The Only Way is Ethics: As Long as you Love Me: Divorce and Remarriage

By Sean Doherty

Ever wonder how to handle the tough ethical issues we face?

The Only Way Is Ethics is an accessible, practical series of guides designed to equip both new and mature Christians to think through important and current ethical issues in the light of the Bible and theology. It offers help to Christians facing these issues themselves and for ministers as they provide guidance.

Each guide (also available separately in print or as an e-book) has a 'Go Deeper' section listing resources for further reference.

Accessible and incisive, Sean Doherty's journey through ethics doesn't simply tell us what to think but rather how to think well, and biblically, in a world of sexual confusion. - Glynn Harrison MD FRCPsych, Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, University of Bristol

As Long as You Love Me delves into divorce and re-marriage in the light of the Old Testament and the teachings of Jesus and St Paul. It shows that churches and their leaders can be places of welcome and support for all, whilst challenging readers to be faithful to Jesus's teaching about marriage in today's world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Authentic Media
• Release date: Jun 5, 2015
• ISBN: 9781780784380

Sean Doherty

Sean Doherty is Tutor in Ethics and Director of Studies at St Mellitus College and one of the founders of www.livingout.org. He is married to Gaby, with four children, and they are involved in ministry in an inner-city church plant in a housing estate in London. Sean is a member of the Grove Ethics group. You can follow him on Twitter @swdoherty.

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remarriage

As Long as You Love Me

Divorce and Remarriage

Marriage is popular. In England and Wales, there are about a quarter of a million weddings a year. But only a tiny proportion of people are virgins when they marry, and 85 per cent of couples are already living together when they tie the knot. It’s estimated that 42 per cent of all marriages in England and Wales end in divorce.1 Divorce doesn’t necessarily put people off – in more than a third of marriages today, one or both partners have been married previously.2 So the popularity of marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that people are signing up to the Christian ideal (and here as in my other writing in this series I’m assuming marriage as being between a woman and a man).

An older way of seeing marriage was as a way of life or institution. You were free not to join it, but if you did join, you didn’t get to set the terms. Now, it’s more of a contract. The terms you set should be demanding, because the consumer deserves the best. And if those terms are not met, if your service provider does not live up to your legitimate expectations, then they have broken the contract, and you may walk away. Marriage is conditional on a good performance.

A big influence today is romanticism – the idea that we should be in a relationship with the person that is ‘right’ for us. (Before marriage of course couples should discern carefully whether they are suited.) The problem comes when romanticism breaks up existing relationships – when one spouse decides someone else is really the right one for them. Rather than being true to their spouse and the bond they already have, they must be true to themselves. New and more powerful feelings of love and romance are more decisive than prior commitments.

The reality is that in marriage you quickly discover that Mr or Mrs Right is not perfect, and neither are you! In any case, sharing your life with another person, in addition to the normal pressures and changes of life, changes you both. A marriage that is conditional on somebody staying the same cannot last: only God is wonderful enough to stay eternally interesting without ever changing. Rather, marriage needs to be secure enough that you can change