I-Tombs & Coffins In the Cloud

By Bala Subramanian

Your handbook to immortality

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781456625788

Book preview

I-Tombs & Coffins In the Cloud

by

Bala Subramanian

Copyright 2015 Bala Subramanian,

All rights reserved.

Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com

http://www.eBookIt.com

ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-2578-8

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Fast FW

No funeral speeches please

This book is about never dying. From now on, this can be accomplished by simply refusing to die and continuing to live forever. We already possess the knowledge to evolve from the primitiveness of a helpless newborn to an autonomous individual and carry on without ever having to meet our end, in an uninterrupted continuum of life ad infinitum. We can turn ourselves into an eternal presence, fully alive without the fear of decease hanging over us.

Even those who get mistakenly buried can lift the coffin’s lid ajar, take the hand of immortality and come back to life like after a cold winter sleep and join in to say aloud, Go away Death, to wherever you came from, because at last we can begin living without having to meet with ends like you. Adieu Demise! Goodbye Sadness! Farewell Deadlines!

It is time to say hello, how nice to meet you, to Everlasting Life,which is henceforth an inseparable companion to all and a fiend to none. There may be other things to worry about than death but the new news is that all funerals are cancelled indefinitely because no one will be dying anymore. Let us begin celebrating unlimited happy birthdays !

Take this handbook to attain immortality even if some of its pages go missing or unread.

À propos das author, the amanuensis

A ghost writer’s order is random

Das is a gender-friendly neutral article to facilitate an often-sensed inability to tell sexes apart, be they in mammals or in grammars, and as such a handy tool when associated with a nominative case as in this case ‘das Author’,of this book, who is just some nanoseconds shy of becoming a millennium-aged human being. Strictly speaking, dis book is not so much the work of a writer but the dictated spoken words digitized in a readily printable, paperless, fireproof, down-loadable e-book format. No known dictator is known to have survived nine hundred and ninety nine years and found the ability or time to author a publication of any similarity.

One may justifiably ask why it has taken so long to come up with just this one single solitary book, what is so special about this millennium story and why one should read it when there is a choice of millions of books appearing everyday on every subject and in every language. If the number of prints is the sole determinant for the greatness of a book, the most outstanding champions have been the Bible and the Koran, in that order. They have been read and re-read, preached, memorized and have acted as the sacred tomes on which one had to swear one’s allegiance to the Almighty. There have been other holy books, edicts and proselytizing revelations on how the man and womankind were created, how they would end and what would happen to them thereafter. God’s own representatives have deigned to come down on earth to teach us all how to distinguish the good from the evil and extol His greatness for the sake of our salvation. No questions asked or allowed!

While it may not be possible or necessary to explain where we come from or how we are created to a logical mind, every one expects some light to be thrown on how long we will live, why we should die and whether it is conceivable to prolong life, preferably endlessly, considering the ambiguity surrounding the imaginary residences described as heaven and its antithesis. The answers to such questions if ever adumbrated must have been written in invisible ink in the missing pages of the aforementioned opuses.It is to be taken for granted that there is no escaping death, the end of life, period. Coveting immortality and even remote allusions to circumventing the inexorable progress to the terminus of nothingness, might be frowned upon as unbecoming avarice and greed of mere mortals.

The news no one has read is that immortality has arrived amidst us. It does not merely concern our living longer to be a centenarian fit for a sympathetic euthanasia, to reach five hundred years as planned, programmed and financed by most social media, or like ‘Das Author’ for a thousand years and more or extended lease, like the damascened oaks for two thousand years, or bristlecone pines for five thousand Christmases, withstanding and notwithstanding devastations, radiations and climate change (?). It is not even an act of postponing death systematically forward or prolonging an existence without paying attention to economic phantasmagoria and procrastinating the final day. It is learning to be immortal. It is like riding a bike, swimming, walking or breathing which once in the bio-system, are never forgotten. When death evaporates and immortality sets in to take its place, the first victims would be the sacred guide books to heaven and hell which will go out of circulation because there will be no gullible spiritual tourists to these no man’s lands.

