Riding Waves

By Susan Marie Schulhof

Riding Waves is a book about learning to navigate the joys and trials of growing up, falling in love and going to college. When Harper's relationship with Dan starts taking her down a path she doesn't like, she will have to make some hard choices. Can Harper ride the waves of life or will they take her under?

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 1, 2014
• ISBN: 9781483531601

Susan Marie Schulhof

Susan Marie Schulhof lives in the Chicagoland area, and Little Stone House on the Corner is her fourth book. She has her Master’s Degree in Psychology and has worked in the Early Childhood Education field since 2001. She has been writing a blog on positivity since 2016 and loves to hike, read, and spend time with her family when she is not traveling for pleasure or work.

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Now

January 2012

As I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I look the same as I always do, but I don’t seem to recognize myself. I wash my face and brush my teeth like every night before bed, but now I also wash my arm and change into a blue, long sleeve shirt so that I can’t see what I have done. I glance one more time in the mirror to see if I can catch a glimpse of who I use to be. As I lay down, almost falling asleep, I do feel better. That’s the problem. My arm stings, but I don’t hurt from Dan’s words and actions anymore. I still feel pain, but only from the cut forming on my arm. As I touch my left arm, I feel a slight scar from the last time that I did this to myself, and I drift off to sleep.

Then

Beginning of June 2011

See you all there, Mom. I’m leaving to pick up Ashley, I yell to her as I walk out to the garage. Since we need to be at graduation earlier than our families, I am using my mom’s car, and they will come later. I throw my cap and gown in the back seat and drive to pick up my best friend, Ashley. As I pull into her driveway, she comes out of her house already in her cap and gown. Her gown is a little wrinkly; her cap is crooked, but she has the biggest smile on her face.

This is it, Harper.

It is, I reply as I drive towards our high school. I can’t believe that I am graduating from high school.

I love this song, Ashley says as she turns up the radio. Lazy Song by Bruno Mars blasts in the speakers as we pull into the parking lot. I notice that the sky is overcast today, but at least it is not raining. I put on my cap and gown as we walk inside the school. I swear that I can actually feel the energy and excitement in the room as we say hi to all of our friends. Everyone is full of nervous chatter as we find our place in line for the processional.

My thoughts begin to wander while I listen to our principal, and then our valedictorian, give their graduation speeches. Some people think that high school is the best, but not me. I enjoyed certain classes, and I do appreciate learning new things, but I am looking forward to going to college. I want the freedom to decide when my classes are and what I will learn about. I know that there are some restrictions, but I am ready to make my own choices in life.

I saw my family watching when I walked in during the processional, so I look over at them and smile. It feels like my life is just beginning to start as I walk towards the stage. I glance back and see Ashley’s row stand as I wait for them to call my name.

Harper Elisabeth Johnson, is said over the intercom as I cross the stage to receive my diploma. I think that I hear my family clap, but I am so nervous as I stride over and shake hands with our Principal that I am not sure. After she hands me my diploma and shakes my hand, I hurry over to be congratulated by some of the teachers who are waiting nearby.

You will do great things I predict, Harper, Mr. Anderson exclaims. He was my drama teacher this year. He is probably around sixty years old and a little overweight and bald, but he is the sweetest man that I have ever met. After taking his acting class this year, he encouraged me to get involved in the play that he directs in the summer at the Haven Community Theatre House, so I signed up to help build the set. I hug him and say thanks.

I shake hand with a couple more teachers before I get to Mrs. Ryan. Her shoulder length blond hair is hanging in her eyes, like it is most of the time until she gets her bangs trimmed. Her pale complexion and a few wrinkles are the only clue that she is a forty-year old mother of two. She had a couple of her poems published, but I know that she has a real passion for mentoring young writers. She is always pushing me to share my poems and short stories with others.

Oh Harper. I am going to miss you in my English classes and helping me in the writing lab, she whispers as we hug.

I will come visit all the time. I will just be at the community college.

Remember to keep in touch and when you need that reference letter for a university, please let me know, she says with that perpetual smile she always wears.

