Split the Uprights

By Davee Jones

What happens when you mix men and women in a fantasy football league? Lots of sexy competition and instant rivalries. Owner of Fantasy Leagues, Lola Fontaine, maintains two identities, one as loving matchmaker and the other as ball busting Dominatrix. In the LockHim Room, her muscle toned guys never know what to expect.
With reclusive statistician, Eugene Carlton, they believe they have the perfect formula for romance. All their success takes a place on the Wall of Flame. But, do they really know anything about true love connections?
She takes awkward Danika Parker under her wing and teaches her everything she doesn't know about love. However, in the process, they establish risky boundaries, pushing the envelope normally established for just friends. Danika takes an interest in fellow participant, Finn Maxwell, the man still searching for a plan.
Unfortunately for Lola, time is running out on secrets from her past. Living on borrowed time will catch up with her in a way she least expected. She will hurt the ones she loves, no matter how she tries. But, will they ever forgive? Will Lola get more than she counted on?
Learn about grilled lemonade, love jam, fantasy football, and safe words all wrapped into the fun of Split the Uprights.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Davee Jones
• Release date: Nov 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311567666

Davee Jones

Davee Jones began a career in the counseling field with her M.Ed. She then diversified and began work for the federal government. The dryness of the day to day assignments fostered the desire for her to do something more creative. Everything between the covers comes from the heart. Now avidly writing, she has several other books in progress. She has books that draw from eroticism, romance, suspense, drama, and sometimes comedy. A few of her books garner only one flame, but, others will secure all five flames in the heat index.

Book preview

SPLIT THE UPRIGHTS

The Fantasy Leagues Book One

Davee Jones

Published by Davee Jones at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Davee Jones

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Chapter One

Let’s Meet Lola Fontaine

I’m Lola Fontaine. Welcome to The Fantasy Leagues. It’s a pleasure to meet you…it’s Danika isn’t it? I took a sip of tea, it gave that touch of casual formality I hoped to achieve. I glanced at the rim of the cup…no lipstick. Good, that new lip stain actually worked.

Yes, Danika Parker. I’m so excited to finally meet you. This is my third time to apply for a spot. Her green eyes glistened and her perfect grin seemed permanently etched on her face. This girl had spunk, that’s for sure. I prided myself once again on including her in this round. Her nose carried a sprinkling of freckles. But the pert tilt at the end gave her that naughty-girl-hidden-down-deep look.

It’s true, Danika, we only take thirteen women and thirteen men for each football season. It’s become quite a competitive effort. I took a moment to point to the photo wall posted on one side of my office. The idea came to me when I was up in the stirrups during my annual visit to the gynecologist. He had photos of all the babies he delivered up on a hallway wall. A fantastic thought occurred to me- I could do the same with my love matches. I call it The Wall of Flame. Get it? Flame? Fire? Love…Cheesy, I know, whenever I feel down, I just take a look at those happy faces and it satisfies me. My stomach flutters and calms to a powerful feeling of security. It keeps me sharp and in business.

So, all those couples up there, your…Wall of Flame, they met and made a love connection within one of the leagues? Danika studied the photographs seated from the chair, a touch of envy clouded her face for the briefest moment.

Yes, ma’am, they certainly did.

Do you mind if I take a closer look? She leaned slightly forward, her body language desperately wanted to get up close and personal with those photographs. Inside the fire of her desire for a companion received comfort from those images of love- I was sure of it. I took advantage of the opportune view down her loose necked blouse. I don’t always bat for my own team, but, when I do, it’s always been worth it. There’s just something that a man will never fully understand about finessing a clit.

I swept my right arm over my desk and gave a Vanna White toward the wall. Please, take all the time you want. If I’ve learned anything about sales and dealing effectively with people, it was never rush the customer. Let the excitement unfold and they will come to you.

Danika moved like a cat, quickly and with purpose. It was as if those pictures held magical abilities. Memorialized proof of happily ever after captured the finality of a single moment in time. But, would these unfamiliar couples bestow some sort of spell on her to find true love? She asked an unexpected, yet logical, question. Did they all get married?

I inhaled a deep breath. I hate the unknown, but the truth of the matter is, I have no idea if most of these people got married, had babies, or broke up over a toilet seat left up. They made a match at the end of a season. Predictably, they didn’t tend to contact me if they broke it off and wanted to remove their image. I preferred it that way. I don’t need anything to detract from my feeling of success.

I forged ahead with a charming smile almost sugarcoating the truth. That I cannot answer. I have received some wedding invitations, and attended most of them. I really don’t keep a running total. Note to self, maybe I should add that to the business plan- the right statistics sell, that’s for damn sure.

