Feels Like Desire: Feels Like Romance, #5

By Roberta Ann Roque

Novella #5 in the Feels Like Romance series

Jessica is an accountant and as straight-laced as they come.  Ever since she was a little girl, she's always had to get things right.  She and Nick have been friends off and on since they were little but she's tired of him popping in and out of her life.  She cares about him but has trouble believing that he won't just disappear again.

Nick is as charming and handsome as they come.  He changes women as often as he changes his socks.  But he's getting tired of the game.  When his path crosses Jessica's again, he is reminded of why they have been friends for so long.  She actually gets him - not like the other women he's dated.  But when fate steps in and tries to take her from him, will it be a case of... you don't know what you've got till it's gone?

Jessica and NIck have choices to make.  Will they let go of their fears? Or will they lose each other forever?

 

Please note: This is a short, contemporary romance, stand-alone novella for adults 18 and over.  In this novella, just like in life, sometimes things get a little hot and steamy, if you don't like that, then you might want to try a different story.  And don’t worry, we hate cliffhangers as much as you do - this novella is guaranteed to come to a satisfying HEA conclusion.

approximately 28 000 words

 

 

An excerpt from Feels Like Desire

 

“I owe you an apology, Jess. I never saw our friendship as being a problem or being hurtful to you.”

When I looked up, she turned her eyes away.

“I see it now. And I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, that was a long time ago, Nick.”

“It was. But you haven’t forgiven me.”

I picked up my iced tea as she answered.

“What do you mean? There’s nothing to forgive. You never promised me anything.” Even an emotional idiot like me could hear the pain in her voice when she said that.

I stared at her beautiful face. All those years since that kiss in her parents’ living room, I had thought that she wasn’t interested. All this time, I had played the serial boyfriend, dating girl after girl who never seemed to get me. And after all that, now I was learning that she had wanted me too?

I studied her. Maybe she wouldn’t admit it to me. She probably wouldn’t even admit it to herself. But the hurt in her eyes couldn’t be disguised.

I hadn’t promised her anything. No. I hadn’t. But actions spoke louder than words. I had said something with that kiss, and she had said something when she had pushed me away. But now I was questioning whether I had understood that push correctly after all.

I paused with my drink halfway to my mouth, considering her choice of words. Then I put the glass back on the table.

“No, I didn’t promise you anything.” I leaned forward, staring into her crystal-clear blue eyes. “But maybe I should have.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Nick,” she said, no more able to break our gaze than I was.

“Yes, Jessica. I do. I realize that now.” I reached across the table and captured her hand before she knew what I was doing and could pull it back. “And I intend to repay you — in full.”

 

Order of the Feels Like Romance series

1. Feels Like Home

2. Feels Like Forever

3. Feels Like Love

4. Feels Like Sunshine

5. Feels Like Desire

• Language: English
• Publisher: Roberta Ann Roque
• Release date: Jun 6, 2015
• ISBN: 9781513049144

Book preview

Author's Note

With each of the books in the Feels Like Romance series, I deliberately chose songs to inspire the story.  I picked songs that went with the theme, with what the characters were going through, or that evoked a certain feeling.  When writing certain parts I would sometimes put the song on repeat and listen to it over and over.

This is an inherent part of these books and is integral to the stories.  You will find as you continue through the series that there are many references to songs and music.  It's supposed to be like that.  That's how the series was designed.

If you are a musician or enjoy music - the way I am and do - you'll know that songs evoke emotions in a way that words never can.  So, I've listed them here, if you'd like to surround yourself with these songs as you read or when you come to the part where they are mentioned in the story.

I've linked to the YouTube videos of the songs so that you can listen to them for free.

Enjoy!

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Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwSaldFJofM

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Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C11MzbEcHlw

––––––––

How to Save a Life by The Fray

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dddrq61sq4U

––––––––

Demons by Imagine Dragons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8

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Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen (Rufus Wainwright cover)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBo-n_17XU0

––––––––

Bitch by Meredith Brooks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv4q4Kk0Qr0

Happily ever after is alive and well!

Sincerely,

Bobbi (writing as Roberta Ann Roque)

CHAPTER ONE

Yoga: For Real Men Only

Nick

I sat up straight in bed.  I had been dreaming about Jessica — again.  Fuck.  Enough already, I told my subconscious.  I hadn’t seen Jessica in three years.  My alarm came on then with Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon, and I flopped back on my pillow, covering my eyes with my hands.  I couldn’t win.

It wasn’t like we had ever dated.  She had never been a part of the ever-revolving circle of girlfriends that spun through my life.  No, she wouldn’t have anything to do with that nonsense.  It wasn’t her thing —  short-term dating, hooking up, that kind of relationship.

We had been friends since kindergarten.  Through grade school, we’d hung out off and on.  I was always the popular guy and had tons of friends.  She was quiet and only hung out with a few people.  But  somehow, time and again, we always ended up being friends again.

To be honest, it was probably my fault our friendship was off and on.  I’m sure Jessica would have been a friend straight through if I hadn’t been so distracted by my own life and everyone else in it.  I was always chasing the next thing that tempted me.

Once, I had had a crush on her in high school and had tried to tell her, but she just pushed me away with her words.  She wouldn’t even let me speak, like she knew what I was going to say before I said it.  So I kissed her instead. 

