Step by Step

By Virginia Russell

On an icy evening in December, Kimberley Jamieson’s world is shattered by a careless drunk driver who skids into her mother’s car. In the three months since the accident, Kim has turned away from her old pursuits — she quit swimming, then the orchestra, and now she’s even skipping school. Kim’s father is no help either; a policeman constantly on call, he cannot spare a moment to listen. The road to recovery seems endless.

Slowly, Kim does get back in step with the help of her friends. Mike, a gangly sleuth for the local paper is hot on the trail of a breaking story involving a runaway boy, a scoop which even makes the pages of the Vancouver Sun! Even Sylvia, a friend of her mother’s recently returned to Ladner, draws Kim out of her own world and helps her to heal.

Slowly … step by step … Kim finds that life can go on, that she can revisit the local sites she shared with her mother — the dike paths along the river and the Reifel bird sanctuary.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dundurn
• Release date: Mar 16, 1996
• ISBN: 9781459717251

Virginia Russell

Ginny Russell is the author of Voices on the Bay. She currently lives in the old town of Ladner, B.D.

Book preview

1981.

One

Aw, come on Kim, wailed Susie. You said you'd help paint scenery. No fair backing out now, the show's next week. All we have to do is paint the blue sky across the top, for heaven's sake!

Kim stared at the notice on the bulletin board. Sure enough, there was her usual scrawl: Kimberley Jamieson. She'd signed up yesterday, in one of her braver moments, mostly because Susie had pestered her. Now she felt the panic rising again. Why had she been so stupid?

Sorry, Suz, Kim mumbled guiltily. Can't. Kim ran for her locker and yanked the door open. Now she felt dizzy, and it wasn't just the smell of the gym shoes that came tumbling down. The crowded hallway seemed darker and narrower every second. ‘Gotta get out of here,’ she thought desperately, throwing the gym shoes back on the shelf.

Grabbing her books, she slammed the locker door, hard, hoping that the jarring noise might help to clear her head. ‘Maybe Susie'll leave me alone, just this once?’

Not Susie. She stood there solidly, arms crossed, chin out. Kim made a frantic dash, straight for the open door.

‘Fresh air, aaaahhh.’ It felt good.

Scared of a little hard work? panted Susie, as she caught up. I'm not giving up on you so easily.

Wait a sec, she pleaded, as Kim pulled away angrily. I'm not trying to be mean. Honestly!

Kim slowed her pace, ashamed of being so cross. I'm really sorry, she mumbled, chewing her lip to keep back the tears.

Look, I know your mom's gone, Susie said softly, her face getting red all over, even between her freckles. It's terrible, but it's been three months now and it's about time…. Her voice trailed off and she took Kim's arm, as if to steady her.

Three months and fifteen days, Kim said mournfully. Her thin shoulders drooped and she carried her few books as if they weighed a ton. Susie stuck to her like glue as she elbowed her way through the noisy mob on the sidewalk.

Every time I hear an ambulance, or see pictures of an accident, it's like it's happening all over again, she whispered to Susie. "I'll never get over it! And you know what's the worst? she snuffled. Dad won't even talk about it."

"Doesn't he ever mention your mom at all?"

Hardly ever. He gets mad when I try to. Before Mom died, he never used to get mad about anything. And the house is so quiet. Even when Dad's there, he's sort of…shut up inside himself.

Well, get out of the house, then. Talk to other people. How about the minister at your church?

"He's new. Just another stranger. Strangers are another part of the problem. Won't leave me alone. Some of them practically drown me with sympathy, and I hate that too." Kim shook her head, her short blonde curls doing their usual jiggle.

You're the only one I can talk to, Suz, and now you're bugging me. Kim shook off Susie's hand.

Susie stood her ground, grabbing Kim even more firmly. Yeah. Susie lowered her voice so that no one else could hear. I'm listening. I'm here aren't I? Somebody else can paint the rotten old scenery.

Kim couldn't help smiling. Bet you only signed up so I would. Right?

Right, said Susie, grinning. But seriously, Kim, moping around won't change what happened to your mom. Anyway, you're lucky!

"You're crazy! Me lucky?"