Thank you! I blurt out and hurry to the next teacher before the tears start to flow. As much as I have never really enjoyed high school, I have loved certain teachers. Some teachers can just make such a difference by how they treat you. Both Mr. Anderson and Mrs. Ryan never treated me like a high school kid. They talked to me as a peer and expected the best from me. I learned so much from them about the classes that they taught, but also just about life in general. They inspire me to help others and maybe become a teacher, a teacher like them.

As I sit back in my seat and watch the rest of my classmates receive their diplomas, I reflect on my past as well as on my future. Should I have tried out for the play without Ashley? Will I enjoy being on the tech crew? How can I help and inspire others? Do I want to become a teacher? Would I be happy as a teacher? What would I want to teach? What age group? Since I didn’t love high school, would I want to teach that? Will I have kids of my own? Who will I marry? When will I fall in love? And what will he be like?

My life is not perfect, but I am happy most days. I have gone on dates and liked different guys in high school, but I have never really been in love yet. There are so many things that I enjoy doing and want to try in this lifetime. I love tennis, running and riding my bike. I have also drawn pictures since I was a little girl, and I recently started painting with watercolors. I have taken art classes all through high school and absolutely loved the acting class that I took just this year. Writing poems has always been a passion of mine, as well, and the creative writing class that I took sophomore year when I first met Mrs. Ryan was my favorite class in all of high school.

I remember how nervous I was to take the class, but my mom encouraged me to try it. She knows that I love to write, but that I am very unsure of the words that I write. I felt a fondness for Mrs. Ryan from the first day. She is so compassionate and encouraging. She was the reason that I started volunteering after school in the writing lab to help other students. As nervous as I am about expressing myself and sharing it with others, I am very confident of my understanding of grammar, structure and spelling. I thought that it would be great to help others, but in the end it really helped me. Maybe I don’t need to figure it all out today since I start out in college just taking the general education classes the first two years. My mom went back to work as a nurse just this year, and my dad does love his job in sales. I cannot imagine doing either of those, although they both seem to enjoy them. I am not worried about doing well in my classes at college since I have always studied hard, and I did well in high school. I just worry about the future, and I feel so unsure of where my life is headed.

I realize suddenly that everyone is clapping and standing up. The graduation ceremony is over, and I am officially a high school graduate. As I walk out into the lobby, I look around for my family.

Mom, Dad, I yell as I get near them.

Congratulations Harper, My twin sisters, Ava and Sara, yell as they hug me.

Want to see if Ashley’s family wants to go out for ice cream with us? my mom asks.

I will ask her when I see her.

Here she comes, adds my brother, Jake.

Harper! We did it. We really graduated, she says with a grin.

Does your family want to go out for ice cream with us? I ask, although I know that only her parents came to the ceremony.

No. They went back to the restaurant, she replies, like she doesn’t care, but I know that it bothers her that they are so busy with the restaurant all of the time. She often tells me how lucky I am that my parents and siblings always come to everything. We are a close family, and somehow it is just understood that the whole family would come to my graduation. My parents can be strict, and that drives me crazy sometimes, but I am glad that they love and support me so much.

Ashley and I take pictures together and with our other friends, Mary and Laura. The four of us went to prom together as a group since none of us have boyfriends. Mary and Laura date a lot of guys but no one serious right now. I know that Mary was told that a couple of guys wanted to ask her to prom, but she wasn’t interested in them. Probably if Ashley, Laura and I had dates, she would have said yes to one of them. We all had the best time though, laughing and dancing together. My red dress was short and a little tight; I felt like an adult that night being so dressed up. The four of us met at my house and did each other’s hair and make up before going. Girls will go as a group to prom, but most guys will only go if they have a date, so there were very few single guys there. A couple of our other friends had dates, and they kept saying how boring prom was, but we had so much fun together.

Ashley and I leave to meet my family for ice cream after we turn in our graduation caps and gowns and promise everyone that we will stay in touch.

I wish we were going to the same college, Harper. We would have so much fun.

I’ll be there in two years, I promise.

I know but I am going to miss you.

Let’s not talk about that tonight. We have all summer once you get back from your family reunion. When are you leaving for that by the way? I ask.