Danika kept looking and my mind wandered to the surroundings. I kept my office very much different than I kept my personal space at home. I’m here to promote love, and the feeling of happily ever after. Fresh flowers always adorn a sofa table, today I have mixed carnations. I always keep one fresh rose in a bud vase on the left corner of my desk. I have assorted chocolates in a crystal bowl in the center. I can’t remember the last time I ate chocolate, but, my clients very much enjoy it.

According to the particular client meeting, I pipe in a digital music station statistically shown to improve the chances of closing the deal on a contract. With women like Danika, I set the station to happy love songs. It reinforces the hope and gives her the nudge to sign on the dotted line. Whereas when I see Dominic later, I’ll set the station to the eighties big hair bands love songs.

Hey, my profiler said it works.

Speaking of my profiler, I employ one person whose sole purpose is to statistically improve the chances of the best matches possible in each season. We operate all calendar year, with each sports season always a little better than the last. I operate the business of love connections with a unique dating adventure. I’ve seen hundreds of hopefuls with the same look of excited anticipation in their eyes as Danika Parker before me in my office today.

I didn’t turn Danika down before because of anything specific about her. She just didn’t fit the mix until now. Speaking of which, it’s time to push forward with this interview. So, Danika, are you ready to join fantasy football? I held out a fancy, full-plumed writing quill. The elegant, flowing feather gave a glamorous touch. The pewter ink stand completed the set.

Danika signed with a trembling hand and a look of Christmas Eve across her fresh face. She was the cutest thing. In another setting, I’d eat someone like her alive. Metaphorically speaking, of course. My thighs quake and my thoughts run to The LockHer Room. I shut down the repeating fantasy immediately. I don’t fraternize with the participants. That’s unscrupulous practice.

I also have The LockHim Room, but we will discuss that another time. My thighs quake again, but I digress.

Before the ink was fully dry, I ushered Danika out the door. We will have a group meeting next weekend. The details are all right here. I hand her a schedule printed on card stock. You will also set up your personal profile on the website. Please have that done before the group meeting. I gave her a handshake and she leaned in impulsively for a hug. Maybe I lingered a moment longer than I should have, but, she smelled good. Damn, her breasts must be real by the way they cushioned against me with just the right amount of give for someone her age.

Stop. Danika wasn’t for me.

I love my job.

My Sidekick is a Genius

So, you have our group ready I see. My profiler slash computer whiz extraordinaire, Eugene Carlton, ticked off the twenty-six names at least twice.

Yes, Gene, I do. I meet with Eugene in his office. Complete with five computers, double monitors, several file cabinets, and a large drawing room table. It felt like a math lab from college. Math lab, meth lab, my mind shifted to my recent Netflix addiction. Would they say I broke bad, damn ADD. Eugene brought me back to reality.

I really hate nicknames.

I know you do, I think you’ve told me every day since I met you. I yawned, over exaggerating my already cavernous mouth. I’m so damn tired, why don’t you have a coffee pot in this classroom setting? I met Eugene’s glare with squinted eyes. I know you hate teasing just as much as nicknames.

Then, why do you keep calling me Gene?

Because I like to ruffle your proverbial feathers. I walked by and tweaked Eugene on the nose.

I’m a statistician, not a novelty toy. He adjusted his glasses and pulled his rugby shirt unnecessarily down over his baggy khakis.

I think, for purely research sake, you should participate in the next fantasy league matchup. You could really get a feel for what’s going on inside the group. You aren’t as unattractive as you try so hard to be.

Eugene gave me a dirty look from above the rim of his eyeglasses. Do you want my predictions or not?

Yes, please, give them to me. I gave the office chair I was sitting in one good spin for fun.

Of the participants, I predict ten couples to emerge from this particular league.

I stopped the chair with my toe. Ten? You said ten? That’s incredible.

I know, it’s genius this time. Of course, it’s possible not to happen, but, the personalities are just there. Eugene had the same excitement Danika did earlier. The thought of a real human being matched just for her made her glow. Calculations did it for Eugene.

Frankly, it almost creeped me out when he got that way. You must be a eunuch.

If you’re going to be mean, would you please leave? He continued jotting notes.

I’m sorry. There, I apologized. Are we best friends again?

We are only best friends because you occasionally give me big fat bonus checks. Eugene doubled over laughing. See, I can make crude jokes too. His idea of a big joke was about like a Geico commercial. Sometimes he really hit a punch line, but, usually he fell flat.

