First City Of Essex: Many Diversions One Destination

By Michael Haley

First City of Essex - Many Diversions One Destination
Written by Michael Haley
Is the 2nd novel in a 2 part series.

2012 was a momentous year for Britain, and for Chelmsford.
The year began with a drought, and then it didn't stop raining for 4 months.
Chelmsford was granted city status
and became the First City of Essex.
The Queen celebrated her Diamond Jubilee.
Then there was the Olympics, and the Paralympics.

Will Tiny's grandiose plans for 1stCitySoft succeed?
Will Hugh live to enjoy the fruits of his labours?
Will Norman and Clarisa stay together?
What will happen to Gordon, the crooked accountant?
Will the Vicarage Road gay clique survive?
Is there a future for Duncan and Caroline?
Will 2012 be a special year for the mighty Clarets?
Will the World come to an end on 21st December?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mirador Publishing
• Release date: Nov 18, 2014
• ISBN: 9781910530054

Michael Haley

Michael Haley has been in full-time vocational ministry for over twenty-five years. Michael graduated from Baptist Bible College with his BS in Missions and Bible in 1995. He would later earn his Master’s in Christian Leadership from Liberty University in 2008. Michael and Misti have been married since 1994 and have three wonderful kids. Their third child, and only daughter, came as a surprise in their 40’s. This opened Michael’s eyes to a whole new world of pink and princesses. He has authored three books over the last couple of years including Positioning Your Life for Breakthrough, Who Told You That?, and I Must Go. In 2020, Michael co-authored I Must Go with his identical twin brother which takes readers on a journey over nine mountain top experiences seen in Scripture, while sharing experiences from their 244-mile hike across the John Muir Trail. Ministry has taken the Haley’s to several different states, but they were thankful when God called them to Colorado Springs in 2008. They have pastored Cross Creek Church since July of 2008 and love calling Colorado home.

Book preview

FIRST CITY OF ESSEX

Many Diversions

One Destination

By

Michael Haley

First Published by Mirador Publishing at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 by Michael Haley

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

All right reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without permission of the publishers or author. Excepting brief quotes used in reviews.

First edition: 2014

Any reference to real names and places are purely fictional and are constructs of the author. Any offence the references produce is unintentional and in no way reflect the reality of any locations involved.

A copy of this work is available though the British Library.

IBSN : 978-1-910530-05-4

FOREWORD

Many thanks to everyone who bought a copy of my first novel Chelmsford 2012 - Many Hearts One Mind. I do hope you all enjoyed it. Responses made personally to me have all been favourable, and there have been a few encouraging reviews. I suppose I left you all hanging in the air wondering what would happen to Hugh and Norman and the rest of the characters in the last 6 months of 2012.

Well, this is my second novel First City of Essex - Many Diversions One Destination and the second part of the story that will perhaps tidy it all up for you. Perhaps!

It’s hard to believe now that the song Dangerous Curves, written in April 2012, was the seed from which such a huge enterprise has grown. Two novels and over 220,000 words later I’m still not finished. I’m still writing songs, performing at open mike sessions, and attending 3 writer’s groups. As soon as the publishing process for this story was underway I began to immerse myself in Tall Words on a Wall. You may remember that this was previously mentioned in the foreword of Chelmsford 2012 - Many Hearts One Mind. It’s not going to be a novel, but an autobiography with a difference, because it charts my life in terms of my poetry, songs, and stories in a refreshing and unique way.

Tall words on a wall

A song written by Michael Haley, 6th June, 2004

Flying down South for a short, hot Summer,

Carving a distance between us, I know,

Breaking my heart, I have to go,

Breaking my heart, I have to go,

Tall words on a wall, caught my eyes,

Even though, they were filled with tears,

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so,

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so.

Wishing for no need, to count the days,

But seconds slip by, like floating feather dust,

Missing you so far away,

Missing you so far away,

I see young lovers, holding hands,

Eyes and lips meet, soft and warm.

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so,

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say,

If that’s true, why do, I feel this way

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so,

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so.

