A Tumble and a Litre of Milk

By Ines Helberg

This is a tale of two lovers who are not young, nor rich, nor handsome. Aggie Hilman is in her fifties, traumatised by two bad marriages. Through a minor tumble on a dark night, she meets Colin Wilkes, the owner of the local hardware store, who later visits with a litre of milk as an excuse to check on her welfare. This is Aggie's story, her slow acceptance of the friendship of another man. Step by step she over comes her fears, facing a new beginning with Colin in a quiet country community. The book is a rich romantic depiction of the warmth and support to be found in a small New Zealand community where people help each other through all of life's crises. She has truly fallen into safe hands at last. From a shy recluse who could not look anybody in the eye, she has blossomed into a vibrant woman, fully involved with the Waihau community, always with the loving support of husband Colin. Their Wilkes Country Store becomes not only a commercial outlet but a social meeting place. The villagers share success, apprehend a criminal, find a missing person, rejoice in young love and mourn the ones leaving too soon as the years roll by.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bev
• Release date: Sep 23, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311283276

Ines Helberg

Ines was born of Dutch/French parentage, growing up during World War II with music and literature a great part of her upbringing. She emigrated to New Zealand in May 1956 as an assisted Government immigrant, leaving unsolved family problems behind. Her knowledge of English was scant but through reading and attending night classes she learned to master a new language. Writing came much later in life when her marriage ended and she came to live in lower Northland. Joining a writing group set her on the right path. She wrote book reviews and newsletters, short stories for competitions and attended correspondence writing courses and so the fictional story of Waihau, The Harbour and its people was born. She has three adult children and four grandchildren.

Book preview

Part I The Meeting

Chapter 1

Not loose leads again, Colin Wilkes muttered impatiently. I must get it fixed properly. He stepped out of the car, torch in hand, to look under the bonnet. He checked the leads, tightened them and reached up to close down when his hand froze in mid-air and he listened.

Was that a cry, a shout for help?

Quietly he finished the closing down, went to the driver’s side and opened the door. He turned off the lights, locked the car, listened again and waited.

There it was, a bit clearer now.

Help!! Is anybody there?

Using torchlight he slowly walked back up the semi-rural road. It was early evening but already getting dark. There were no streetlights, only lit up windows of the occasional house inside dark gardens. The moon was not yet up.

The call came again.

Hello there, where are you? he called back.

I’m down the bank. It was a woman’s voice.

He walked on, shining his torch down the side and the bushes lining the bank that bordered The Reserve. Not far away he found a large bag, books spilled all over the grass. A bit further down he saw a handbag among broken branches and skid marks.

I’ve found your bags, shout again, please. How far down are you? Are you hurt?

Thank goodness you came along, I saw your car lights. I seem to have been here for ages. I don’t think I have broken any bones but my ankle hurts and I can’t climb up again.

Shining his torch down towards the sound of the voice he found the woman, half-lying, half sitting among broken fronds of a large fern. Her voice sounded more cross and impatient than hurt or upset.

He slid down carefully and landed with a thump. Hello again. I’m Colin Wilkes. My car broke down but I’ve fixed it for the moment and was just leaving when I heard you shout. What’s happened? I hope you weren’t attacked?

No no, nothing like that. I live on this road. I work as an aide at the school a bit further back. I stayed too long helping the secretary and darkness caught me. There are no footpaths here so I must have tripped over something and rolled down the bank. I feel rather stupid, I can’t move one foot and I’m sitting at an awkward angle so I can’t get up. I’m glad you came along as I’m getting cold. My name is Aggie Hilman by the way.

Glad to be of help Aggie, let me look at that foot. Here, you hold the torch.

In the narrow beam of light Aggie caught a glimpse of her rescuer, a slim, middle-aged man wearing a neat business suit and with strong capable hands.

Are you a doctor by any chance?

No, nothing like that. I just keep my first aid ticket valid. I own a hardware store in the city and first aid knowledge can be helpful in an emergency.

Oh, that big store on Walton Street?

Yes, that one. I’m not sure if your ankle is broken but better not to put any weight on it. Let me help you up.

Aggie was not a lightweight person but Colin managed to get her upright on the sloping ground. Supporting her as much as possible and with the help of the bushes, the pair slowly managed to pull themselves back on the road.

I think it will be safer if I take you to the A&E Department in case your ankle is fractured.

To his surprise his heard panic in her voice. No, no, that’s not needed and they will be closed at this time of night.

How far is your house from here?

He retrieved both bags and re-packed the books.

Not more than a few minutes. How stupid to be stranded so close to home.

Don’t worry, I’ll take your book bag. Here, you hold on to your handbag and I shall get the car. It is better not to walk on that foot no matter how close your home is.

He kept his word and minutes later drove up a long driveway to a cottage well away from the main road. The safety light came on and with Aggie’s keys he opened the back door, found the light switch, helped her into a large kitchen and eased her in a chair near the table.

There was no sign of anybody else being home.

Will someone return later?

No, no, I live alone, but don’t worry, I can manage very well from here. Thank you so much for your help. Is your car all right to go home? I’m sorry, but I have no phone to call a garage.

Thank you but it is all right for now. I’ll take it to a garage tomorrow. Are you sure you’re all right?

Positive, thank you again.

Colin returned to his car, deep in thought. He felt drawn to the woman. She seemed a pleasant down-to-earth person. She had made no undue fuss about the mishap and there was no gushing coyness in her thanks. She appeared to be close to his own age, middle fifties; a little overweight with long dark hair done up into an old-fashioned bun. Her face was pleasant and open. He hadn’t seen the colour of her eyes in the bad light. He decided to try and find the house again and visit tomorrow to make sure she was all right.