"No, sorry…that was stupid. I always say the wrong thing. What I mean is…you've got a great dad, even if he doesn't talk much. If my mom died, we'd be in a real fix. I have nightmares about it. Honest! I'd rather die than move to Toronto and live with my lousy father, and that…Margaret."

Kim tried not to laugh. Susie sounded so indignant. Yes, Susie had her own troubles.

You're right about my dad, admitted Kim. In spite of his faults.

Ummm. Nobody's perfect. Even you.

"His job's part of the problem. I know I can count on him in a scrape, like I always have, but right now he's busier than ever. And I wish he could talk about Mom."

"Takes time. Don't push him, eh? Maybe being busy helps him to keep going. Well, at least you're making some headway, Kim. Not skipping school so much. Who knows, you might even pass this year."

Kim was thinking that she could finish Grade Nine, if only she could concentrate. She'd always done well, without too much effort. It was the car crash in December that had changed her whole life. Nothing seemed worth doing now.

I felt terrible when I got back to school after the holidays and heard the news, said Susie. "I raced right over to your house and pounded on the door. I still don't understand why you didn't answer. I could see you watching a kindergarten show."

"Forget it, Suz. We've been over this so many times already. I said I was sorry. I didn't really hear you at the door. I was shutting out the whole world, not just you."

"But why did you pick that show? When I was home with the flu, I watched soap operas."

Kim had been asking herself that same question. It had taken her a while to figure it out. She tried to explain it to Susie. It was sort of…. On those shows everything was just like it always was. Friendly Giant's still there, believe it or not!

No kidding? Still got his big chair for two to curl up in?

Kim nodded. "And still telling the same old stories to Rusty and Jerome. And Mr. Rogers, he's still in the neighbourhood, still wearing those same old sweaters. It was sort of comforting, at first."

Safe?

"Ummmm, yes, a world that was safe. I could imagine Mom was out in the kitchen making my lunch, like she always did when I was little, before she started working at the hospital. Course, all heck broke out when Dad found out I wasn't at school."

Well, we were all worried. You might have been feeling, ummm, suicidal, Susie whispered. It happens. Even with people you'd never think would feel that way.

"It crossed my mind the first day. When I told Dad that, he said it'd crossed his too, until he came to his senses. We did talk about that, talked for hours. We promised each other that we wouldn't. We'd never break that kind of a promise."

"Even if it's hard, Kim, you have to live here and now. So…let's do something special on Saturday. You choose."

Kim couldn't think of anything. Lately nothing seemed like a treat. Even the sudden sunny weather didn't give her a lift.

Usually, early spring was a wonderful time of year. She'd spend hours, rain or shine, checking on the migrating ducks and geese that haunted the Fraser River and the marshland that bordered it.

Now, in early April, both the river and the marshes were alive with many of her old favorites, but they reminded her too much of the past. Often, she and her mother had crunched along the gravel paths on top of the dikes, spotting dozens of birds and discussing everything under the sun at the same time.

Since the accident, she'd avoided the dikes. A few weeks ago, a flock of Snow Geese, the ones she loved best, had flown over the house, and she'd deliberately shut out their strange calls. If she didn't see or hear them, they weren't really there. Or so she told herself.

Last October, on a walk with Mom, she'd been first to spot a flock of Snow Geese returning from the Arctic. They'd arrived suddenly out of a cloudy patch of sky and settled noisily on the tidal marshes. Dazzling white birds, with black tips on their wings, and a few younger greyer birds as well. She and Mom had stood still, waving and cheering.

Her world had changed in one terrible day. Nothing worth cheering about now.

Kim and Susie picked up their bikes and pushed them along the sidewalk. They'd decided years ago that pushing was better than pedaling. They could talk much better.

Kim's blonde head, with its soft bouncy curls, was half a head above Susie's, with its washed-out red pony tail, so Kim always had to lean at an angle when they wanted to keep secrets.

Today they dragged along, discussing the usual: their not so favourite teachers, the latest TV movies, and the boys in their class, especially the ones that gave them the most trouble. Nothing new. Kim still hadn't thought of anything stupendous to do on Saturday.

A distant freighter tooted its horn as it headed upriver from the ocean. Kim couldn't ignore it. Freighters fascinated her, made