It was my modus operandi at the time — if talking didn’t work, see if they responded to the physical.  She kissed me back, and it was heaven... for a minute.  Then she pushed me away again — with her hands this time.  Put both her palms on my chest and shoved.  Not hard enough to hurt me or even move me much, but my pride was injured — I don’t know about my heart. Back then, I tried not to pay much attention to it. 

It was then that I knew she was way out of my league and I should forget about her.  She said something about our dating not being a good idea, and I took that to mean that she wasn’t interested, probably because I wasn’t good enough for her.  I was pretty sure I wasn’t good enough for her, anyway.

If I had let myself think about it, I might have been upset.  But I just went on to the next girlfriend, a new distraction, anything to make me forget how bad it had felt when she shoved me away.

She went to college and got her MBA.  I learned a trade and started working as a carpenter.  We saw each other once in a while, talked on the phone at Christmas.  Really, though, our friendship was on pause.

But when I was twenty-one, the unthinkable happened.  My big sister, Serena, committed suicide.  I was devastated.  My parents were in shock and denial, and I had no one to talk to.  So I called Jessica.  I had barely told her what had happened when she said she had to go: she had a bus to catch.

Three hours later, she was at my door, and I fell apart.  She was the only one who let me grieve and didn’t expect me to be strong through it all.  I will never forget how she helped me through that time.  And even if we haven’t seen each other in person in three years, I still consider her to be the best friend I have.  I don’t know if she would say the same about me.

***

So, what are you saying, Nick? Cora was clearly upset, but she wasn’t crying yet, and for that I was glad.  I looked around the nice restaurant I had taken her to — not a dive but not too expensive either.  The place had big windows that let in lots of light.  And there were white tablecloths.  That automatically made a place seem classy, even if the prices were still reasonable. 

There were only about three other tables with people at them, but it was enough for her to hold it together.  That had been the plan.  The only thing I was better at than meeting girls was breaking up with them.  It was always better to break up with them in a public place than at home because they would keep their emotions under control in a restaurant or library or playground in a way that they never would in my apartment.

It’s just not working out for me.  I think you’re great.  But we can’t go out anymore.

She sat back in her chair and folded her arms.  Her long, thin legs were crossed.  I wondered briefly how much time it had taken her to get her blonde hair in those perfect waves.  Her pink lips wobbled.  How could I have ever found her attractive?  Time for the exit.  I stood up.

I’m sorry, Cora.  I really am.

I kissed her on the cheek, paid the check, and left.  I knew I ought to feel bad because I had just broken up with a girl I had been dating for two months. 

But I didn’t.  And I knew that this was a problem.  I knew that I ought to feel something for these women I dated. 

But I didn’t. 

I wasn’t sure I could feel anymore.  Ever since my sister died, I’ve felt like there was a wall between me and everyone else.  It was there for my protection.  I knew that too.  The wall meant that I could never be hurt again.  Because if I didn’t love anyone, then I would never be destroyed if I lost them.  But that distance also kept me from loving anyone — and obviously, that was seriously fucked up. 

I wanted what my friends Cecilia and Will had.  And what Miranda had with Jake.  They seemed happy — truly happy.  And I really did want that.  But to get that I would have to break down the wall, and I wasn’t sure if I could. 

Desire.  Sex.  The physical.  I could handle that.  But actually putting myself out there?  Exposing myself to someone, making myself vulnerable?  No, that didn’t seem like a good idea at all.  What if she left me?  Or worse — what if she died?  Like Serena? 

The thought made me feel heavy and depressed.  I thought of Cecilia and Miranda — the closest thing I had to siblings anymore.  I definitely needed some big sister mothering today.

I stood outside the restaurant and called Cecilia.

Hey, Ceese, it’s Nick.

Nick, my favorite little brother, she said.  How are you? 

Of course, she wasn’t really my sister, but we always talked like that.  She and Miranda had been like sisters to me my whole life.  Our families had been friends since we were all in diapers, and we had spent weekends and summers together, playing like siblings. 

Since I had moved here, they had been there for me — introducing me to people, getting me contracts, suggesting places to go and things to do, helping me find an apartment.  The things that Serena would have helped me with if she had still been alive. 

I felt a pang whenever I thought or spoke Serena’s name.  I had never really got over her death, and it still hurt me to think of her.  I wished so much that I could go talk to her today.  The feelings of grief overwhelmed me, as if it had happened a few days ago instead of years.  I took a big breath.  Yes, I could definitely use some company today.

Okay.  I’m fine.  I was wondering if you wanted to do something today.

Sure.  Will’s out of town — playing a few Christmas concerts.  'Tis the season already.  He’ll be back day after tomorrow.  Truth is, I’m a little bored and lonely.  Want to catch a movie?

I don’t know.  Maybe.  I have a chiropractor’s appointment in an hour, but then I can swing by Cecilia’s.  Cecilia owns the trendiest restaurant in the city, and the food is amazing.  We can decide what to do then.

Sounds good.  Looking forward to it, Nicky.

Only she and Miranda could still get away with calling me Nicky.  And I only permitted it for old time’s sake.

I zipped my coat up a little higher and walked east for about ten