Sex, Drugs, and Starships

By Steve Alex Demas

Sex, Drugs, and Starships reveals a galaxy plagued by treachery. When attorney Cindy Stride is hunted by off-world assassins, she and her alien guide must escape, and expose a real estate scheme involving multiple worlds. Along the way, they gain allies and devise a plan to bring the illegal plot to a halt. Diverse worlds, bizarre weapons, novel escapes, and a dash of eroticism all combine against a background that is this devious universe.

• Language: English
• Publisher: SD&S
• Release date: Aug 8, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536588934

Book preview

PROLOGUE

In 3186, the interstellar void between Earth and Mars began to swell. Like a loaf of bread rising in time-lapse, the fabric of reality inflated, distended, and burst. As the edges of this quantum tear receded, they revealed an alien probe of Kriikian manufacture. Before space returned to its taut-state, and Newtonian physics once more ruled, the probe set a course for Earth.

Air Defense failed to discover the intruder, so choked with orbiting trash was the Blue Planet. Despite the perils of collision, the object hovered into place above the Pacific Ocean. A rear section broke off and fell toward Hawaii. Within minutes, the object passed cleanly through Kilauea’s crater. It sank through magma and began a lengthy descent to the Earth’s core.

Firmly in place, the probe pursued its agenda. At first, changes to the planet were subtle. Pigeons and sea turtles lost their way. Compasses went wild. By the time the magnetic field dwindled and the solar wind scoured the world’s surface, Air Defense realized it was fighting an uphill battle. As the Earth’s iron core froze, convection at the center of the world ceased. The probe’s mission was successful. The Earth baked. Oceans boiled. Humans fled.

Most who witnessed this transition thought it not a bit strange. Human curiosity and initiative had long since vanished. That was the consequence of eradicating mass starvation. One year prior to the probe’s arrival, an off-world corporation called ACI Newland offered Earth a solution. ACI conveniently introduced Proto-Syck One, a food-producing enzyme that ended world hunger. Months after distribution, the famine was a distant memory. As citizens gorged themselves, they failed to notice the psychological changes. Sustained euphoria, and a lack of novelty-seeking were initial symptoms. A loss of interest in social interaction made millions agoraphobic.

Despite this Epidemic of Timidity, pockets of intellect survived on the Outskirts. The Agrarians produced a natural food supply, and maintained a separate lifestyle from that of the city-dwelling Slubberdegullions. Not satisfied with a pastoral existence, however, many agronomist children sought wealth and prestige in the pursuit of high-powered corporate positions.

Attorney Cindy Stride was a classic example. An Agrarian by birth, she was instrumental in securing ACI’s off-world patents for Proto-Syck. By the time she realized the full extent of this enzyme’s effects, the stupefied population of Earth was beyond help. Thanks to Cindy’s complicity, ACI could now dumb down other worlds.