At the heart of a game, in a game of the heart,

A game of the heart , played on my own,

Breaking my heart, I’m here alone,

Breaking my heart, I’m here alone,

So many places, I wish I could be with you,

Tall words on a wall, just say it all,

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so,

I haven’t gone anywhere yet, but already I miss you so.

In the Beginning

The 1st novel in the 2 part series

Written by Michael Haley

was:

Chelmsford 2012 - Many Hearts One Mind

In 2012 the Olympics came to London.

After 2 dry winter’s the government declared a drought.

Soon after, it started raining and didn’t stop for 4 months.

The Queen celebrated her Diamond Jubilee.

Chelmsford was granted city status.

And became the First City of Essex.

Tiny was running a small computer games company.

He planned to transform his baby into a global player.

Work colleague, Hugh, was Tiny’s oldest, funniest and fattest friend.

He was eating, drinking, and joking himself into oblivion.

Norman was the company’s young computer games genius.

He had been totting up notches on the bedpost.

Gordon was the company accountant.

He was a gay activist with his own agenda.

The story up to July 2012 changed all their lives.

And at the end of the novel

Chelmsford 2012 - Many Hearts One Mind

There were many unanswered questions as we left Norman and Hugh and the rest of the crew at the beginning of July 2012. Throughout the first six months of the year there had been many changes.

But what lay in store for boys and their nearest and dearest?

Norman’s life had changed in 2012. He had been an important factor in the NerdiSoft development. But he’d become a much bigger wheel in the 1stCitySoft plan. He had been an incorrigible womaniser, but Clarisa had changed him into a one gal guy.

Would the path of true love continue to run ever smooth for Norman and Clarisa?

What would happen to the giant moggy Phyllis?

Hugh had always been his own man; a law unto himself. Now he’s got big, big, problems, just at the time when his investment in NerdiSoft could turn into megabucks when it becomes 1stCitySoft.

Would Millicent be able to keep Hugh on the right track to a healthier lifestyle?

Would Hugh live to see the fruits of his labours?

What triumphs and disasters are waiting for Hugh’s beloved Clarets in the season 2012/13?

Tiny’s life had changed in 2012. He had been the chairman of NerdiSoft; a small UK company. Now he stood on the threshold of becoming the main man in 1stCitySoft, a global player.

Would Tiny see 1stCitySoft successful in their massive venture?

Would Tina and Tiny’s open marriage endure?

Gordon had never really been a mainstream NerdiSoft man, and had seriously undermined the potential transformation of the company into 1stCitySoft.

Would he make a full recovery from the unfortunate golfing accident?

What would happen to him now that his plans to embezzle a million pounds from 1stCitySoft have been uncovered?

How would Spike react to his partner’s situation?

What would happen to Mike and Ike if Gordon goes to prison?

Stanley and Lisalotte had been muddling their way through the year, and there had been good news and bad news.

Would Stanley be able to start up his butcher’s business again?

What unusual sources of local meat would Stanley have at his disposal if he did?

Would history repeat itself with Chester Gannet being involved again?

Would Lisalotte really allow Stanley to start up his butcher’s business again?

Would she ever gain relief from her gout?

Would the truth about what happened with Chester Gannet and the Seasonal Burgundian sausages ever come to light?

What will Cher and Helen’s relationship have in store for them?

Why is ‘Ector Blunt such an obnoxious little prat?

Would Duncan thrive and prosper among the Sassenachs?

What will the future hold for him and Caroline?

Would Terry Smith survive the Double Trouble fruit cocktail?

The drought came to an end in April, but would it ever stop bloody raining?

Would the Olympics and the Paralympics be an overwhelming success for Britain?

All these questions could be answered in this 2nd novel in the series.