Seriously, it sounds like we have fantasy football zipped up tight. How are the predictions going for fantasy basketball? My all-business demeanor showed up to take over. Suddenly, I wasn’t as sleepy anymore.

It’s looking good, but, not quite as good as the football. However, I expect we will receive a few more applications before the deadline.

Do we still have any in the stand-by queue?

I’ve pulled most of those, at least the ones who chose fantasy basketball. Eugene started looking antsy, glancing down at his clip board or over to his computer. I’ve got a few more questions to tighten up. But…

Yes, I’m going. Thank you for all you do. I’d be lost without you. I walked by and kissed the air next to his cheek, just close enough to set off his claustrophobia. Just before I exited his space, I turned and tapped on the door frame. This place would make the perfect scene for a bad school boy, don’t you think? I could get my wooden ruler, you would wear a pair of poindexter glasses, it could be such fun.

I would never engage in your weird game life. You do nothing I’m remotely interested in.

I realize you live in a world of certain parameters, so to speak. It’s like always eating cake without frosting. One day you try it and it takes eating cake to a whole new level of fabulous. Maybe you should eat some cake, Eugene.

Eugene shook his head. You say enough to make me disinfect this place every morning. You do realize that?

I’m just joking, I might play the mean schoolteacher, but, I’ll stay out of your space to do it.

Yea, right, let me piss you off and the gloves would be off, I’m sure. There’d be enough bodily fluid for a crime scene. Eugene sighed loudly. Lola, would you please let me get back to work?

Of course my pet. I left Eugene to his equations, statistics, and computer programs. All of which benefitted me greatly.

Eugene, the Under Sung Hero

Eugene Carlton grew up the only boy in a passel of daughters for his blue collar parents. How his parents knew to name him such a classic nerd name was a mystery. No one could have chosen anything more apropos. Unsure how to raise a child prodigy, they did the best they could, normally by leaving him to his room and textbooks. It’s quite possible Eugene was born autistic, but, no one in the small town school ever found the need to test him. The district so small, he remained in the same school building from Kindergarten through twelfth grade. His quiet nature and willingness to behave never incited the school counselor slash librarian. She found him delightful.

Eugene took a variety of vocational tests throughout high school. When his military entrance exam scores blew the roof off the nearest Air Force recruiting office, they tantalized him with the promise of working intelligence. The summer following high school graduation, he set off on a new course. His peculiar patriotism captured his ambitions, stoking his growing life wisdom. The government tweaked his goals beyond college, leading him in a different direction than small town USA. The honorable reputation of a top military post, but being behind the scenes, eventually earned him a pristine spot in military intelligence and communications.

In an event he still wouldn’t discuss, somehow he ended up in the middle of an exchange of small arms fire. Although most people would fully understand, accepting the possibility of a confrontation, even a skirmish, it never occurred to Eugene. He assumed behind the scenes meant protected, even isolated, just the way he preferred life. In a series of unfortunate events, Eugene received an honorable discharge from the military, complete with a severe case of PTSD.

Fate played a role when Eugene paired with Lola from a Craigslist advertisement. It was not in the Casual Encounters section, it was in the help wanted ads. Lola accidentally clicked the wrong link one rum filled night looking for someone to pass the evening. As it happened, Lola needed an inventive statistician to develop a unique, trailblazing method of study in human interests. The pay was right. He could work from the comfort of his small studio apartment, close to the VA hospital. He could attend his doctor and counseling appointments without interruption to the schedule that was oh-so-important to his obsessive compulsive personality.

The idea of putting science to the interaction of human beings piqued his need for invention. He added the steampunk to her fledgling pilot online dating sites, still believing heavily in the institution of science over emotions. Lola constantly cajoled him to join just one study, fully convinced that the right woman would shake loose whatever rod he had jammed up his ass since birth. Or, maybe the right guy- she promised not to judge him.

When their little business empire grew, they required a larger space. After the right amount of adjustment period, Eugene agreed to move his day job from his cramped living quarters to the office. He designed the space to his specifications. They established ground rules, which Lola followed about seventy-five percent of the time. According to Eugene’s calculations, that would be about as good as Lola could ever get. He begrudgingly accepted it.

Eugene developed more of a personality being around Lola, if for self-preservation purposes only. He found engaging in conversation with Lola helped shoehorn her out of his space more quickly than if she stood around talking to herself. In turn, Eugene became charming in his own weird way, adopting a more comfortable way of living. Although, he would always prefer compact, confined places in which to spend his time, he ventured out for