Aggie in the meantime had doctored her foot with alternately a packet of frozen peas and a towel wrung out in hot water.

She then bandaged her ankle and, as it was too late for a proper dinner, carefully, to save the sore foot, she just made some sandwiches and a cup of Milo with the last of the milk. After finishing her supper she went to bed. Sleep did not come quickly and she lay there listening to the radio. Her immediate liking for her rescuer disturbed her. He seemed a pleasant person, rather tall and slim and so light in colouring she could not guess if he was blond or grey. He had been courteous in handling her foot and getting her back up the bank. He had indeed come straight into her house helping her into a chair. Then he had immediately gone back to the open door and from there asked if she would be all right on her own. Then he had left with an encouraging, Take care, good night.

The first man to enter her house and that disturbed her. Afraid to even think of the past, yet events kept coming back. She had fled from the past and taken refuge in this quiet Northland town. She enjoyed her freedom now.

As always, she felt slightly embarrassed by not having a phone but through phone books she could be traced. Not many people thought of looking at electoral rolls. Here in Whangarei she had found work as a teacher’s aide which was far removed from her proper status as a qualified teacher. Again, because of past events, she was not strong healthwise and tired easily so this casual work suited her.

Aggie spent a restless night and woke up, tired and out of sorts. Her foot was still rather sore but she could hobble about.

Just before nine o’clock Madge, the school secretary, turned up. She worried about Aggie not having a phone so she checked up when she was not present on her scheduled days.

What on earth have you done? she exclaimed, seeing the bandaged foot.

Walking home after our late work last night, I tripped and rolled down the bank into the Reserve. Just as in the stories, Sir Galahad turned up.

Aaahh!

Nothing ‘aaahh’, he helped me back on the road, took me home – end of story.

I knew I should have taken you home, you independent person you. You like Chinese food I seem to remember so I will come over for dinner tonight and bring some takeaways, all right?

Aggie laughed and agreed. What about Don?

In Perth for a bowling tournament. We’ll have a girlie night. See you at six - must fly, bye! And she was off.

Aggie always wondered how her friend stayed so slim. She was barely five-foot one inch, her still thick curly hair streaked with grey, her very dark eyes inquisitive as a bird’s. She was well past retiring age but had been at the school for so long, no principal could do without her.

Aggie could not do without her either. Her friendship was of the non-pushy type with complete acceptance of her reclusive life style. She knew Don and had met him at school fêtes yet she could not manage any social contact, not yet, with another man.

The morning passed quickly with a lot of sewing getting done. Her large kitchen table was strewn with bits of felt, paper patterns, boxes of beads and multi-coloured cottons. The floor was littered with off-cuts. It had taken her a while, not only to start sewing again, but to accept making a mess.

Making a mess did not matter any more, the voice was gone.

It was peaceful in the large sunny kitchen overlooking the garden. The radio played a Mozart concerto in the background and a big blowfly buzzed against the glass, missing the open window next to its head.

A knock at the door startled her. She could not get up with a lap full of snippets and somehow she could not call out, come in.

The door opened and Colin Wilkes entered, a carton of milk and a greasy brown paper bag in his hands.

Hello Aggie, how are you? Please, don’t get up or you will scatter all those bits. I hope you don’t mind me barging in. I noted you had no car so I came to check if you are all right for food.

Aggie remembered her manners and, in spite of herself, was pleased to see her rescuer again. No, no, do come in. How kind of you to bring the milk.

Permit me, and Colin took the electric kettle from its stand and filled it.

He noticed a small rack on the wall with mugs hanging from pegs and the glass-fronted cupboards showed him where the plates were.

I brought some doughnuts to go with the coffee. I’ve been talking shop with salesmen all morning and really need a drink. What are you making?

Hard to explain from this jumble. I sew children’s jackets and waistcoats, then appliqué figures with beads and cotton onto them.

That’s clever, do they sell?

Oh yes, quite well through fairs and markets and I also supply two shops in Kerikeri and Paihia. Just milk, no sugar, thank you.

Aggie had cleared her lap and a corner of the table and accepted a steaming mug of coffee and a doughnut. You are very efficient in a kitchen. Do you live alone by any chance?

Unfortunately I do. My wife Penelope died several years ago of cancer.

She noticed his eyes darkening as if a shadow crossed his face. She did not mouth any platitudes but simply said, That cursed illness. Science can get a man to the moon or shoot rockets into space but cannot find a cure for cancer.

He sipped his coffee. She noticed he took his black.

Hopefully scientists might one day. Are you from England? I noticed a slight accent.

Aggie surprised herself by feeling at ease with this stranger in her kitchen. He sat opposite her with both elbows on the table among the bead boxes, sipping his coffee. The light from the window behind him showed the grey in his blond hair. He had a strong rather angular face and warm brown eyes.

Yes and no. My brother and I were born in England but came here shortly after World War II with the big migration wave. We are from Upham, not far from Leicester. My father had been a prisoner in the last war and his health, physically and mentally, was bad. Mother hoped the milder climate and better living conditions of New Zealand would be good for him. She was partly right. She found work as a teacher. Dad managed to become a bit stronger and could do some light work but he died several years after they arrived. I cannot remember him very well as he was always such a shadowy figure in our lives. I too am a teacher and went back to England for a while.

Colin noticed her face tightening when she mentioned England.

He took mugs and plates, put them in the sink. I too cannot remember my father. He served overseas in that war and was killed right towards the end. I was barely one year old. An uncle ran the store and later I took over. Now I run it with my son Stephen. Both my daughters live overseas and I do miss them being so far away but they are well settled.