After what appears to be countless life times all ending in death, the human being has finally arrived at the threshold of eternal living. It is no longer necessary to ponder over what will happen to us when we cease to exist, because that will not happen any more. To put it plainly, putting aside sharp swords, violent venoms and uninsured calamities, it is now literally impossible not to be immortal. We have just to get used to being there, being around, going around and going on with our lives forever. Besides never having to worry about our death anymore, there is no more need to provide for the children who will also live everlastingly in any case.

Dis book is like three different books in one for the price of less than one. The middle portion of this 3-D tome is for the reader who is alive now and would like to stay that way perennially, permanently. As the future of each individual is unpredictable except that it will conform to an ongoing,never-ending progression, subsidiary considerations on whether the external manifestation of life should appear in the current form, whatever be the age, or with a modified younger look or simply an entirely different embellished guise, will inevitably arise and will be addressed in the FAQ category. The first book, with which Das Author seems to have started helps establish one’s authenticity as a human being, by ascribing him/ her or it the individual particularity derived and descended from parental contributions. A similar document, redacted immediately after birth, has been called indifferently the horoscope with planets and lifelong companion animals in ancient civilizations, the birth certificate in many warring and proselytizing colonial powers or simply the proof of being dumped on earth when no verbal affidavits are available. When dealing with its antithesis, the death, however, a scientifically corroborated description and unique genetic map is a mandatory requirement. It has, hitherto, been prohibitively expensive and beyond the reach of the common person but there are always shortcuts when the road is long. The third, not to name it the last because all the three divisions can be approached in random or in no particular order, is dedicated to those who have already died and missed this ultra-sophisticated spacecraft. Though they form the biggest majority and are long gone, they too are redeemable albeit only selectively.

Death is dead, long live the dead

Sentenced to live

Not a single soul will ever answer in the affirmative if the question asked is ‘Are you prepared to die?’. Even those faced with imminent death by an execution or a debilitating terminal disease are wont to hope for a sudden advent of some miraculous event to save them from the dire fatality. For most though, this is an irksome, very offensive and insensitive topic that is topically irrelevant because the concerned individual is not in the first-person singular. Indubitably, given a choice, the entirety of responders would invariably agree to go on living longer and preferably, if conceivable, even living forever. But is it as trivial and unrealistic a perspective as having to detail what we would do if we won a jackpot that we cannot spend during our lifetime? The answers to be sought are about how much we would need to live forever because, for the first time, we can, like the humble jellyfish, live forever, immortally, never dying.

It might sound arbitrary, even outrageous but the first act towards unlimited life is to end death. It is quite unlikely that many a tear would be shed for the death of death. Interpreted as a universally binding opinion expressed not only by an absolute majority but in unanimity by all living persons irrespective of their type of government, social class, upbringing and inherited beliefs, and given that science and technology are progressing towards the unstoppable extension of life, it is therefore hereby decreed with immediate effect that death or the notions thereof be forthwith annulled and words and allusions to termination of life be expunged from common parlance, dictionaries and lexicons and, progressively, from all theological publications.

To obviate the vacuum created by such a sudden cancellation of the word ‘death’ and its associations and connotations from social vocabulary, provisional replacements such as afterlife, next life, life after or any other meaningful substitutions can be resorted to with a view to ensuring the concept of life continuing to exist after one ceases to be, albeit in a modified or transformed status. The thespian query ‘to be or not to be’ has become redundant and unnecessary because one can always be, and exist without ever having to abandon or give up. There can be endless beginnings without any finality. It is analogous to removing the full stop at the end of a sentence thereby leaving it unfinished, in suspended animation, with more to come, many more words and descriptions of deeds to be added, skipping half and stops and paragraphs.

It is astonishing that the human being who has lived so long has not tarried to find out how to live forever. There has also never been even a fluke discovery or invention on how to save one’s memory when suddenly disappearing, apparently for good, for the benefit of the followers or for oneself for that matter, if the current dismal situation of having to abscond at death can be rescinded.