CHAPTER 1

When her sky-truck arrived at the Gravity Compression Tunnel (GCT) the next morning, a news crew and some military brass welcomed her. Cindy was quickly ushered inside and up to the Dispatch Level. General Hulch, commander of Air Defense, greeted her as several high-rankers whispered to one another. Hulch was one of the few whose mental reserves remained. Although no great strategist, he ultimately saw the connection between Proto-Syck’s effects, and the assault on Earth’s magnetic field. We’re under a two-stage attack, he explained to her. The enzyme stupefied the populace, thus paving the way for the probe’s infiltration. Cindy surveyed the room. Along its perimeter, glow-frames displayed a mass exodus. Thousands of ships escaped the boiling Earth for the security of her sister world, Lauriss Major. Hulch escorted Cindy away from the displays and onto the GCT platform. I’ve confirmed your meeting before the Kwell Agri-council. It’s essential that you convince them to halt production of the enzyme. A Kwell bodyguard will meet you at the snap point and escort you to Zanaxia Ridge. The General beckoned an assistant and the young man set down Stride’s luggage. Hulch then presented the young attorney with an odd pair of items. Ms. Stride, welcome to the GCT. I understand it’s your first trip. It is indeed, Sir. Our Snuff & Jumps are depleted. Please accept these tokens on behalf of Air Defense, that your trip might be fast and safe. She examined an earpiece with her favorite Russian classical music, and a bottle of her preferred wine. She glanced at Hulch, then at the cadre of militants who smirked from the observation deck. General Sir, I’m a little confused about this. Hulch smiled. "I’ll explain: According to Flegham’s Third Law of Inter-dimensional Dynamics, the traveler’s consciousness plays a role in the safe completion of a GCT trip. It was discovered early on that the axiom ‘time flies when you’re having fun’ forms the basis of wormhole theory. Stride looked at him through narrowed eyes. Go on. Hulch nodded. The longer your trip, the more your body is exposed to quirky gravitational forces. Ideally, you should already be drunk and sexually aroused when the process begins. That will ensure a speedy transition. She crossed her arms and glared at him. I wasn’t aware that an audience was required." Hulch took control of the PA. Everybody out! Clear the room immediately! The brass exited in a collective snit. Hulch turned to his assistant. You go too. The General then approached Cindy and removed a corkscrew from his pocket. Ms. Stride, allow me. He opened the wine and handed the bottle to her. He then pushed her luggage into a tighter pile and returned to the controls. I’m activating a delay of one half hour on the itinetron. If you start drinking now, you should be sufficiently buzzed in time for the attenuation. If not, you may need to ramp it up a bit. I beg your pardon? You know, a little self-stimulation. You’re serious? It’s wormhole theory; it’s beyond my control. Anyway, Godspeed, Ms. Stride! Hulch then fumbled with switches, shut off the lights, and slammed the door behind him. Cindy heard the countdown beeping in the distance. She laughed at how far technology had come. She stood there with earpiece in one hand and booze in the other, marveling at the thought of drunkenly masturbating her way across the universe. She raised the bottle and toasted her mission. To a safe journey sped on the wings of vice! She took her first of many swigs and waited.

When the countdown finally stopped, a swelling in the fabric of reality appeared before her. The portal hovered silently like a giant crystal ball. Its entrance wobbled with instability. She squinted into its center through heavy eyelids, and could barely see the pinprick lights of her destination planet: Trank VII. (It was rather like viewing an image through the wrong end of binoculars). Cindy knew the trip would last only seconds. It was the wormhole’s wobble that concerned her, however. An unstable portal might pinch off in mid-journey, and crush her in two. She was sufficiently familiar with Flegham’s Law to know that an absence of stabilizing negative energy could only be offset by positive thinking! To wit, she quelled her nerves by finishing the booze and sliding her hand into her pants. As Earth’s representative felt gravity’s pull, she increased her stroke and collapsed atop the platform. Heartbeat and respiration quickened. The portal stabilized. The tunnel compressed and that distant world stretched closer, as if seen through a zoom lens. Her body convulsed and she moaned while the space-time around her compacted. She simply felt. Her mind was abuzz; her brain on hold. She existed as a pleasure continuum stretched across light years. There was a flash of light and the smell of ozone before she snapped away. When she arrived at the other end, her crotch was soaked, her luggage was jostled, and she lay face down on an alien beach.

CHAPTER 2

Rill-Vo-Shay-Ron stood over Cindy as she slowly regained consciousness. He was four feet, three inches tall, bald, and dark yellow. Rill’s head was shaped like a pyramid. Several tiny spheres orbited his skull like a miniature mobile without strings. He wore a purple jumpsuit that flashed iridescence. A wristband with a removable chevron adorned one arm. This was the universally popular FLEC CHIP (Financial Liability & Earnings Counter) used for commerce throughout the galaxy. Rill’s eyes were like huge, black coffee beans. He gazed at Cindy while she dusted sand off her miniskirt. The waves lapping behind her produced sonic tones from their friction against the shore. Rill smiled at a familiar sequence. Only he could hear it, of course. This one comes back eeeach seeeason. Cindy gave him a smirk and inspected her luggage. Have you seen my reticule? Rill pointed to a half-buried lump in the sand. She plucked the item from the ground and opened it. He watched curiously as she reapplied lipstick. Earth women are strange. You have all the natural camouflage neeeded for survival, yet you insist on altering your colors. For what? It’s about perception, my friend. First impressions are crucial in my business. What is this business? I’m a lawyer...an attorney. An attorneeey...what sort of thing is that? Are you familiar with trials? Convincing a jury of a defendant’s guilt or innocence? He paused to consider this. She shook her head. "Sorry, I forgot you’re a telepath. Mindreading would complicate a traditional legal process, wouldn’t it? Again, he went silent. She smiled. Nice orbs. You appreeeciate my rotations, yes? I’d appreeeciate a hot shower. Rill was nonplussed. Perhaps it was her mockery that he found confusing. Follow, Ms. Cindyyy. I will bring you to the Welcome Place. As they proceeded, Rill suddenly grabbed her hand in mid-step. Listen! Do you hear that? I love this one! He referred to another tone from the water’s edge, but Cindy heard only lapping waves. Micro-minerals in the dense water press against the reeeceptive shore. The friction-audiiio is a Kwell pleasure." He swayed back and forth. The satellites orbiting his head danced in vertical staccato. Cindy realized the orbs reflected their owner’s emotional state. She made a mental note of it.

