The Last Rational Man

By Karlin

Stories ranging from the romantic (Hair), to the skeptical (The Last Rational Man) and a few macabre ones (do not read Anatomy Lab just before going to sleep)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Karlin
• Release date: Jun 2, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310824579

Karlin

Karlin is a chemist, amateur archaeologist and dreamer, living in Israel.

Book preview

The Last Rational Man

Short Stories

By Karlin

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2015 Karlin

License Notes

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Discover other titles by Karlin:

Role Playing

Table of Contents

The Last Rational Man

Hair

Dylan's

A Birthday Story

Fugitive

Just Like Pa

A Man of Good Taste

A Modest Meal

Help Me Die

Anatomy Lab

An Obsession, with Music

A Medical Image

A Code

A Clean Kill

Emotions

The Flask of Amaretto

Whaling Wall

The Last Rational Man

My first stop was a mainstream religion. It had the typical concept of the God who is both dead and alive, and an idea of personal salvation. We never expected much trouble from this group, but since their belief is so popular, it was felt important that I pay them a visit, and understand their weaknesses as best as possible.

The nearest branch of their church was out in the suburbs. The street was lined with small trees that the city had planted in hopes that they would someday grow and turn the street into a leaf-lined tunnel, the way that the city streets once were before the elm trees died. The church itself was a small red brick building, not much larger than the houses nearby.

Inside, the ceiling rose to a peak, following the outline of the roof. The walls were all plain white, with the exception of the wall opposite the entrance, which was covered with red brick. There were folding chairs lined up in rows, and books, possibly prayer books, lined up on shelves near the door.

The only other feature of interest was a large photograph on the brick wall. It was a photo of a middle-aged man, wearing a blue polo shirt, and waving at the camera.

A young man entered the church, and walked over to me.

Can I help you?

It is always best to make your lies as close as possible to the truth.

Yes, maybe you can. I am doing a survey of different religions, and I was hoping that somebody here could explain your beliefs to me.

Well, we are in luck then. I am the pastor here. Do you know anything at all about our religion?

Well, I have heard your group called ‘the dead-and-alive ones.’

"Yes, I know the term. Like most nicknames, it has a kernel of truth in it, but doesn’t really explain anything.

The story really starts about fifteen years ago. Timothy Adams was only a teenager back then.

When he said ‘Timothy Adams,’ the pastor hit his forehead lightly with his fist three times. He continued doing this throughout our conversation, apparently as an act of reverence.

Timothy Adams (knock, knock, knock) was skiing in Colorado when he found the Word of God. The Word was written in Cuneiform letters on a block of ice.

I had no choice but to interrupt him.

Cuneiform?

Yes. It was a form of writing originally used to write Akkadian on clay tablets. In this case, the Word was written in ancient Greek, though the symbols themselves were in Cuneiform.

Was Timothy Adams a scholar? Did he understand Greek?

No. He was just a high-school student. But God revealed to him how to read the tablet, so we now know what the message was.

I suppose that once he had deciphered the tablet, copies of the document were made, so everybody could see the holy word.

No! Of course not! Poor mortals are not allowed to see the tablet. It can only be viewed by Timothy Adams (knock, knock, knock) himself.

Well, surely you must keep this artifact safe.

Of course. Timothy Adams (knock, knock, knock) keeps it in his freezer.

His freezer?

Well, it is made of ice.

No, I just thought that you would keep it in a museum or a temple, with special backup refrigeration.

There is no place safer than Timothy Adam’s (knock, knock, knock) freezer. If you will let me proceed with the story, you will understand.

Go ahead, then.

The important point here was not the discovery, nor how the tablet is preserved. What’s important is what is written on the tablet. The tablet told Timothy Adams (knock, knock, knock) two things. First of all, that he is the Messiah.

Messiah?

Yes. I will explain what I mean by the term. The Messiah is the savior. It is through belief in the Messiah that you can reach salvation, and achieve everlasting life.

You don’t have to do anything besides believe?

You are expected to behave morally, but the bottom line is that belief paves the path to Heaven, and disbelief is a direct shortcut to Hell.

There was a cruel logic to this, but I thought I could blow a hole in it.

I understand what you just said, but it doesn’t make sense. What about people who never heard of your doctrine, or children, infants, who never had a chance to believe?

"That’s a common argument, to which there is only one answer: It is unfortunate, and may seem cruel to humans, but belief is the only way. We do have a way of saving future generations, though, but that is a different story. The other obvious question is whether criminals can get to Heaven. The answer is of course the same. It may appear unfair to humans, but even the worst criminals are guaranteed a place in Heaven, as long as they believe.

We are not proud of the fact, but we do have a motorcycle gang that truly believes. I have met them myself, and they really do believe, by any normal definition of the idea of belief. They are, unfortunately, addicted to violence of the worst type. We are not proud of them. Most of our members live moral, healthy lives. We just cannot change the metaphysics of the world. Belief, not action, is what brings reward.

