he were waiting for me as he stood there stroking the head of his dog, who was joyfully bouncing back and forth. Suddenly, clouds filled the sky—huge gray stains flooding everything around us with darkness. I stared at the streetlights in bewilderment as I noticed their light dim more the nearer I drew to them.

I answered his smile with my own. I blushed easily, but it was easy to pretend my cheeks were red from the flush of exercise. I glanced aside as I continued on my way. I stopped suddenly a few steps past him and turned to see that he was still staring after me. His dog was calmly lying down now, tied to a nearby post, and I wondered how he was able to tie him there so quickly.

God! He was so incredibly handsome that night with his dark jeans and a checked shirt that matched his red Converse shoes. He wasn’t wearing a sweater; it was hot out and wasn’t needed. I liked the way he looked. He must have been around forty-five, making us twenty years apart in age. At another point in my life I might never have noticed him, but with as boring as my existence had been the last few months his smile was the only nice thing I could count on every day. He was around six-foot-one and well-muscled. Not excessively so, but there were noticeable biceps under his clothing. The abundant curls covering his arms led me to imagine his chest wouldn’t be precisely bare. He had lightly tanned skin, a close shave, and a gorgeous, white-toothed smile. I still hadn’t managed to look at his eyes long enough to determine their color, but I was able to notice fine wrinkles around them that deepened when he smiled at me from behind his black-framed glasses. His chestnut hair, brushed with gray, was always perfectly done.

He looked relaxed. He was resting against a tree with his arms crossed, and he did not stop staring at me. And why not? I asked myself, now walking back in his direction. Instead of waiting for me, he looked around and then turned into the trees at the darkest part of the park. A tingling beginning in my legs and slowly rising up my body as I followed him surprised me. I let my headphones fall to the ground, filling my ears instead with the sound of his steps on the damp grass. I pulled on the elastic that held my hair back, allowing it to fall in a cascade that reached the middle of my back. I wasn’t wearing my sweatshirt although I could have sworn I’d put it on before leaving, just a tight-fitting top and black leggings.

My heart was pounding faster even though I was no longer running. My stomach clenched in a knot and wetness instantly flooded my underwear. When he finally turned around he took my hand and pulled me until my back was up against a nearby tree. Every inch of my body was filled with anticipation and my chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. The look in his eyes as they met mine drove me wild, and the soft touch of his hands as they slid around my neck to touch my hair sent shivers racing down my body. He firmly drew me to him and kissed my lips forcefully, opening a hot path for his tongue to reach mine. His mouth burned and he had a taste that was just his—both sweet and fruity—which I devoured. Soon his evident erection pressed against me, making me sway with desire.

My top vanished and I was miraculously wearing one of my favorite lacy bras instead of my sports bra. It was one I never in my life would have worn for running, but I didn't have time to look into the matter because I was too absorbed by the task of undoing every single button of his shirt. His hands began to explore my body. Somewhere between desperation and desire we got rid of the rest of our clothing, and I pressed back against the tree trunk to wrap my legs around his waist. I had to grab onto his shoulders to keep my balance, and I could read the lust and his desire to possess me in his eyes. And finally, slowly and gently, he slid inside me, not once letting his eyes leave mine. A small cry left my throat.

Oh, yes, Adriana, he whispered with ragged breath. My body tightened involuntarily as he started moving faster. I begged him not to stop despite the tree bark scraping against my back.

Oh, yes, I want this, I whispered, and I moved my hips in search of my own pleasure. My muscles tensed, my sex convulsed. He responded by digging his fingers into my buttocks to thrust even more furiously. Our panting breaths echoed in the deserted park. I finally let myself go. I felt him fill me as we exploded together, and I melted in his arms. He smiled and pulled back a little to kiss me tenderly.

