Who Holds the Key to Your Heart?

By Lysa TerKeurst and Neil Anderson

Inside the hearts of most women lies a "secret place" containing hidden thoughts, painful experiences, and emotions that they feel are better left alone. But God wants to have all of their hearts and desires to set them free from guilt and shame. Lysa TerKeurst offers Who Holds the Key to You Heart? as a practical tool to help women identify their shame and lead them to hope and healing through Scripture. Women will be renewed through a deeper understanding of their identity in Christ and break the bondage hidden in their secret place.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moody Publishers
• Release date: Jul 1, 2002
• ISBN: 9781575679884

Lysa TerKeurst

Lysa TerKeurst es autora best seller de catorce libros, incluyendo Límites saludables, despedidas necesarias y Perdona lo que no puedes olvidar. Ella ha contado la extraordinaria historia de su vida en televisión y radio, ha sido invitada al show de Oprah y Good Morning America. Escribe desde la mesa familiar en su granja en Carolina del Norte. Conéctate con ella en LysaTerKeurst.com o en las redes sociales @LysaTerKeurst.

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Copyright © 2002 by

LYSA TERKEURST

All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior permission of the publisher.

A Focus on the Family Book published by

Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois.

Renewing the Heart® is a registered trademark of Focus on the Family.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lock-man Foundation. Used by permission (www.Lockman.org).

The case examples presented in this book are fictional composites based on the author's experience with audiences through the years. Any resemblance between these fictional characters and actual persons is coincidental.

Focus on the Family books are available at special quantity discounts when purchased in bulk by corporations, organizations, churches, or groups. Special imprints, messages, and excerpts can be produced to meet your needs. For more information, contact: Resource Sales Group, Focus on the Family, 8605 Explorer Drive, Colorado Springs, CO 80920; or phone [phone].

Edited by Kathy Davis and Liz Duckworth

Cover and Interior Design: Ragont Design

ISBN: 0-8024-3310-3

ISBN-13: 978-0-8024-3310-7

We hope you enjoy this book from Moody Publishers. Our goal is to provide high-quality, thought-provoking books and products that connect truth to your real needs and challenges. For more information on other books and products written and produced from a biblical perspective, go to www.moodypublishers.com or write to:

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Dedicated to you, my friend.

My prayer is that this book will be the map

that leads you straight to the heart of God.

May you be able to lay down whatever burdens you are carrying

or hurts that still haunt you

and finally rejoice in God’s amazing love.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Before You Begin

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1. Shame Is Satan’s Signature; Love Is God’s Reply

2. Despair Is Satan’s Destiny; Joy Is God’s Reply

3. Fear Is Satan’s Delight; Peace Is God’s Reply

4. Discontentment Is Satan’s Distraction; Patience Is God’s Reply

5. Loneliness Is Satan’s Trap; Kindness Is God’s Reply

6. Insecurity Is Satan’s Control; Goodness Is God’s Reply

7. Doubt Is Satan’s Whisper; Faithfulness Is God’s Reply

8. Bitterness Is Satan’s Revenge; Gentleness Is God’s Reply

9. Addiction Is Satan’s Pleasure; Self-Control Is God’s Reply

Conclusion

Tips for Group Leaders

Notes

FOREWORD

The Christian life is a journey littered with obstacles and opportunities. It is a continuing path of discovery. Tiny little hands explore the miracle of their own natural bodies as babies become aware of themselves. Self-absorption gives way to an awakening realization that they are only a part of a human community. The search for identity begins in the early teenage years, as does the struggle for the purpose and meaning of life. Possessing only a natural heritage, we begin to sense that something is missing.

Life begins to change as though some force outside ourselves is orchestrating events. Some are in the midst of a crisis, while others are searching for what they inherently know is missing. Suddenly God becomes more than an abstract thought. He becomes our Father, and we are His children. We have a new family, a new heritage, and a new identity. We are children of God who are spiritually alive in Christ. The miracle of new birth has given us a new heart and a new spirit. Oh, the wonder of it all. The spiritual journey has just really begun as we seek to discover who our heavenly Father is and who we are in Christ.