You said that the Messiah received two messages.

Yes. Timothy Adams (knock, knock, knock) received a second message. Not only was he the Messiah, but he was dead.

Dead?

Yes. Dead.

I am afraid that I don’t understand at all. Your Messiah died right after receiving the tablet of revelation? You keep the tablet in a dead man’s freezer?

Yes, that is more or less correct. After the revelation, Timothy Adams (knock, knock, knock) was dead, and he took the tablet, brought it home, and put it in his freezer.

This one was a little difficult to work out. I decided to give it my best shot.

He was dead.

Yes.

And he took the tablet home.

Yes.

And he put it in his freezer.

I see you understand perfectly.

And where is Timothy Adams now?

My host looked at his watch.

He should be home right now.

He’s at home.

Probably.

Where else could he be?

Well, he sometimes comes to church, and he must go shopping and so on sometimes.

You realize that there is something a little disturbing about what you are telling me.

Ah. You probably think that it is rather odd to have a dead Messiah. People often ask about that. It is actually a very common belief. People believe that Christ is dead, and many of those who do think that he is dead believe that he is not only the Messiah, but actually a manifestation of God as well. That belief is acceptable, but you view ours as strange.

Well, you have to admit that there is a difference.

The main difference is that Christ lived two thousand years ago, so you are willing to accept all the strange stories about him. But when the Messiah appears in your own time, and you are surrounded by miracles and prophecies, you are suddenly skeptical.

The conversation had taken an unpleasant turn. I needed to get back on track if I was ever going to understand their lunacy.

I must apologize if you have gotten that impression. I agree with you that the ancients did not have a monopoly on religious matters. There is something else about what you are saying that I find difficult. Even accepting that you have a legitimate dead Messiah, how can he show up in church, or go shopping for that matter? Did you have him embalmed, and display him like the Russians show off Lenin?

My host laughed.

I keep forgetting that my guests are not aware of some of the most basic facts on this planet. It will all become clear to you in an instant. Our Messiah is, in fact, dead. This, you will recall, was one of the two basic revelations he received. However, though he is actually dead, he appears alive to us, unfortunate souls that we are. We see only with our physical eyes, so it seems to us that he is alive, when the inner truth is that he is in fact dead.

The Messiah is dead, but just seems to be alive?

Precisely.

This sounded like the reverse of the famous parrot case.

"I see that you are a bit perplexed. Please try to abandon your prejudices for a moment, and understand the theological importance of this. It is well accepted that when people die they go to Heaven. In many religions, one of the main points of Heaven, sometimes the defining purpose of Heaven, is to become close to God, to have your own personal spirit join with his Spirit. It is clear that the dead can reach a much higher spiritual level than the live do.

In our case, Timothy Adams (knock, knock, knock) is already dead, even though he is still on Earth, and has already achieved a union with God.

Ah. So Timothy Adams is not dead in the physical sense. You are saying that he is dead in a spiritual sense, and by that you mean that he has achieved a high level of spirituality.

No. You are close, but you refuse to accept the truth. It is not ‘as if’ he is dead. He is in fact dead. Dead as a doorknob, kicked the bucket, went on to meet his maker, etc. It is just that to our mortal eyes he appears to be alive.

This is a bit hard to accept.

Now you are showing your bias against a new religion. Millions believe that God walked on Earth in the form of a man, and it does not strike you as strange. You may even understand why in some religions worshippers believe their leader is still alive, even though they themselves buried him years ago. So what is so difficult about this?

Well, he had a point, though one could easily make the case that he had merely demonstrated the lunacy of other religions, rather than the sanity of his own. As usual, though, I did not really need to know more. I was not a candidate for conversion, nor was I going to convince this gentleman that his beliefs were the bunch of nonsense that they obviously were.

So, the bottom line is that your Messiah, Timothy Adams, is dead. He had a revelation in which his status as a dead Messiah was revealed to him on a tablet made of ice, which only he has ever seen.

Yes. You see, it is really very straightforward, once you spend the effort to understand.

The conversation had saved me some trouble. I felt that there was no need to visit all of the religions in the world. The irrationality of this one, as my host had inadvertently pointed out, could be easily projected on most other religions. They would all fall like houses of cards when the time came. Yet there was one more on my list.

…….

He must have seen the shock on my face.

Yes, I know it’s a little disturbing. It is sometimes best to deal with a new concept directly, without beating around the bush. You’ll get over your shock, and learn to understand our beliefs. Most of our converts had the same reaction as you. In fact, some of our most enthusiastic members actually came up to my office and vomited when they first visited. It is not an easy thing to accept, and yet, you will see that it is the only possible way, the only true way.