A repetitive, strident noise interrupted us, leaving us speechless and frozen in each other’s arms, holding our breaths in the middle of the night. Was that the police? Oddly enough, I had the feeling that the trees around us had vanished, and I was unable to figure out how such a thing could have happened. The truth is that I hardly cared—I just wanted to be there with him. Nothing else mattered. The sound got louder and closer. The light had become intense and we couldn’t see anything. It didn’t sound like a police siren. Was that . . . my alarm clock?

My bed was empty, just like the rest of the room. The rays of light filtering in through the cracks in the blinds were the only witness to the fact that I was in bed, alone, aroused, and wet.

What a way to wake up! I grumbled. I silenced the harsh alarm. I didn't feel like getting out of bed and even less like leaving my fantasy, so I covered my head with my pillow and tried to bring myself back to that moment with him. But the dream had lost its hold over me and I was unable to fall back into it. I hugged myself, trying to recreate the feeling I’d had just a few minutes ago.

Mmmm. Why are you in my fantasies? I asked the empty room.

I stretched my arms above my head a few minutes later. It was time to leave the comforting darkness of my bedroom behind. I jumped out of bed, leaving it unmade, and navigated around my black and white comforter balled up on the ground.

I changed clothes as the coffee brewed: hot pink top, black leggings, and black and pink running shoes. They matched my hair, which I had dyed fuchsia this time with some black here and there. I needed to raise my spirits, and when I looked into the mirror I couldn't help but smile. I didn't plan to keep it that way for very long. It was only a few weeks until summer would really hit and the merciless rays of the sun would destroy the color. I put my hair up in a ponytail and washed my face.

I started to stride along the pavement with the music on my phone turned up full blast to keep my motivation up. The sun was starting to timidly peek over the horizon. My pulse began to quicken, and my problems evaporated with every passing minute. Drops of sweat slid down my forehead, and each step was faster than the last. And then I saw him, the one who had crept into my dreams in the night. I could still feel the dampness between my legs. He was with his dog just like he was every morning. I liked seeing him there. He was always well-dressed, but he looked especially stylish that day in a suit and tie. I had imagined what he might do for work a thousand times. Journalist? Programmer? Engineer? Architect? Based on his usual attire I definitely couldn’t envision him working as a mechanic. I ignored him. I didn't know where he lived, much less his name, but every day without fail an inexplicable heat flooded my body as I ran past him there in the park, and I imagined a thousand different ways to throw myself on him, kiss him, and remove all of his perfectly ironed clothes.

I saw him petting his beautiful chocolate Lab from a way off. He looked at his watch, looked at it again, took out his cell phone to check something, and looked at it once again before raising his head. As soon as he saw me he put it away in his jacket pocket. Then he smiled, smiled, smiled, and my heart beat even harder. Was that for me? It seemed as if he were waiting for me.

Despite being set to random, this was not the first time that my endless playlist chose to play Juanes’s Loco de Amor as soon as I entered the park. Crazy in Love? I laughed. It was as if there were some supreme force watching us and playing the song on purpose, like it was our personal soundtrack, just as it did again this time.

Un nudo en mi voz, otro en mi corazón

Me da cuando te veo llegar y debo disimular

I like you so much, I’m losing my mind, and when I dream of your skin my soul starts to burn . . . I continued in my head, humming along happily.

My enthusiasm vanished as soon as the song was interrupted by my phone going off. A glance at my screen told me it was Álvaro on the other end.

Not now! I swore. With my earbuds already in place I didn't need to raise the phone to my ear, just a swipe with my finger was enough to answer. Good morning, Álvaro, I said, stopping and trying to catch my breath.

Adriana. Where the hell are you? Good morning, dear, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes and let out a huff.

The same place I’ve been every single day at this time in the morning for months now. On a run.

I want you to come back home. We have to talk, he demanded. He sounded angry.

Álvaro. Leave me in peace for a little bit, okay? I just left. I still have forty-five minutes to go. Go to bed.

