The Bible of Gay Sex: Gay Sex Guide

By Stephan Niederwieser

Hallelujah! Finally there is a book that tells you ALL you need to know about gay sex. For let's be honest: Talking sex is only easy as long as you can play the part of the experienced lover. Stephan Niederwieser-author of various sex guides-informs you about everything you need to know, whether it's dating, health, the best ways to relax or the responsible use of stimulants. The Bible of Gay Sex is richly illustrated; it's a competent and entertaining book about everyone's favorite pastime.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bruno-Books
• Release date: Mar 19, 2013
• ISBN: 9783867874779

Book preview

Michael.

… groan and think I’m going to deliver a tedious sermon, but I would like to pass on a tiny piece of advice:

This isn’t a cookbook! You can follow recipes without thinking, since the worst thing that can happen to you is that your stomach will bring that home-made soup back up into the light of day without having properly enjoyed it. By contrast, if you’re playing around with yourself or other men it’s not advisable to blindly follow another person’s recommendations.

I have tried most of the techniques and accessories presented here—on myself and other people. But every body is different, and every cock, ass and nipple is an individual, so if a given technique doesn’t feel good, don’t practice it. To cut to the chase: The author and publisher accept no liability for any harm or damage that might arise as a result of the information provided here.

Oh, and there’s just one more thing: This manual offers advice to healthy men, so it won’t be any help if you suffer from any kind of erectile or behavioral dysfunction. This book is no substitute for a visit to your doctor!

If gay men truly want to feel free, they have to overcome their shame, affirms cultural activist Patrick Moore in his book Beyond Shame – Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality. In this interview, he explains why sex is the key to this.

Let’s party! Sex is more than the freedom to simply screw around with whomever you like. Sex reinforces your self-confidence.

Why is it important for us to learn to be proud of gay sex as part of our history?

For many gay men under 50, sex without the fear of Aids is a completely alien concept. Their attitude toward sex is filtered through the precise opposite of rose-tinted glasses, and is associated with suffering and an early death. They find it difficult to imagine that sex can simply be pleasurable, healthy and playful. On the contrary: Most of them see gay sex as something that’s dangerous, something to be ashamed of. They would do well to remember that there was once a time when sex was extreme but by no means self-destructive.

Being proud of the sex that was enjoyed in the 1960s and 1970s would help gay men to recognize that you don’t have to be ashamed of sex as a part of gay culture.

You claim that suppressing the fact that gay men used to have extreme sex in the past has led to a rise in HIV infection. Why?

If someone deems sex to be shameful and dangerous, it’s highly likely they won’t talk about it. Sex becomes their little secret. I’m a drug advisor, and every day I see how powerful and self-destructive secrets can become. To put it briefly: If I can’t discuss my sexual needs, I run the risk of making decisions that might harm my health. If I’m ashamed to say what turns me on, if I don’t dare to live out my fantasies, I might need drugs and alcohol to experience them all the same. And when I’m under the influence of drugs and alcohol, I might be willing to take part in practices that involve a greater risk of infection.

But surely there’s enough extreme sex: fisting, piss and scat parties all over the place! How much more extreme can sex become?

When I talk about extreme sex in the 1960s and 1970s, I don’t really mean the practices themselves, but the emotional atmosphere in which sex was seen as a political statement and a form of spiritual development. Sure, it’s extreme if someone gets a fist shoved up their ass, but after a while it becomes normalized. What I think is lacking about sex today is the fact that sexual experiences make no contribution to collectively reinventing gay culture. I don’t see much sex—whether it’s in clubs, parks or at parties—that has a ritual or collective nature. On the other hand, I see a whole load of frightened guys who are no longer capable of having sex without drugs.

Homosexuality isn’t a dirty secret. Publicly expressing your affection for another man is the first step toward self-liberation.

How can we regain this atmosphere?

Above all else, the gay community must stop seeing our sex as a dirty secret. Don’t forget that one thing that destroyed the awesome clubs of the 1970s was that all the straights suddenly wanted us to let them in. They’d also want to join in today if we had the courage to take our place in society.

Instead of that, I think there’s been a growing trend over the past decade of gay people, especially rich ones, marginalizing other gay people who don’t conform. If you don’t want to get married, don’t want to adopt children, and don’t want to drive a fancy BMW, you’ll be written off as an outsider. But there will always be some people who want to live in a more extreme fashion. And why not? If I’m well-adjusted and not ashamed of my sexuality, why should it bother me if my partner goes AWOL in a sex club for a few days—so long as he doesn’t get wasted on drugs or endanger his health. And it’s altogether possible to have extreme sex without destroying yourself in the process. We need more sexual rituals, like the Body Electric seminars for example, where men from different generations investigate sexuality with one another. These seminars are a wonderful arena for gay men to learn to love within a sexual framework.

