What Can Be
By Mary Calmes
4/5
()
About this ebook
Thirteen years ago, Eli went on a summer trip with his mother and never came back. Now, existing in a new life as Jacob Somerville, he’s again running from fear and memories, only to end up where he started. As Jacob struggles to reconnect with his father and brothers, he realizes that his lover, Craig Zhao, was the only thing filling his empty heart and standing between him and ghosts of the past. It will take the power of love—from his family, from Craig, and from himself—for Jacob to see that his life truly is filled with the promise of what can be.
Mary Calmes
Mary Calmes believes in romance, happily ever afters, and the faith it takes for her characters to get there. She bleeds coffee, thinks chocolate should be its own food group, and currently lives in Kentucky with a five-pound furry ninja that protects her from baby birds, spiders, and the neighbor’s dogs. To stay up to date on her ponderings and pandemonium (as well as the adventures of the ninja), follow her on Twitter @MaryCalmes, connect with her on Facebook, and subscribe to her Mary’s Mob newsletter.
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Reviews for What Can Be
29 ratings2 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Well color my ass surprised. I want to give this 3.5 because there were some moments that felt a bit rushed, over the top, and not developed, but fuck it. I liked this.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mary Calmes has her formula... I know what to expect from her characters. This story pulled at my heart springs. I'm a fan. 4 stars
Book preview
What Can Be - Mary Calmes
Chapter One
I was almost back to my truck, having gone into the convenience store attached to the gas station for water and caffeine, when I heard my name. And not Jacob or Jake, not the one I’d been using since I was seventeen, when they changed it, but the real one, the old one. I heard the one she gave me when I was born, the one I left home with when I was fifteen. On instinct, I turned. Had I given it even a second of thought, I might not have stopped. But it was done, the charade over, the second I looked over my shoulder.
Eli!
Surveying the parking lot, I searched for a sign that would lead me to the voice. It only took a second to see the guy jogging toward me fast, and so I stood there, frozen, unable to move. Even after thirteen years, I would have recognized my brother anywhere. Watching him close in on me was surreal, and even though this had been my plan when I crossed the country, faced with the reality of the moment, I was ill prepared. He stopped five feet from me, his eyes huge, staring.
Chase,
I finally said, and he exhaled sharply, moving until there was less than a foot between us.
He was mute.
You look good,
I said, taking a step back.
My movement, the reflexive retreat, had not registered in his brain at all. He moved forward instantly until he was back in my personal space. Eli,
he breathed, looking me up and down before he exhaled sharply and lunged.
I braced myself and he grabbed me tight, hugging me hard, his arms around my neck, holding me close. After several minutes, I hugged him back, the wave of panic receding, realizing he was not only happy but overwhelmed to see me. I was reeling as well, but for altogether different reasons.
Jesus.
He inhaled my scent before he stepped back, hands rising fast to my face to hold it as he looked at me. Where the helluva you been?
I cleared my throat, easing away from his touch. What’re you doing here?
I’m… I’m on my way home from dropping off a friend at the airport because he was staying with me for a—God, who the fuck cares? What’re you doing here?
I came to see you guys,
I told him. I was passing through, so I thought I’d stop.
You thought you’d stop.
He squinted at me. So were you gonna call?
Yeah.
I smiled at him. Once I got here.
Jesus, Eli.
He couldn’t stop staring at me. Where did you—
You guys moved,
I cut him off. Or I guess Dad did. You and Lucas probably just moved out, huh?
He nodded. A long time ago.
I went by the old house.
Well, we’re not there anymore, but we’re still here in the area. We all live within driving distance of each other.
Of course they did; why wouldn’t they? I, too, loved northern California. The Bay Area was one of my favorite places in the world. Why would anyone leave if they didn’t have to?
Eli?
Sorry,
I apologized automatically.
Eli.
He sighed, unable, it seemed, to stop saying my name. You need to come home with me to—to see Dad. You need to see Dad.
And even though that had been my plan, to finally face down my demons, after thousands of miles to contemplate it, I couldn’t. Actually, it turns out I can’t stop, but gimme your number and e-mail, and I’ll—
No!
he shouted, stepping in close again. He was my older brother, no longer taller than me but still bigger, stronger.
Strange to not be looking up at him anymore, but as we were both hovering around six-two, I was meeting his gaze with my own. But the height was as far as our similarities went, our mother, instead of our father, having stamped all my features. To Chase and my oldest brother, Lucas, Foster Hartline had passed broad shoulders, a wide chest, a chiseled profile, dark chestnut-brown hair, and striking cobalt-blue eyes. I was the youngest and made in the image of my mother, Jamie Hartline, so I was leaner, more swimmer than linebacker, with skin that turned gold in the sun, my hair dark blond and my eyes green.
Thirteen years.
Pardon?
I wanna know what you’ve been doing for thirteen years.
But I didn’t mark time like that. I had left home thirteen years ago, but my mother had died eleven years ago. I started thinking about loss from then. Living, just like you,
I said, taking a step back, but I—
No,
my brother said, grabbing hold of my elbow. You need to come home with me to see Dad and Luke and meet Gillian and… I need you to stay where I can see you.
But how could I do that? I couldn’t stay; that wasn’t me. I didn’t stay. I really—
Eli.
Chase’s voice cracked on my name as his fingers tightened on my arm. Just come and see everyone and… there’s food there, it’s Dad and Luke’s office party, and it’s being catered at the house, but it won’t be a late night, and Dad will want to––just come home with me.
I felt the panic start to swell inside of me.
C’mon, I have my car here. I can—
I’ll follow you.
Swear?
Yeah,
I assured him. I’ve got the Ford right there.
What Ford?
The pickup.
Several beats of silence passed.
Her pickup?
my brother finally asked me, startled.
Yeah.
He nodded, leaned in, and hugged me again. I squeezed him back tight, calming, suddenly touched that he wanted to talk to me so badly, spend some time together. This was my brother, after all.
Please don’t disappear again,
he pleaded as he pulled back, staring at my face. Christ, you look just like her.
I nodded because I knew I was the spitting image of my mother.
Your eyes are lighter and your hair is a little darker, but that’s it.
And her hair was curly, remember? She was forever trying to get it to straighten or do something else.
It was beautiful, always in her face,
he mused.
Yeah,
I agreed, smiling at him.
He took a breath, and I saw his eyes redden, get watery, but he held the tears in check.
I’ll be right behind you.
He leaned in close to me, pulling his phone from the breast pocket of his wool suit jacket. Gimme your number in case we get separated.
He was taking no chances of losing me.
The drive to Marin was long but one that I remembered, having lived there until I was fifteen years old. As I followed the Audi, my mind drifted to the last time I had been there, but I was brought from my memories by my phone ringing.
Hey,
I said softly, clearing my throat as I answered it.
Where are you?
He yawned, his voice deep and husky, filled with gravel. He had obviously just woken up after having passed out, exhausted from being on a plane for the long trip over the Atlantic. "You were supposed to be here when I got home. I was looking forward to getting in bed with