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    The Lost Child: A Mother's Story
    The Lost Child: A Mother's Story
    The Lost Child: A Mother's Story
    Ebook411 pages3 hours

    The Lost Child: A Mother's Story

    By Julie Myerson

    3/5

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    About this ebook

    While researching her next book, Julie Myerson finds herself in a graveyard, looking for traces of a young woman who died nearly two centuries before. As a child in Regency England, Mary Yelloly painted an exquisite album of watercolors that uniquely reflected the world in which she lived. But Mary died at the age of twenty-one, and when Julie comes across this album, she is haunted by the potential never realized. She is also reminded of her own child.
    Only days earlier, Julie and her husband locked their eldest son out of the family home. He is just seventeen. After a happy childhood, he had discovered drugs, and it had taken only a matter of months for the boy to completely lose his way and propel his family into daily chaos. Julie-whose emotionally fragile relationship with her own father had left her determined to love her children better-had to accept that she was powerless to bring him back.
    Honest, warm, and profoundly moving, this is the parallel story of a girl and a boy separated by centuries. The circumstances are very different, but the questions remain terrifyingly the same. What happens when a child disappears from a family? What will survive of any of us in memory or in history? And how is a mother to cope when love is not enough?
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBloomsbury USA
    Release dateJul 23, 2010
    ISBN9781608191376
    The Lost Child: A Mother's Story
    Author

    Julie Myerson

    Julie Myerson is the author of nine novels, including the internationally bestselling Something Might Happen, and three works of nonfiction. As a critic and columnist, she has written for many newspapers including The Guardian, Financial Times, Harper’s Bazaar, and the New York Times.

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    Reviews for The Lost Child