It might sound as a bombastic hoax but it is really possible not to die, ever. The wonder elixir to conserve the lives of those who pass away, or even those have passed away, is here. It may not appear in a golden grail in a potable form but it has been fully conceptualized and scheduled for expeditious lab and clinical testing and approbation. The so-called cycle of birth, life and death can now be modified and abbreviated to contain just the first two elements. It is now possible to scientifically and technologically look forward to living endlessly - to become an immortal. This is the volition of all the people, living, departed and to come. No one can stand in their way to go on living. Dialectical discourses on whether reversing what has for ever seemed to be an unstoppable course of nature is correct or not, whether those who will live will do so happily or not, and how such a changed world where sorrow caused by death would have disappeared but many humans who would have also disappeared might start crowding the lebensraum are insubstantial and trivial ignoratio elenchi.

The death sentence will have been abolished, not because of the whimsical change of mind of the executioner’s boss to show clemency or commute or correct the grammatical error in the sentence, but because no one would know the meaning of death. Thence, with the abolition of death and the continuation of life forever, two places presented as future destinations since time immemorial will also be scrapped and deleted from all mind maps. Heaven and hell, if they do exist, will have no new arrivals, for logically, none will die and there will be no departures, congestions, missed connections. These hallmarks and places on the outer space of theological imagination might have to be converted to holiday centers for visitors and beings from other galaxies or tourist spots for humans who may want to travel there in search of a less crowded place for some rest and sightseeing of historical relics. If one does not care or mind, heaven or hell, may indeed transpire to be the state of an obsolete mind, because in future, death, if one should obstinately insist on its presence, would have to be viewed as a phenomenon in the infinity of time.

A dissertation on whether heaven and hell would be missed if there were no death and how religion would handle their sudden irrelevance, is indubitably redundant because, if indeed there are celestial places becoming vacant, some supreme being which had been empowered with filling these empty spaces might have to search for simple mortals elsewhere because, here on earth, death would have vanished. On the other hand, in the vacuum left by death, questions on what one would do when living for ever might indeed emerge but are best left unanswered for now because they would be no different from now. They are happy troubles! It is time to rejoice the demise of death.

Life need not end in a dead end

Upend it

In other circumstances, this caption could infer that one cannot simply end one’s life, die and walk away but also that the process of living which leads inevitably to dying, can continue after this final end as an uninterrupted prolongation of living, especially when viewed from the point of view of an undertaker or a fortunate inheritor. We are all, naturally afraid of death, in particular our own. Deaths in large numbers, such as in wars, calamities, accidents and pestilences take up the prime time in television and first pages in newspapers and are a permanent coefficient in statistics. They are passing events, interspersed with political news, entertainment, sports, money and the weather. Depending on the media coverage, a single death of a celebrity might attract more attention than the daily decimation of the unfortunate people somewhere far away. Mortality is more significant than birth, divorce, share prices, the weather or lightning because it is a certainty whose occurrence one cannot predict with certainty. Death is not a probability ; when it will occur is. It is as quantifiable and nebulous as the weather over which one has no control but which affects our lives from the way we dress to the time we plant the seeds.

Yet, notwithstanding its close proximity and our subconscious knowledge that it will pitilessly strike one day every one of us including ourselves, that it is a future event we should anticipate, plan for and prepare without letting it overtake us unprepared and vulnerable, we seem to shun it lest it approach us surreptitiously through the dark back door left unintentionally ajar. The most incongruous recognition of death is a life insurance policy which is a contradiction in terms because it is in fact a policy against death incurring prematurely causing monetary damage to the life insurance company rather than the insured who, in case cannot rest assured in such an eventuality. Everybody is living longer as has been evidenced by our lifespan which has increased by over 50 years in the last 200,000 years and the maximum life expectancy now is nigh 120,and the probability of our dying early is not in the near term horizon.

The death of a person close-by, in any sense, is a drama, if it is ensued by quibbling and cantankerous verbiage or a tragedy if that person was dearly loved and cherished ,which also occurs occasionally. It might take some time to comprehend that such an occurrence is in the process of being wiped out. We would never ever lose a close relative. Even our personal death, when carefully managed before its occurrence, will be avoided permanently and carried forward in other living forms into eternity. Instead of a passive event over which one cannot exercise the least control, it can be transformed to a happening to look forward to not as an absolute end, but a short wait for a different transport. We might even look forward joyfully and quickly to the day when our life insurance policy can be torn to shreds and smithereens and consigned to the empty crematoriums where bodies would have stopped arriving.