The journey is intended to lead us to Christ and then take us on a path of growth so that we become more and more like Jesus. But there are obstacles along the way. The world system we were raised in becomes a hindrance to our self-discovery and growth. We are tempted to follow our old natural ways that are still ingrained in our minds. Not only that, the god of this world will continue to tempt, accuse, and deceive all those who have given their hearts to Christ. He can’t do anything about our new identity and position in Christ, but if he can get us to believe that it isn’t true, we will live as though it isn’t. The world, the flesh, and the devil are enemies of our sanctification. If we give in to these obstacles, our journey will come to a standstill.

Before we came to Christ we had neither the presence of God in our lives nor the knowledge of His ways. So we all learned to live our lives independently of God. Mental strongholds were raised up against the knowledge of God, and we learned to defend ourselves. Then the miracle our new birth transferred us out of the kingdom of darkness and into the kingdom of God. We are no longer in Adam; we are in Christ. Since we are new creations in Christ, old things have passed away and all things have become new. But why then do we still struggle with some of the old issues and thoughts? Because nobody pushed the delete button in our memory bank. Everything that was programmed into our minds is still there. That is why we must no longer be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2).

The continuing good news on this journey is that we have forces far greater working within us to ensure that we will be victorious. We just need to know what the nature of the battle is and how to win it. Lysa TerKeurst knows who she is in Christ, and she has come a long way on this journey of life. She knows well the battle for our minds and why we have to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. The fruit of the spirit is the result of the Holy Spirit working through our new hearts. She will show you how to win this battle for your mind, and, by the grace of God, you shall overcome the evil one, because in reality he can’t touch us (1 John 5:18). May the peace of Christ rule in your hearts as you let the words of Christ richly dwell within you.

Dr. Neil T. Anderson

President Emeritus of Freedom In Christ Ministries

BEFORE YOU BEGIN

Before you begin reading, purchase a journal (if you don’t already have one) to answer the questions you’ll find throughout the text. You don’t have to buy an expensive journal—a spiral notebook will do. Please don’t skip over these exercises. Writing out your thoughts helps you work through your feelings and will provide a record of your growth over time. When you finish the book, you may want to go back and read over your journal entries to see where God has been leading you. If you faithfully recorded your thoughts in your journal, you’ll be amazed at the healing God has done in your life.

This book can be used either individually or with a group. At the end of each chapter are group discussion questions. If you are participating in a group, these will be the focus of your discussion time. If you have time, jot down your thoughts about these questions before your meeting; that way you’ll have a written reminder of what you learned in the chapter. If you’re not participating in a group, please be sure to answer these questions in your journal. They will greatly benefit you.

May God bless you as you move from bondage to freedom and healing!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Of all the books I’ve written, this one has reminded me most of all the people who have helped me understand the healing power of Jesus Christ. Many have come alongside me and loved me to the point where I was finally able to accept God’s forgiveness and rejoice in His amazing love.

First, and foremost, Jesus, thank You for loving me enough to never give up on me. I can’t wait to see You face-to-face and dance with You in heaven.

To the love of my life, Art—you are my knight in shining armor!

To Sharon Jaynes—thank you for reading me that letter from Baby Jaynes all those years ago. It brought me much comfort and healing to know your baby welcomed mine into Jesus’ arms of love.

To Chris, Sharon TerKeurst (my mother-in-law), and all the ladies at the Charlotte Pregnancy Care Center and other counselors at Crisis Pregnancy Centers—your dedication is making a difference in the lives of many; you certainly changed mine.

To Sandy Day—thank you for teaching me how to find the victorious Christian life.

To all the thousands of women who’ve heard me share this message at conferences and retreats and who answered Jesus’ offer of hope and healing— seeing God work miracles in your lives with the ashes of my past has brought such joy to my life.