Aggie nodded. My girls, Kate and Emma, are overseas too. But kids grow up and have to make their own way. I do miss them but they are safe there. She got up and hobbled around the table to where Colin was standing by the door.

He held out his hand and noticed her hesitation in responding but she did shake hands, very quickly, just a light touch.

May I come back to make sure you are all right? I usually go to the supermarket on Saturday mornings. Can I please take you so you do not have to carry heavy bags? The bus service here is virtually nil.

Again that hesitation and that fleeting tightening of her face. Was that a deep breath she took?

Thank you yes, I would like that. My friend Madge will come tonight and she’ll bring some takeaway dinner. Help with shopping would be fine.

Good, see you Saturday, and he was gone.

A very thoughtful Aggie gently closed the door.

Chapter 2

Colin kept to his promise and picked Aggie up to restock her cupboards.

It was a lovely spring day, warm and sunny with a hint of flower perfume trying to overcome the petrol fumes. Arriving at the downtown supermarket in mid-morning Aggie was dismayed to see the car park already crowded. When she had to shop she always made sure she was the first one in. She knew her way around, always bought the same items and when the place became too crowded she left, her wheeled bag full enough to last her a while but not too full to walk home.

Colin pushed a large trolley her way. How’s that foot feeling?

She took the trolley. Not too bad, thank you. I can use this as support. Slowly she hobbled through the automatic doors. With the prospect of a car to carry her goods she decided to stock up a bit and so avoid a return trip.

I’m a conventional shopper, said a voice behind her. I’ll always buy the same stuff as cooking meals is not one of my priorities.

She turned and smiled, I’m the same. I’ll meet you outside those doors there, all right? and she pointed.

Aggie was outside packing her own cotton bags when Colin came up beside her. You were quick and then he noticed the large bags of flour and the milk powder, too big for her bags.

Do you bake your own bread?

Yes I do and I make my own milk, and she smiled, remembering the milk he had brought. This way of shopping I’m more independent and can avoid too many shopping trips. The night of the accident I was surprised to find I had run out of milk powder as well.

Colin laughed outright. I used that milk as an excuse to come and see you again but I was genuinely concerned about your welfare. I hope you don’t mind?

She leaned on the trolley and looked across at him. No, I don’t mind at all. Why did she give that answer? What about her decision never to get involved again? But she surprised herself when she smiled and voiced her thanks.

After the hustle and bustle of the supermarket and with the grocery bags safely stored in the car, Colin took her to the Town Basin and installed her at the Sail Ho café while he went to get the coffee.

For all the years she had lived in this town, this was the first time she had entered a public place like this café.

Milk, no sugar, I remembered. No eats this time, doughnuts are too fattening. Sorry Aggie, unless you want anything? Are you hungry? He then noticed Aggie sitting stiff upright, her chair hard against the sidewall and her face strained.

Aggie, what’s up? Are you not feeling well?

She shook her head. This is so public. People can see me here, I’m not used to this.

Have you never been to any of the places here?

Only once, when it opened again after the re-building and my friend Madge took me. We did not stay long, as there were too many people. I do not like crowds, it is not safe in crowds…. She realised she was babbling and stopped, embarrassed.

Colin moved his chair very close to hers and simply chatted.

The rebuilding has done a lot of good to this area. At least the old boat sheds are gone. There are three museums now. The Fish Museum is quite amazing with the amount of wall-mounted fish. They even have a live eel there and it was named Eel McPherson in some competition. The old Clock Museum has moved from the Rose Gardens and has a new home here. I like to show it to you one day.

He felt Aggie relax beside him. He pointed to the yachts in the small river harbour. How good are you at recognising flags?

She unerringly pointed, Fiji, Canada, the Netherlands and New Zealand.

He was happy to see a smile on her face. Of course teacher, you are so right. Well, work calls so I will take you home with your goodies.

Colin parked the car close to the back door. He grabbed several bags in both hands while Aggie opened the kitchen door.

Thank you so much, she said. Do you like silverbeet?

Sorry, no I don’t. Do you grow it yourself?

Come and look. Carefully limping across the lawn, she took him to the back garden. He stopped, surprised to see such a large vegetable garden, several fruit trees and a very fragrant herb garden.

This is amazing. Do you have any help?

Only with the lawns and some of the heavier work. She went to the silverbeet patch and deftly broke off stalks for her evening meal.

Colin wandered around and admired the huge compost bin in a corner.

That is an old car case. Even though it is open, if I turn it over several times it will give good compost.

Colin stared into the neighbour’s garden but said nothing and turned back to where Aggie stood with her harvest.

Do you know your neighbours?

No, not really. I sometimes see a young guy in the yard and I know there are several people living there with motor bikes and very old cars. Why?

They had both returned to Colin’s car. Nothing really. I wondered about some plants in the back yard, that’s all.

You mean those nice tall feathery ones? I’d love to know the name but I cannot find them in any of my books.

Colin snorted, he quickly guided her back into the kitchen and closed the door before bursting into laughter.

What’s so funny?

You really don’t know those plants? Your neighbours are growing wacky baccy.

Wacky what?

Wacky baccy – grass, pot, marijuana, whatever you want to call it.

Aggie joined in the laughter. I’m not innocent on what the stuff is, only on what it looks like. What can I do about it?

Nothing, there are only two plants so they might grow it for themselves. You have to live here so live in peace. I really must fly but might I come back and see you again?

Yes, I would like that and thanks again for the help with shopping.

She listened to the dwindling sound of the car motor and went back into the kitchen, her mind in a turmoil.

