Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership: How to Become an Effective Leader by Confronting Potential Failures

By Gary L. McIntosh and Samuel D. Rima

The Christian world has been rocked by the number of prominent leaders, in both church and parachurch organizations, who have been compromised by moral, ethical, and theological failures. This pace-setting volume addresses this alarming problem and offers Christian leaders valuable guidance in dealing with the inherent risks of their work.
Using biblical and current examples, the authors describe the characteristics of five types of leaders and the problems that are most likely to develop if their particular dysfunctions develop unrestrained. McIntosh and Rima offer a series of steps for leaders to consider so they can take control of their dark side and learn to harness its creative powers. This edition includes a new introduction, updated information throughout, a self-assessment tool, and other additional material. Includes endorsements from John Maxwell, Leighton Ford, Leith Anderson, and Rob Angel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
• Release date: Nov 1, 2007
• ISBN: 9781441200556

Gary L. McIntosh

Dr. Gary L. McIntosh teaches at Talbot School of Theology, is a professor of Christian ministry and leadership, leads 20-25 national seminars a year, serves as a church consultant, was president of the American Society of Church Growth in 1995-1996, and has written over 95 articles and 10 books, including Finding Them, The Issachar Factor, Three Generations, One Size Doesn’t Fit All, Overcoming the Dark Side, and Staffing Your Church for Growth. He has over 15 years of experience as a pastor and Christian education director. He is a graduate of Colorado Christian University, Western Conservative Baptist Seminary, and Fuller Theological Seminary. He is editor of the Church Growth Network newsletter and the Journal of the American Society for Church Growth.

Book preview

Rima

PART 1

UNDERSTANDING OUR DARK SIDE

1

BLINDSIDED BY THE

DARK SIDE

Like water exploding from behind a broken dam the words gushed out, laced with a frightening combination of anger and bitterness, I quit! I just can’t do this anymore! No matter what I do or how hard I work it’s never the right thing and it’s never good enough. I just can’t please everyone! What do people expect from me anyway?

It was my wife who became the unsuspecting and unfortunate victim of this tidal wave of emotion. We were driving to visit some friends when my emotional dam burst, catching my wife completely by surprise. Without warning, my previously well-ordered inner world reeled out of control. The tears gushed uncontrollably, and I felt completely lost. I simply could not think clearly or regain my inner balance. It was as if a huge, ominous, dark cloud covered me, and for the first time in my life I had no hope. So sudden and overwhelming was the emotional onslaught, I felt the only solution was to quit the ministry.

What was it that had sparked such a powerful outburst in the middle of what was by all definitions a very successful and effective season of ministry? Had it come during a time of professional frustration or failure, it might have been easily explained and understood. But coming as it did after two years of tremendous ministry growth, the completion of a relocation into our church’s first facility, and a very satisfying home life, it was confusing and frightening. What was happening to me? Why did I feel like I was having a breakdown? Where did this anger, depression, and feeling of abject failure come from so suddenly? Why did it occur at this time, in this way, and at this place?

The answer may surprise you. I had been blindsided by the dark side.

What Is the Dark Side?

The dark side, though sounding quite sinister, is actually a natural result of human development. It is the inner urges, compulsions, and dysfunctions of our personality that often go unexamined or remain unknown to us until we experience an emotional explosion, as just described in Sam’s life, or some other significant problem that causes us to search for a reason why.1 Because it is a part of us that we are unaware of to some degree, lurking in the shadows of our personality, we have labeled it the dark side of our personality. However, in spite of the foreboding mental image the term dark side creates, it is not, as we shall see, exclusively a negative force in our lives. In almost every case the factors that eventually undermine us are shadows of the ones that contribute to our success.

At times the dark side seems to leap on us unexpectedly. In reality it has slowly crept up on us. The development of our dark side has been a lifetime in the making despite the fact that the assault by these powerful emotions, compulsions, and dysfunctions can be sudden. Like vinegar and soda being slowly swirled together in a tightly closed container, our personalities have been slowly intermingled with examples, emotions, expectations, and experiences that over a lifetime have created our dark side.