The Welcome Place, as Rill called it, was a tower carved from beach stone. Its orange hue played warmly against the cooler animal hides that were draped about the interior. Other Kwell greeted Cindy. They all had various spheres circling their brains. She wanted to ask what purpose they served, but decided to wait until a more appropriate moment. Rill hopped onto a nearby rock and spoke to the crowd. His mouth remained shut and a silence surrounded them. The crowd nodded, simultaneously understanding Rill’s message.

After the crowd dispersed, Rill took Stride over to the transport dock where they boarded a Xalcnapper. The giant slug was fixed with purple harnesses. Rill gave the locomotive-sized creature a slap on its hide, and the animal slid forward like a snail in fast-motion. The creature defecated every several hundred feet, leaving massive turds in its wake. After a thirty minute journey they found themselves at Zanaxia Ridge, a mountainous region with an extensive network of caves. The Xalc slid to a stop as Rill gave a jerk on the reins. Cindy tapped him on his shoulder. Is this it? Is this where we address the Agri-council? I thought I’d be visiting a hi-tech, alien metropolis. He smiled. The orbs circling his brain danced vertically as he answered. Ms. Cindyyy, the advanced capital to which you allude is on the other side of the planet. This hidden locale is for securityyy. Watch your step as you disembark. She half slid, half fell from the Xalc’s back. She was happy to land near the front end as the creature let loose another steaming pile.

Later that evening, Stride bathed under a waterfall fed by hot springs. The cavern in which she stood was private, having been cordoned off by Rill. She lathered up with soap from her nearby luggage, and rinsed the remnants of Trank’s beach from between her thighs. Soon after, she dried, dressed, and met Rill near the cavern entrance.

Rill ushered Cindy to the Spectrum Dining Hall. Futons draped with aqua hides flanked a center table carved from rock. Other Kwell mingled throughout the room. Several delicacies made the rounds in advance of dinner. Cindy noted the crowd. They were riveted by her appearance. Rill, I feel like I’m on display. He began to think a response at her, then he opened his mouth. Most of them have never seeeen a Human up close. It is your eeelective camouflage they find so striking. Most of all, they watch your mouth move and marvel at its sounds. They approached various clusters in the room, and Rill introduced Stride as Ms. Cindyyy. Everyone seemed pleased to meet her. Several gave her odd stares, but that was to be expected.

As dinnertime neared, staff snuffed out the Xalc blubber candles as a large crystal descended from the ceiling. The room in which they stood soon filled with rainbow beams of light. Sunlight from above bounced through facets, and refracted on its way into the hall. Each seating area was color coded by the hue in which it glowed. Cindy and Rill settled into corner futons in the Violet Section.

Dinner progressed with tales from various worlds. Stride tasted grilled Haluka chops. The meat was tough, and the marinade reminded her of Raspberry Vinaigrette and sulphur. Regardless, she found it palatable. Rill’s dish still had its head. Stride glanced over and found his dinner staring back at her. Rill, don’t you mind it watching you? The alien smiled. Kellerblinks are blind. Those are tactile lobes. With that, he plucked a mottled lobe from the exposed sack and chomped it. Next came the drink mongers. Trank VII had no vineyards. The closet alcoholic equivalent was an import called Zipswill. It was technically a narcotic derived from the gallbladders of Ijits. Though mostly medicinal, it was diluted with water and mixed with local extracts to improve the flavor. Conversation and Zip flowed profusely.