Ashley’s family is driving down to Georgia for a family reunion in a couple of weeks, so she will be gone when rehearsals start. Since she couldn’t take a part in the play if she got one, and we wanted to try out together to give each other moral support, we will try out together next year and be part of the set this year. She is allowed to miss some of those days and still be part of the crew, just not the cast. Maybe I should have just tried out on my own, but I think we will have fun on the crew together before she leaves for college this fall.

Two weeks.

I can’t believe your whole family is going, I say because they hardly ever do anything as a family. She is excited but nervous about the trip, she told me just yesterday.

I know. Me either. There are your parents, she says as we pull into the parking lot.

After we get our ice cream, we push a couple of tables together. I get coffee flavor with chunks of chocolate, and Ashley gets bubblegum ice cream. Everyone in my family just talks over each other. Most people just sit and wait for a pause to talk, but Ashley has been around my family long enough that she just jumps into the conversation.

The valedictorian’s speech was so boring, Ashley says.

No it wasn’t, says my mom with a chuckle, So University of Evansville this fall Ashley?

Yes, but it doesn’t seem real yet.

When is orientation? my dad chimes in.

Sometime in July when we get back from our family reunion in Georgia.

Is your whole family going?

Yes. My mom said that we all must go, no if, ands or buts about it! Ashley says with a laugh, imitating her mom’s voice.

That will be nice.

Can I go with them? I ask even though I wasn’t invited.

Yes! You must Harper. I don’t know how I will survive almost two weeks without you.

No is the answer, and you both know it. Somehow you will both survive only being able to talk and text on your cell phones, my mom jokes.

Fine. I’ll be busy starting set crew on the play anyway, I agree.

What is the play this year? Ava asks.

"Sound of Music. I should have tried out. I would have been a good nun," I joke.

After we talk more about who was cast in the play and where all of our friends are going to college, we stand up to leave.

So what are you guys doing tonight? my brother asks both of us, as we walk out of the ice cream place.

A bonfire at Mary’s, Ashley and I both say together and then laugh since we said it in unison.

Well have fun and be home by curfew, my mom says as I hug her, my dad, my brother and my sisters.

I still have a curfew?

We talked about this, Harper. I won’t be able to sleep until you get home, my mom explains.

I know. I know. Just asking. I love you all. Thanks for coming to my graduation.

Thanks for the ice cream, Ashley adds as we get into my mom’s car to head to Mary’s.

Since we were wearing dresses for graduation, we change into jeans when we get there. Even though it is June, it is a little cool out tonight. Mary’s house is small but on a lot of land. The bonfire pit is made of red bricks and has it’s own built in area by the back porch with chairs and tables. She invited a lot of people but only twelve people came, probably because her parents will be home so everyone knows that there won’t be any alcohol. Ashley drinks sometimes, but I have never really do, only sips here and there. My parents rarely drink at home, except at our annual Christmas party, so I guess it is not something that I am used to. I know that my brother drinks, and I am sure that I will drink when I get older, but I just have fun hanging out with my friends. I have heard some of the stuff my friends did when they were drinking, so I don’t know if I should really ever drink.

When the conversation changes to where everyone is going to college, I head inside to the bathroom. As I come back out, I see Mike walking in. Mike is tall and thin with blond hair. He is around our group most of the time, but he is pretty quiet, so I don’t know him that well.

Hi Harper, after a pause he continues, I am going to Layton Community College too. Maybe I will see you there.

Yeah. Maybe we will have a class together, I say, knowing that they must have been talking about me for Mike to know where I was going. I don’t mind going there really. It will help my parents out since they do have four kids to put through college, and I am glad if I can save them some money.

That’d be cool.

I’ll see you back outside in a minute, I say as I head back to the bonfire.

We decide to find sticks and roast marshmallows as we reminisce about high school. I start to worry about my future again as I listen to everyone talk about the past.

Remember when Max got kicked out of the football game because he was so drunk?

Maybe if he wasn’t dancing in the bleachers, no one would have known he was drunk.

True. What about senior ditch day when we went on his boat?

Luckily, he wasn’t drunk or singing that day!

After a few more stories about high school, I say, I need to head home everyone. Ashley doesn’t have a curfew so she is getting a different ride home later.

Are you sure that you don’t want me to leave with you?