To Sheila Mangum—I couldn’t have written this book without your encouragement and support. Thank you for your creative ideas and endless hours of reviewing the manuscript.

To Liz Duckworth, Kathy Davis, and Julie Küss—thank you for going through my manuscript with a fine-tooth comb and getting all the tangles out.

To Mark Maddox, Yvette Maher, and the entire Renewing the Heart team—thank you for believing this is a message worth sharing.

To my entire staff at Proverbs 31 Ministries—your dedication amazes me. Thank you for the privilege of working with you.

To the members of South Brook Community Church—thank you for your input and excitement for this project. What a blessing to teach it to you first.

And last, but certainly not least, to the three girls who call me Mommy— thanks for making my life more fun than I ever thought it could be!

INTRODUCTION

A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night,

that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret;

every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there is,

in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it.

CHARLES DICKENS

It wasn’t in the middle of my busy days that I was particularly aware of the problem. It was when my body stilled, my guard let down, and my mind tried to rest that a sharp, piercing pain in my heart consumed me. Anxiety and guilt stirred and churned until I burst forth in a flood of tears. Somehow those heartfelt sobs helped take the edge off my pain for a little while.

Sometimes I became so emotionally drained that sleep would finally overtake my weary body and I could escape for a time. Then I would awaken, and for a few sleepy seconds I was free until reality rushed in. Being fully awake meant being fully aware of all that held me captive.

I was a prisoner indeed. Shame had given me a life sentence. Despair was my only future. Fear erected bars in my prison cell of loneliness. I had very few visitors, but those who did visit were worse than no company at all. Discontentment would come to remind my heart of what could have been. Insecurity would come to tell me I was worthless and deserved to be in this place. Doubt would bring with him whispers that God had never and would never care about me. Bitterness was the only meal to feast on and addiction my only pleasure. It was a miserable existence, and no escape seemed possible. I reasoned that I deserved this life sentence and nothing better.

Maybe some version of my story reflects the condition of your own heart as you read these words. Well, you have not chosen this book by accident. This is your divine appointment. Your soul has been drawn by the God of the universe to a place of hope and healing. He directed and orchestrated all of His creation to bring you to a place of mercy.

Rest assured, my friend, inside most hearts exists a secret place. Behind a door of hidden thoughts and painful memories brews a hurt so overwhelming it can’t be allowed to surface. The slightest peek inside reveals insecurities better left alone. So the door is locked and secrets are kept even from God. Or are they?

The truth is God knows the secrets of your heart and He wants them. The maker of this vast and wonderful universe is waiting for the key to the heart of His greatest creation—you. He wants the key to your heart, your whole heart, especially the hidden parts.

When you hold this key, Satan will wrestle it from you, unlock your shame, and use it to accuse and condemn you. He loves to keep a person in such a defeated state of mind that she becomes totally ineffective for the cause of Christ. The irony is that the very things you consider shameful can be used by God for His glory.

This is the beauty of Christ’s death and resurrection. The price has been paid and your slate wiped clean. There is no sin too big to keep you from the touch of the Master’s hand. God is still in the miracle business, and He wants the key to your heart.

I’ve lived the message in these pages, and God has walked every amazing step of my life with me. As a matter of fact, it was He who carried me so that I could continue and not grow weary. He led me over the great divide from a place of darkness into the light my soul longed for.

Your soul longs for the light too. The last thing you need is another book to tell you that this place of light exists. You believe that a wonderful life filled with love and laughter is possible, but your heart hasn’t known how to find it. Or, worse yet, you’ve felt unworthy even to dream of this place, much less journey there. Well, think of this book as more than ink, paper, and glue. It is your map through the deepest places of your heart, where God can reveal His truth and set you free.

You are more than worthy to go to this place. You were made for this place, a place of pure freedom. This is where shame’s sentence is stamped with love’s seal: Pardoned and released.This is where despair gives way to joy and fear can no longer hold you back from peace. Your prison cell of loneliness