What had she let herself in for? Why did she say ‘yes’ to another visit? Why had she said that she did not mind him bringing the milk? What about her vows to stay alone, live alone and for security purposes meet as few people as possible? This man Colin had shattered those resolves. He seemed friendly but friendly men change, as she knew only too well and after all these years, dare she change, dare she relax and hope?

Aggie became totally involved with big orders for her craft work and with teacher aiding. After the first shopping trip she made herself relax more and came to enjoy Colin’s company. He did not always take her shopping but dropped in for a quick cup of coffee and a chat and accepted some vegetables from her garden like carrots and a small cabbage.

Aggie realised that Madge was her only adult contact and that her reclusive life style was wrong but the habit was hard to break. She felt Colin’s attraction for her and was frightened by her feelings in response. She still could not trust a man, any man, and still would not talk about her past.

The months passed quickly and she had started to enjoy going into town but not yet alone. She smiled to herself remembering her first trip to the supermarket in mid-morning and how tense and frightened she had been. Colin was indeed very easy company but could he be trusted?

One day at school Madge called her into the office.

The school has a jubilee coming up so I went to the museum to do some research and look what I found. She placed some photos on her desk.

The Wilkes store! Aggie exclaimed and sure enough, there it was. A large store bordering a dirt road and with barrels and sacks underneath the windows. A horse with a nosebag was tied to a post.

‘Jeremiah Wilkes - General Store’ was written in old-fashioned lettering on the large windows. Several men were standing posing near the front door but Madge could put no names to them.

May I borrow these and show them to Colin? He might know their names.

You don’t have to borrow them, they are copies so you can keep them. You are enjoying Colin’s friendship, aren’t you? I’m so glad for you.

Yes I do, but I still have my doubts. I still am not sure if I’m doing the right thing being seen so much in town. It just isn’t safe.

"I do not know your past Aggie but it is past and you should relax and let it go. Don knows him from being on several committees like The Lions and The Chamber of Commerce. He has a very good reputation and I’m sure you can trust him."

I want to but I’m still not sure.

Well, anyway, take the photos to the shop, I’m sure he will like them and might be able to put names on those guys.

After school Aggie decided to walk to the shop and that meant town, by herself. Madge was right, she must try to let the past go and live for now but she found it very hard. She took the quicker route to the city and that meant crossing Mair Park and as always the green shady paths and the burbling sounds of the Hatea river dancing over its rocky bed calmed her nerves. She passed the footbridge and continued by the narrow left-hand path. Once in Vale Road she hesitated. This was always the point when she turned around and went back again. This time she steeled herself and continued into town, across the river bridge and into Walton Street.

Colin was surprised to see her standing hesitantly inside the entrance door. He realised quickly what a great effort she had made to come and he showed his delight.

Aggie my dear, what a surprise. Come into my office, it’s quieter there, and he quickly steered her through the afternoon shopping crowd and upstairs into his mezzanine office.

Once inside Aggie relaxed a little and showed him the photos Madge had given her.

Where did you get these? My mother used to have some very old family albums but she donated them to the local museum. She knew some of the names and told them to me. That one is great grandfather Jeremiah, he who started this shop. That one is grandfather Jonas. My goodness, he looks like Stephen, my son, with a bowler hat, what an amazing resemblance. They all had biblical names except my father. Grandma Bessie must have had enough of the bible and so my father became William and that broke the cycle. The other ones I don’t know. I must call Stephen and show them to him.

Aggie immediately stood up and prepared to leave. I got these from my school and you can keep them. I’ll leave you to your work.

Colin noticed the strain showing in her face again and decided to find out what troubled her so. I’m not that busy, it is nearly closing time so I’ll walk with you for a while.

They walked along the river’s edge, away from town and once past sheds and fishing boats Colin found a seat and settled down.

Aggie, my dear, what is the matter? What has happened to you that you are so reclusive and so afraid to meet people? Stephen is all right, I can assure you. Ignoring for once her reluctance to be touched, he took both her hands in his and noted she was trembling.

Hey, easy Aggie, you are safe here with me. You have two daughters so there must be a man in your past, telling about it might just make it a bit easier.

Aggie looked around her, at the quiet river and the mangroves and the odd-looking octagonal building that was the city’s theatre and a few sheds. She looked at last at Colin and noticed his concerned kind face. She took a deep breath.

"You are right, I must try to stop letting the past guide my life but I find it very hard. I met my first husband at a dance when I was barely out of my teens. He danced very well, was fun and very good looking, so innocent me fell for that charm. I noticed he drank a lot but took little heed. Alcohol was not an issue at home because dad could not so did not drink.

I had seen that in other homes the men often had a drink in their hands and that seemed the normal way of things. My love would change him I was sure and of course I was wrong.

She stood up and walked towards the water’s edge and stared down into the mangroves as a fishing boat chugged slowly passed. She swung around and said bitterly, But I did not find out till after we were married that one cannot change a person. The girls are the result of drunken rape. Katie before the wedding and Emma a year later.

But why on earth did you marry him?

Being an unwed mother in the early sixties was a scandal, so I just had to. His beatings nearly killed me. In those years there were no Women’s Refuges and my mother had turned bitterly against me. She had warned me against Hugh and I did not listen so I had to pay the penalty. My brother Mark came to the rescue and simply kidnapped the three of us and took us back to England to stay with relatives. The girls were only eight and seven but they settled very quickly in that peaceful household. It was he who organised lawyers to obtain a divorce.

So, if you are divorced, that should be the end of the matter, isn’t that so?

Maybe I felt safer in London than back here so we stayed. That was a good peaceful time. She shredded leaves from her small branch, came back to the bench and sat down.