First City of Essex - Many Diversions, One Destination

The Story so far from

Chelmsford 2012 - Many Hearts One Mind

CHAPTER 1 A Change from the Norm

(Friday 24th to Monday 27th February 2012)

Norman lives in an apartment in the Hub in Chelmsford. His life is one of womanising and loving himself and his Porsche. He works for a company called NerdiSoft in the computer games industry. He and his work colleagues, his uncle Hugh, company chairman Tiny, and accountant Gordon, have plans for their company to expand from their small beginnings into a global market. Norman’s immediate family, his father, Stanley a former master butcher, and his mother, Lisalotte, a slightly deaf woman of German origin, live in Leiston, Suffolk with his sister, Cher, a large hockey playing lesbian. They all have unique personal predicaments. Norman meets a girl called Clarisa, and according to his practical joker of an uncle she leaves him with a personal problem that must be solved in secret.

CHAPTER 2 Clap Whistle and Cheer

(Thursday 1st to Friday 2nd March 2012)

Norman has to solve his problem at the Sexual Health Clinic, and he does his best to hide his visit, although a former school chum Terry Smith may spoil that. Norman is a creature of habit and few personal interests. His work colleagues and their friends meet for their traditional Friday night booze up in their favourite pub, the Two Brewers, and there is an atmosphere of revelry and leg-pulling especially from Norman’s uncle Hugh. The evening ends joyfully and includes a windup for their stand in taxi driver.

CHAPTER 3 Brewers Droop

(Early March 2012)

Norman gets the all clear at the clinic, goes to the local gym and bumps into Clarisa again and they make a date. He tells Hugh he’s got the all-clear, but it turns out that it was all just another of Hugh’s windups. Hugh has been preparing a very elaborate practical joke on Norman, and he won’t let it be abandoned. Norman and Clarisa go to the Friday session at the pub, and despite the joke everything goes well until Terry Smith turns up and spills the beans. Clarisa disappears, Norman is upset, and Hugh realises that his practical joke has gone too far. Norman has a sleepless night, and drives to Leiston to his sister Cher’s hockey match early. That evening when he returns to Chelmsford, Hugh sets about resolving the situation between them.

CHAPTER 4 Caesaromagus No More

(mid March 2012 up to 17th)

Norman’s uncle Hugh lives with his family, wife Millicent, and three sons, Tom, Dick, and Harry, in their palatial residence in Springfield Road. Hugh picks up Tiny, and they go on a habitual Friday evening pub crawl down to the Two Brewers. Hugh’s has many interests, and a passion for his beloved Clarets, Chelmsford City FC. The announcement that Chelmsford has been granted City status has just been made, and is a major subject of discussion in the pub. The evening ends joyfully again and includes another windup for their stand-in taxi driver.

CHAPTER 5 Something in the Air

(Friday 23rd March to Saturday 7th April 2012)

There are important meetings at NerdiSoft to discuss a plan to expand the company into a global business. Company boss Tiny is planning a business trip to China and the U.S.A. and while this is happening his house and garden are getting a major overhaul. Tiny explains exactly what he requires from his board members at work, and his wife Tina outlines what she wants from the friends who are doing the decorating and the landscape gardening at home. Hugh is asked to keep an eye on things while Tiny is away. Before Tiny goes away there’s a karaoke night in the Two Brewers, and some discussion about the end of the world. Gordon the company accountant and his gay entourage are regulars at the Friday pub sessions. Norman goes off to Leiston for the weekend, and while popping into the office accidentally discovers Gordon behaving strangely, raising suspicions about his motives.

CHAPTER 6 A Tale of Three Cities

(Saturday 6th April to Monday 16th April 2012)

Tiny goes on his round the world business trip, visiting associates in China and the U.S.A. and Hugh keeps an eye on things at home and finds out something about Tiny’s wife Tina, and Gordon’s boyfriend Spike which he is forced to keep to himself. A week later Tiny returns home jetlagged and unaware of several unhealthy undercurrents in his business and personal lives.