    3/5

    83 ratings34 reviews

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    • 5/5
      When I first picked up The Lost Child, I wasn't sure what to expect. I'm not usually a huge fan of memoirs, but I still really enjoyed the book. The Lost Child is about Julie Myerson's struggles in coming to terms with her son's addiction and destructive behavior. At the same time, it's also a story about how Myerson works on a book about a girl who lived over a hundred years ago, Mary Yelloly. These two storylines are seemingly very different, but by the end of the book, both come together. In fact, the parts about how Julie Myerson traces the history of Mary Yelloly make this book much more interesting than your standard "child with drug addiction" story. I would recommend this book to anyone, especially those who have a penchant for memoirs, books about drug addiction, or historians.
    • 1/5
      Oh dear oh dear.This book has one saving grace in that it is not as extreme in tone as some other drug related misery memoirs. What it lacks in extremity, it also lacks in conviction: at least the extreme anti-drug memoirists like Debra Bell stake out a position.What this book shares with its extremist cousins is that it is high on emotion and anecdote, but dreadfully short on evidence.There is a whole series of questions Myerson could have asked herself when discussing the subject of drugs. Yet she fails to do so. The questions she failed, but indeed must, ask, if a balanced review of the subject is to be approached, include the following:Does prohibition make it easier for under-18 year olds to access drugs?If Cannabis made her son behave so badly, how can she explain the fact millions of people use cannabis, but do not behave badly?If drug use explains bad behaviour, how does she explain how some people behave badly, even though they are not using drugs?Does she really believe that people that use drugs deserve to be treated like criminals?If she is concerned with the mental health implications of cannabis use: how does she explain how prohibition reduces this harm, when the evidence suggests that it increases the harm? But then if she had bothered to ask herself these questions this would have been a different book. Indeed, it may have led her to conclude that instead of blaming drugs, the blame for her pain and grief must lie elsewhere.
    • 3/5
      Myerson's story is really two stories in one - her research into a historical girl and her family, and her life with her son who is an addict.I did not find that the two stories were very cohesive. Myerson's personal story about her son was very compelling. She is brutally honest and I found myself caring greatly about her family and longing to know more about them. At the same time, I was not the least bit interested in learning more about her historical girl. Myerson is a wonderful writer and I wish this book had just been her personal story. I find myself thinking about her family from time to time and I truly wish them well.
    • 4/5
      I really liked this book. It completely held my interest, and the pages kept turning. I don't usually enjoy books containing simultaneous story lines because I find it very distracting, but this book was very well done. The vignettes were short, and I loved the short chapters as well - I think that helped to keep things moving along and held my interest as the book moved from present day to the life of one girl (one family, really) in the early 1800's. Being a somewhat "lazy historian", I loved the short, historical references, and the book as a whole is beautifully written. I'm anxious to read more by this author. Furthermore, this is one of the most unique memoirs I have ever read. I can imagine the mess that a less-talented writer could have made out of an attempt to meld the two storylines. I'm not sure that I completely understand the author's fascination with the young Mary Yelloly, but the last page of the afterword put things in perspective for me.As the mother of young boys, I found Ms. Myerson's descriptions of mothering a troubled young man extremely heartfelt and heart-wrenching. An unexpected bonus of reading this memoir? It gave me some perspective on issues we are currently confronting with our eldest son - thank you! Overall, a great read.
    • 4/5
      This is a most interesting book. The two stories intertwine quite well, each adding to the other. The writing style, however, took some getting used to; at first it dragged my attention away from the story to the actual writing, which took something away from the story. However, once I got used to the writing, the book was easy enough to follow, and is one that I'd be likely to read again.
    • 4/5
      This book has two and a half parts to it-a story about a girl who died at a young age centuries ago, the author's struggle with her drug addicted son, and a small part about the author's childhood with an alcoholic father. I love memoirs and work with those with substance abuse addictions so this book really appealed to me. It was a quick read but part of that might have been because I started to quickly skim over the parts about the girl (Mary Yelloly) who died at a young age. If this book had been entirely about Mary, as the author had originally intended, I probably would have hated it. The portion of the book where the author describes what she and her husband did while their son was spiraling into addiction was the most intriguing and "real." I enjoyed her candor and though some may say it was just another typical addiction story every family struggle is unique as was this story. The small snippets about the author’s childhood were also intriguing and I wish there had been more exploration of this plot. In summary half the book would have gotten zero stars and half would have gotten five stars. I still don't know what was so intriguing or interesting about Mary or her story and I definitely could have done without that part.
    • 3/5