The girls thrived, went to school and were happy again. I trained to be a teacher and had no trouble finding work. Sadly Mark was killed in an accident in the factory he worked in. He was studying engineering and worked there for experience. Mother blamed me for his death and wrote terribly angry letters. She lives in Auckland but I have not seen her for years. I have no idea where Hugh is but I prefer to live alone now.

She shook herself and stood up.

So when did you come back here?

Aggie grew agitated once more but she did answer. After a while, a few years later. She walked up and down again. Why don’t we learn parenting and the proper facts of marriage at school? Maybe that would help not to make the same mistakes over and over again. Thanks Colin for listening. I must admit, it was good to talk but I still have a lot of thinking to do.

Colin stood up, took her arm and ignored the stiffness and the want of pulling back. He walked her back to town.

I could give you a lift home of course but I think you would prefer to walk back through the park. Will you be all right doing that?

Aggie nodded, suddenly bereft of speech. She felt tears welling up at his understanding kindness. She squeezed his arm, let go and quickly walked away leaving Colin a very thoughtful man.

He slowly walked back along the waterfront and found a seat under a huge pohutukawa, thinking, not noticing the traffic around him.

A husband who was an alcoholic brute and then off to England. I wonder what happened there to make her so apprehensive and tense.

He felt a tugging at his shoe and looking down found a seagull pulling his shoelace.

Go on you daft bird, it’s a lace, not a worm. Off, go fishing, and he flapped his hand.

Looking at his watch he saw how late it was and quickly walked back to the shop.

He found it closed and Stephen opened up for him.

Sorry son to be so late. Have you done the cash up yet?

Not yet, but don’t worry, I’ve only just locked up. I don’t want to pry Dad, but what’s up with Mrs Hilman?

You are not prying and I wish I knew. A heap of trouble in her past has left her fearing shadows.

You like her don’t you? Stephen pulled out the cash drawer and started stacking notes and sorting coins.

Yes, and more than liking. Do you mind?

Mind? Stephen moved from around the counter and took his father by the shoulders. Of course I don’t mind. You have been lonely since Mum went and I’m glad you found a friend, but is it worth all the trouble?

Yes, I think so. She is truly nice and great to talk to and I do want to get to know her better. Ah well, I just have to be patient. He briefly hugged his son back and then exclaimed, Goodness, look at the time, you better go my boy or there will be trouble in your home life. No, no, go on, I have done cash up before, see you tomorrow.

Chapter 3

Summer continued hot and sunny and wandered towards Christmas.

Aggie was busy in the garden as the many Christmas orders for her craft work had made her neglect trees and plants. Now she was weeding, pruning dead branches and in general feeding and tidying up. The delicious scent of the lemon and orange trees wafted around her and her little thrush friend was back again. Time and again she had noted the bird sitting up in the plum tree when she was working in the garden and singing his heart out. She felt privileged to have her own private singer, small as he was.

Now it was time for lunch but before going inside she jogged the long drive to her letterbox to get the weekly local paper. Much to her surprise she found not only the local newspaper but also a very fancy envelope, decorated with flowers. The address on the back was Colin’s store. This was unusual as apart from the newspaper and the bills, she only received letters from her daughters and a few special friends. Once inside she slit the envelope open and found a card with the picture of a large target on the front, two flowers shaped like arrows were aimed at the words January and December. Inside was a message written in very fancy lettering.

A faithful friend is the medicine of life.

My dear Aggie,

I found this bible quotation in a book. I’m no good at reading the bible but I thought this was appropriate for both of us. Sometime this year you must have had a birthday so all I could do was aim at the whole year and send you my very best wishes.

Thank you for your trust in me and telling me part of your life story.

What are your plans for Christmas? What do you think of my computer skills? I did not get one flower upside down!

Warmest regards, Colin.

She looked at the multi-coloured flowers bordering the card and indeed they were all right side up.

Forgetting her lunch and the garden she sat at the kitchen table, card in hand, her mind in a whirl. She liked him, but she did not, dared not, want to be involved again. She would wait until after Christmas and then try and talk again with the aim of ending this relationship.

With the school holidays looming she was kept very busy finishing the last of class work and helping making the props for the Christmas play. She detested the crass commercialism of the modern Christmas celebrations but for the children’s sake she gladly helped out.

Before she met Colin with his kind help with shopping, she used to stock up big, go home by taxi and stay home, at least until the dreadful carol jingles had faded from the shops.

She surprised and delighted Madge by staying for the play for the very first time but helping out back stage.

Madge hugged her fiercely. Good on you girl, and she ran off to assist with the catering.

At last she was free to go home and stay home in peace and quiet.

The holiday weeks stretched before her and she would revel in working in the garden, designing more jackets and reading stacks of books. She hadn’t even had the time to go through the pile she had bought at the Red Cross book sale several weeks ago. Her great love of books overcame her fear of crowds and she went very early to those sales. Once the people started to become a crowd, she would quickly leave.

On the last trip to town to pay some bills she had made herself go again to Colin’s store to thank him for the lovely card.

Ah, just exercising my computer skills. Stephen is always on my back to learn more. Glad you liked it. When is your true birthday?

On the 5th May, and yours?

Mine is in wintertime, 18th August. So tell me, what are you doing for Christmas?

Hiding at home. I so dislike this commercialism and having no family here I can, thank goodness, ignore it.

Colin knew better then to invite her to his family barbecue and get-together. Another time, hopefully.

I’m closing the shop for two Christmas days. Would you like to come for a walk with me on Boxing Day? You have never explored the beaches around here have you?

No I haven’t, because without a car it is very hard to get around. Could I ask you to take me shopping this Saturday? I like to stock up big and then I can avoid the shops. I noticed no carols here.