CHAPTER 7 The Shape of Things to Come

(Friday 13th to Thursday 19th April 2012)

Things are not going too well for Hugh’s beloved Clarets, and now he has other burdens to bear regarding Gordon, Spike and Tina. The government declares a drought, and there’s another board meeting at NerdiSoft to discuss Tiny’s trip and deals negotiated, and progress made towards the global plan. The meeting goes well until Gordon reveals that he hasn’t got his accounting business sorted out as requested. There is a huge row between Tiny and Gordon which concludes with the accountant being sent home unwell. Later Tiny reveals that Gordon and Spike are having problems in their relationship. These revelations put Hugh in a major predicament with his long term friend and business partner. Hugh fears that the expansion plans may be jeopardised by what he knows, and feels he has to remain silent.

CHAPTER 8 All Hands to the Pump

(Thursday 19th to Saturday 21st April, 2012)

The torrential rainfall ruins Tina’s new garden and everybody does their bit to help. Norman’s sister, Cher meets a new hockey friend, Helen and leaves her hockey team the Norfolk Enchants, to join a more successful local team, the Leiston Lionesses. Cher and Helen celebrate in the Swan at Gillingham Dam and meet Chester Gannet, the enigmatic chef, who has some previous history with Norman’s father Stanley, and his master butcher connections. Things go from bad to worse for the Clarets.

CHAPTER 9 Pork scratchings and Gaviscon

(Wednesday 25th to Friday 27th April 2012)

Millicent and Tina go to the wine bar before a lunchtime concert, but Tina gets drunk and reveals secrets about the men in her life. Later, Millicent passes her concerns about Tina on to Hugh, and although he is in despair about the Clarets recent demise, he now finds he’s yet another cross to bear when Millicent confides in him about Tina’s recent behaviour. There’s more forward planning at NerdiSoft for phase 2 of their global plan. Hugh waxes grumpy about how everything has to be metric when the Two Brewers is in session. But the jolly fatman isn’t in his usual form and at the end of the evening he is clearly unwell.

CHAPTER10 The Stuff of Dreams

(Friday 27th to Saturday 28th April 2012)

On a Friday night after the Brewers, Hugh comes home feeling tired and unwell again, and has a long and confused and very vivid dream. On Saturday City lose their last game of the season to champions Woking and fail to make the playoffs for the Blue Square South.

CHAPTER 11 The Great North Run

(Saturday 28th to Monday 30th April)

One of Norman’s Dad’s oldest Yorkshire friends Arthur Fartworthy has died, and Norman and his Dad Stanley go to Yorkshire to attend the funeral. The journey is a happy time for father and son. They drive up to Northallerton, and stay overnight in the Golden Lion Hotel, visiting some old haunts.

CHAPTER 12 Ainderby Steeple Revisited

(Monday 30th April to Wednesday 2nd May 2012)

Norman and Stanley attend Arthur’s funeral the next day in the village of Ainderby Steeple where they used to live, and then go to the wake in a local pub. Stanley is at home surrounded by all his old butcher friends, and has an enjoyable time even though it’s a sad occasion. Arthur leaves Stanley an envelope containing all his secret sausage recipes, but a rival Hector Blunt is envious and has a confrontation with Stanley. There is an argument which Stanley enjoys winning, and he returns home the next day refreshed and revitalised. On his way home to Chelmsford Norman is stopped for speeding by a very suspicious police officer.

CHAPTER 13 Monsoon and Tellytubbies

(Tuesday 1st May to Friday 4th May 2012)

The rain is still teeming down and at the Two Brewers they’re having a fancy dress night. Hugh is in his element dressed up as Roy Chubby Brown and taking the piss out of his gay friends who have come as the Tellytubbies. On the way home Hugh winds up the cabbie again.

CHAPTER 14 Traditions and Sweet Revenge

(Saturday 5th May 2012)

Another week is over at NerdiSoft. Norman has dinner with Clarisa, and they then go to the Two Brewers for a fancy dress night. Gordon and his gay entourage turn up dressed as the Tellytubbies. Hugh is merciless in taking the piss and Hugh and Tiny’s taxi ride home ends with another windup for the taxi driver. The next day is F.A. Cup final day at Hugh’s, and the whole gang are invited. Hugh also invites Terry Smith so that he can take revenge on his previous misdemeanour regarding Norman and his visit to the Sexual Health Clinic. There’s a lot of beer drinking, and some football education from Hugh, but the match is only a backdrop. Hugh’s plan to get revenge on Terry appears to have backfired, but Hugh hatches a plan B, which he successfully puts into operation. A delirious Hugh explains how he’s engineered Terry’s comeuppance. The evening concludes with Hugh and the four gay men present discussing his persistent leg-pulling regarding their alternative sexuality.