His office looked normal in every respect. He sat behind a maple veneer desk, which looked like it had been ordered on-line from Office Depot. The usual mass-produced black office accessories were on the desk: stapler, hole-puncher and tape dispenser. He sat in a light swivel armchair, upholstered in blue.

I avoided looking at the wall to my left, and inspected the prints on the wall behind him. They were Norman Rockwell style prints, also probably ordered off some Internet site. The only expression of his religious beliefs was the organization’s symbol, two linked rings, which I had noticed on the wall opposite his desk when I first came in.

I had gone up a flight of stairs to reach his office, which was perched above the main hall of the chapel, if one could call it that. One wall of the office was glass, and the overall effect was that of a supervisor’s office overlooking a factory floor.

I felt my eyes drawn to the glass wall against my own will. I glanced down at the chapel, and quickly looked back at my host.

Well, how would you describe what you see down there?

Describe? You are used to this, but it is difficult for me to talk about it. Maybe members of your faith are used to this, but…

Well, just say it. Break the ice. You can use naughty words if you like.

Well, your congregants are, they seem to be, well, sex. They are having sex, as a group, in the chapel. I guess it could be called an orgy.

Very good! Precise, and to the point. I have a feeling that you will be joining us soon, maybe even today.

But I don’t understand at all. What are they doing? I mean, why are they doing this? Did I come for the equivalent of the Church picnic?

No, not at all.

Well then, am I supposed to believe that this is actually a religious rite?

My host beamed at me.

Yes, that is it exactly. It is a religious rite. In fact, it is The religious rite, the center of our beliefs and worship.

You must realize that it looks rather odd to the outsider.

Of course it does. But once I explain the inner meaning to you, I think you will change your viewpoint. Perhaps you will no longer view it from the outside. But first, before I can explain the ultimate purpose of all this, you must tell me more about what you see.

I got up, and went to the window, against my better instincts.

The chapel was a large room, almost completely empty. The church’s symbol was painted on one wall, and large sodium lamps lit the room from a high ceiling. The room resembled nothing more than a high school gym that had been converted into a place of worship. There were even exercise mats on the floor, the kind you use for practicing tumbling. The only thing was, they weren’t being used for tumbling.

There were about fifty couples on the mats, all engaged in what looked like sexual intercourse. I watched for a few minutes. The scene was very odd. All of the worshippers were in exactly the same position, and they all moved together, synchronized by the beat of a large drum that was placed in the middle of the room. After about two minutes, the man beating the drum paused, and hit a gong. The worshippers all got up, changed partners, and continued in a new position, to the renewed beat of the drum.

The worshippers came in different shapes, sizes and colors. There were teenagers there, as well as a few people who were certainly in their seventies, if not older. The switch in partners took place in a complex pattern that reminded me of the way you rotate tires on a car. There seemed to be no sense at all in who ended up with whom. There were tremendous mismatches of size and age, but no one seemed to be concerned.

There was something very wrong with it all. It didn’t really look like lovemaking, or even sex, at least in any normal use of the term. It was missing a critical ingredient. Nobody seemed to be having a good time. Not a single one of them was enjoying themselves.

My host pointed to a loudspeaker on the wall, and motioned me to switch it on.

At first all that I could hear was the drum beating out the rhythm of their motion. But then I realized that there was an underlying rustling noise. I concentrated, trying to place the sound. It took a minute before I realized that I was hearing the congregants whispering their prayers.

What are they saying?

It is our central prayer. It is recited in Aramaic, but I can provide you with a loose translation: ‘to join the Lord together with his Presence.’ It is a statement of intent.

Why in Aramaic?

It is critical that all the churches across the world use the same exact formula. You will understand this better once you have joined the church, and you can study the holy texts. One fact that will help you understand a small part of this right now is that the ‘Lord,’ in Aramaic, is male, while the term for ‘Presence’ is female.

I turned my attention back to the window.

They do not seem to be enjoying themselves.

Enjoyment is not part of this at all, if they enjoyed it, it would ruin everything.

My host seemed to be sane. He was speaking in logical terms, and was very calm and pleasant. Still, their beliefs were strange, and gave me some hope.

"In order to understand our practices, you have to look beyond the ritual itself, and understand the inner structure of the world. I use the term ‘world’ loosely, meaning the universe, all of creation.

After the Creation, the world was at peace. This was the period echoed in the Bible as the Garden of Eden. The Creator was one, the world was one, and there was complete harmony among all. Even Adam and Eve, though they were two, were united in a way that is hard for us to comprehend today. The Bible tells us that they became ‘one flesh.’ Adam and Eve were created in God’s image, so in an inner sense, they were in fact one person.

This all fell apart when they ate from the Tree of Knowledge. Yes, the apple that Eve induced Adam to eat. It is very convenient to blame the snake for the story, but the fault must