If not tended, the mixture will ultimately explode with great ferocity. For some, the lid can be kept on for quite a period of time before the explosion finally occurs. Others sense the strange stirrings and ominous bubbling deep inside, and not knowing for certain what is taking place, they periodically release a little of the pressure by lifting the lid in a solitary act of frustration or some other form of emotional release. Yet for others, those foreign stirrings deep within are denied, ignored, explained away, and even completely repressed until finally the container can expand no more and it explodes in a sudden and massive moral failure or some other unexpected, shocking, or bizarre behavior. This denial and repression along with the resulting emotional explosion are particularly common among religious leaders who feel the constant need to be in total control of their lives so they can minister effectively to others. Regardless of how sudden the explosion may seem, it has been in the making since childhood.

Sam’s Story

I (Sam) grew up in a healthy, loving Christian home. There was no abuse—not emotional, not verbal, not physical. In fact I had parents whose primary priority in life was the well-being and development of their children. This is not a literary catharsis in which my parents are blamed for the issues I must deal with as an adult. My parents were not perfect but they did their best, and I was aware of that even as a child. However, the way I interpreted and synthesized the examples I saw and the lessons they taught was not always balanced and correct.

My father has been the single most influential person in my life. I have never known or been aware of another person with such drive and determination, coupled with an unrivaled work ethic. I remember him holding down two and three different jobs at a time in an effort to provide for our family. He also found the time and energy to remodel our house, coach our baseball teams, and help out in our Boy Scout troops. Growing up I can never remember hearing my father complain. Now I am sure he must have complained at times, but never enough to leave a lasting impression on a watching and listening little boy. As I worked with my father raking leaves in the yard and doing projects around the house, the one thing I clearly learned was that if a job was worth doing at all, it was worth doing as perfectly as you were able. We were never allowed to settle for second best when it came to doing a job. If you did the job to just get by, you would eventually pay for it. That is the way my father has worked and lived.

As positive as this example was, the way I integrated it into my life provided the seeds of my dark side. I found myself even as a youngster needing the approval of others—especially my father. It was not enough merely to finish a job and do it well; I needed to be assured by Dad that the job was up to par and in fact had exceeded his expectations. Anything less was failure.

My religious upbringing provided fertile soil for the growth of my dark side. The Pentecostal church I grew up in was one in which a subtle legalism ruled the lives of its people. Because one’s relationship with God was based to a great extent on behavior, you were never quite sure where you stood spiritually after a week of being soiled by the sinful world. This lack of spiritual assurance led to repeated rededications each Sunday evening. It seemed that keeping God happy was a difficult and nearly impossible job—but it had to be done.

However, if you were able to keep God happy and he was pleased with the purity and sincerity of your life, you would be blessed with the baptism in the Spirit, as evidenced by speaking in other tongues. It was God’s ultimate stamp of approval for a job well done. Unfortunately, after several years of youth camp Holy Spirit Nights, countless rallies, and untold numbers of revival meetings, I never received the much coveted blessing. It was clear to me as a sixteen-year-old boy that I was not pleasing to God or I most certainly would have received his gift. I reasoned that I simply needed to work harder for it. However, God’s approval never came. I was sorely disappointed and destined to live out my days with second-best spirituality—something I had learned I should never accept. But my attempts to gain God’s smile of favor didn’t cease. I simply began working harder. Like raking fall leaves in the backyard of my childhood home to impress my father, maybe I could impress God and gain his approval by working hard.

I continued my pursuit of God’s approval in seminary. Maybe if I gave my life in service to God it would result in his longawaited blessing. Seminary proved to be an environment in which I thrived. Not only did it provide an atmosphere that demanded hard work, but also it provided the immediate feedback I had craved for so long. Because there was an objective standard to judge the quality of my performance (grades and the comments of professors) and because this was spiritual activity, it seemed as if each grade was being given by the hand of God himself. During my seminary years the craving for God’s approval seemed temporarily satisfied, but that satisfaction was short-lived. I was still a person in search of approval. It was a search I could not completely understand or describe. I did know that no matter how much approval I received, it never seemed to satisfy the craving that ate away deep

Reviews for Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership

[gospelchick · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a must read for anyone serving in any capacity of leadership! The author engages us in such a way, it causes us to look introspectively. This book answers the question, "Why do I respond to certain situation the way I do?" I read this book while in undergraduate and it continues to live within me. The author takes us into the lives of world leaders and parallels their leadership style, methods and behaviors based on their pasts. This book will escort you from the dark side of leadership that resides within you and ushers you into the brighter side.