I must be the only one in town. I asked all the staff and none of them liked this cheapening of the carols so we keep up with the golden oldies. I have a friend who runs a recording studio and he makes long-playing tapes for me. Yes, Saturday will be fine for shopping and on Boxing Day I’ll take you to the beach.

With a cheerful ratta-tat on her door Colin announced his early arrival this already warm Boxing Day.

Good morning my friend, are you ready? I hope you are wearing good walking shoes?

Aggie held up a foot for inspection and showed a sturdy leather boot.

Why, are we climbing a mountain?

Not quite but I’d like you to come to one of my favourite beaches and I want to show you the long up-way first.

Aggie’s near childish delight as they travelled the narrow road winding along the inner harbour delighted Colin. Small beaches were dotted with children playing, people standing out in the water or sitting in small boats fishing. They passed a golf course and holiday homes tucked into the hillside.

Parua Bay. The takeaway shop here has the best fish and chips.

Their drive ended at Urquharts Bay’s small car park. Colin brought out a picnic basket and a rug and showed her the narrow path towards a rather steep hill.

Watch your step here, this bit is always wet and muddy, but the rest of the path was not difficult.

Look Aggie, see that concrete building? That is the old gun emplacement from the last war days. From there a steep path goes up the hill and you get a marvellous view from the top. Want to try it?

Of course, but you are not going to drag that basket all the way up?

No, I leave it under a bush here and get it back later.

They slowly climbed the grassy path to the old shabby blockhouse. Sea gulls were wheeling and diving over the water. From afar a tanker chugged slowly to the refinery. Aggie entered the small building and through the gun slot she had a good view over the harbour.

Was this ever used?

Not to my knowledge, it was merely a precaution. Now comes the hard bit, and hard it was, straight up the steep hill. Halfway up was a wooden seat and Aggie sat down gratefully, her breathing rather laboured.

Colin, slightly out of breath himself, was concerned. Are you all right?

Yes, sorry, just a moment. I’ve had pneumonia once and I run out of puff quickly on steep roads.

Through the bushes lining the path the view was stunning. The top was dotted with shrubs and small trees but through that one could see the whole harbour on one side and the ocean on the other. The chimney stacks of the refinery stood like slim needles and the guard flame shone bright even on this clear day.

Colin pointed down, Smugglers Bay, that’s my favourite.

Ah well, it’s all the way downhill from here so that should be all right, but Aggie was wrong, it was rougher as previous rains had scored out the path and they were rather breathless when they arrived at the flat sandy beach.

Oh look, there is a dragon on the beach! she exclaimed.

Sure enough, a large hunk of dark driftwood tapered off and up into a dragon’s head, jaws slightly open and a large hollow eye staring out over the sea.

She laughed and Colin was delighted to hear that laugh so relaxed and happy.

Too much work with small children and one sees dragons and fairies everywhere.

I like dragons, they bring good luck. I don’t know about you but I’m hungry. See that grassy saddle there? and he pointed towards some houses lining the beach. That is the short cut to get our lunch back, and he left her wandering the small cove.

She slowly walked along the water’s edge, watching tiny crab holes and collecting shells and bits of driftwood. She felt at peace, happy for the first time in years and yet still in doubt. Could there be a future with this kind man? The others had been kind too but later showed their true colours.

Why, oh why could she not make up her mind, why could she not relax and accept what was offered?

Colin was back soon and admired her shell collection.

I use it at school for the children to do art work. It is amazing how many know nothing of any creative work but they love to learn.

After lunch they walked along the shore, splashing barefooted in the water, picking up more shells and pieces of driftwood.

The walk back to the car was indeed much quicker via the saddle and there was a stile to climb over the barbed wire fence.

It was late afternoon and they were not the only ones returning to the city. The narrow road was only one lane wide so a rather orderly queue trundled slowly back to town.

He dropped her off at the back door. Good night Aggie. Thank you for coming and I’m glad you enjoyed this day. Want to do it again?

Maybe, yes, I think so. This day was really special. Good night then.

Slowly Aggie closed the back door, deep in thought. She was hot and sticky and sandy so after a good shower she tried to relax with a mug of Milo. But her churning thoughts made her restless and she decided to write letters to Emma and Kate. Maybe getting her thoughts spelled out might make her feel better.

The following morning, after a restless night, she plunged into steady work with the garden and her sewing. In the last week of the holidays there would be a craft fair in Pahia and she wanted a good stock for selling. Even after paying for the table hire and wages for her assistant, she should make a good profit.

The garden was very dry again and she decided to turn over the compost heap, dig some out from the bottom and use it as mulch.

The neighbours had recently planted two rather large bushes just on the other side of the bin and that prevented anyone looking into their garden. But once inside the bin and slightly higher up, Aggie could look between branches and what she saw truly astonished her. There were not two of her favourite feathery plants but a whole plantation of them.

Oh hell, what to do now? This was beyond a plant for a private smoke, this was big business.

She continued digging and resolved to talk to Colin at their next meeting.

They were both in Aggie’s kitchen unpacking groceries and Colin’s pleasant tenor was accompanying Placido Domingo; ah, celeste Aida, to the sound of rustling plastic bags and the thumping of tins and packages on the bench.

Aggie was storing items away in the cupboards and the fridge. His voice brought back some of the few happy memories from her time in London. The time she had taken her girls to the opera and the ballet.

Do you like opera? she asked.

"Yes, I do and I shared that with Penny. It took me a while to pick up the habit of returning to Auckland several times a year and enjoy the theatre again. It does not have to be classic opera only. I enjoyed ‘Phantom of the Opera’ last year. Do you like it?"