CHAPTER 15 Luftwaffe Reprise

(Tuesday 8th May 2012)

Norman’s auntie Brunhilda lives in Scotland, and has an obsession with nude hang gliding. She has an illegitimate son Duncan whose father Tusker was a roadie for Hawkwind and then Motorhead. Brunhilda is tragically killed when a freak tornado brings her hang glider down in a thistle patch. After her death, Duncan finally finds out what Brunhilda has been secretly stashing in her cellar is a collection of flying artefacts and Luftwaffe memorabilia. Brunhilda’s dying wishes include Duncan having to find his father Tusker, and specific requests regarding her funeral ceremony. At the funeral Tusker and Duncan both speak words Brunhilda has chosen for them. Father and long lost son hit it off, and spend some time together, before they split up and go their separate ways.

CHAPTER 16 A Madman on the Edge of Genius

(Friday 11th to Monday 14th May 2012)

Hugh is showing increasing annoyance with Gordon over delays in providing the necessary accounting information for the global project. Hugh’s annoyance at Gordon comes to a head in the pub. Tiny recognises it’s not the usual banter; it’s nasty. He manages to calm things down, but there is a growing concern that everything is not right with Hugh at this time. Clarisa is worried about her cat Phyllis going missing for days on end, but she and Norman are becoming very close. Gordon returns to work after a series of health problems, but Tiny still lets him off lightly with the accounting work.

CHAPTER 17 Those Magnificent Men

(Friday 11th to Monday 21st May 2012)

Duncan finds out that the secrets of his mother Brunhilda’s cellar are very valuable, and the flying ace’s funeral takes place. Duncan tracks down Tusker, and he attends the funeral. Brunhilda’s dying wishes are all enacted, and the long lost father and son hit it off. Soon, Duncan decides to go south.

CHAPTER 18 Brief Encounter and Man versus Food

(Friday 18th to Friday 25th May 2012)

News of Brunhilda’s demise reaches Lisalotte, and Norman is primed to expect a visit from Duncan. The weekly Brewers get together discusses the Olympics, Scotsmen, and the further delay in Gordon working, as he’s gone down with the flu. Norman picks up Duncan at Heathrow, and takes him to the Brewers. After a few pints Hugh gets to like his new porridge gobbler friend. Duncan takes a shine to the barmaid Caroline, and wins a hotdog eating contest.

CHAPTER 19 Lisalotte’s Windfall

(Saturday 26th May to Friday 8th June 2012)

Brunhilda’s son Duncan has arrived from Scotland with a £25,000 legacy for Lisalotte, and proves to be a complex character with many different personalities. He has been inducted into the Brewers drinking culture, and the next day he is ferried to Leiston by Norman. Meanwhile the Queen’s diamond jubilee events take place.

CHAPTER 20 Dilemmas and delegations

(Saturday 9th to Tuesday 12th June 2012)

Hugh and Tiny are both worried about the continued problem with the accounts, but for different reasons. Norman and Clarisa are interrupted at Sugar Hut by Duncan and his new girlfriend Caroline. The European Football Championships begins, and there is another football gathering at Hugh’s, where Duncan illustrates not only his football, but his literary knowledge. He and Hugh are becoming soul mates in debate. The Chinese and American associates arrive in England to sign contracts for the global project, they are well entertained.

CHAPTER 21 The Rub of the Green

(Wednesday 13th June 2012)

At the golf day at Bunsay Downs with the Chinese and Americans Hugh finds the Yanks are cheating.

At the end of the game there is a tragic accident to Gordon who goes to hospital in a coma.