What would happen if we were to reclaim this area for ourselves?

I think the gay community would become less superficial if it had a rich history it took pride in. If I chose to value those people who had extreme sex in the 1960s and 1970s, I wouldn’t merely write them off as being trolls (what a disrespectful term for older homos!). Young gay men would look up to older men as mentors instead of being bothered by their presence on the scene or even feeling harrassed by them.

Aren’t you afraid your opinions might be misunderstood?

Not in the slightest. What is there to misunderstand about a rallying cry to stop feeling ashamed and playing hide-and-seek? Gay men can only benefit from that, and the rest of society too. If we no longer feel ashamed of ourselves, the straights will also find it easier to accept us.

Wouldn’t society run amok if we were to suddenly become proud of our sexual past?

I can’t fucking wait for society to run amok!

Patrick Moore is an author, chair of a non-profit-making organization, a cultural activist in Pittsburgh, and founder of the Estate Project for Artists with AIDS (www.artistswithaids.org). Besides Beyond Shame – Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality, he has written a non-fiction text about crystal meth: Tweaked – A Crystal Meth Memoir.

I’m certain that one day someone will have the audacity to conduct some research comparing sex manuals from the 1980s, 1990s and subsequent years. They’ll then find some answers in this foreword…

Iwrote my first manual, Sex Tips for Gay Men , at the beginning of the new millennium. In 2004, 2005 and 2006 I then continued to investigate the sexuality of us homosexuals and revealed my findings in the manuals Bend Over!, Blow Me! and Do It Yourself! There’s no doubt that sex has become more extreme. For example, in the 1990s it still tended to be older men who indulged in practices such as fisting, yet much younger men were already expressing an interest in this at the beginning of 2000. The sex toys market is booming. Sex shops used to sell only poorly finished paraphernalia, but for around ten years now there have been an increasing number of manufacturers who are making an effort to provide high-quality products—the demand is there. And whereas my generation still used vaseline and KY to open the gates to heaven, we now have a vast number of lubricants at our disposal—and this is also in response to rising demand.

We Can Finally Get Rid of Condoms Again!

Ten years ago, bareback sex was only an issue for a tiny group of gay men, but these days it’s a topic for the majority of scene media outlets. Although it’s virtually impossible to frighten anyone with Aids nowadays, Hepatitis C is rampant and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) which until recently merely constituted a source of mild annoyance are now on the increase and unfortunately resistant to a large number of antibiotics—so much so that quite a few doom-mongers are now conjuring up the specter of a new gay plague.

The New Sex—Virtual!

It goes without saying that the internet has also transformed sex. Diaper-wearing patent leather fetishists who enjoy sniffing cum-filled socks used to have their work cut out if they wanted to find like-minded playmates, but all they need to do these days is find a suitable title for their profile and in no time at all they’ll be founding their own club. Dating websites were once an insider secret, but now they have even invaded the sanctity of heterosexual households; gays and straights blithely parade their wares and jerk off for both men and women—it doesn’t matter which. But it’s not only cocks that are on display: electro games, piercings made while the camera’s running, amputations or merely wallowing in shit—there no longer seem to be any boundaries.

Sex on Stage

These days people talk about sex almost as if they were discussing the global economic crisis or the latest iPhone apps. Last fall I caught a musical on Hamburg’s sleazy Reeperbahn where the women not only discussed turning tricks and fucking on stage, but even demonstrated how to do it: jerking, blowing, riding—and the grannies in the audience applauded. You might assume that ever since Sex and the City there haven’t been any taboos when it comes to talking about sex. BUT: If you listen carefully, you’ll notice that people only discuss sex openly when it’s about other people having sex, when you can poke fun at sex or get excited about it. Hardly anyone talks about themselves, let alone their own preferences, and if they do they rapidly lower their voice—surely one reason why books like Charlotte Roche’s Wetlands sell so successfully. The exhibitionist revelations of people you might encounter on the street strike a chord with your own desire to finally lay your cards on the table.

Drug Taking Is on the Increase

And that’s not just a problem for straights. Gay men are still affected by this, says Arnd Bächler who’s a gay counselor in Berlin, and whose day-to-day work involves helping people who need/use drugs to overcome their fears and inhibitions in relation to their sexuality. Without drugs they’re incapable of approaching others, and they can’t express their needs if they’re sober.

Let’s Fuck!