I've been working all night long. Since I'm supporting you, the least you can do is be home when I get there. What the hell did you do to the kitchen? he shouted through the phone. And you didn’t make the bed or even straighten it up a little. It looks like you had a party in there last night!

Álvaro. Go to bed. I’m not going to argue with you right now. I've told you a thousand times—I need to get out and run. Then I'll deal with everything else.

You're so fucking selfish. You could have at least left me something to eat before just taking off like that.

I hung up the phone and my tears let loose. He is such a jerk, why haven't you left him yet? I scolded myself, and not for the first time. I dried my eyes on my arm and looked at my phone long enough to start up the music again. When I lifted my head I gave a little jump because he was coming towards me, the man with the big Labrador. He had a worried expression on his face. No, no, please, no, I said to myself over and over. Don't ask me any questions. Not today.

Hi. Are you okay?

I couldn't help it. The tears started flowing again as I tried to explain between hiccups that I was fine, just stuck with an idiot who had been sucking the life out of my entire existence for over two years. What came out instead was unintelligible, and the man paled as he listened. I cursed my stupid hormones and inability to do anything to stop my sniveling. And then he did something I wasn't expecting, and so suddenly, that my cry was abruptly cut off by the knot that formed in my stomach. He stepped close and enfolded me in his arms. I was definitely going to end up in an insane asylum after this. A man I knew absolutely nothing about had just come and put his arms around me after seeing me apparently talking loudly to the sky and then crying like a crazy person in the middle of the park. And then I remembered that the man in question was the same one who had been appearing in my dreams over the last few weeks, if not months. The same one I had been wanting to approach a million times but had never found a good enough excuse to, and I relaxed. I let him hold me and I squeezed my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. He smelled like a divine angel from heaven. I was reluctant to leave his arms, but he pulled back a bit when he felt I’d calmed down enough. He put his hands on my cheeks, making me meet his eyes.

Better? He wiped away a last tear that was trickling down my cheek, and I couldn't help but blush and tremble, a silly smile on my face.

Yes, thank you.

My name is Carlos, and this is Bender.

Bender? Like the robot from Futurama? I asked, regretting the remark immediately. This guy wouldn't have ever seen Futurama. Maybe the dog belonged to one of his five or six children. Children? Maybe one would be my age? I did some mental math. Well, it wouldn't be impossible.

Yeah. I'm a bit of a sci-fi geek.

I looked him up and down. Geek? He was wearing an Armani suit, a perfectly ironed shirt, and an impeccable tie. Did this guy even know what that word meant? And surely he'd just heard his oldest talk about the show and wanted to act all trendy with me. I smiled kindly. It didn't matter—he looked good enough to eat.

What's your name? he asked.

Adriana.

A pleasure. I'm in a bit of a hurry, but if it'll make you feel better I could take you out for a cup of coffee.

I smiled and stared at his face like an idiot.

What the hell? Just what I needed! A voice behind me made my hair stand on end, and I turned around to see Álvaro charging towards me.

He was almost as tall as Carlos but thinner. He was as intimidating then as he was every other time he shouted violently like that, which he had started doing constantly. He was still in his work uniform, and his unkempt beard looked several days old. He tended to only shave once a week, on his day off, when he would usually go out with some friends for a beer. The blond hair he typically gathered into a man-bun for work was now hanging loose and unruly around his shoulders, with those small waves at the ends that I had always liked to finger. He was staring daggers at me now with his gray eyes.

Oh, shit, I whispered. Álvaro, it’s not what you think.

He grabbed my arm.

Come along home now, go on, he ordered, livid. Neither of the men said anything as I was dragged down the street. I grimaced as my only opportunity to get closer to that knockout guy I liked so much—who was now watching on horrified as I let Álvaro drag me away—vanished.