No. It’s my parents that are strict. Not yours, Ashley.

I know; I just feel bad.

Don’t feel bad. Have fun and call me tomorrow to tell me what I missed, I say as I hug her goodbye.

All of the lights are off when I pull into the garage. They probably wouldn’t have even known if I was late.

Thoughts swirl through my mind as I try to fall asleep. I am so nervous and excited about the future but also anxious for it to just start. After lying in bed thinking for 20 minutes, I get up and decide to write in my journal. Maybe this will calm down my fear of the unknown.

Dear Future Self,

Tonight was your high school graduation. I hope that you are reading this in 2016, a year after your college graduation. My prediction is that after two years at the community college, you will go to UE. You will love college and graduate with honors. I think that you will major in English or maybe even Psychology. During college or right after, you will meet a man that you will love like crazy. He will be smart, caring and passionate about his work. He will love to travel, want two kids and love you a lot. You will get engaged a few years after you graduate because first you need to establish yourself in your career. You will continue to write poems and draw and maybe even run a 5K. You will be close to your family still, but you will get an apartment on your own or with Ashley before settling down, getting married and starting a family. You will be happy, successful and love your life!

Love,

Me

I can finally fall asleep with that future life in my thoughts. As I drift off, I think that even though I am scared, this has been a great day.

Now

February 2012

As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I ruminate on the last few months of my life and my relationship with Dan, as well as the fight that we got into tonight. It seems that fighting is all that we are doing lately. We have been together now for seven months since our first date going to the carnival in July. Only a few weeks after we started dating, Dan started to confide in me. It made me feel so good when he said that I was so easy to talk to, and that he felt that I would not judge him for the way that he felt. He told me that no one really cares about him; that his parents work all the time; that his brother is older and too busy to bother with him, and his sisters just talk to each other. Ashley is one of his sisters and my best friend, so he knows not to criticize her to me, but she never really talks about Dan so I know that they aren’t very close. Even though people always seem to look up to him, Dan has got himself into trouble for as long as I can remember.

One time a few years ago, when Ashley and I heard her parents talking, we were trying to eavesdrop, but all we could hear was Dan’s name repeated over and over. I am not sure what he had done, but whatever it was, they were not happy with him. He was very popular in junior high school and even more so in high school. Guys wanted to be him and girls yearned to date him. I know that he has had many girlfriends over the years, but Ashley has rarely met any of them. As Dan and I grew even closer in time, he told me that all of his old girlfriends lied to him and treated him badly. He feels that I am the only one that really cares about him. It does make me feel special, but it also feels like a heavy weight pushing down on me sometimes until I can’t move. My thoughts drift to what happened between Dan and I in January and in his truck tonight, even though I try not to think about all of that stuff most of the time. I do care about him, although he constantly wants me to prove to him that I love him, like tonight.

It’s a Friday night, and we had classes at college all week. We also both worked last night so I was excited to spend some time together. We see each other only one or two times a week when our schedules work out, and then on the weekend when we are off work.

Want to get something to eat? Dan asks as I get into his truck. I wasn’t sure what we were doing but since he picked me up at five, my family did not eat yet, so I am hungry.

I am really hungry. How about a burger? I offer.

Sounds good, Dan agrees as we head to the burger place by the mall.

So how was work last night? I ask trying to make small talk as we drive there.

It was really busy. There were so many high school kids at the mall. They can be so annoying.

Dan works at the pizza place in the mall, usually making the pizzas. I am not exactly sure why he doesn’t work at his parent’s restaurant; although Ashley told me that he tried working there once, but it just didn’t work out. I work as a hostess at a place close to my house, but not their restaurant either. I have eaten at his family’s restaurant though, but it is really expensive. My parents always choose to go there when we are celebrating something because there aren’t that many really good restaurants in town. It is Italian food, so I love everything that I have tried there. Dan’s parents seem like perfect owners always talking to everyone and being very friendly, and they have always been there whenever we went. Everyone in town seems to know them and love them.

There is a short line when we get to the burger place. I see a few guys that I know from high school, but I don’t make eye contact with them since Dan and I are out together. After we order, get our food and sit down, I say, "My parents came into