      The author explains in her forward that this book was originally intended to be about Mary Yelloly, a young woman who died in 1838. However, while she was researching the Yelloly book, a family crisis took over and prevented her from focussing on her work. So this became a memoir of what she went through when her oldest son became a drug addict. Only she didn't drop the Yelloly story either. So this is a book about both. I don't know how many readers are interested in both. I know I wasn't. At first the Yelloly bits were a bit of an interesting respite from the sadness and drama of the Myerson family life. But then they became, to me, more like commercial breaks in a TV movie -- more and more disruptive, distracting, frequent and never-ending. In other words, I was captivated by the memoir of the mother going through her son's addiction and absolutely zero interested in whose hair Myerson might have been holding when she was granted access to a box of memorabilia from descendants of Yelloly. In all honesty, there was probably no way Myerson could have included the Yelloly story in this book in a manner that would have interested me, but even so, the way she did present it -- describing her research and how it took place rather than laying out the story of her findings -- was even less pleasing to me.The memoir about her feelings as a mother toward her son was heart-breaking. I have no doubt that her perceptions are essentially correct and that her son was not being just a simple difficult teenager at the time, but did in fact have a serious drug problem (and/or other, unidentified, mental health issue). The only message I can take from this is that there is always hope for a better future as long as a loved one is alive. I share in Julie's hope for her son's future and my heart goes out to her. On that aspect of the memoir, my biggest critique is in her omission of most of the rest of her family and family life. Her other two children are mentioned but her relationship with them is not detailed. There is initially some description of the impact of the oldest child's behaviour on his younger siblings but as the book progresses, there is less and less about them at all. I would have appreciated this even more if it had been only about the author's experience in her family (and not her research into the Yelloly family) and had been about her experience with her entire family, not just her eldest son, during the time period in question.
    • 4/5
      A very complicated book. It was difficult to read in parts because of the drama and reality of the situation. Ms. Myerson is very brave to have shared her story. So many hide their children's problems out of embarrassment or pain.The book was well-written, and very important.
    • 3/5
      This was well-written, and the relationships are expressed in a fierce, however flawed, light.I did enjoy the correlating story of Julie's research, of both watching her son and subject approaching their ends in parallelOverall, I liked this book well enough, but I never really connected with the author enough to experience her heartbreak.
    • 3/5
      Julie Myerson moves closer and closer to a young adult from another time in history through her research as her own young adult son moves farther and farther from her, spiraling downward into drug use and homelessness. Myerson uses the dual storylines to explore the boundaries of love and the limits to the control that parents can exert over their children. Slow at times, the beautiful thoughtfulness of the ending makes up for some of these more tedious moments.
    • 4/5
      I enjoyed the way the author combined the two story lines - one of a seemlingly innocent time past and one of a complicated present. It is two stories of the author searching for truth about two people and finding that in the result of the search she can only know so much about someone. As a parent of two young men I found myself thinking how blessed I am that somehow I didnt encounter the problems of drug addiction in their teen years. This book left me with many unanswered questions - about Mary yelloly and about the author herself
    • 4/5
      This tells the story of a mother whose son stops going to school, who becomes a different person. It takes the parents months to realize that more is going on than just teenagerhood, that their previously happy, well-adjusted son has become a drug addict. Then there's the longer stretch where they discover that love and support aren't going to help him, and finally the point, after he's stolen and lied and intimidated and hit her, that he has to leave for the sake of the remaining family members. Then they let him return, because they miss him, because the thought of him sleeping in a doorway or going hungry is intolerable. This story is raw and honest and powerful. It's well worth reading, whether or not you have children, just to understand a little of what so many people go through. This is, however, a relatively small part of the book. The larger portion is where Myerson researches the life of a nineteenth century family, and especially the second youngest child, who dies young. They were an ordinary upper class family, and the details are sometimes sketchy. One gets the feeling that Myerson is using this research as a way of retreating from her son's story; it's certainly how this is used in the book. As the situation at home intensifies, she pulls the reader away to the slow process of research, dusty documents and bemused decedents. It's interesting, but in a slower, subdued way. It doesn't mesh with the wrenching drama of the modern segments.The book ends when it ends, without resolution. Myerson's son is still out there, denying his problem. Myerson includes several of her son's poems and they are exactly what one would expect from a self-pitying teenager. This book is flawed, but it's important, being an honest and raw account of how a parent feels and adapts to losing a beloved child to addiction. It's not a misery memoir or a how-to guidebook. It doesn't preach or whine, but simply lays out a good parent's anguish at discovering that one can provide all the love and security in the world and still be unable to protect the very person one loves the most.
    • 3/5