CHAPTER 22 Tragedy and salvation

(Thursday 14th to Wednesday 20th June 2012)

The business deals are all tied up. The Americans leave to tour Scotland. The Chinese enjoy the Two Brewers, one of Hugh and Millicent’s roast dinners, and some English football before heading home.

In a panic to get the accounting work completed in Gordon’s absence, Duncan is appointed as temporary accountant and after initial hiccoughs saves the day. However, he discovers that Gordon was planning to embezzle over £1,000,000 from the company.

CHAPTER 23 Revelation and Discovery

(Wednesday 20th June to Sunday 1st July 2012)

Gordon comes out his coma, but has selective amnesia and doesn’t know anything about the golf day or the accounts. Tiny discusses the situation with Hugh and reveals some secrets about his relationship with Tina, and why he was unable to force Gordon to tackle the accounting work for the global project. Hugh and Duncan have developed a mutual respect. Norman and Clarisa are now in love with each other. England are knocked out of the European Championships. Rainfall in Britain reaches record levels.

CHAPTER 24 Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head

(Monday 2nd July 2012)

Hugh and Millicent go to see Dr Harriman and learn that Hugh has heart problems that he’s been denying for some time. They see a cardiologist who confirms the problem, prescribes medication, further tests, and insists on a healthier lifestyle if Hugh wants to stay alive. Millicent takes charge of a new regime for her husband. All this grief happens at exactly the time that the company is about to be relaunched as 1stCitySoft and to move from Colchester to Chelmsford.

DEDICATION

For my first novel, Chelmsford 2012 - Many Hearts One Mind I felt it necessary to mention a few names of lovely people to whom I was indebted for listening to me and laughing with me, throughout and beyond the Creative Writing courses, and most of all, for encouraging me to attempt the work.

I gave many thanks and wished good luck with their own writing to Estella Boxell-Hutson, Sheena Cundy, Gill Adams, Margaret King, Robert Chatterton, Christine McDonald, Victoria Rossiter, Jerry Beckett, Jack Dighton, Paul Ebbs, Peter Fox, Elaine Langford, Hazel Smith, Paul Brooks, Patricia Harris, Kerry Barr, Marion Lewis, Susan Cushway, Linda Ventris-Field, Alan Currie, Linda Dyer, Lorraine Rous, and Dennis Chinnery.

Most of all my biggest thanks went to Maggie Freeman.

For this follow-up novel I want to extend even more thanks to the members of the White Horse Writing Group at Mundon, specifically Estella Boxell-Hutson, Sheena Cundy, Gill Adams, Margaret King, Robert Chatterton, and Christine McDonald.

In addition, I am indebted to John King and Eric Tombs for their encouraging reviews on Amazon, and to Sarah Luddington at Mirador Publishing without whose help, guidance, and encouragement I would have never succeeded in becoming a published author.

Once again my biggest thanks must go to Maggie Freeman.

CHAPTER 1

Many Bricks one Cube

(Friday 6th to Saturday 14th July 2012)

For many a long year Friday night at the Brewers had been a tradition, something almost sacred and untouchable. But things were very definitely going to be different from now on. Millicent had her man on a very short piece of string, and booze was off the agenda, and so that Friday at the Two Brewers, Hugh was probably most conspicuous by his absence. Tiny had been his closest friend and boozing buddy through thick and thin, and what had happened to his mate had made him reflect upon his own drinking habits. On top of that, the launch of 1stCitySoft as a global company, coupled with the difficulties over Gordon’s behaviour had caused a lot of stress. Tiny also decided to give the Brewers a miss. Norman had been gradually drifting away from the Friday get-togethers as his relationship with Clarisa developed into a full blown love affair, and that evening the young couple had tickets to a Jesse J gig. Gordon was now out of hospital and convalescing, and Spike stayed at home with him. So the usual crowd were very thin on the ground with only Ike, Mike and Duncan turning up, and with Caroline fulfilling her barmaid duties. It was quiet to say the least. The gardeners were worried that their landlord’s present difficulties would become a long term problem and jeopardise their renting arrangements, and the ginger barbarian had no one to bounce his intellect off after his 2 pint threshold had been reached.