Yes and in London I used to take the girls to show them some of the classics I enjoyed but I think they enjoyed the Christmas Pantomime more.

He folded the last of the bags and smiled at her.

I prefer to go to the matinees as that gives me more time to get home at a reasonable hour. I would love to take you with me… and stopped, watching Aggie shaking her head in emphatic denial.

Yes, yes, my dear friend, all in good time. I have to be off now, so see you, and he planted a friendly kiss on her forehead.

The result was electrifying.

Both jumped back as if jolted by lighting.

For a fleeting moment she saw naked desire in his eyes but then he turned and left. She heard the car rev up and back down the driveway too fast.

Colin backed out of the drive, cursing fluently and missed the letterbox by centimetres. He shot up the road, away from town and once into open country, stopped at a lay-by.

With forehead resting on crossed arms on the steering wheel, he berated himself, over and over.

You fool, seven times fool, you stupid bloody idiot.

After a while he straightened and left the car, pacing up and down the side of the road, oblivious of the strong cold wind. He had been so careful, so patient, tried to be so tactful. There were times he had wanted to shake her and shout, The past is over, stop looking over your shoulder, but he always refrained from that. He had come to love her deeply and he wanted her trust and maybe even her love in return. Now one thoughtless act had ruined it all. He had meant the kiss to be a brotherly kiss but contact had been electrifying and he was sure he had not the least looked brotherly, not the way his body had reacted.

He leaned against the car and for the first time in years he wished he had a cigarette again. The lay-by looked out over a small green valley with some sheep peacefully grazing. There was even a donkey, and white moving glimpses, maybe some geese. Birdsong floated up and it was peaceful here. He now felt the cold wind, shivered and went back into the car.

There was nothing he could do but wait and let Aggie make the first move.

Aggie stood still in the middle of the kitchen, not only her mind but also her body in turmoil. She listened to the car disappearing and then, in near panic, grabbed her house keys and left.

As usual when she was upset she went to her favourite park. There was a seat on the long board walk and she sat and watched the river tumbling over its rocky bed.

Only with deep breathing did she manage to still the panic and the wish to scream aloud. The past had found her, had repeated itself, nothing had changed.

Her relationships had all started with friendliness and good times and then it had turned bitter and sour. The look in his eyes had been enough for her. All she really knew about sex was rape so she was a true innocent. Her own reaction had frightened her badly. She did not know what to do now and slowly wandered home.

There she found Madge admiring the roses climbing over the side of the small garden shed. She took one look at Aggie’s face, took the keys from her and opened the house. Sit down love and I’ll put the kettle on. You look like hell. What happened?

Aggie shifted her tea cup round and round and shook her head and kept shaking it.

Aggie, stop that. Madge’s sharp voice made her look up in surprise.

Then the voice softened and strong hands gripped her own. There are times, truly and truly, when one cannot fight alone any more. To ask for help is not losing one’s independence. I say it again, I don’t know your past but I do know you battle alone. It’s a happy wonder you have kept that friendship with Colin so long…

Aggie interrupted, That is finished, just like the others. Sorry Madge. I’ve had two bad marriages and stupidly thought men could be decent. They are not and it’s time I learned. Colin took me shopping this morning and once back home he helped unpack. The radio was playing arias from an opera and he sang with it, a bit out of tune. Then he suggested I come to a matinee in Auckland with him when the opera season is on.

She shook her head slowly, turning her cup, not drinking. Looking up at Madge she continued, Me in Auckland among all those people? No way. But he said, yes, some time, no rush, and then he kissed me, friendly like, on the forehead. Madge, I still know nothing about real love making, all I know is sex. That kiss, I felt he wanted more but he left quickly. What frightened me was that I wanted more, I wanted a proper kiss. I only once felt like that before, so many years ago and that love was thrown back at me and ended badly and that’s why this must stop. I dare not let it go further because it will surely all end up pear shaped again. Aggie downed her cold drink without really tasting it.

Madge stood up, went round the table and hugged her. It’s time to learn to trust your friends, love, and apart from Colin, I seem to be the only other one. Through Don I’ve met him several times and I know his good reputation in town and he is one of the most decent guys one can meet. Do you have any family?

Yes, I’ve two daughters living overseas and they write often.

Madge took the mugs and rinsed them in the sink. Please Aggie, give Colin a chance, he truly is a decent guy and would never harm you in any way. Wait a few days and then wander into the shop on any pretext. He runs a plant nursery as a sideline with a guy called Paul as head gardener. You always need stuff for that big garden of yours so go in for something and then see what happens. Are you all right on your own now?

Yes, thanks so much. I’m tired, might curl up and rest for a bit. I’m just not sure if your plan is the right one but I promise I’ll think about it. She stood up and walked over to the door to let Madge out.

Just before she stepped into her car Madge called out, by the way, I came to ask you if you could come back to school a day early before the brats start invading us. I need some help with the new textbooks, can you do that?

Aggie stood in the open doorway. Textbooks? She shook herself, textbooks, yes of course. I had forgotten the holidays are nearly over. I’ll see you Friday and Madge, thanks.

That’s all right, see you and remember your promise. An arm waved from the car window and she was gone.

Slowly Aggie walked back inside. She would think about that promise but she was not sure if she was going keep it.

She did not see Colin for more than a week and but then she did not need Madge’s excuse to go to town for shopping.

She had indeed run out of derris dust for the cabbage plants and she was low on eggs and cheese so in spite of herself she would keep that promise to Madge.