      This was pretty ell written and interesting how two stories of struggle and drama were written about at the same time. I thought the section that the author wrote about her son were better than the other story and I am not sure they blended well enough for a cohesive book. I thought it was a good attempt however, and the talent the author has is evident.
    • 2/5
      Well, I can't actually say that I liked this book, although I did enjoy reading parts of it. The author told the stories of researching a book about an amateur artist who had died young, and her struggles with her son who smokes marijuana. Both stories were compelling, but seemed forced together. The only similarity that I could find was that the same woman was telling both of them. I found that her "voice" was particularly disruptive, odd since it was her story. It should have been natural for her to comment, but I found I just wanted her to get on with the stories--one or the other. Of the two stories presented, I found that I was more interested in the book that could have been written about the Yelloly family. In fact, after I finished the book I tried to find more information about the family online. Instead I discovered the controversy about an author writing about her young son without the veil of anonymity. I thought that the book was self-indulgent, and, a waste of story and talent. I wouldn't recommend it.
    • 3/5
      About: Myerson weaves her research about a young woman who lived in Regency England with the tale of her own son's drug addiction. Pros: The parts about her son are great. Cons: This should have been two separate books. One about the girl and one about her son. Grade: C-
    • 3/5
      I liked this story in that it was told from two points of view-it is worth reading by any parent of teenagers
    • 3/5
      I was really looking forward to reading this book when I read the synopsis. As a teacher, I have watched young adults and their families struggle with addiction and am always intersted in hearing more from people who have been through it. All that to say, that I has a hard time getting into the format of the book - the telling of the two stories of Mary and the son. I kept wanting Myerson to just focus on the son (and the parents) and what was going on with them. The desperation they felt when choosing to lock him out was heartfelt and thier whole situtation definitely thematically mirrored the story of Mary, but I found the back and forth distracting. Just the story of her and her son alone would have rated a 3 1/2 or 4 for me.
    • 3/5
      Myerson's melding of painful personal memoir with the exploration of the life of an obscure 19th century woman at first seems unusual, but this odd combination works. Myerson explores the role loss plays in family life, and the complex feelings a mother feels for a son who must be lost in order to be found again. I did find it difficult to understand why she became so entangled, almost obsessed, with an old English family to whom she had no real connection, but the bits and pieces of 19th century life in England she uncovers in her quest to learn more about Mary are fascinating. The only real flaw I found in this story is in her explanation of her son's marijuana addiction. She fears that her son is using a more potent form of the drug that will cause irreparable brain damage, but until I did a little research on my own, I found it hard to take her seriously. She describes this reaction from her close friends, as well, but I think it would have been mitigated if she'd described a little more her own research into the drugs her son is using. Because she doesn't, she sounds like a parent who is unnecessarily afraid based solely on the words of one psychotherapist, and it's a little harder to sympathize. Overall, a very touching and interesting story that highlights the difficulties and complexities that exist in even the most idyllic-seeming families.
    • 4/5
      This was a haunting, beautiful read, both the parts about Mary Yelloly and her family, and about the author's struggles with her son. One of the things I took from this book is the fact that you can never really know someone else--you can boil their lives down to the inarguable facts, the birth and death dates, a collection of relics, but there's always something that will elude you. There's so much that Myerson will never know about either Mary or her son, no matter how hard she tries, and that's just how life is.
    • 3/5
      I read this book because I have a son who struggles with some personality and mental health issues. While I could not relate to the exact circumstances her family went through, I was able to connect with this struggle and with the struggle working women have while trying to keep her family together. The Mary Yelloly story served to highlight the issues of loss a parent feels when their child is "gone" whether in death or due to circumstance.I think the main message is that we all walk a thin line when dealing with our families. A line that is often blurred by our love for them, our need for closure, and unrealistic societal expectations.Given the public sentiment about the publishing of this book, I am surprised that it didn't seem that controversial to me.
    • 1/5
      There once was a girl who painted watercolours in the 19th century, there once was a teenaged boy who used drugs and fought with his parents. Either of these stories could’ve been interesting had they been fully researched and then written about with insight and verve, but instead they seem half-hearted and half-finished. They are then mashed together as though two half-narratives will form a whole. Sadly, they do not. In telling the story of the 19th century girl Mary Yelloly, Myerson addresses the deceased girl directly, “By the time the fifth baby dies, your grandmother is very ill indeed – yes, the family foe again”. Referring to consumption as ‘the family foe’ and talking directly to the dead girl about her family has the effect of sounding both smarmy and twee.Myerson records the minutiae of her own letters to Yelloly’s descendents as well as her feelings as she attempts to track down information about the girl. This might work if she wrote more compellingly, but instead it comes off as dull and rather self-centred. We learn very