One can now say, scientifically, meaning that either by tangible evidence or for lack of credible proof or even without any justification, that there has been no known or recorded case of anyone dead coming back to narrate how it was and what to expect one ceases to live. One can even add with some self-assumed authority that because the majority of people ever born are dead and did not come back, the trend of people dying and simply disappearing without leaving a forwarding address cannot be reversed. Even miracle makers, sanctified for returning in our midst to bless and show us that existence beyond human extinction is possible, remain privy to the innermost secrets of theology.

The oddity is the quixotic role usurped by various religions that they can explain what will happen after death. Christianity’s version resembles traveling on budget airlines, queuing up and ending up in the wrong place forever. Its populist cousin has a picture-full pamphlet of the Club Med where the front cover shows partially filled bikinis and mint tea (sugar free?) Vegetarians like Hindus and Buddhists recommend burying all evidence by burning the criminal remnants and go out into the galaxy for a sabbatical revitalization and be reborn in an economically prosperous and gastronomic habitat to watch erratic if not erotic barren bellied realty shows because that is what ‘Karma’ is all about. A round about.

The problem cannot be clearer. We all know how to die (based on past departures). We don’t have any evidence, unless we can read the religious ‘Braille’, that we will continue thereafter, or where, in what form or for how long. In as much as our memories get wiped out when death occurs, we are not even assured as to whether we can identify ourselves after life.

The answer, friend or fiend, is blowing in the mind. What we need is how to conserve our memory, take it with us, and reuse it elsewhere or when we come back. But why has such a simple panacea been shrouded inside a plethora of unintelligible rituals and been kept away hitherto from every fellow human being by religious preachers and leaders? It is useless to indulge in a postmortem to discover the skeletons in the ecclesiastical cupboards. The genie must be released at last to be at the service of the entire humanity to bring back the right to live forever. If this rediscovery is an accident, so be it. After all, not all accidental discoveries end up provoking damages. Arguably, questions as to whether the abolition of death is an invention, a discovery, a social promulgation or the unquestionable right of anyone born or a violation of natural evolution leading to an end, should not be consigned to hospital waiting rooms, where conversations of such genre may sound deadly serious.

Abolish death and achieve immortality

Never ending story

Nobody has been dying to know why nobody has ever said that he or she is dying to die or dying to know what death is or dying to meet someone who has returned after having been dead in order to get a first hand knowledge of what it is like to be dead. It might be less embarrassing to avoid the subject completely because this is a frightening prospect for every one without any explanation as to what it comprises of and why it spares no one, with neighbors and in-laws being, seemingly, the general exceptions. Why is such a democratic and equalizing tool to which every one can even have a claim, so terrifying ? It is a shame that although an integral part of life, it, namely death, remains unknown and feared. With death an entire life is wiped out with no future to look forward to or a past to go back to. The only things anyone knows about death is that it can occur at any time, any where to anybody and the only classification understandable is that it can be either violent meaning unnatural or natural. A death is an embarrassment at best and a profound sorrow if it is viewed as an occurrence in a near relative, and in either case, a sudden state of helplessness. It is referred to as a loss, which unthinkingly, one does not hesitate to share with others pulled into the unexpected bereavement. As decay and deterioration of the lifeless body set in rapidly, it becomes very quickly an unsightly thing, to be disposed of, after a public show of the greatness and kindness and the wonderful qualities of the dear parent or friend. After quite a bit of taxidermy in the rear rooms, the ceremonial departure with flowing lectures, fuming lanterns and slow moribund music escort the departed individual to a final destination either for conservation or obliteration. No explanation is ever given as to what death is.