So let’s talk about jerking off, blow jobs, fucking and being fucked, about the pleasure of experiencing an orgasm in another man’s hands, about the fear of sex in old age, as well as the sensible use of drugs. I’ll recount my experiences so you can compare them with yours. I hope it helps you to have better, more liberated sex, self-assured sex, and above all, self-determined sex—so that sex will make you happy.

Above: Lance and Leo Ford in 1983; center: Lukas Ridgeston and Johan Paulik in 1994; below: Brent Corrigan in 2006.

Even the best sex tips will be of little use if you never get the opportunity to try them out on someone. So here are the best places, methods and techniques for getting hold of men you can have sex with.

In the age of the internet, cruising (i.e. chasing after men) and flirting are somewhat passé. Lots of gay men type a couple of key facts into their profile (sexual preferences, cock length, and usually an endless list of everything they’re not looking for) and then wait like a spider for some unsuspecting creature to stumble into their web. This has plenty of advantages: You no longer have to loiter in bars, and can make yourself nice ’n’ cozy at home instead. You can also list wild predilections on your profile and not have to explain them to anyone. Quite apart from that, this way of meeting men has for the first time enabled many of them to actually get in contact with like-minded souls. For instance, they may live in the countryside, or not feel accepted on the scene (people with disabilities, older men, transvestites, etc.).

And yet the worldwide web is not always a blessing: There’s a positive aspect to approaching someone in a club, revealing your sexual preferences to a stranger, and overcoming shyness and inhibitions. Unfortunately, there is an ever-growing number of young people who get the impression that in real life you can simply order a man on a chat or dating website: Just tick a few boxes and filter out the undesirable users … although surveys demonstrate that gay men are becoming increasingly isolated.

Warum nicht auch im Schwimmbad? Ranschwimmen, Luft holen und … nein, nicht um Feuer bitten. Zum Anbandeln eignet sich Unverfängliches am Besten, z.B. „Ist dir das in der Sonne nicht zu heiß?"

On the Internet

There’s an unwritten law that you have to be young, muscular and flawless if you want to grab a man, so lots of people put retouched photos, ones of themselves in their youth, or even pictures of completely different people on their profiles. They make themselves younger and give themselves bigger dicks. Now, you can either get worked up about this or simply accept it. If it’s important to you to know who you’re making a date with, you should pay attention to the following:

1. Exchange more than the time and address with the person you’re talking to. This will make any inconsistencies more obvious.

2. Ask for several photos of him. He can easily fake one, but the second one will often confront you with the tragic truth.

3. Call him beforehand on the phone, so that you don’t end up racing through 40 miles of nothingness at 3 a.m. only to discover that the address doesn’t even exist.

4. Or arrange to meet in a public place (café, park, bookstore) so you can beat a hasty retreat in emergencies.

5. Never reveal your landline number: this will restrict any future hassle to your cell phone.

6. Set up a special email address for chatting and dating purposes, so you’ll always know right away where the request is coming from. Plus you can simply delete it if you need to.

7. You can only use condoms if you actually take them with you to meetings like this.

You’re welcome to ignore this advice if you enjoy taking risks. Hey, in the past I’ve also asked someone to leave the door to his apartment open, turn out the light, lube up his ass and then wait for me. I drove there, did my business, and closed the door behind me. That’s fine too.

Cybersex

If you have no plans whatsoever to meet up with your chat partner, you can of course tell him anything you want. In fact, you should. Who cares about the tedious truth? After all, the guy on the other end of the line only wants to get aroused. He wants to use you, and it’s best if you correspond to his fantasy, so pander to anything you think you’ve read between the lines. You can be a delicate Asian guy, get whipped within an inch of your life, get led around on a leash in public, or you can fuck the living daylights out of him until he feels dizzy and you spurt a megaton of jizz into his hungry cock container.

PS: On straight websites you can also pretend to be a dainty little blonde crying out for punishment.

Webcam Sex

On the other hand, a greater degree of honesty is essential if you’re planning to perform live on camera—otherwise viewers will just click away. You will be required to demonstrate your talents as an exhibitionist. You can of course immediately whip out your stiff dick, but you could just as well begin by having a civilized on-screen conversation—and jerk yourself off under the desk at the same time. Once you then get started, it won’t hurt to press your stiffy through your pants and rub up and down on it before going further. In short: Tantalize the guy you’re talking to before you cast off the final veil.

You should definitely invest in a webcam with halfway decent picture quality. It’s simply less fun if the picture is constantly wavering, you can only see pixels, and the colors are totally wrong. The webcam should be movable too, so you can place yourself in a flattering light and still be able to look at the screen. Cams that are built into the screen may be fabulous for chatting, but they’re not suitable for sex (I’m a die-hard Apple user, so I’m familiar with the problem).