little about Yelloly, who, it becomes clear, is nothing more than a device to reflect back upon Myerson herself. It seems that the author’s son is similarly regarded as little more than a reflection of herself. She does not seem to see him as a fully-human and flawed person, but either as her perfect little boy or a manipulative drug-addicted monster. Early on, she decides that his brain has been warped by drugs and then doggedly pursues this theory, failing to consider that other elements (depression, discordance within the family, etc) might also need to be addressed. Despite writing this book which is purportedly about her relationship with him, Myerson seems painfully incurious about her son, and supremely unaware of herself. A particularly appalling moment comes when Myerson, having rushed her son's girlfriend into an abortion (which she repeatedly mentions costs her £700) fails to see this decision as something which might affect the 16 year old girlfriend or her son (now or in the future) - and only feels something when she thinks about how it relates to herself (her grandchild, dead).If as a reader, I am unable to truly know whether Myerson’s research and description of Yelloly and her own son is accurate, small lazy inaccuracies jump out throughout the text. Myerson may indeed have taken a train from Grand Central to New Haven, but I can assure her that it would be impossible for her to have passed through Hartford (p. 224) on the way! I picked up this book because I am interested in stories that explore the relationship between troubled teenagers and their parents but I would warn readers away from this one.
    • 4/5
      This poignant tale of the loss of a child, portrayed by the loss of Mary Yelloly in the 1800s and the story of the son of the author as he falls into the world of drug abuse, was far more engaging than I could have ever expected. The pain and the frustration felt by both sets of parents is portrayed beautifully and it seems almost fitting that the author identified with Mary at this time. Mary was still quite young when she succumbed to illness and left behind a tiny legacy of art and hints of love affairs never pursued. The author's son disappears into his drugs, quite literally leaving both of his parents floundering as they watch the young man they've known disappear in front of them. This would not normally be a book I'd have been drawn to but I was immersed in this story before I'd read fifty pages. The book is sad but hopeful, terrifying but temperate, painful but enlightening. I am grateful that I am not going through what this family is, but realize that it takes so very little to be in that exact same circumstance. I finished this book and felt all the richer for having read it.
    • 3/5
      While researching the life of a young woman who died in the mid-1800s at 21 leaving behind a portfolio of watercolors, the author struggles to deal with her oldest child's growing drug addiction. Myerson's decision to combine these two stories into one book works on some levels and misses on others. Mary Yelloly’s life seems enchanted at first. Born to well-to-do parents, she and her nine siblings live a charmed life on an English estate, cared for by an attentive mother and an accomplished father. The children are all well educated in all subjects, with an emphasis on art. The mother and most of the girls sketch and paint and it is these portraits of everyday life that lead Meyerson to investigate the family. Tuberculosis rears its ugly head and several of the siblings die very young, including Mary.Myerson’s children also leave a fairly charmed life. They live in comfortable circumstances, attending private school and are doted on by two involved, caring parents. Inexplicably their oldest son, who is never named, begins to smoke skunk, a particularly strong and damaging type of marijuana. He begins skipping school, going out until all hours, and becomes verbally and physically abusive to his parents and siblings. Stunned and bewildered by their son’s complete personality change, Myerson and her husband struggle to help their son and save the whole family from disaster. They ultimately kick him out of their home and suffer as they watch his continued downward spiral into addiction and hopelessness.Meyerson is brutal in her portrayal of how she vacillates between tough love and wanting to keep her son close no matter what the cost. She questions her intentions and her seeming missteps as a parent, and feels largely responsible for her son’s problems. At the same time, she tries to give her son the room to correct his own mistakes and in doing so allows him to continue his addiction, something she comes to regret. The ensuing stress fractures her relationships with her husband and other children. Meyerson offers no answers in how to deal with an addicted child, or how to avoid having a child fall prey to drugs. She comes to realize the mistakes that she and her husband made in dealing with their son, but does not think that she has found the right answers. The denial that both she and her husband displayed throughout much of their son’s addiction is chronicled and Myerson acknowledges that a stronger, faster response to his drug habit might have made a difference in the outcome. At the end of the book, her son is still an addict living on the streets, keeping in sporadic touch with his family and refusing to admit that he has an addiction. While Myerson goes to great length to learn about Mary’s life, a good deal of what she winds up writing about is supposition. Very little is known about Mary’s life and even less about her personality. Myerson frequently refers to the watercolors Mary did of her daily life and surroundings. This is a double-edged sword as none of the paintings are included in the book and this is a major oversight. It is one thing to read descript0ons of paintings and their impact on the writer and quite another to see those paintings for yourself. Without the paintings and with the lack of information about Mary, her side of the story falls rather flat. Myerson does a good job of weaving her search for details of Mary’s life with her search for answers about her son, but in the end the reader is left with very little satisfaction on either front. This is to be expected when dealing with the bleak subject of drug addiction, but it is frustrating when talking about a chosen figure from the past. In Sum, Lost Child is a deeply felt book and an insightful tale of how easily a child can slip into drug addiction. While there is no saving Mary Yelloly, one certainly hopes that Myerson's son will be able to save himself.