Every animal, not excluding the political and economical animal that the human being has been described to be, is inherently violent and is naturally imbued with the desire to kill, even if this primitive savagery is aimed only at animals of a different species. When this takes place, something that was moving, animate, alive a moment ago becomes dead and needs to be abandoned, manipulated or hidden. The justifications to annihilate a living being are often the self-proclaimed need to survive against a potential danger or to seek sustenance not only for oneself but the close and dependent entourage or to demonstrate and inculcate to the public in general that certain acts of individuals can end in their violent extermination. The last rite is socially, religiously or politically carried out and is called ‘capital punishment’ or ‘death penalty’ and is meted out by a number of ‘authorized’ i.e. ‘de jure’ executioner/s. It is rarely performed in public view nowadays although a visitor to a town center in Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan after a Friday prayer may find himself, rarely herself, amid the involuntary spectators. The reasons for this extreme chastisement can vary from adultery, robbery, apostasy, witchcraft, rape, drug smuggling to prostitution, treason, espionage, sabotage or desertion or a losing or winning war. Clemencies, commutation to life imprisonment, banishment or reinsertion back into society remain exceptions.

If one could discount other reasons of ‘unnatural death’ such as accident, disease, suicide natural disasters and the like, it must be logically deduced that every one would be able to reach a ripe age, die a natural death or never ever.

With our thousands of years of experience with death, it should be possible, should it not:

A) to abolish death, natural or otherwise, for ever;

B) to conserve living memory and make it accessible and reusable after death ;and

C) to thus achieve immortality and live( perhaps differently) forever.

It is astonishing that all the holy books talk about how to behave oneself during one’s lifetime in order to attain a better life or avoid a bitter life after the terrestrial end. This book is different because it pertains to all those who will be no more one day in the hopefully distant future. But, above all, it is currently the only handbook available to all to comprehend their life before, during and after life (yes, posthumously at everyone’s service). It is based on science, technology and humanism and will help each and every one to plan and relive an after-life intelligently. There is no more need to fear the dungeons of hell where one might get perennially tortured for one’s (sometimes mistaken) identity, or the insipid, cold and boring abundance of food (not drinks, mind you) which might make one a heavy-weight like every one else there. There is also no need to wait in the transit area for the judgment day because everyone would be his or her own destiny’s master or mistress, plan it beforehand and have it executed by professional services.

Nothing in any human life is left to chance anymore. The probability of one disappearing completely is hereby rendered zero. The happy trouble from now on is how to plan for one’s henceforth never-ending future. And let each take heart, for, for those who choose will longer be all alone because every one else, who follows this program, can also become an immortal and a potential soul mate.

All a believer has to do is grab the ‘Manus dei’ to be taken to the realm of endless life. For skeptics or non-believers, there is a still a chance to change their minds, yes, posthumously, as said before. No one can ever lose his/her mind or soul. They remain unscathed and attached to everyone’s psyche irrespective of ‘physical death’, and will continue to remain inseparable in an ever-lasting after-life.

This shall mark the death of death. Once born, one never has to die.

Ad mortem festinamus

For my father/mother land

If one had resorted to machine translation in the fourteen century, these words could have come out as ‘Do hurry up and die’, ‘Your end is nigh’ or ‘Your time is up and it’s time you went down’. To us the ever-busy, stressed-up humans, this might sound more like ‘ In what way would/could/should death (of someone else) affect my (standard of ) living’. Although we (humans or animals or other animate beings) have all been always dying and being born, the significance has forever been ‘they’ and not ‘we’ and never ‘I’. We have no memory of the two most important moments in our existence, namely ‘the time of our birth’ and ‘the time of our death’. For the first event, our birth, we are totally dependent on circumstantial evidence and testimony. Somehow, somebody, often our presumed parent(s), meticulously notes down our arrival on earth (could be some other places as well but requires to be carefully documented if someday we are questioned as to our eligibility to run for a supreme office - not to worry if we run away from it-and sticks a Christian/fore name with a permanent glue. For the rest of our lives, we roam around calling ourselves Tom, Dick or Harry or some of these really Saints’ names, all testified to be European or some other odd-sounding prefix emanating from an extinct or guttural or tonal language converted into the English alphabet. For lack