With one small purchase in her hand she left the garden nursery shop by the wrong door and found herself in the car park, near the store’s warehouse. A furious voice she recognised as Colin’s could be heard from inside and she paused just for a moment, hidden by a stack of pipes. Colin was confronting a surly young man, shouting harshly and waving his hands about. At any moment she expected blows to land and then she turned and left quickly.

At that moment the shouting stopped but what she did not see was that the head gardener confronting Colin and telling him that a lady had been in the shop and asked for him. Colin guessed that it was Aggie and he quickly went outside in time to see her disappearing back.

That’s torn it, he groaned and decided not to let her make the first move but take matters in his own hand.

In her agitation Aggie had forgotten her few groceries and all she could think of was getting home. Men were violent, either by voice or deed and there was no getting away from it.

Once home she was so upset, she just sat at the table, shaking and crying. She knew that she was on the edge of breaking down and she had to get a grip on herself.

The best thing to do would be to pack up, sell and move on. But where to? Unless she lived in a cave in the wilderness she could not avoid meeting people or other Colins. It did not occur to her to seek professional help.

She had no idea of how long she had just sat there but it was close on lunchtime and her stomach told her so. Calmer now, she put the kettle on when an unfamiliar car pulled up, a door slammed and hasty footsteps approached. She froze, when the door opened abruptly and Colin stood there, slightly out of breath.

"Aggie, please, you were at the shop, you saw me, please listen to me. I blew my stack with Toby, he is a lazy slob and made a blue with the delivery this morning. He took large expensive pots and plants to an important client of ours and one plant was broken and the pots cracked. When Mr Tompkins complained the lout just said that plants grow again and the cracks were not bad and just left. The guy is rude, lazy and I sacked him today. He had the cheek to complain and talk about unions. I have just personally delivered new goods to Mr Tompkins in the shop van and apologised.

Aggie please, believe me, I am not violent. I can lose my temper, yes, but I yell and that’s it. Ask Stephen. I did smack the kids when they were very little but that was with a hollow hand on their bums. Once they reached the age of reason we just talked and laid down rules and they accepted that."

He paused, out of breath, leaning against the wall next to the door.

She looked at him and saw the strain, the dark smudges under his eyes. His trousers bore muddy stains.

I’d better tell you the rest of my story. Could you come back again this afternoon?

He stepped forward and took her hands. Of course. I must return the van and then I’ll be free.

Aggie nodded and let his hands go. Thanks, I’ll see you then.

She re-heated the kettle, herbal tea and a few crackers and fruit were all she could manage.

In a surprisingly short time Colin returned.

I’m so glad you want to talk love. I’ll bet you have never done that before. I’m free for the rest of the day. He took a chair at the far end of the table. Is it about your second husband?

Yes. You know my brother took me to England with Kate and Emma.

He nodded. Yes, and he was killed there and that must have been very hard on you.

It was and especially after mother’s terrible letters, she blamed me for Mark’s death. I never showed those to the girls. I wanted to come back to New Zealand but the girls were settled in school and they had made friends, so we stayed. I had a good job too and the decision to stay was an easy one. I was lucky to find another home and share that with a solo mother and her little boys. I could go to night school for extra studies and that’s where I met Peter. He was a lot older than me but I found him kind and charming. We saw each other on the weekends too so he could meet my girls. Emma and Kate liked him but with reserve. They did remember their father just a little and were slightly wary of another man in my life.

Aggie sat at the kitchen table, eyes glazed, mind far away, back in London.

Chapter 4

London 1971-1978

Aggie opened the letter her house mate Jane had left on the kitchen table. With dismay she read the few lines it contained.

She heard the door open and Kate and Emma arrived back from school, giggling and out of breath.

Kate at 14 had grown tall and leggy while 13-year-old Emma was still in the dumpy puppy stage.

Hi Mum, what’s up? I’m starving, Kate threw her bag into a corner but Emma was already at the fridge.

Aggie pulled her daughter out of it and closed the door firmly.

Listen you two, sit down for a moment. I’ve had a letter from the landlord. He’s sold the house and we’ve a month to get out.

Groans of dismay as the girls sat down heavily. What a bum thing to do! What now? Emma looked stricken.

Find another place. Kate was always the practical one.

Can’t you remember the last time we tried that? The rents are far too high for my kind of salary. It was sheer luck we could share this place with Jane and her boys. She’s in the same boat now. Aggie sat down too, feeling disheartened.

Practical Kate made a pot of tea, Emma buttered some bread and all three pored over the ads in the daily paper.

After a dismal two weeks of failure dismissing one-room basement hovels and scruffy tenement flats, all at scandalously high rents, Aggie dropped a bombshell.

Jane and the boys had returned to her parent’s farm in Wales and the house was quiet.

Katie, leave the dishes for the moment, come and sit down you two, I’ve something to tell you.

Both girls obeyed and looked expectantly at their mother. Have you found something, Mum?

Maybe. Aggie looked at her daughters. She was still amazed at how much Katie resembled her now long gone brother Mark. She was tall for her age, slim and with the same unruly mop of dark curls and large brown eyes. She even had the same freckles across her nose. Emma was very different and must take after the unknown family of her father. She was much shorter than her sister, with long straight light brown hair and startlingly blue eyes.

Aggie took a deep breath and told her news, You both remember Peter, the chap I met at night school and who took us out a couple of Sundays? Well, he wants to marry me. He asked me yesterday when we came out of school.

Yesterday…and you said nothing? Emma’s voice rose to a squeal.

Ah hush you, let Mum talk. Kate turned to her mother. Mum, do you love him?

Aggie was silent for a moment.

I loved very deeply only once in my life and that love was rudely thrown back at me. Those feelings will never come again. I like Peter, he seems a bit lonely and we get on well, and then in a rush, "let’s