Abbreviations in Profiles and Chatrooms

10 x 3 = Length and diameter of pork sword (in this case: a donkey dick)

45/5’ 6"/240 = Age (too old ) / height (too short) / weight (too fat)

69 = Mutual and simultaneous cock sucking

A = Asian

a/P = Active/passive: the preference is written in capitals

A/S/L = Age/Sex/Location?

ACA = All calls answered

B = Black

B&D = Bondage and domination

Bareback = Fucking without condoms, possibly infecting with HIV too

BB = Bodybuilder

Bd = Bondage

BDSM = Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism

BF = Boyfriend

BHM = Bald-headed man

BIM = Bi-sexual male

C = Couple

CBT = Cock and ball torture

CD = Cross-dresser

CU = See you

C / UC = Cut/uncut

DDF = Drug and disease free

DF = Drug free

DOB = Date of birth

Dom = Dominant

FA = Fat acceptance

FF = Fist fucking

FS = Financially secure (or stable)

FTA = Fun, travel and adventure

FTTB = For the time being

G = Gay

GC = Gay couple

GS = Group sex

GSOH = Good sense of humor

HIV+ = HIV positive

IPT = Is partial to

ISO = In search of

LD = Light drinker

LDR = Long-distance relationship

LS = Light smoker

LTR = Long-term relationship

M = Married

MBL = Married but looking

MC = Married couple

Mud = Likes playing with mud

ND = No drugs

NS = Non-smoker

P = Professional

RTS = Real-time sex

S = Single

SAE = Self-addressed envelope

Safe = Safer sex only

SB/M = Single black male

SD = Social drinker

SI = Similar interests

SM = Sadomasochism

SOH = Sense of humor

Sub = Submissive

SW/M = Single white male

No taboos = Willing to do all sorts of filthy things

TG = Transgendered

TS = Transsexual

TV = Transvestite

VGL = Very good-looking

VWE = Very well-endowed

W/O = Without

WAA = Will answer all

WI = Widowed

WLTM = Would like to meet

WTR = Willing to relocate

X = Extreme

YO = Years old

On the Scene

The classic way of meeting men used to be on the scene. You were lucky if you lived in a big city, although from what I’ve heard they don’t necessarily offer that much anymore. In any case, before you scamper off to your local bar you should be aware of what happens there. The first time I went to the restroom in a leather dive, somebody was writhing on the floor. It was dark (of course), so I initially thought the poor guy had slipped on the wet tiles (strangely enough, the floors in leather bars are often very treacherous). I was just about to help him up when I realized he was in the process of licking someone’s boots.

There are many ways of drawing attention to yourself when you visit a bar: Stare at someone for hours on end, raise your glass to them and say, Cheers!, or grab your nuts to demonstrate how utterly horny you are.

Hmm. There are better ways too:

Men are designed for long-distance tunnel vision (looking for prey in the far-off wilderness), so you have to position yourself accordingly if you want to be seen. You’ll rapidly be overlooked in dark corners, but it isn’t a good idea to place yourself immediately in front of the object of your desire either.

Body language: Open yourself up to the man of your dreams! Crossed arms or legs scream I don’t want to.

Once you’ve established initial eye contact, wait for the first unforeseen event (someone knocks over a beer glass, your neighbor jostles you, or similar) and take a step to one side. If he searches for you, you’ve got him hooked.

A somewhat old-fashioned yet thoroughly acceptable option is to get to know someone on the dancefloor. You think that’s dumb? As Blanche from The Golden Girls put it so aptly: He can dance well? What on earth does that prove? At best that he’s got a good sense of rhythm.

What Do You Need to Take Out with You?

Condoms, lube, tissues, business cards and something to write with so you can take down his phone number (unless you have a photographic memory), money and a cell phone. Things to leave at home: your wallet and ID, credit cards, etc. They’ll easily get lost in the crush—and there are lots of naughty boys who lurk outside gay bars in big cities waiting to rob

Reviews for The Bible of Gay Sex

[richardderus · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Rating: 3.5* of fiveThe Publisher Says: Hallelujah! Finally there is a book that tells you all you need to know about gay sex. For let's be honest: talking sex is only easy as long as you can play the part of the experienced lover. Stephan Niederwieser - author of various sex guides - informs you about everything you need to know, whether it's dating, health, the best ways to relax or the responsible use of stimulants. The Bible of Gay Sex is richly illustrated; it's a competent and entertaining book about everyone's favorite pastime.My Review: Nice illustrations.