    • 3/5
      This book was good in a way that I appreciated the mother's heart toward her teengae son. It was hard to see his attitude and the way he treated his parents while he was using drugs. But so real to the reader that you did not want to stop reading. You always felt for her. The other story that was a parallel, somewhat, of her tracing a family's roots was interesting, but not so necessary to tie them in the same book. It was kind of confusing to me at times too. It was hard to follow that part of the story.
    • 3/5
      Two and 1/2 stories are interwoven in "The Lost Child"; the author finds a book of paintings rendered by a young woman in the early 1800's, and upon finding out that the artist died when she was only 21, becomes obsessed with finding out more about her. Then there is the heart-breaking story of the author's son's descent into drug addiction, and the impact of the addiction on her family. Then the author gives the reader a brief glance at her relationship with her father. I'm not too certain why these stories were all interwoven. The author jumps from one to another without segue. Plus the use of second and third person when discussing Mary Yelloly's story sometimes confused me as to who the author was talking about...Mary? Her sister?The premise is good; her description of her own initial denial of her son's addiction, and then the acceptance of it and the measures she and her husband had to take were raw and emotional.
    • 3/5
      I enjoyed the parts in the book about the Yelloly family but did not like her "talking" to her. I was waiting for a good ending and it just wasn't there. I did not enjoy the parts about her son. I didn't like the way she parented and it was not interesting nor did I feel it went well with the Yelloly story. I also didn't like the random parts about the author and her father. She did not elaborate enough on them and they confused me more then anything. Could have been an interesting story but I ended feeling let down and still looking for the ending I wanted. Honestly wouldn't recommend but I gave 3 stars because I enjoyed reading about the Yelloly family.
    • 5/5
      When I first picked up The Lost Child, I wasn't sure what to expect. I'm not usually a huge fan of memoirs, but I still really enjoyed the book. The Lost Child is about Julie Myerson's struggles in coming to terms with her son's addiction and destructive behavior. At the same time, it's also a story about how Myerson works on a book about a girl who lived over a hundred years ago, Mary Yelloly. These two storylines are seemingly very different, but by the end of the book, both come together. In fact, the parts about how Julie Myerson traces the history of Mary Yelloly make this book much more interesting than your standard "child with drug addiction" story. I would recommend this book to anyone, especially those who have a penchant for memoirs, books about drug addiction, or historians.
    • 4/5
      Two seemingly very different true-to-life stories woven together into one -- that's the gist of Myerson's The Lost Child. Did she pull it off smoothly? For the most part, yes, I think so. The writing style is a little different -- reminiscent in my mind to James Frey -- but I kind of liked that about this book. I felt like she nailed it down as far as expressing a mother's feelings of love & helplessness in dealing with her son's drug addiction & there were times I really ached for her. During this same period of time, Myerson is collecting historical information about a girl who grew up in England in the early 1800's, but who died at age 21, leaving behind her legacy in watercolors done as she was growing up. Myerson interweaves both these stories: her personal struggle w/ her son's addiction & her hunt to really get to "know" this young girl from the 19th century by piecing together the various clues she collects through her descendents. Some readers may have difficulty meshing these two stories together, but I thought it was a refreshing approach and overall found myself really wondering what was going to happen next in both instances.
    • 3/5
      The Lost Child relayed the struggles and desperation of a mother to save her beloved son from his downward spiral into drugs. Along the way, Myerson tries to protect her other children, marriage, and career from being taken over by the chaos. At times, it was distracting going between the Yelloly story she was researching and writing originally. In my opinion, the Yelloly story and her son's story should have been two books. Each story on their own was a joy to read but together was distracting.
    • 4/5
      Julie Myerson successfully tells two stories simultaneously. The first is a story of a young girl who dies at an early age in 19th century England. The reader is introduced to her and her family as the author does her research to tell the story. A fun and interesting way to learn about them and life then.The second story is that of her own son and his fall into drugs. It is a painful, honest look at what happens to so many families. She and her husband chose to fight with "tough love" and frequently go back and forth as to whether they are doing the right thing. For their son, I think it was the right thing as he seemed to be in denial and combative for so long. I loved both endings, one I wished for, even though impossible, and the other a beginning reconciliation and reason to hope. This book was sometimes difficult to read but spurred on by the need to know how it ends I kept picking it up again.I highly recommend this book especially to teens and their families.

    Book preview

    The Lost Child - Julie Myerson

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