Álvaro lectured me for a long hour about what my responsibilities at home were while he was supporting me. I cursed the day I decided to leave behind everything I had in the Canaries to move with him to Barcelona. We'd been together seven years, but he didn’t start to behave like a complete asshole until I lost my job. Now he acted like he were the boss of me or I were his slave. He never used to yell at me, much less order me around. But there I was. I was lost in a city that wasn't mine, jobless, dependent on him, surviving from one day to the next without enough to do, and without any family or friends to support me. I managed to ignore most of his accusations.

How many times have you slept with him? He finally spat out the question he had been brooding over and which explained his sour expression.

What? I raised my head, surprised.

You heard me, he said.

I just met him, I replied, annoyed. Álvaro, I don't know how you can think that.

Shit, Adriana, you haven't let me touch you, not a hair, for months now. What do you want me to think?

That you've been acting like a jerk to me and the last thing I want to do is touch you.

Seriously, Adriana. He relaxed. I don't know what you're doing here with me. What's keeping you here? Go back home to your family. There's nothing left between you and me. I'm supporting you, and you don't even show a little appreciation. You're not pulling your weight around here, and on top of that you run around out there at eight in the morning throwing yourself at whoever’s in front of you. I didn't bother answering.

He spoke to me with hate and revulsion, but I wasn't willing to cry in front of him or try to explain that I couldn't stand being shut up in the house all day, that I was always alone. That I couldn't find work, and that I didn't have any kind of social life or really any life at all. That it was draining and frustrating to iron, clean, and cook every day, day in and day out, each day like the one before. I still did it, but I just couldn't be one of those perfect housewives who scrubs every corner of the house with a toothbrush and has it all sparkling by the time he comes home from work.

I was tired of it all. Tired of him. Tired of the way he couldn't understand that the reason why I didn't feel like having sex was because I’d felt depressed every second since I was laid off, and that my desire to be close to him lessened every time I felt like he wasn't understanding or didn’t support me.

I moved to Guinardó, a neighborhood in the Horta-Guinardó district of Barcelona, having just turned nineteen and with work already lined up at a company owned by one of Álvaro's relatives. Three years later, the company went bankrupt and I was let go. There were too many expenses to consider continuing with my studies, but interview after interview ended with the door shut in my face, which didn't help my self-esteem. I had gained almost thirty-five pounds in the time since then. A few months ago I decided to take care of myself again, and I started running every day to help lose weight, disconnect, feel better about myself, forget the constant arguments with Álvaro, and try to miss my family and lifelong friends a little less.

Álvaro was still looking at me. Every additional second I took to answer made him more and more pissed off.

It's the money. You're just sticking around for the goddamn money. I'll pay for the ticket for you to fly back home; it'll be cheaper than supporting you. I'm not going to throw you out on the street like a dog, but I don't want to be with you anymore. I don't want to keep doing this. I nodded. I had to let him know he was right about something—this wasn't going well.

Fine. I'll go back home if you buy me the ticket, I finally replied after letting out a choked sigh. Everything was over; it didn't make sense to keep going with it. He kept looking at me, his face filled with hate.

For the goddamn money, he whispered, more to himself than to me I supposed. Fucking shit. He got up, went to the bedroom, and slammed the door so I hard I was left shaking for a good while. I stayed frozen on the couch until I heard him snoring and only then did I cry. What had happened to that sweet boy that used to pick me up each day with a huge smile and promises of eternal love? That sang me songs and took me out to look at the stars? Nothing. Álvaro wasn't that boy anymore.

I wasn’t sure if he meant what he said about buying me the ticket. Going back to my mom's house wasn't what I wanted most in the world, but it would be much better than this. And then I remembered him. Carlos. If I returned to the Canaries I wouldn't see him again. It doesn't matter, I told myself. He's married and has six kids and a dog, remember? I scolded myself and smiled foolishly between tears as I remembered his embrace that morning. His smell, his heartbeat, his designer suit jacket wet with my tears. His fingers wiping them away.

I got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to clean and start preparing something for Álvaro to eat when he got up. He worked the night shift as a warehouse security guard so he had to sleep during the day while I had to manage to not make any noise, which is why