But there had been a major event in Chelmsford that day, because on the afternoon of 6th July the Olympic torch had made its journey from Southend, and officially arrived in the first City of Essex at precisely 18.37. At 6.52 the next morning the torch was scheduled to leave Hylands House for its onward journey. The grand plan was scheduled for finishing at the Olympic Stadium in Stratford, London ready for the opening ceremony on 27th July. This long journey had begun in Land’s End on 19th May, and its tortuous route was set to continue for a total of 70 days.

Sometimes Hugh felt like he was under house arrest. But as each day went by things got a little easier. By Sunday he found himself enjoying the supervised daily walk with Bimbo round the Stump Lane and Springfield Green circuit. Millicent and the boys jollied him along at an easy pace, and he managed to complete the stroll without any angina. Millicent was watching her tubby hubby like a hawk, and she was pleased to observe that he was spending a lot of time playing with the boys. The whole family gathered round the TV to watch Andy Murray lose the Wimbledon singles final to Roger Federer 4–6, 7–5, 6–3, 6-4.

The Chelmsford Beer Festival in Admiral’s Park was an event that the Ball and Ramsbottom partnership had enjoyed regularly for a few years, and that took place from Tuesday 10th to Saturday 14th July. The restricted fatman was reminded of the booze curfew and was prevented from attending, and consequently his best boozing buddy gave it a miss as well.

The weekend of Friday 13th July spelled big upheaval for the 1stCitySoft crew, as they planned a withdrawal from their old premises in Colchester and a move lock, stock, and barrel down the A12 to Chelmsford. The chairman had called an informal meeting which would effectively be the last board meeting in Colchester. But not all things were destined to be ordinary on that day.

At 8 am in a posh flat in the Hub things were beginning to stir awake, as the clock radio alarm burst into life, and the familiar voices of Heart FM and Martin and Sue introduced another play of Jesse J’s Price-tag. Norman and his house guest Duncan pursued their morning rituals preparing for another journey to work together as they had done for 4 weeks now.

At 8.45 am precisely the Porsche Carrera 911 engine roared, and Norman slid out onto Springfield Road, making for the A12 and Colchester. He gunned it on the slip-road at the Cramphorn flyover, looked at his watch, and gave it the turbo large.

18 minutes, to the office, easy, he told himself for what would be the last time.

Duncan’s Hawkwind CD was primed for alternate mornings in between Norman’s Coldplay, or Stereophonics, or Adele, or Bruno Mars, and the Jessie J that Clarisa had recently loaned him.

I’m an Urban Guerrilla, sang the Hawkwind space cowboys, as they drove along.

And I wish you’d blow yourself up with one of your hand grenades, thought Norman.

Soon, the office of 1stCitySoft came into view, and Norman glanced at his watch, 9:05 am, and smiled, Right on time, Yeah!

Upon arrival at the car-park there was lots of space. The company chairman’s highly polished silver grey Lexus GS250 was in his reserved space, and the development director parked his Porsche close by. But the slightly careworn black Land Rover Discovery LR4.was missing, as was the nearly new Ford Galaxy Titanium X.

Norman leaned over and picked up his leather briefcase, containing all his important papers, and his laptop, and gave himself a congratulatory splash of Erection aftershave. There was no briefing note for the informal meeting, it wouldn’t be the usual crew, and it wouldn’t follow a standard route.

Company chairman, Tim Balls, the boss, smart, good suit, silk tie, patent leather shoes, wasn’t going to give his best We’re a big company, in a little office, running on a shoestring, must grow and prosper speech. That was no longer necessary.

Hugh Ramsbottom, the incredibly obese marketing director, scruffy, old cheap suit, no tie, brown shoes, wasn’t going to puff his way through a rain forest of reports outlining the same marketing strategy he’d trumpeted for a least 5 years. That wasn’t relevant anymore.

Company accountant Golden Bollocks, dapper, silver, prematurely grey hair, 3 piece pin-striped suit and Gucci shoes, wasn’t going to be there to produce graphs, pie-charts and spreadsheets