It was around 2 am, Trank time. Cindy stirred against her aqua bed covers.  A circular window faced her bed from the opposite wall. She was dimly aware of a distant thunderstorm as intermittent lightning revealed her spartan quarters. Her room, carved from stone and sparsely decorated, was nevertheless quite comfortable. An adjacent bathing area featured a miniature waterfall that ran into a trench. The rushing sound sufficiently awakened her, and she realized her bladder was full. Perhaps she hit the Zipswill too hard? She slid her naked form out from beneath the warmed aqua, and rounded the curve toward the bathroom. She was squatting over the trench when she heard a knock. Just a minute! She cleaned up, slipped on her robe, and went for the door. Rill pounded once more on the metallic portal. Ms. Cindyyy! Open at once! Stride hit a button on the wall and the portal slid away. Rill stormed past her in a panic. His spheres vibrated horizontally. Haste! Pleeease to dress! There’s no time left! She adjusted her robe. Rill, slow down. What the Hell is happening to you? The alien nervously gathered her luggage and tossed it on the bed. Attack! Insurrection! They’re trying to stop the Council meeeeting! Who is? He began stuffing her underwear into the reticule. Renegade Kwell! Assassins! She neared the window. From her vantage point several hundred feet above the desert floor, she watched a swarm of attacking airships grow larger. Thunder and lightning were, in fact, an explosive bombardment. The ships were dirigible-like in their design. They were gas filled, about eight hundred feet long, and black as sackcloth. Stride pulled on her clothes and zipped up a small bag of essentials. Where do we go from here? The Kwell produced a Balfiroon Pistol from his belt-bag, took Cindy’s hand, and yanked her through the door. Rill’s timing was perfect as her former bedroom disintegrated behind them. She tripped. "What was that? Cluster-blasts! They’re right overhead! Keeep moving!"

They ran down a flight of rocky steps, nearly tumbling as they went. Torches lit their way, but Cindy could barely make out any details. She hoped her escort’s jumbo-sized pupils would lead them safely along. They approached a metal door and Rill punched a code into the wall. The portal slid away and they continued. She tugged on his arm. Tell me what’s happening! He halted abruptly, and the spheres lagging behind settled back into orbit. They’ve breeeached the main barricade! I’m ordered to get you to the canals. Come!

When they finally arrived at the shoreline, Cindy’s hair was covered with a fine mineral powder. Rill flipped a raft into the water and yanked the ropes from their moorings. He gently pushed Cindy aboard and peered over his shoulder. Somebody violently rapped on the security door behind them. Grab the reins, Ms. Cindyyy! Stride locked her grip on two straps that vanished into the water ahead. Rill gave a whistle. They felt a tug and caught a glimpse of red fins as they jolted forward. The security door finally gave out and six Kwell stumbled through. They raised weapons, but Rill fired first. His dart gun shot six flechettes at the enemy. The barrage hit four of them. Fast acting Balfiroon converted their blood to cement. Stride managed a glance toward shore. She spied four aliens stiffening, as their bodies hardened like stone. The remaining two Kwell brandished Polarity Rifles and took aim. Chunks of magnetic rock adhered to the front of each weapon. With a single trigger pull, like poles repelled, and chunks shot forth. A rocky missile impacted the water near Cindy. The enemy Kwell advanced for a better shot, accidentally bumping one of their dead counterparts. The impact ripped the corpse’s brittle arm off at the elbow. Stride gripped the reins tighter. What’s pulling us? Rill holstered his dart gun and settled into the raft. In addition to their nutritional value, Haluka are eeeasily trained. The rapids approach. Let meee take the reins! They swapped seats. Cindy prodded their flesh-like vessel with her finger. This raft has an odd consistency. Rill hesitated before answering. Weee use many organics in this rustic life. The raft is made of lungs excised from dead Loukeeesh Grand. Hang on now, it’s whitewater! The pair went bouncing through chop, and Cindy lowered her center of gravity. How long before they catch up? Rill made a drilling motion with his finger. "If

Reviews for Sex, Drugs, and Starships

[Jim Parmenter · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This was a cool book to read. It was like Alice in Wonderland put into a science-fiction wrapping. I had to re-read it to get some details that I missed. Overall, there is a pretty good balance of sex, action, and unusual ideas.