It's Politics... But Not As We Know It

By Nick Ferrari

Do our political leaders embody your hopes and dreams? More importantly, when was the last time you looked at a politician and thought, ‘That’s someone I’d like to have a drink with’? Chances are, not recently enough. Let’s look at the state of politics today. Our representatives sit in a Westminster bubble; the vast majority are one-track careerists who’ve never held down a proper job. Is it any wonder that people feel disconnected from all of this?

This book is about the gap between politicians and the people. It’s about being real, being honest, and – crucially, this is Britain after all – keeping a sense of humour. And it’s the only place to find out why Boris needs to know his beans from his bubbles and Diane Abbott wants a new bread roll. Including Nick Ferrari’s dream cabinet, his Finishing School for Politicians and other visionary ideas that might never change the world, this very funny but, ultimately, very important book is for all of us, from the political grandee all the way down to the ‘NEET’. Welcome to the new politics, Nick Ferrari style.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Elliott & Thompson
• Release date: May 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9781783960750

Book preview

French?

Introduction

I can just picture it now: legions of political hopefuls stomping up and down the country, an eager look in their eyes, lips pursed at the ready . . . Every five years we witness the same sorry spectacle. Mums of Britain, beware! In the build-up to a general election, an army of politicians will be queuing up to kiss your baby.

Don’t let them do it.

I see this book as a kind of public health warning. When you get your ‘Guide to Maternity’ pamphlet from your GP, telling you why breast is best and that your child shouldn’t sleep on its side, this book should be handed out alongside it.

When the nation’s politicians pucker up to plant one on your beautiful baby, it’s your duty as a citizen of this country to point a finger and laugh out loud . . . and I’m going to tell you why.

Let’s look at the state of politics today. We’ve got a load of MPs sitting in Westminster, in their own bubble, legislating for a population that they barely ever interact with. We’ve got the House of Lords, which is so out of touch it might as well be on the moon. The vast majority of those in Westminster are politics careerists who’ve come straight out of university and have never held down a proper job. Is it any wonder that people feel disconnected from all of this?

As the presenter of LBC’s breakfast show, I get to talk to a fair few politicians. But I also get to talk to an awful lot of ordinary people; members of the public who phone in and tell us what they really think. This book is about the gap between the two – between the politicians on the one hand, and us, the people, on the other – and at the moment it’s a mile wide.

There are some good guys out there, some good politicians doing fantastic work. All is not lost. But we need a change of culture and it’s up to all of us to make it happen. It’s about being real, being honest, and – most importantly, this is Britain after all – keeping a sense of humour.

Welcome to the new politics, Nick Ferrari-style.

1

The price of bread

Politics is serious. The way it is practised, and certainly the way it is presented by the majority of current politicians, is deadly serious. It’s no laughing matter. But here’s a funny story that sums up a lot about modern politics.

It was autumn 2013 and Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, had just appeared on Newsnight with Jeremy Paxman. This was at the height of party conference season, so all the guests wanted to talk about were nitty-gritty issues such as foreign policy, immigration, unemployment and God knows what else.

And this is a regular trick up journalists’ sleeves – they also did it to George Bush Sr in the US presidential election – Paxman asked Boris Johnson the price of a pint of milk. Boris clearly doesn’t buy his own milk because he fumbled it! He guessed ‘about 80p or something like that’, then tried to pretend he was talking about ‘er, er, one of those biggish ones’ when Paxman told him it was around 40p for a pint. Boris even tried to turn the tables, but Paxman was having none of it: ‘I’m not standing for election, you are.’

So I had David Cameron on the show the following day and at the end I said something along the lines of, ‘I have time for just one final question – the mayor was asked by Jeremy Paxman yesterday what a pint of milk costs,’ and as I heard him chuckle down the line I said, ‘I wouldn’t do anything as low as that. Instead, Prime Minister, what’s the cost of a value sliced white bread loaf at Tesco or Sainsbury’s this morning? You’d know the price of that, wouldn’t you, Prime Minister?’

Cameron said something like, ‘Well, it’s gonna cost you, er, well north of a pound, I mean, er, I actually don’t buy the value sliced loaf, um, um, I’ve got a breadmaker at home which I delight in using and it turns out in all sorts of different ways but . . .’

After I told him the cost was 47p, he said something like: ‘Look, I’m trying to get my children to eat er, er, the sort of granary – and they take it actually, they like my home-made bread.’ Then, ‘A little plug for the flour made in my constituency – Cotswold Crunch – you get some of that, beautifully milled in

Reviews for It's Politics... But Not As We Know It

[atticusfinch1048 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It’s Politics... But not as we know it.LBC radio has started its national conversation with the nation and one of its presenters Nick Ferrari has come up with probably the most topical book in the series as we approach a General Election. This part polemic part plan is not a long book only 100 pages long even a modern politician may be able to read it with their simple brains.With four easy to read chapters starting with the price of bread and a question that Ferrari posed to Boris Johnson on the price of bread which he fluffed, poses what do the politicians know about the real things that matter to the person in the street. He also echoes the fact that it does not matter which political party the politician is from the narrowness of the leadership, especially when the road to leading a party these days is a PPE degree from Oxford, then from there straight in to the Westminster village working in politics or think tanks.Nick Ferrari is able to prove quite easily why the electorate do not trust the political leaders of this country as being far too narrow, not representative of them and completely out of touch. I suppose that is quite easily to prove especially when political party membership is at its lowest point compared to special interest groups with high membership. Ferrari puts his proposals forward including on the ballot paper None of the Above, which I have a feeling would win in most constituencies today. He is also not afraid to tackle the economy, education, transport and the golden calf – The NHS. I may not agree with everything Nick Ferrari puts forward in his plan, but unlike most of the political parties he actually has a plan and one that is not made with a knee jerk reaction like most politicians do today. I would say things are bad and we are disconnected but suggesting we should be a bit more like the French? Oh please nothing is ever that bad that we have to mirror the French, I mean the French military capability is at an all time low as someone has bombed the white flag factory! France is a lovely country unfortunately ruined by those who live there and there is no way we should ever be more like them over taxed and under worked. Life is never that bad!